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SilentOne, I think this prayer is absolutely beautiful. And you ARE a person of considerable stature. Don’t listen to the naysayers. I have nothing too add or change to your prayer, as I think it is perfect and amazing the way it is. May G-d answer this prayer. And in my eyes, you are a gadol, for what you’ve gone through and how you came out of it. Keep it up, keep writing, and may all your prayers be answered. Don’t worry about the low response to this thread, that means nothing. It is the quality of your OWN words that matter most.
SaysMe, I’m sorry for your rough day yesterday. Hoping that things get better! And PE’s idea about the email thing is a good one, you can try it that way.
kapusta, I’ve missed you the past couple days, glad you’re back.
PE, yep. I’m not a fan of extremism, but for people who are actually able to do it, and do it for the right reasons, I respect that.
PE, thanks! Agreed, there is a balance to be found, and it may vary depending on the people involved and on the relationship. About the screen name, I’m not really sure. I guess it’s because I think that generally, extremism in any area of life isn’t good. So taking the “middle” path will enable one to live the healthiest life.
SaysMe, I’m thinking about you as well.
haifagirl, welcome back!
I would think that if one’s wife and parents are conflicting in an issue, it would be better to listen to his wife rather than his parents.
blabla, thanks.
Think first, thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it, as I admit it is a unique style that not everyone would appreciate.
When people don’t think before they talk.
When people think they’re always right.
When people think low of others that aren’t like them.
When people try to be funny but are actually being rude.
When Jews don’t know how to properly interact with non-Jews.
Think first, no problem! I definitely understand what you’re saying, and that is a good answer. And it is true that if someone does something enough, they’ll come to enjoy doing it, so that would be a good area to use that technique in if a person does have a difficult time looking happy around a spouse.
blabla, thanks for the reply, and you are definitely right! It could be because of the stressful day, and not because he’s not happy to see her. And if that’s the case, then you are definitely right that he should do his best to smile when he sees her, because otherwise, she may think that he’s not smiling because he’s NOT happy to see her, which isn’t true, but it could then cause bad feelings. And I’d be happy to get your email, but if I can’t, you can always get mine from the following: Go to a website called Soundcloud (you can Google it), type in Middlepath CR in the search box in the top right corner, and in my profile there should be an email address. And check out my music while you’re there!
Thanks, kapusta.
PE, glad to see you here! Miss you too!
blabla, glad to see you back here, and I’m thrilled to see the positive spin in your poetry. I’m just wondering though- are you saying it is a good thing to “fake it” for those you love? I see how it can be perceived as good, but ultimately, wouldn’t the man’s wife want to know exactly how he is really feeling instead of covering it up to “please” her? It could be that some people wouldn’t mind that, but I don’t know if that’s so healthy. I’m only saying this because I just recently found out about this. Because I am so much like the husband in your poem. I would always cover everything up in order to make the other person “happy”, but I was told that doing that isn’t always the best thing, because many times, a spouse would rather you be honest and upfront instead of hiding things. What do you think?
Think first, that is WONDERFUL! I’m so glad you shared that with us, and that you openly see the hand of G-d in this! Kol hakavod, and wishing you much success in your new career!
Good question. From what I understand, it is true that everything is for our best. But we all have choices as well. If someone makes the choice to hit someone else, or negatively affect someone else, there are a few things happening: 1) A person is using free will to do something wrong. 2) G-d knows that it was going to happen. 3) It will cause a reaction.
Now, we are incapable of knowing why everything has to happen, and it isn’t our business to know. But if something happens that is beyond our control, that is seemingly bad, we should try to believe that it was for our best. But that doesn’t mean that such a thing had to happen in the way that it did.
It is possible that the outcome could have taken place even if the bad thing didn’t happen. Therefore, a person actively trying to do something negative shouldn’t require your thanks, because while it may be for our best, it could be that the effect of that action could have happened in a way that the person didn’t have to do something negative, and therefore, by him doing it, it may not have been the best way for it to happen. But I don’t know if it is WRONG to have hakaras hatov for that. Maybe it is a good thing to have hakaras hatov for it. I’m just trying to show the process behind it, which may help give a better understanding and enable you to come to your own conclusion.
Also, perhaps hakaras hatov is meant to be when you perceive something good. That is the definition, after all. And while something seemingly bad may be for our good, chances are we don’t see how it is for our good. At least not right away. And therefore, we can’t have hakaras hatov for it, until we can openly see how it is for our good.
bygirl93, in that case, welcome back! And don’t feel bad posting stuff you wrote a long time ago, it’ll be much appreciated no matter what.
SaysMe, it’s great that you’re keeping busy, and I am grateful you still find time to come here and let us know how you’re doing. I’m glad that Syag’s poem was able to inspire you (it inspired me too), and I hope things begin to get better and better.
kapusta, you are doing such a wonderful job of offering encouragement. Keep it up!
bygirl93, first of all, welcome! Your poetry is wonderful! I love the focus of your poems, how they are conveying an eagerness to start fresh, and have a new beginning. That’s a great outlook to have. Keep writing!
SaysMe, I second kapusta’s hug. Hope you’re ok.
Syag, wow. That was written beautifully, and full of such obvious emotion. I am sorry for the pain you’ve gone through, and continue to go through, and I hope that by you writing about it here, it helps you and relieves the pain a little. I am not in any position to compare tragedies, so I won’t. All I will say is that it must be incredibly hard to have to deal with the loss of someone so close to you, and to have to move on in life. Of course, we can wish that the loss never happened , but if it did, then G-d knows it is meant to be that way. We must try to make the most of it, and focus on the good memories and use them to help ourselves grow. And looking at how you post, and how you deal with others here, I am confident that you are making your loved ones in heaven proud. Keep writing, keep the good memories, and I hope that G-d will replace all the pain with happiness.
I hope your day gets better, and I hope the next day is always better than the last.
Why thank you, Syag! I am glad I can help.
blabla, SaysMe, PE, hope you are all doing alright.
Syag, thank you! I very much appreciate that. But why do you think you’re invisible?
SaysMe, please don’t despair! We here all care about you and your well being very much. I am so sorry about the bitachon issues you are having. That must make things even more difficult to deal with. Do you have someone close to you or someone you respect that can help you in that area? Or maybe a book? I’ve heard there are some wonderful books on Emuna and bitachon, perhaps those can help. I think the most important thing right now is to try to get a solid foundation in that, and once you have that, everything else will be much easier. I know because I went through a pretty rough stage, faith-wise, in high school, and that was the worst period of my life, and that was when my issues became the hardest to deal with. After realizing that, I got some help with my faith, and things became much easier. Wishing you only success in getting stronger in that area! I really hope things will turn around for the better. We all care about a lot, and wish you the best!
Kapusta, no problem, and welcome back! I missed you here.
Syag, you are definitely right. I should try to realize that it is very possible that these people aren’t thinking badly about me, and it’s just my mind that assumes that. I guess I just have those thoughts since I never really had someone outside of my family reach out to me and offer help and support when I needed it, and therefore, I automatically assume that they’re against me. But that can be completely wrong, it is entirely possible that they just never thought to help, not because of any ill feelings, just because it never occurred to them. I have to work on myself in that area. Thanks for bringing it up.
Think first, shavua tov! That is a lovely poem, with a great message. Thanks for sharing!
Welcome back, dancinggirl! I’m sorry I didn’t mention you in my above post, I had thought I already welcomed you back in the Poetry thread. (Which is, by the way, the best thread around, thanks to you.)
Greatness is a relative term. I think a person can achieve greatness no matter where they are coming from. Making the most out of the cards you were dealt with, and striving to reach your full potential, IMO, makes you a great person. This is true no matter what your background.
I would say, though, on the one hand, that a self-made person is more likely to achieve their personal potential than a person “born” into it, because they already have proven to themselves how much they can achieve, and may be more used to rising to the challenge. A person living the “right” way, only because he was born into it, and raised that way, may be a wonderful person, but has possibly done nothing to reach his full potential. Of course, it is entirely possible that he has grown a lot, in other areas, such as emotional stability, self-confidence, faith, etc., and therefore has proven to himself that he has the ability to reach his full potential.
Everyone has an unbelievable amount of potential. Even the most perfect person, who seems to have no flaw, can reach higher levels. Also, no two challenges are the same, and the same challenge for two different people are not the same, either. Therefore, a self-made person, who has gone through every possible trauma and pain that society has to offer, and has come back to the Truth, may have done the same amount of work as a person born into the most “chashuv” family, never did anything wrong, never went through anything traumatic, but is a shy person, and decided to join a community service that helps the poor. Yes, it seems impossible that the two can even be compared. Of course it seems that the self-made person did so much more! But in reality, we can’t possibly know that. A very shy person’s joining a community service can be just as challenging as another person’s going through a traumatic event. It is our personal associations that cause us to jump to conclusions about the severity level of different challenges.
Thank you so much, Goq! And everything you just said is equally applicable to you, as well.
soliek, yea, I suppose so. Actually, I didn’t answer any questions, I sort of just went on a rant on something related to your post. But again, great stuff, and keep ’em coming!
I’m sorry, Goq. It must have been unbelievably painful. And you still came out of it so strong. I have also, unfortunately, been a subject of lashon hara throughout my life, because of my father. Whenever I was at shul, or at a wedding, or any community function, I have always felt stares and whispers about me, about my father, about my family. I just wish they could at least for one day, see what it feels like to be in my situation, so they can understand what it’s like. But of course, life isn’t like that. I tell myself that these people wouldn’t be able to handle my situation, and that is why they weren’t given this test. G-d only gives us things we can handle. And if people talk badly about me, or disgrace my family, that is just a test that G-d is giving me, and I know I can get through it. It even makes me a better person. So really, I shouldn’t be upset at them for putting me down; I should be thanking them, for giving me the opportunity to better myself even more. And as far as their sins of embarrassing others, they will deal will that after 120. That isn’t for me to judge.
Welcome back, miritchka! You definitely deserve a welcome back. I love everything you write, and look forward to your posts.
And yes, Goq, I wish Aries were back too.
Also, I saw tahini back in a couple threads, so welcome back! I love everything you write, as well!
And I saw that happiest posted as well, so welcome back!
No problem, blabla! Hope it helped!
Goq, what a great poem, and very true as well. Gossip is one of the most damaging things a person can engage in. Unfortunately, a major catalyst to gossip in our communities is judging others’ levels of religious observance. It’s a terrible thing, but all too common that people consider themselves better than others because they think they are “more frum”. With this attitude, it isn’t difficult to see where all the chastising, lashon hara, and insulting comes from.
But no matter what topic the gossip discusses, it is quite obvious that it stems from haughtiness. As does almost every single negative characteristic. If a person thinks of himself as better than others, he will do anything to keep himself on that pedestal, including putting down others.
Thanks again for the poem! Keep them coming!
soliek, what a thought-provoking, well-written, charming little piece.
As Logician pointed out, this piece begs a response to how one should deal with others on a regular basis, and your response definitely shed light on that. If I may add on a little, and say that it goes hand in hand with being perceptive, and thinking about others. The man in the track suit seemed to seriously lack in that area. He considered himself more important than anyone else. Couple that with his obvious impatience, and that’s what you end up with.
It is difficult to deal with people who consider themselves more important than anyone else, because they will never listen to “mussar”, since they consider themselves perfect. It all comes down to haughtiness. If we were more perceptive, more aware of the situations of others, we wouldn’t have to jump to conclusions, we would be more patient, more understanding, and in general, much better people to be around.
Dancinggirl, you’re around! Yes, this thread really became something incredible, thanks for starting it!
blabla, I hope you read that piece that I posted. No matter what you go through, please know that you are not alone in life, even if it seems that way.
PE, hi! Glad to see you back here, and thanks! That longer piece, I copied it from a blog with the author’s permission, but I don’t think I have the right to say who it is, I’m sorry. And yes, I try to follow it too.
Goq, thank you. This is my favorite thread, for the reasons you gave.
ICOT, thank you. And thanks for asserting that people from troubled homes can become the best spouses and parents.
SaysMe, haven’t see you here in a few days. Hope things are going better for you.
Goq, you are an amazing person! Your poem is written incredibly well, and the pain and suffering you went through is almost too much to believe. You possess immeasurable strength and self-worth, and the fact that you can come out and tell us all your experience is a wonderful thing. I’ve gotten bits and pieces of your story from some other posts, and I am continually inspired by your fortitude and courage. From everything you’ve gone through, it is clear to me that G-d knows how strong and capable you are, and He is proud of you, His son, at how far you’ve come. I can only imagine how great your reward will be in the World to Come. Keep inspiring us!
ICOT, that is a lovely poem! Thanks for sharing. It just makes me a little sad since I’ve never actually celebrated Purim the way you describe, because of certain things. But it’s not too late; I can always give that experience to my children, G-d willing.
No One Mourns, no problem!
blabla, I saw the following piece somewhere, and I thought it might help you a little. It’s quite long, but it’s really nice:
“There are times in life, many times actually, that the Yetzer Hara comes in all kinds of forms to try and bring you down. It comes through another person, through an event in your life, or through your own inner self. It tries to try to make you give up. To stop you from fighting and to just let it all overcome you. That’s the easiest thing to do right? Throw in the towel?
The emes is, there is nothing further from the truth! It may seem okay to give up in the beginning, but it will only lead to sadness, despair, and disappointment shortly after and you will end up having to work extra hard, because Hashem ALWAYS wants you to fight. He gives you the yetzer hara because He loves You, and He KNOWS that you are so much stronger than it. You should too!
A short time ago, I was going through one of those times myself. The yetzer hara was fighting harder than it ever has before. I knew that I could fight it, I knew that I wouldn’t give in, and I knew that I would come out from the test stronger and closer to Hashem than I ever was before. Here is something to hold on to, and to remind yourself. When you are going through one of those times, say to yourself out loud, “I am Hashems son/daughter! The Yetzer Hara can try to get me in the deepest, most hurtful ways, but it will never win. You know why? Because I am a son/daughter of Hashem Yisbarech, the Creator of the World. I am a grandchild of the Avos and Imahos. Of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov Avinu. I am the grandson/granddaughter of Sara, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah. I have all of their strengths inside of me, I have them davening for me. I am a descendent of Dovid HaMelech, whos words of hisbodedus got him through the greatest of challenges. Whose words of tefillah gave us the sefer Tehillim. Who gave ME that gift of prayer, to be able to get through my own challenges through his holy tefillos, as well as my own prayers.
There is no question about whether or not to give up. That is not even a part of me, because my Avos and Imahos never EVER gave up. If they didn’t, why should I? Just like they never gave up, I will never give up! Hashem never gave up on me, and He will never give up on me. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. So, I will go to battle and fight THROUGH every single challenge I face, from smallest to the biggest, and I will win. Why? Because I am Hashem’s son/daughter!” If you want, write this down and take it out when the yetzer strikes. Hopefully it will give you the chizuk that it gave me, Baruch Hashem!”
Hope that gives you some inspiration! I’m thinking of you.
If people would fully believe that being a caring, kind-hearted individual doesn’t reflect on one’s level of religious observance, there would be less stereotyping, less assumptions, and less accusations.
Why, in the name of all that is holy, is this thread still open when many people have asked that it be closed? This discussion will never get anywhere, and will only cause more and more discord between members. Mods, please, CLOSE it.
WIY, I haven’t seen you around lately. Hope everything is ok.
Toi, wow, that was warm and fuzzy.
No One Mourns The Wicked, that is a beautiful poem! And welcome to this thread! Hope to see more poetry from you.
blabla, hope your posts get put up.
Welcome!
Think first, very unique piece of poetry! I really enjoyed it, and the message is great. It is true, we have logic and emotion, two almost completely opposite things, and we go through life with a balance between the two. And when they work together harmoniously, when we have control over both, we can achieve the most. Thanks for sharing!
blabla, I really hope you are hanging in there. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.
kapusta, I miss you around here.
No problem, genuine. I was considering Architecture, and I am now going into Industrial Design. More specifically, product design and engineering.
Well, I can say something from personal experience. I declined pursuing a Masters degree from a very respectable institution in a certain field because tuition would have been extremely high, I would’ve been paying off student loans for years and years, and the field itself is very rough right now, with very few job opportunities. So instead, I am currently pursuing a degree in a similar, yet more opportunistic field, though from a less- prestigious school, with drastically lower student loans. I just think in a field such as mine, where one needs a degree to be licensed altogether, having experience, recommendations, and a strong portfolio can help a lot more than a degree from a specific school.
blabla, please, please keep in mind that you aren’t alone! All of us here care about you so much. We are praying for things to only get better for you. And even if things aren’t getting better right now, please don’t give up. Giving up is letting the pain win. Please don’t let the pain win! You are in control, not your pain! We can’t possibly know why G-d continues to do things that are seemingly always bad, but if these things are happening, we have to understand a few things: That we are capable of overcoming them, that they are there to make us stronger, and that G-d is doing it out of love.
For me, growing up, I went through a stage where I felt my existence wasn’t worth anything, and that I’d be better off dead than alive. And that lasted quite a few years. I got through it because I believed that if G-d gave me such hardships, it meant that I can overcome them and that they were there to help me grow to become the best person I can be. It was all about how I looked at it. And looking back, I am so happy I stayed alive during that period, because I see now how it really helped. And you know what, even if now, I wouldn’t have seen how it helped, I’d know that there will be a time when I WILL understand why it had to happen, and that if I cut my life short, it means I wasn’t able to handle it and chose to not have complete faith that it was best for me. So please, for your sake (and for all our sakes here in this thread, since we all care about you so much), continue to push forward, keep in mind that G-d is doing all this because He loves you. G-d never hates you. Believe me, I’ve had many times in my life when I was absolutely sure that G-d hated me. But all that did was make my troubles even worse and less bearable. And worst of all, it wasn’t true. G-d loves all of us.
Sorry for the long post, I just can’t bear to think that you’re giving up. We all care about you here, and love you, and want things to only get better.
SaysMe, I’m so sorry things aren’t doing better for you. I am praying for your well-being, and I hope the hurt and insults fade away quickly. We all care so much about you here, and want things to only be good for you.
PE, hi! Good to see you back here.
yehuda tzvi, it is wonderful that you can focus on the positive and have true appreciation to G-d for everything. May things only go well for you, and continue inspiring us.
Yes, I do agree with your second point as well. When I said “rare”, I was really just referring to examples where we use force initially to make someone act (as in giving a ‘Get’),whereas I now see you were referring to using force AFTER an act, as a consequence (as in lashes), which as you said, was commonplace.
“None of this is correct:
It does not transgress anything.
It was not rare.
We can comprehend it just fine.”
That is what you think, and that’s fine. I think differently.
And since you said nothing against my second point, I take it you agree with it.Is that a fair assumption?