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I haven’t read all of the prior posts, only the first few and skimmed through some of the rest. I feel compelled to point out to Dr. Pepper that the original post refers to the BOYS in shidduchim and NOT the shadchans. If you feel there is another issue that needs to be addressed, maybe another thread should be started. You do have a point, but it does not seem in any way contradictory or even supplementary to the original poster’s point.
Additionally if the poster was the type of shadchan who is “in it for the money”, if they do exist, why would she bother herself with problems of the shidduch world, after all she’s getting paid anyway.
And as a sidenote, I come from a community where shadchanim do not ever get paid! People make matches as chesed and the couple gives a gift to the shadchan after they get married, as a thank you!
I asked a few months ago and was told to use only Eden brand
Sacrilege, to some it may. Though I’m glad you’re keeping realistic, if you really want it and work on it Hashem helps. Wishing you the best of luck. May Hashem send you your bashert soon, it should be the right time and you should both have absolute clarity.
Heard this in a class this past week, if you are in need of any yeshuah 2 things are needed – tefillah- the real kind, not the mouthing empty words while wondering what to have for lunch kind. Read the words from a siddur and think about what you’re saying, who you’re speaking to! It can be pretty awe inspiring. The 2nd thing that’s needed is bitachon. Knowing the Creator is your Father in Heaven is an absolute must. These 2 things combined – good tefillot knowing how much Hashem cares about you and how all-powerful he is, is the trick. Realize that you wouldn’t be where you are right now if it wasn’t the absolute best thing for you at the moment. If you can work on having these 2 things consistently, you will feel great. Warning: not as easy as it sounds. It really does have to be worked on.
It’s a pretty personal topic, but my best friend and I can be completely honest with each other. While I concluded I was missing quantity of tefillot (making the time to pray a good amidah more often), she admitted her quality (bitachon) was lacking.
Where can you improve?
I don’t go for segulot so much, I believe more in cheshbon hanefesh, working on your middot (this requires honesty with oneself) and working on your tefillah, which is our primary way of connecting with Hashem. Definitely give tzedakah, and be out there- make sure the local shadchans know you, look your best and smile! It’s so important to smile and keep a positive attitude.
Wishing you all much success.
Considering New2 is a bochur, I don’t know if that proposition is so tzanua. Nor is it necessary for that matter. growinggirl is by far the most intelligent and eloquent young lady I have met thus far, judging from her posts. Don’t be scared, give the rav a call! He’s heard much worse, I’m sure! Hatzlacha raba!
Just had to say this. I skipped college and got a part-time job to keep busy during my year in seminary. After 8 months I was promoted to a top-level position at that same company. While my friends were in college, I used to edit and sometimes even write papers for them (obviously not something I would do now, but I enjoyed it at the time). Although I sometimes wish I had the college experience and believe I would’ve enjoyed it, I have received countless compliments on my professionalism, as well as my spelling and grammar skills. My boss sometimes bypasses his assistant, a grad student majoring in English, and asks me to write letters for him. That same assistant, who is actually on her way to becoming an English teacher, gives me her papers to proofread and happens to have pretty rough grammar skills.
Just saying, you can have a college degree and be a dud (side-note: said English major is extremely intelligent and should in no way be judged by her grammar skills). It is also possible to get a good and decent paying job without one.
New2, I was going to say you use apostrophes incorrectly, but I see Pashuteh Yid has already taken care of that. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
I hear, it is a serious problem today. Although I don’t really care as far as this specific occurrence goes (sorry). Not that I in any way condone such behavior, I think it’s juvenile and inappropriate, but I can’t say it’s on my top 10 things to worry about.
Since I’m not sure how clear my last post was, just a few clear points:
1. Although to an extent I hear the goyish music argument, it is a kosher outlet! We are human beings, and although some of you may think you can live with no outlets other than pure shiurei Torah, (I so wish you the best of luck with that in the long run as I have tried it before) most people simply cannot last that way, and proper Jewish music is inspiring and BEAUTIFUL! PLEASE people get a GRIP!
2. I hear how some rabbis may have a problem with concerts in general, but again, this is a form of entertainment which can be kosher when done the right way. This should be something that you consult with your personal Rav for his opinion.
3. Mixed concerts, I think I explained pretty well in my last post – the mixed sections are just not necessary.
its_me, I don’t think this well informed yid means what you think. in fact your last comment is pretty preposterous – no rav would sign a psak “out of respect” for another rav. emet is emet. I think what he meant was, many times there have been forged signatures of gedolim on letters and posters regarding controversial issues such as this one. i.e., the rabbonim never signed regarding the matter at all. not saying this is the case in this particular situation, just that it’s a strong possibility.
the only issue I agree with here is the mixed concerts. yes, it does make sense considering people like to go as a family with their children, and it is charming that they call it “family seating”, but in reality it’s just just families who are sitting there. and let’s be real, is a family of 6 more likely to miss a concert because mom and dad can’t sit together, or mom takes 2 kids, dad takes 2 kids? what in the world is wrong with that? will someone who attends concerts with their spouse and children please tell me if that would be a problem for them?
Sorry I wasn’t by my phone, I had to help my mom with something!
Wow I can’t believe I was so tired I fell asleep so early- feel so refreshed!
I received a message that said the mother’s name is Chana Rachel? Can anyone confirm the correct name?
Each situation is different. All we can really do is be careful not to say no / break a shidduch for a dumb reason – if there’s a question ask daat torah – and pray that Hashem guides us to the right decision.
And I agree – don’t judge! It’s not fair when people automatically “black-list” someone because they were engaged before. Look into it, from a reliable, honest source. In some cases it may be something to worry about, but I believe in most it really was just an unfortunate situation – they were pushed, etc. There are a ton of cases where one or both sides were pushed to continue/move fwd and didn’t realize until it was (almost) too late, that it wasn’t the one for them. We should never know! So please don’t judge.