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Jax: just for you knowledge, Mrs. Obama was not so nice to the Queen. She HUGGED her when that is a clear violation of protocol. I wont even mention the way she was dressed for the occasion…
I’m no fan of the President and First Lady but it seems that the Queen actually hugged her first. It was still a bizayon with the gifts, informality, etc. but back on topic, how about this keyboard dude…
amichia: let us know when it is Wednesday by you and what Birchas Hachama’s like.
Jewess: similiar to aussie, I also have a sis clepping away so I know that you do get a grade. As soon as you finish the test, your mark pops up unless you’re taking an English one that requires an essay.
ames: you could check out the oorah video which explains, that Hashem created the creations of the day at the first possible moment. Ie. Hashem didn’t wait till the middle of the day to create the creation of that particular day. Therefore, to my understanding, from 12:01 AM, (Tuesday night, early Wednesday morn) Hashem began the creation of the sun etc. Therefore we wait till Wednesday morning when the sun is in full view.
There is also being a gathering in the Dahill park at the corner of Dahill and 38th Street beginning at 7AM.
call them.
You should definitely work on cleps as you go through high school. It will make the load a lot easier if you are planning on clepping in the future. I believe Raizel Rite and Sara Schenirer accept cleps.
h2: if you drink coke and then eat mentos, would the same thing happen in your stomache?
and dug graves.
It’s honest, respectable work even if it’s not for everyone.
One day on his way to work, he forgot his lunch at home.
When his wife noticed he had forgotten his lunch,
she sent it to the cemetery with their 9 year old son.
Arriving at the cemetery, the young boy started walking around,
calling out ‘Abba, Abba, where are you?’ as he peered
into empty graves around the cemetery.
what could be sadder and more heart-wrenching than a young boy
walking around a cemetery, calling out for his
To their shock and horror,
a hand suddenly popped out of an open grave and started waving,
‘Shlomie! Shlomie! I’m over here!!’
aussie: even if a lb. of gold (as in, 1 lb. of gold only) was put on a scale with 1 lb. of feathers (as in, tons & tons of feathers obviously) shouldn’t they still equal out? 1 lb. should = 1 lb. Why would you use different kinds of scales? Maybe they’re measured using different measurements (ie. we use liters for liquids and lb.’s for solids) but I still fail to see why they don’t weigh the same.
hi100: welcome to you and so 🙂 to have you just our esteemed posters on the YWCR! head over to the ‘new members’ thread to let everyone know you’re here!
kapusta: ‘bushed out’ just means being embarrassed. Come on, you’ve gotta learn the slang!
shaatra: there is some kind of needlepoint store around 18th and 49th street thats been there for years though I’ve never entered it.
And either way, is’nt a pound, a pound? why would a pound be a different number for another item? squeak, would you please shed some light?
u got it all wrong areivim! squeak knows english now! goody for our overly educated pal here!
to tell u the truth areivim, I didnt see my first post being posted so I resent is. Then of course, they both got posted so I used the handy ‘edit’ feature and saved myself of certain busha!
well moish, seems like everyones all enthralled in your mortifying story, like you’re the key player here.
moish01
Member
it’s not the color of the beard that counts – as long as there’s one there… it’s the color of the hat…
moish: thats a good one!
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.
An elderly married couple who were childhood sweethearts and had
settled down in their old neighborhood, are celebrating their fiftieth
wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school.
There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they’d shared and where he
had carved, “I love you, Sally.”
On their way back home, an armored car drives by and a bag of money
falls out of the armored car practically at their feet. Sally quickly
picks it up, but they don’t know what to do with it so they take it
home. There, she counts the money, and it’s fifty thousand dollars.
The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back.”
She says, “Finders keepers.” And she puts the money back in the bag and
hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood
looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, “Pardon
me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored
car yesterday?”
She says, “No.”
The husband says, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
She says, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says,
“Tell us the story from the beginning.”
The old man says, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, “Let’s get out of here.”
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Who Says There No Benefits Of Getting OLDER…???
Kidnappers are not very interested in you, and in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won’t get much worse
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
You can’t remember who sent you this list.
MURPHY’S OTHER 15 LAWS…
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14 . The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
ha squeak! your funny how you take things so seriously. But thanks anyways for clearing that misconception.
A pound of feathers actually weighs the same amount as a pound of gold.
moish-you’re probably trying to self-control yourself…with food!! you on a diet/something?! good luck!
Guys, its not that difficult to figure out who’s in the CR. Just check out the ‘last poster’ list and you’ve got your answer.
ames: at least you know he had his eyes on the road. lol
moish: its crazy. These days you can never know what in an email is true, if its all false or if by some 1% chance it is actually accurate. Most emails are hard to believe-besides for the obama cartoons, that is!
A letter from Revital ??”?
My dear sisters,
I am writing to you in my last moments, with the last threads of my strength. I am writing to you with blood and tears, from the bottom of my broken and tormented heart.
Yes, I, Revital Avraham, 19 years old, am standing on the threshold of death, so young, but already feeling all the gates of life shutting slowly before me. I am like a beautiful flower closing its petals.
Like all of you, I had my dreams about love, husband, children and social position.
But Hashem has decided otherwise, and I know today that if I had lived differently, nothing would have happened.
I was born in a religious family from the center of Israel. From the day I can remember, I knew I was a beautiful child. From kindergarten, I attracted everybody’s attention, and I knew I had been blessed with a rare beauty, and I am not exaggerating. Even though people were talking my exceptional beauty, my dear and wise parents tried to minimize the effect of such a gift on me, and made all possible efforts to put the whole family on daily routine. But I was a bright child, and I cherished more and more my beauty.
And then I received a first warning sign. One evening, while preparing an omelet in the kitchen, and made a brisk turn and my beautiful long hair got caught in the fire and became in seconds a red and fearful flame. I was saved, but my hair had gone. I remember my hysterical crying in the hospital, and my father trying to console me: “Revital, Hashem has made a miracle. You could have been entirely burnt! You have now an opportunity to change and leave your foolish attitude behind you”.
But I didn’t listen. I was 16 years old then, and within two years my hair grew back to what it was, and everything was forgotten.
I was the queen of my class. My friends loved me, anything I wanted was granted, and I never was alone. I grew more and more beautiful with the years, and at 16, I began to put on make-up and tight clothes. At this stage, I even got involved in some trouble. It is hard for me to write about it, but I think you can guess.
I forgot to tell you about my grand-mother. She was a wonderful person, a real “Tzadekes” and I loved her very much. She was very sad and upset about my spiritual state of mind.
She was giving me money to buy more decent clothes, but nothing helped! She died before I was 17. I cried a lot and didn’t know how to live without her, and for a brief period, I even became a little bit more religious. But time eased the pain, and within a few months I was back to my bad habits, boastful and immodest as ever.
And then I received a second sign from above. One night I had a dream about my grand-mother. She was sitting on a stone and crying. I asked her why she was crying, and she pointed to her head without saying a word. I woke up very upset, but I forgot the whole thing very quickly, and this second sign melted away without any thought.
And then, I received the big blow. It came gradually but consistently. At the beginning, there were headaches, and my mother said I was tired and studying too much, that I should rest more, but deep down I felt it was something more serious.
After a month, I couldn’t even stand because of the headaches, and I thought my head was going to explode. My mother and I were worried and anxious on our way to the doctor, to get the answers to all the examinations and analyses I had been through, but the doctor’s face revealed the fearful truth. He said: “such a beautiful girl and so sick!” I burst into tears, asked for explanations. My mother and I were disoriented and helpless before this new and cruel reality: I had a cancerous tumor in my head.
It was only a question of time. I don’t remember how we got home that day. I just remember tears, fear, confusion and pain.
And suddenly I remembered the dream, my grand-mother crying and pointing to her head! If only I had understood at the time the meaning of that dream, my life would have different! But I didn’t give any importance to this dream and went on with my life. The next day, at the hospital, I began the treatment I never thought would be so painful. I felt death crawling slowly inside me, burning my bones, my blood, and my whole self.
The rest of my story is sad and painful, and I don’t even have the strength to write it.
My wonderful hair fell. Within a few months I was left completely bald, fearfully pale and weak. Every doctor I met was mentioning my rare beauty, and I, every time, felt my heart break a little bit more. Hashem had given me a precious gift, an outstanding beauty, and I had used it the wrong way, instead of keeping it intact and pure for a true cause. Oh Hashem!
Do it for yourselves, do it for me!
Revital Avraham
Dear sisters, our decency is our power! How important it is!
Revital died a short time after writing this letter
Her last will was a request to publish it.
Shall her memory be blessed and her message embraced by all!
head in the sand: keep your head there.
As the CEO of this business that employs 140 people, I have accepted the
fact that Barack Obama is our new President, and that our taxes and
government fees will now increase in a BIG way. To compensate for this
additional overhead, I figure that the clients will have to see an
increase in our fees of about 8% but since we cannot raise those prices
right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we will have to lay
off several of our employees instead. This unfortunate economic reality
has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family
here and I didn’t know how to choose who will have to go. After giving
it considerable thought, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking
lot and found 11 Obama bumper stickers on our employees’ cars and have
decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can’t think of
a more fair way to approach this problem. They wanted change; I gave it
to them.
If you have a better idea, let me know.
Sincerely,
Your Boss
Welcome, proud tatty! Glad to have you joining us!
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU’RE OLD
AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”
He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”
George said, “Okay.”
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don’t mess with old people
Live well, laugh often, love much!!!
squeak, i second the notion!
kapusta, WOW! you’re a real inspiration. (not just for anonymiss!)
I love this one. ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away—if you have good aim’!!
cantoresq, first of all, take a chill. Second of all, in school I learnt all the ‘book knowledge’ and now I take that and learn from life itself, and based on that, come to my conclusions. But you’re probably right. A book or two as well would’nt hurt.
mayan dvash-as long as it wasnt made in India!
huh squeak! my mouth’s hanging wiiiiide open.
and to cantor, you’re 100% correct about that but isnt that why we go to school for? After that… u get what i mean.
yah, cantoresq sounds sooo heavy. Doesnt sound basic to me at all.
‘My Life on Wheels’ is also great. Its a true story of a girl coping with CP.
Do you like novels or true stories? I’m reading ‘The Network’ now, i forget the authors name. But he definately has a WILD imagination! He does keep my interest-which says alot.
May your house be like the mikdash..everything donated.”
Jothar! lol about getting everything donated… Very cute.
oh gosh! you guys are really cool! keep up the good entertainment!
This one is politically correct . . so I knew you would like it!
Baskin Robbins is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the new president and his cabinet, “Barocky Road”. It’s half vanilla, half chocolate, surrounded by fruits and nuts.
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” – and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY “I wonder what all these do?” And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your beeper?”
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: “This is my personal space.”
14) WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day been?”
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!”
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.
22) CALL out “Group hug” then enforce it.
Back in the cowboy days, the westbound wagon train was lost and low on
food.
No other humans had been seen for days. And then they saw an old Jew
sitting beneath a tree.
The leader rushed to him and said, “We’re lost and running out of food.
Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?”
“Vell,” the old Jew said, “I vouldn’t go up dat hill und down de other
side.
Somevun told me you’ll run into a big bacon tree.”
“A bacon tree?” asked the wagon train leader.
“Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie.”
The leader goes back and tells his people that if nothing else, they
might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge.
“So why did he say not to go there?” some pioneers asked.
“Oh, you know those Jews-they don’t eat bacon.”
So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly,
Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader, who manages to
escape back to the old Jew, who’s enjoying a “glassel tea.”
The near-dead man starts shouting. “You old fool! You sent us to our
deaths!
We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just
hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone.”
The old Jew holds up his hand and says “Oy, vait a minute.”
He then gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary, and begins thumbing
through it. “Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake.”
“It vuz not a bacon tree. It vuz a ham bush!”
(mods, if this was posted already, just delete it!)
This has yet to be posted, but these are jokes, not actual events
YW Moderator-39
TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO ME
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried. The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.” A few minutes later, the officer Radios in. “Disregard.” He says. She got in the back-seat by mistake.”
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FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at The door.”
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I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!”
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?” “No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.” And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a beer.”
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OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to Know?”
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!” “They’re wrong” shouted Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!” Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh! Am I driving?”
PLEASE TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO ME !!!!