I hope there are some! But not for me yet…sorry to disappoint you guys.

Nice, adorable. I was thinking about saying something along those lines to him… I don’t know if it’s even worth saying, but I think it would be beneficial for mosherose to re-evaluate himself and his ideals a little before he thinks about getting married. Or is everything he says really just a joke, and I am therefore wasting my time?

Chein: I respectfully disagree.

adorable- now you can’t say there isn’t a thread about you 🙂

Yes, everyone here is right that a guy and a girl of marriageable age shouldn’t try to JUST be friends, because it probably wont work. But if I may make a “bold”, or crazy,(depends how you take it) statement: I think this is mostly true for people that have grown up not talking to or being friends with the opposite sex. For them, suddenly having a “friend” of the opposite sex will almost never stay as just a friend, because they wont really have boundaries since they lack familiarity with such a relationship. But I think for people who have grown up having friends of the opposite sex, I can see it being perfectly fine to continue friendships even at a marriageable age. It might even help in finding him or her a shidduch, since a friend might know someone. But since I can assume most people here are of the former group (Not having those types of friendships), I wouldn’t advise to start having them now. Bad idea. (As bortez’s example clearly illustrates.)

newhere, what?! Feeling sad for someone’s death is discarding halacha? There may be halachos of mourning in terms of sitting shiva or doing certain actions, but feeling sad is an emotion that is not bound by halacha. You can’t DECIDE to feel sad about something, just because it’s the halacha. Either you are sad, or you aren’t. Please don’t assume I don’t care about halacha simply because I have human emotions. That’s ridiculous.

Hopefully, Wolf will soon post here for you, but in the meantime, I’ll say something. First of all, I am not a BT, although I did go off a little for a few years and came back much more clear minded and solid in what I believe in. Also, a few more things we have in common: I love and greatly appreciate art as well (mostly Surreal and Abstract), and I also constantly find a need to prove myself to people. This need mainly comes from a lack of attention and appreciation earlier in my life from my community and part of my family. I still lack that, but I’m used to it now, and it doesn’t bother me as much. Anyway, I think the way this friend of yours talks about “Us and You” is terrible. It’s a giant lack of sensitivity, and should never be said in such a way. And it seems that your need to prove yourself comes from this lack of sensitivity from your friend. Perhaps there is way you can have your friend know that this is bothering you, and that she should be more sensitive about this “divide”. But I still think you might have that “need” to prove yourself because of where you live now, and where you came from, but that only makes you more resilient and focused on your Judaism, which most “frum from birth” people don’t have. I hope you can still love art, though, and not feel bad about it just because your neighbors and friends may not have that appreciation. I would love to discuss art with you..maybe we can have a thread about it.

Happiest, Aries’s idea of keeping a journal is fantastic. I’ve done it for a while during a particularly trying time, and I found that it helped a lot, because I wrote about everything that would happen to me, good and bad, and looking through it later, I found that a lot of things weren’t as bad as I thought, once I saw a bigger picture. It won’t solve everything, but it’s a great way to help yourself a little without going through other people.

And again, I have to say that most people our age (I’m assuming we’re similar in age, give or take a few years) don’t go through even close to what you are going through, and because of that, most people have no idea how to approach such a situation because of their lack of familiarity with it. They don’t understand where you are coming from, so it’s difficult for them to offer guidance and help. Of course, they can still show they care about you even without understanding, but that takes a special amount of sensitivity that people may not have. I think you can actually benefit a lot from just posting with us here, since we all really want to help. And some of us (myself included) went through very difficult things as well, so there might be more understanding. Whatever you decide to do, know that we all care a lot and only want the best for you.

And I agree that Aries is one of the kindest and smartest people in the CR.

Well I have been there a few times..And it is a nice place to visit. I really don’t see myself ever LIVING in New York, though.

You’re right. I probably shouldn’t have said I know exactly how she feels, because of course I don’t. I’m sorry for saying that. All I can say is that since we both went through difficult things, even if they were completely different, I may have a better understanding than someone who hasn’t gone through stuff.

Y’know, it’s funny, because I told my mom I was ready to get married when I was 19, and she agreed with me..I just didn’t want to marry an 18-19 year old girl, so I waited. I want an older girl. (22-24)

Hmm, adorable, so you’re from monsey..Speaking of bike riding, I would love to get a motorcycle…but then I would probably never get married…not to a Jewish girl, anyway.

Happiest, I know exactly what you mean. Only a few people actually know my whole situation, and even those for the most part don’t fully understand. I appreciate that they try to, and that they seem to care, but it’s difficult for them because they have no idea what it’s like to go through the kind of stuff I did.

Although, I do have one friend that understands fully, because he went through just as much hell as I did.But at this point, I don’t really need friends to try to understand me..All I would want is a wife that understands and really cares. That’s all I need. In terms of trying to help you, I don’t really know what your’e situation is,(although on a few other threads you hinted to some stuff,) but I’m assuming your friends really don’t know what it’s like to go through the stuff you went through. So I’m sure they care, I’m sure they’re trying to help, but it could be they don’t know how. Perhaps try getting closer with someone you know has gone through similar stuff, and that might help because you will feel more understood and cared about. Or, you can post here, and I’ll be happy to talk with you, because I know (based on some other threads) I’ve gone through similar stuff to you.

Bomb, I happen to like the title…I never read Jewish magazines, but perhaps I will for your article.

YR, thank you for such a great post. I of course agree that this kind of tragedy makes people open their hearts more than other kinds, and I understand why. I really was just wondering aloud how my siblings and I would have turned out had we had the amount of support from the community after our tragedy. But the truth is, we all turned out fine, anyway. (When I say fine, I mean no one suffered so severely that it still greatly affects them now, many years later.) I appreciate the time you must have put into writing this post.

Believe it or not, almost every girl I’ve dated I said yes to first, and then she decided if she wanted to date me.

I am very happy that so many people are giving, monetarily and emotionally, to the Kletzky family, but it also makes me a little sad. I really hope I don’t come across as jealous, upset, or envious, but all the help poured out to this family in its time of need makes me wonder how I and other members of my own family would have turned out if we also had this amount of help from our community in our time of monumental distress. I am not comparing the disaster of this family to that of my own, because it is not fair to judge; But it just bothers me how so many people are willing to help for one type of tragedy, but not another type, when we clearly could have used support. I know this might have sounded arrogant or rude, and I’m sorry for that, but I needed to say it.

My favorite word is also Swedish: Koenigsegg.

Great news, adorable! And if I had a choice between a big gulp and a slurpee, I’d go slurpee every time. What flavor was it?

I’ve never seen an invitation like this. And I can assure you all that on my wedding invitation, it will absolutely say my mother’s name.