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this is the type of story where it doesnt matter who was right or wrong because you are never going to see this person again. the more you focus on it the more it will continue to bother you. im sorry you had the misfortune of meeting this lady but im quite sure she has already forgotten about the incident. so just let bygons be bygons! hey be thankful your husband actually changes diapers! i hope others were watching and taking note! 🙂
oops sorry for double post! 🙂
thanks i was able to open the link! appreciate your input!
justwant,
your welcome to disagree. your right perhaps “never” is too strong of a word. what i mean to say is one should not go into a date with the preconceived notion this is a waste why am i here. the guy will pick up on that negative vibe and thats not fare to him. he deserves a fare shot and if the girl knows shes not interested she shouldnt fake it and go out anyway based on the highly slim chance she might be pleasently surprised. if her gut instinct is saying this is not gonna work before even trying, it usually is correct. if she doesnt know thats a different story. becuase besides enjoying a free meal or some sort of activity that involves the boy to spend money, its genaivas daas
your right perhaps “never” is too strong of a word. what i mean to say is one should not go into a date with the preconceived notion this is a waste why am i here. the guy will pick up on that negative vibe and thats not fare to him. he deserves a fare shot and if the girl knows shes not interested she shouldnt fake it and go out anyway based on the highly slim chance she might be pleasently surprised. if her gut instinct is saying this is not gonna work before even trying, it usually is correct. if she doesnt know or feels neutral before going into the date, thats a different story. because besides enjoying a free meal or free date, its genaivas daas
i really think it comes down to how old you are and how many boys actually get suggested to you. in a different post i wrote that a very prominent rav told me to date as much as possible. even if it wasnt the most shayach shidduch. maybe because i was a shy out of towner living in ny (shy around boys not necessarily personality) i got maybe 2 or 3 names a year. i wasnt a good dater and he probably wanted me to get experience. if you are part of the “younger” population and getting suggestions, its probably best to stand your ground and only date boys you feel are the most shayach for you. if you are old enough to date you are old enough to make your own decisions on how you want to do so. however, if you are part of the older crowd (24 or so and up) then its probably better to listen to your mother and date as much as possible. That being said, NEVER go into a date feeling in advance this is a waste of my time. it will cloud your judgement and keep you from being objective. if you know you dont want a particular something or someone, dont bother. your mother is not dating the boy, YOU are. if your still unsure what to do, ask your rav becuase here your only gonna get a bunch of mixed opinions and possibly get more confused! good luck!
no sorry i dont know how to look it up. if you can maybe give me the link i will read it.
health.
thanks for your reassurance. i know i am probably not causing any harm by taking zantac but what soon to be mother wouldnt worry anyway when their doctor doesnt approve? especially with the other meds i take… by the way do you have advice for pregnancy induced sciatica? for the past few weeks ive had terrible pains down my leg (not so much the back as it is my leg. more pain in left then right) every time i move, walk, stand or sit. i mean i cant even roll over in bed without screaming from pain. my dr said i could take a tylenol (ONE tylenol lol) but even after taking 2 extra strengths it didnt so much as even dim the pain at all so i stopped bothering for the most part. i know i cant take advil which has always been my pain relief of choice. ive tried heating pads but it really doesnt help. just makes me feel hot. although bengay does not have a pregnancy warning (atleast not the cvs version) it does have methyl salicylate in it which the pharmacist at the counter said to stay away from (then maybe they should put the warning on!) so if you have advice on what to do for the pain i would greatly appreciate it.
commonsense,
i am not sure which medicine your refering to that you took while pregnant. i never tried prevacid or tagamet. my heartburn isnt unbearable its just uncomfortable. either way when i told my dr she said just drink milk (huh!?). i literally go threw a bottle of mylanta a week. but zantac seems to work much better and after researching it online i see that many doctors tell their patients its ok as its only a catergory B so i am listening to their advice. shes very against taking anything at all while pregnant. so when i told her i take a low dose ssri (category C) and an occasional klonopin (catergory D) she freaked out. my psychiatrist said its ok and i researched a TON on this topic. apparently many OB’s do give the go ahead especially for someone on such a low dose as i am (altho i was on a higher dose till i got pregnant). eventho she wanted me completely off, i stayed on the regimen anyway based on the fact i feel this is whats best and so did a genetic counselor i spoke to.
Snowbunny, after reading all your symptoms my heart just sank. i feel so bad for you that you have to suffer. my gastritis was much more mild compared to yours. do you think maybe you should leave the seminary? obviously the people there are not supportive and it seems like right now its best to be in a supportive environment. maybe check out Neve Yerushalayim in Har Nof. I was there. people there are so supportive and amazing as well as the learning. they work with you emotionally, and spiritually as well as financially if you cant afford it. no maderichots are on top of you yelling at you all the time. you just may feel better in a different environment then the seminary you are in.
i remember paying a copay of 20 dollars each time i refilled the RX for nexium. BH im not on this regimen anymore. people do swear by prilosec/omeprazole. i dont know ive never tried it. for now i take zantac becuase I am pregnant and get terrible heartburn. for my gastritis i really think it was the SSRI that helped me most during that time. it helped me deal with my stressors and once that was better my stomach started to calm down. librax was really a huge life savor for me as it not only calms the stomach muscles but it is also a mild sedative. but i havent taken it in years. for now i just continue with a low dose SSRI.
i was diagnosed with gastritis in my early 20’s. which was also stress related. i was put on a regimen of librax, nexium, and an SSRI. worked wonders! feel better and good luck!
i think this is something your son has to decide for himself.
golfer, dont look at me. i would never do that to my kid!! im sure other methods they tried just didn’t work and they were out of options. some pediatricians just give bad advice. this wasnt abuse where they made her do this all the time. it was a one time deal that their pediatrician said to try. old enough to learn but young enough not to be traumatized. i dont know exact details if they left her to sleep in it or just let her stay in her crib an extra amount of time before they came to clean her off. im sure as responsible parents they didnt make her sleep in it all night. your right i personally dont agree with this method either but of everything else they tried, this worked. pediatricians aren’t always right. when my brother was little he wouldn’t stop crying. this was at 2 weeks old. what baby doesn’t cry at 2 weeks old? but i mean literally didn’t stop crying and it worried my mother so she took him to the doctor and you know what he said? “hes hungry your breast milk isnt good enough try feeding him solid food”. (this is going back over 30 years) can you imagine feeding a kid baby food at 2 weeks old?! and my mother did! (made his colic worse by the way) pediatricians arent always right but people are naive and listen because “they’re doctors they must know”. anyways the baby is now now 11 years old and is an all around happy active kid.
morahrach, thanks for giving me a preview of my upcoming feature presentation!!!!! 🙂 we dont have a second bedroom to put a baby in. so until we can afford to move to a bigger place our baby will have to sleep with us no matter what. er, must be so tough having to choose between teaching him to sleep independantly or letting him cry and then in the end getting his way. i think 7 months is still young and at that point they are bound to wake up and cry for mommy in the middle of the night. i know a couple that had a similar issue. the baby was older tho. atleast a year and a half or so maybe 2. they also tried the CIO method but the problem was shed cry so hard shed throw up. this would go on nightly. so they put the baby back in their room. the pediatrician told them to try again and the next time she throws up they should let her sleep in it. they followed his advice and sure enough she stopped crying through the night. i know this story doesnt help you but the point is babies are smart. your son will take advantage of you. so eventually you WILL have to let him learn and and let him “cry it out”. in the end youll both sleep better. good luck!!!
interestingly enough, a pretty prominent and well known rabbi told me i could “practice date” and not only that i could but that i should! perhaps everyone and every situation is different. maybe for girls its different. esp if were having difficulty getting dates to begin with. (it didnt help much cuz i still had little practice dates that came along….) i was only about 21 at the time and i BH have no handicaps or disabilities so i dont know why he suggested it. maybe cuz i was an out of towner living in ny or maybe he didnt want me to become depressed or start to despair. as i got older shadchanim actually did push me dating people i knew i didnt wanna marry. so it was bital zman from the start. they knew it, i knew it, and they still said try it whats one date going to hurt. i think it really all depends on your situation. good luck.
well i kinda freaked out/panicked so i pretty much told my mother the same day i found out. thats not usually the norm. my husbands side found out sooner then i wanted because unfortunately i could not attend a family levaya at a cemetary so people kind of figured it out. otherwise you should wait till after the first trimester. thats when i told my siblings (my mother kept it a secret) once your telling people anyway i dont see why you have to wait till the 6th month to tell friends especially if your showing at that point. my husband has not told a single friend yet. he doesnt see the need as they are men and theres no need for them to know. also because in my 8th month i am still not noticeably showing so he doesnt see why telling them will make a difference. eventho they see me, they dont know becuase im very small. but with my friends i told them starting in my 4th month. since i got married older they all have babies and kids already so i asked them for advice and different pregnancy symptoms they had so i knew what i could possibly expect. also, if your not feeling well its better to tell people earlier then later, like a boss or other people you work with for example and they will be more understanding. anyways wishing you much hatzlacha and if you interested,i have a baby post going on now in the coffee room with important things you might need.
well i didnt really like any of the sites but i was just trying to portray the positives of each one. i forgot to mention that in futuresimchas i really like the fact you can talk to the girls also. i made some really good friends on that website who were also having shidduch problems and years later we still keep in touch! i also tried singles events. but that was only after i turned 25 or 26 and was considered an “older single”. the boys there werent hashkaficly my type at all but many times you meet people just to network. i met a shadchan in passing at an event once that called me up months later about a boy. you just have to put your name out there. whether its shadchanim, websites, events, etc…the more places the better. and your right i still laugh at the funny future simchas story. you never know who or where your shliach will come from and which random person (like in my case) will collect shadchanus money!
it all depends on your hashkafa. i havent been on these sites in a while but i was on both frumster and SYAS. frumster seems like it has very good modern ortho boys but not so many yeshivish type boys. the ones that were “yeshivish” (i use that term lightly as no good yeshiva boy would ever put himself on a dating website) had an issue such as a handicap, divorce, or on the older side. that was my experience so its great for girls who have similar qualities. syas is a great site, however it didnt work for me. i was on there many years. i went months without getting a single name. i would not only email my personal shadchanim, but many others who specify in the type i was looking for to help look out for me. their response? sorry no one matches your criteria. so either i would go months without getting a name or i would get a whole bunch of people that wasnt what i was looking for. the site is great. but its all luck on who is actually on there. you cant look out for yourself thats the one thing i dislike. if i could pick someone on my own and then have a shadchan suggest it that would have been ideal. i was also once upon a time on futuresimchas. many boys wrote silly profiles and seemed immature and not really interested in shidduch dating but just “shmoozing”. i actually did a meet a boy on FS who i wanted to go out with but he didnt really wanna go out/date so he set me set me up with a friend of his and i actually married the friend! so ya with these sites you never know! good luck!
i dont think its considered picky but ONLY if it REALLY bothers you. i remember when i was dating and i was kind of “convinced” into dating guys knowing well in advance there was something about them i knew i didnt really want (but you know how shadchanim are…”just try 1 date…it cant hurt… bla bla”…). well the reason why i knew i didnt want to go out the guy in the first place was the SAME reason why i said no in the end. so if you know for a fact that below (or above) a certain height will bother you, its not being picky. trust yourself in knowing what you want and what you dont want. dont let other people tell you you’re wrong!
good luck!
Although this worked for me I wouldn’t suggest anyone else try it. I remember from my dating days I was the queen of doing and saying the wrong things. I must have been if I rarely got past a first or second date. I was 27. My luck for finding someone remotely of what I wanted was dwindling by the nanosecond. And it came to a point where I lost all interest in dating, So I decided the next time I’m going to do something wrong on purpose because Ive had enough. And on the first date with the next boy, I told the boy all of my problems, all my family’s problems, all my negative personality traits and mentioned straight out if hes not attracted to me he should bring me home. Basically I laid every reason why he would possibly say no out on the table now instead of later so he wouldnt waste my time. Anyways you know what that boy’s response was? “Yes! no surprises!” We have now been married for 13 months.