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“she will be extremely embarrassed” – And if someone offers you treif, and by refusing to eat it you will embarrass them, etc., then it’s OK to eat treif, according to your logic. (?)
The Chazon Ish zatzal held that shaking hands was an issur gammur and Yehareig V’al Yaavor. I cannot speak for “all poskim.” All I can say is that Rabbi Yitzchak Abadi heard directly from the mouth of the Chazon Ish zatzal that (with regard to shaking hands) you should DIE and not transgress. Other poskim are more lenient, in cases of EXTREME necessity. But one must do everything in his power to avoid being in a situation where he knows that he will have no choice but to shake a woman’s hand.
One is required to forfeit up to 20% of his wealth to fulfill an obligation from the Torah.
One is required to forfeit every last penny that he owns to avoid transgressing one prohibition of the Torah, once in his life – but he is not required to give up his life for this (except for three sins).
“There are thousands of frum, erlich baal baatim that will shake a woman’s hand in a business situation based on the advice of their rov. You are dreaming if you think that this is anything but a mainstream view.”
Nowadays you can get a Rav to say just about anything and give any sort of heter for any sort of nonsense. It doesn’t change the halacha. Halacha is not determined by taking a poll of what people “think” is OK, or by taking a poll of what people do (and determining, in the course of said poll, that “thousands” of “frum” people do this, and therefore it must be OK). Halacha is determined by the rulings of the gedolei Yisroel (Rav Moshe, the Chazon Ish, etc.).
How many of these “frum, erlich baal baatim” talk during davening? Does that make it OK? How many of them daven at the speed of light? How many of them are mechallel Shabbos because they are completely ignorant in the laws of Shabbos?
Anyone who imagines that his sustenance depends on whether or not he shakes hands with some woman – that person is a kofer. No question about it. It is a mitzvah to work to support one’s family, etc. But your parnassa is determined by Hashem on Rosh HaShanah; it is not determined by whether or not you shake hands with an isha.
“There is a B’feirush Gemara against that.” Source, please?
When it comes to the three cardinal sins, Avodah Zarah (serving foreign gods), Gilui Arayos (acts of sexual immorality) and Shefichas Damim (murdering another human), we are required to choose death [Al Kidush Hashem] rather than transgress.
[allow yourself to]
Being that Gilui Arayos is one of the three and being that improper touching is an extension of Gilui Arayos, Chazal thus teach us that one should rather be killed than allow himself to transgress a sin of sexual immorality, even if only the prohibition of Negiah, touching [a prohibited] female [Derech Chibah, for the purposes of pleasure, love or to get close to her]
Why can one be careful not to have inappropriate thoughts while picking a woman up out of an ocean, but not a handshake?
Even if he knows with 100% certainty that shaking her hand will not lead him to have bad thoughts, it is still 100% assur to shake her hand, and if someone puts a gun to his head and tells him to shake her hand, he is still not allowed to do it (according to some opinions).
Even if he knows himself that if he helps her it may lead to impure thoughts, he must assist her if there is nobody else there to assist her. (Shach ibid.)
From Ben Olam Haba Web site:
A male may not extend his hand to shake the hand of a female, even though this is commonly done in the non-Jewish world as a courteous way of greeting and not for purposes of love, pleasure or closeness.
A female that fell or otherwise needs assistance getting up or needs medical assistance may be helped to her feet or given other medical assistance by a male [as this is not being done for purposes of closeness, love or pleasure].
Obviously, even when assisting her, the physical contact should be kept to the bare minimum deemed necessary and he should be careful not have impure thoughts while touching her. (See Shach Yoreh Deah Siman 195:20)
Of course, even when being treated by a female medical provider, he must be careful to not gaze unnecessarily at her.
benignuman – who wrote that most poskim allow shaking hands to avoid a so-called “loss of money”:
Chazal say that on Rosh HaShanah, it is decreed how much money you will earn in the coming year. Do you really think that your parnassa is dependent on whether or not you shake hands with someone of the opposite gender? Anyone who imagines that his parnassa is dependent on such factors is a kofer.
As far as a drowning woman – PUH-LEEZ. The halacha is that if a woman needs help (medical assistance, getting up after a fall, etc.), then it’s OK to touch her (to the extent necessary, and while being careful not to have inappropriate thoughts c”v).
Shaking hands with a woman is not medical assistance.
Is chametz which survived Passover with nonobservant Jews kosher?
Nope. Unless they sold it to a gentile before the holiday.
However, this is only if you know for certain that it was, in fact, owned by Jews during Passover. If you have a doubt, then it could be OK.
By Chabad Chassidim, it is accustomed to be very strict with washing negel vasser before getting out of bed, and before putting one’s feet on the floor (unless one was sleeping in a bunk bed, in which case, if necessary, one may climb down before washing).
However, in other circles people are accustomed to be lenient, because the whole room is like daled amos (it is prohibited to learn Torah within 4 amos of a meis, and even outside his 4 amos it’s prohibited in the entire room – so we learn out from here that the whole room is like 4 amos).
If people will be woken up as a result of washing negel vasser by the bed, there is additional room for leniency, if there is a real need to be lenient.
@Nechomah – See Halichos Shlomo;Tefilah;Perek 20, Orchos halacha footnote 49) for the story with the Ger Tzedek, may the Almighty avenge his blood. HaRav Shlomo Zalmen Auerbach zt”l said this over in the name of the saintly Gaon of Vilna.
We feel that it is beneath our collective dignity as the “sons and daughters of the King” (Hashem).
Looking at this thread makes me SOOOOO hungry. 🙂
My comment was not posted.
I had some good points, but it looks like the mods rejected it because – Ahem, Ahem! – and I don’t have time to re-type the whole thing sans the controversial part. Whatever.
I prefer a Kiddush where bread is served over one where mezonos are served, because the Gra holds that even on Shabbos morning kiddush needs to be b’akom seuda gemura (i.e., a seuda with pas gamur, and not mezonos).
The high point of Shabbos is, or – according to kabbala – is/ should be shalosh seudos.
R. Chaim Eliezer (the son of Or Zarua)
This practice is next mentioned in the 14th
century, among the customs of Rav Shalom of Neustadt, teacher of
only two people (the person saying the blessing and one other) he
no. 364.)
Joseph –
1. machlokes
2. ok, so there aren’t 3 people, so say it to the same guy 3x
3. ok, so don’t say that part
Famous story about Rabbi/ Dr. Twerski, copied from Ohr Somaych Web site:
I once heard Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, shlita, tell a beautiful story about a rebuke that he once received from his saintly father, the Hornesteipel Rebbe, zt”l. He told this story at the 10th anniversary of the passing. He told it as an example of rebuke that makes its point and expresses love at the same time. The story took place on Rosh Hashanah when Rabbi Twerski was a young boy. Staying at their house was a man who should have known better, but asked the young Abraham Twerski if he would play Chess with him. The boy felt that there must be something wrong with playing Chess on Rosh Hashanah, but the man assured him that there wasn’t – “What could be wrong with a game of Chess?” So, they played and the young boy Checkmated the older guest. Later that night after Rosh Hashanah ended, young Abraham Twerski was told that his father wanted a word with him in the study. Nervously, he entered. His father, never taking his eyes from the book that he was studying, chided the boy “You played chess on Rosh Hashanah?” The tone said that he knew him to be above this kind of behavior, and that he was disappointed with him. The rebuke struck deep in the little boy, who felt very ashamed. When the father was certain that he had made his point, he lifted his head from the book he was studying, picked up his glasses and with a twinkle in his eyes he said to his son, “Did you win?”
Comlink-X – OK, under the age of 10 is a different story.
popa_bar_abba – Certain kinds of tissues are forbidden to be removed from the box on Shabbos, because they are attached, and one who removes them from the box transgresses the melacha of tearing.
Sam2 – Because such is the halacha. Look it up (e.g., Scrabble).
I respectfully ask that the title of this thread be changed. Is it really appropriate and kavodik to use a phrase like “trophy wives”? The image that this phrase evokes….
DaasYochid – thanks. interesting article, especially Rav Miller’s position (which is typical Rav Miller).
HOWEVER… Rabbi Eliezer Wenger zatzal (a Lubavitcher Hasid) wrote as follows:
B’er Haitev in Siman 124:4
quotes an opinion that states that it is not necessary to protest against
anyone that is learning or saying Tachanun [penitential prayers] during the
repeetition of the Amidah provided that they concentrate by the end of each
of the blessings to answer Amen; however, there are those that disagree and
disallow it totally.
I find it interesting that the Lubavitcher would even mention the opinion that says not to protest, when the “Alter Rebbe” writes the exact opposite (see my previous comment).
From the Din Online Web site:
The sefer Hilchos Kibbud Av Va-Em (siman 140) quotes from Rav Elyashiv [zatzal] [shlita]
Nonetheless, some write that it is not recommended (for various reasons) to bring children with them to the mikvah.
Rabbi Yosef Mizrachi shlit”a has publicly stated that certain people of the toeiva orientation are an ones in the sense that they do not choose to have this desire (obviously, they do choose whether or not to act on it); however, in their previous gilgul, they DID choose to be like this and that is why Hashem punished them by making them this way in their current gilgul (i.e., making them having a desire to do this abominable act), and their task now is to fight this desire and not to act on it, no matter how strong it may be.
I see a ???? ?????? in the Mishna Berurah (???? ??”?, ?”? ?”?) that it is not permitted to learn during ???? ??”?. I constantly notice chashuvah men and numerous Yeshiva Bochurim reading from a sefer during it. Does anyone out there know of a heter? If not, how would you handle it?
What makes them “chashuv”? They are sinners.
Ben Olam Haba of Lakewood writes:
The Shulchan Aruch HaRav Siman 124:6 writes that people who learn or say other Tachanunim (such as tehilim) during Chazaras HaShatz should be chastised for doing so as what they are doing is not proper. (!)
See also Igros Moshe Orach Chaim Vol. 4 Siman 19 that this is all the more so when actually in a small minyan where there may not be 9 people answering Amen.
Hmmm…
Igros Kodesh of the Sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe, Vol. 10, page 413:
[as a wife] to defile her, Heaven forbid.
ItcheSrulik – According to many (obviously, not all) poskim, it is forbidden for a man to trim, cut, or otherwise abuse his beard in any way.
The Rogatchover Gaon, zatzal, had long hair, and there are different reasons given for this (e.g., he didn’t want to remove his yarmulke in order to get a full haircut, and/or other reasons).
However, there are numerous poskim [e.g., because one will look like a goy (in addition, it is forbidden for a man to have long hair because it makes him look like a woman)].
See RAMBAM HILCHOT AVODA ZARA, CH 11:1. SEE ALSO
SHULCHAN ARUCH YORE DEAH, SIMAN 178.
Even if a person wears Jewish clothing, if his hair is long he transgresses a prohibition of the Torah (!) (SHEELOT UTSHUVOT DIVRE CHAYIM 1, YORE DEAH, SIMAN
30)
The Pri Megadim 27, the Chasam Sofer, the Machatzis Hashekel (27:4), the Kitzur S”A (10:6), the Mishna Berura 27:15, the Ben Ish Chai (Parshas Chayei Sara), and a good number of other poskim mention the fact that long hair (or certain kinds of long hair) prevents the fulfillment of the biblical commandment of donning the tefillin shel rosh.
See Mishna Berura (27:15) that, in addition to problems of chatzitza, a lot of hair can prevent the tefillin from being secured in the right place. Apparently, the Chofetz Chaim means that the tefillin are supposed to be on the head, which may be accomplished even if there is hair in between. It is not supposed to be sitting on a clump of hair, which happens to be supported by the head.
According to kabbalah, a man should keep the hair of his head short (see Writings of the Arizal, Ta’amei Hamitzvot, parashat Kedoshim).
About cutting excess hair – see Zohar, parashat Tazria, page 48b.
See also http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shave-head.
Sam2: The period that one is a Nazarite is 30 days, right?
From Ben Olam Haba (a talmid chacham in Lakewood):
The Talmud (Pesachim 51a) teaches us that a son may not see his father undressed, and thus should not go to a Mikvah at the same time. If, however, they are in a bathhouse or swimming pool where bathing trunks are worn, there is no prohibition. (See Rama Yoreh Deah Siman 242:16 and Even HaEzer Siman 23:6)
I would say that this prohibition begins probably from the age of Chinuch when a child can grasp things of this nature, as Rashi explains the reason for the prohibition that a son seeing his father like this will come to have bad thoughts.
The Aruch HaShulchan (Even HaEzer Siman 23:8)wonders about the custom which is against halacha and tries to say that perhaps the Isur is only being in the actual bath/Mikvah at the same time, but not being in the same room. However, he himself says that based on the Rishonim, this cannot be a good heter. (also Rashi to Pesachim 51a explains the reason as the son may see his father and it will bring him to unclean thoughts , and that applies to them being in the same room naked, regardless if they actually enter the same bath).
He also writes there that it doesn’t apply to a young child who doesnt yet have unclean thoughts.
At what age this begins can vary from child to child and also even if relying on this heter, it has to be a crowded Mikvah, and not just a Mikvah where there are one or two other people there besides the father and son.
Hard to imagine a shul would try to keep out anyone who wants to daven
What about a child molester who wants to daven? What about someone who is known for being a get-refuser or for abusing his wife, who now wants to daven?
A thread about different halachos that people ought to know, generally don’t follow, or generally aren’t careful about.
“The idea is not to have a long beard, its not to cut the beard.”
Well, not quite – at least according to Chabad-Lubavitch philosophy.
According to a certain Web site that has the same name as the Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch,
The length of a beard is a G-d given gift, as it represents the abundance of Divine revelation that the person receives from the level of Dikna, and hence the longer the beard the more of a blessing it is from G-d. Therefore, those that fold the beard [to make it seem shorter] [Rebbe Rashab in Toras Shalom p. 94 (Hebrew)].
Leaving the beard in its natural state despite the ridicule brings a person the revelation of the inner part of his soul. Folding the beard due to so called holy intentions [of being of acceptable appearance to others] is an act of self denial and opposes G-dliness.
Here is one: Daven Maariv right after plag and Minchah right before sunset at a different shul.
Or, on Friday afternoon, at the same shul! There are two shuls in my neighborhood where there is a maariv minyan before a minchah minyan.
This is totally absurd.
Harav Y.Y. Kanievsky [the Steipler Gaon] quotes the Chazon Ish as maintaining that shaking hands falls into the category of yehareg ve’al ya’avor – better that you should die than to transgress (see Teharas Am Yisrael, pg. 44).
It bothers me to no end that I see supposedly frum Jews shaking hands with people of the opposite gender, and they make all kinds of excuses for this behavior (such as not wanting to embarrass people, or supposedly having a heter for work).
Do you know what “yehareg ve’al ya’avor” means? The Chazon Ish zatzal held that even if they will shoot you and your entire family, you are NOT ALLOWED to shake hands. Period.
Excellence – Google “The Beard in Jewish Law” to see the booklet. It’s on a Web site whose first word is Israel and whose second word is the number of commandments in the Torah.
Amazing that in a society where there are cameras mamish everywhere, and the government is constantly spying on our emails and telephone conversations, and you can see every place on the planet using Google Earth, etc., that these criminals could have escaped.
Playing games on Shabbos? Shabbos should be spent on learning Torah!!!!!!!