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Eclipse: I’m afraid you misunderstood my comment. I’ve no idea whether or not you’ve publicized ALL of your challenges.
In any case… Hatzlacha, and a chag kosher vesameach.
TBT: Very well said. I fully agree with you. I personally witnessed some cases similar to that of your friends’.
Eclipse: I think you can write a journal to give off steam and to calm your nerves, but I’d advise you not to show it to your kids, for the reasons TBT stated above. (I think you should ask a rav.)
Eclipse, I wish you lots of hatzlacha in your life. May Hashem grant you long and healthy years. May you, your kids (and future spouse?) be physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy AT ALL TIMES. May He Who knows best what you’re going through help you out in every situation – including those you cannot publicize. I wish you tons of siyatta dishmaya in whatever you do. Hatzlacha Rabba. (And please do let us know if there’s any change for the better.)
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If life gives you lemons, squirt it at your enemies.
Aha. I get it.Thanks! ?.?.?.
It’s just that I’m terribly busy with ????? ???, so there’s really no time to post. How about you? How on earth do you manage posting so often AND cleaning for yontiff? (Hope your wife doesn’t mind:))
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This was for you, Reb Yontel. Now, back to my Pesach cleaning.
There are mountains of sefarim waiting to be assembled in our new sefarim shrank – B”H for that!
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Huh? What are you talking about?
You can sell one of your screen-names.
Mod 80: lol. I hope somebody besides me “chapped” your humor. I totally agree with you.
flowers: Your story gave me the chills.
apusheteyid: I think wearing a ring is a great idea.
Geniotic. We use it when someone comes up with a brilliant idea. (Why, that’s geniotic!)
I heard (or read) that if Moshe Rabbeinu would’ve davened ONE more time, Hashem would’ve allowed him to enter Eretz Yisrael. Maybe this very next teffila of yours will bring your zivug closer. Teffilos NEVER go to waste. Perhaps in the zechus of your teffilos your bashert is shteiging away now. Hatzlacha! May you find your bashert real soon.
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????? ?? ??? ?? ? ??? ??? ???… get it?
okay, okay! but there isn’t anything as good in Yiddish… Do you want me to smile? Okay, I’ll do that for you:)
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In my experience, people don’t make drastic changes in their lives unless they’re either super special, or a little messed up. You’re entitled to think that “those who choose to leave Orthodox Judaism, or dont actively practice it” are super special, but IMHO they’re a bit messed up.
I read an autobiography of a woman who suffered from schizophrenia. But she had good middos. And she came to the conclusion that if everyone thinks that the voices in her head are illusionary, they’re probably right. She is currently a psychiatrist who treats Schizophrenics by telling them her story.
This guy seemingly has a problem with Emuna. He can either believe that all of Klal Yisroel since Moshe Rabbeinu are ignorant fools and he’s wiser than all of us, or he can realize that so many super brilliant people are probably, or at least possibly, right. It all depends on his middos such as Emes and Anovoh.
??? ????, if he wants to go OTD and he’s looking for an excuse, he’ll probably do that in spite of your arguments and reasoning. If however, he wants to do what’s right, but he’s confused, and he has the humility to realize that he’s not smarter than all of klal yisroel, he’ll inevitably come to the conclusion that he’s the one who has the problem and he’ll search for the solution.
Hatzlacha Rabba.
chalilavchas, this is not blaming. If someone sincerely believes he is a god and we diagnose him with schizophrenia, we don’t “blame” him; we’re saying that it’s NOT avodah zorah or kefirah but a mental illness. (If they knew what we know now in Shabsai tzvi’s times, they’d hospitalize him and medicate him. He clearly had Manic Depressive or schizo.) I’m saying your relative’s problem is not a weak emunah; it’s Anxiety, a mild, treatable emotional disorder. How is this blaming? It’s not his fault he has anxiety; it will be his fault if instead of taking care of his anxiety he ch”v uses it as an excuse to go OTD. Shabsai tzvi’s sin was not his hallucinations; it was his gaavah, his audacity to change the torah, his lack of humility when all gedolim said he was wrong. If your guy thinks he’s smarter than rambam, rashi, r’ Yonoson Eibeshutz, the Vilna Gaon and innumerous other incredibly smart people, he has a lack of midos. He should be able to realize that if he thinks differently than so many of those who are older and smarter than him, it’s probably (at least possibly) his problem and he has to look for a solution, or cure. In my experience, chances are his problem is anxiety.
IMHO, it’s one’s middos that matters most. Everyone has their flaws, of course. But if they’re willing to change, they have ?????, then they’re beautiful to me. Once you get to see one’s inner beauty, you see that they’re beautiful on the outside too. OTOH, when you get to see what that “stunner” is really like on the inside, their beauty fades.
If you truly like a person, s/he is beautiful to you. I’d rather appreciate inner beauty than outer. When you get to know a person very well, you can see his/her character. And THAT’S what counts. Of course you have to get attracted, but you can get attracted even if s/he isn’t a striking beauty.
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Oh! I was thinking about that, but I wasn’t sure. Glad to have you! Oh, and I’m THRILLED to be your friend;) ?????????? ?? ??? ???? ??? ?????… ??? ???? ??? ???? ???? ????.
BusyBody: Where are you?? We need your input!?? ????? ?? ??????!
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WellMeaningBusyBody: Sorry, I didn’t see your previous post. LOL! Oh, and welcome to the club… Now, back to business:
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(Sorry if my post is “duh”..:))
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eclipse: I am moved by your strong and stable character. What you’re going through is gehinnom. It’s probably the worst parents can go through with their child. B”H, I never went through anything similar to that. I do have an ex-friend though who is going through something similar. (As a side note, the reason I dropped him was because it was spiraling out of my control and I had to leave go. A friend is not a daughter and it wasn’t totally my responsiblity to see that he come back.) I do know that they tend to blame everything on the parents, rebbeim, neighbors… Anyone but them. They are sure that they have a right to act in this manner because they were “terribly mistreated”. Now, happens to be, my friend did suffer a lot at home.; abusive mother etc..Nevertheless, he ruined HIS life because “it’s their fault”. Really, I think going OTD is somewhat of a mental illness (it is usually triggered by emotional stress/disorder). Think of her as a sick child. She is pretty much incapable of loving you because at this point, she hates herself! She needs your care and love. AND she needs your discipline. It’s YOUR home and you have every right to stick to your rules. I read a about a mother who’s son went OTD. One day, he demanded a TV (which was totally unacceptable in their home). She refused. He threatened that he’ll leave his home. She went out and bought a new linen set, lamp, curtains etc. and fixed up his room. She put a note on his pillow, “To my dear son: I’m sorry I cannot give you what you asked for. But please, please stay with me! I want you to live with us. Love, Mommy.” He never mentioned the TV again, and B”H is now frum.
May Hashem give you the Koach to deal with it, and may your daughter as well as all OTDers come back to their roots.
WellMeaningBusyBody: You playing Solitaire?;)
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I’m game
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Now that’s weird. I heard of guys wishing for a BMW, Ferrari… But THIS?!
Are you talking about luxuries or a regular Jewish lifestyle? If the former, than yes, definitely cut your expenses. If the latter… Well, whoever said being frum was ever easy? Kosher food, tuition etc. are all expensive, but I would exchange my lifestyle for no money in the world!!
Uh, is it permissible to be here?
Syag: Some posters are really reckless. They write innapropiate or offensive comments. Don’t take it personally. I’ve seen it happen to many a poster. They are senseless and immature. They may be much younger than you (either in age or in sechel). Don’t take them seriously!
And if chas vesholom it was me who hurt you in any which way, I’m truly sorry. Good luck!
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Mischiefmaker: I don’t recall msseeker calling ALL teens “brats”. I think she tried to explain to you that adults are right most of the time. (As a side note, it was interesting to see the teens writing in a blunt and outright manner, while the adults seem to keep their posts short, to the point and don’t get too personal. No offense.)
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chalila: Well, that’s certainly a problem. I still think that as soon as the glitz of those “friends” will fade he’ll realize there’s no point in living such a life. Also, being that he’s turned off by the way the frum people treated him, perhaps you can treat him like a friend to show that you can be frum and friendly him at the same time. Hatzlacha in whatever you do! May Hashem help him as well as all OTDers.
You’re right that adults don’t necessarily know it all (just because they’re adult doesn’t mean they’re wise). But teens, (the bright as well as the not so bright) are pretty young with little life experience and they’re POSITIVE they know best! Of course the teen can be right and the adult wrong, but pretty often, the opposite is true.
I’d say you should try solving your problem on your own first. If you see you need outside help, then do so.
BTW if a psychologist charges an arm and a leg, s/he’s very likely not too good a psychologist. Also, if you see the slightest sign that s/he’s is going against the Torah – run!
I’m afraid you’re a bit too late…. His/her texting should have been monitored before. I hope you get him/her to stop!
Ronald Reagen
Thomas Sowell
Raul Wollenberg (rescued tons of Yidden during WWII)
I HATE sheker too. I get so irritated when ppl aren’t honest! How on earth am I supposed to know when they lie or when they are telling the truth?