mepal

As Lena (a blonde) was getting off work one day in the middle of winter, it was snowing heavily. Visibility was near zero. Lena finally found her car, but wondered how she was ever going to get home. She started the car to warm it up and tried to think of what to do. Then she remembered her husband, Olaf’s, advice. He had told her that if she were ever caught in a snow storm, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she’d never get stuck in a snow drift.

So she waited and sure enough, a little while later a snow plow went by. Smiling, she began to follow it. Feeling a little smug, she couldn’t wait to tell Olaf how she had followed his advice and got home without getting stuck.

After following the snow plow for quite a while, the plow stopped and the driver got out. He walked back to Lena’s car and asked if she was all right? He was concerned because she had been following him for a long time.

“Sure,” said Lena and she explained how Olaf had told her that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should follow a snow plow.

A little confused, the driver said, “OK you can follow me if you want to. But I’m finished with the Kmart parking lot and I’m headed for Wall-Mart next.”

hiijacker: Why do you have two ‘I’s in your SN?

Everything and Nothing causes cancer…

Send your resume to [email protected] .

Avnei Yerushalayim?

GO YANKEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!

squeak: I did not realize your question was coming from the Gemorah. My apologies.

Come on. Lets be practical. (No one’s reading that whole shpiel anyways)

Oh ok, I’ll ask for you next time 😉

***************mepal’s DT for Wednesday Parshas Noach***************

Window to the World

by Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky

Did you ever stop to imagine what life was like inside of Noah’s ark? There were three floors; the middle floor was filled with a collection of the world’s animals wild, domestic, and otherwise. Birds and critters of all shapes and sizes, vermin and an endless potpourri of creepy crawlers whose pesky descendants bear witness to their survival during that tempestuous period.

Then there was a floor of refuse. There was no recycling center, and no sewage system that I am aware of.

The humans had the top floor. Cramped in an inescapable living space was Noach, his three sons, their wives and one mother-in-law. I think the rest of the scenario can play clearly in our minds. Surely, it was far from easy. What intrigues are the detailed architectural commands that Hashem gave Noach. Hashem details measurements and design for an ark that took 120 years to build! Why? Are there lessons to be learned from the design of the design of the ark? After all, Hashem promised that there will be no more floods. If there are no more floods, then there need not be any more arks. So what difference does it make how it was built. Obviously, there are inherent lessons we can learn from the design of the ark. Let’s look at one.

Noach is told to build a window. It seems practical enough; after all sitting for an entire year can get awfully stuffy. So Noach is commanded to build a window for breathing room. It is a little troubling. Does Noach need a command to add something so simple as a window? Does it make a difference whether or not he had a window? Did that command have to be incorporated into the heavenly plans for an ark that would endure the ravaging flood?

A renowned Rosh Yeshiva, tragically lost his son to a debilitating disease at the prime of his life. Not long married, the son left a widow and a young child. The Rosh Yeshiva and his Rebbitzin were devastated at the loss and the shiva period was a most difficult time.

One of the hundreds of visitors was the Bluzhever Rebbe, Rabbi Yisrael Spira, whose entire family was wiped out during the Holocaust. He sat quietly, taking in the pain of the bereaved family. Finally, when it was time to say something, Rabbi Spira turned to the Rosh Yeshiva and spoke. “Your loss is terrible, but at least your son will have a living remnant, his child. He will also have a resting place and stone where the family can visit. I do not even know where any of my children who were killed by the Nazis are buried.” Then he added, “yet somehow Hashem has given me the strength to rebuild my family and life.” Those words truly helped console the Rosh Yeshiva.

Sometimes when we are locked in our little boxes, we, too, need a window. When we think our world is crumbling and that we are doomed to a fate that is too difficult to bear, Hashem tells us to make a window. Sometimes, in our frustrations we have to look across the globe, or even across the river to know that despite our difficulties, others must endure a more difficult fate. And when we realize that they can endure, whether it is an Og holding on the back of the ark, or struggling with those lost amongst the ruins, we can remember that life inside the ark is not so bad after all.

And where does a father sitting in the CR all day fit in?

Have you really never heard of wedding themes? Are you sure you live in Brooklyn?

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle..’

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.

‘It sure is,’ I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

Wrong thread, mod.

Have no fear. I am not.

You’re defeating the purpose of google…

And KD has another hechsher as well. Dont ask me to quote which one, though.

That was a public announcement.

Oh, and I’ll pay the bill. (Well… mine I’ll pay)

SJS: And what about Artscroll’s gemora’s? If all else fails, we can try those…

Of course not. You’ll be in starched-white tachrichim then.

And while you’re at it, dont do laundry either. Saves so much time, electricity, water and more! Just fold it up and put it right back in the drawer.

Yes. I do agree it is a bizayon, but what can you do? You can’t quite ask him to stop wearing them…

Yeah. Like McDonalds.

Ich hub farshtanen.

Maybe an idea for you would be to shop for an outfit in a regular size, and then have it taken in professionally. It would add to the cost of the clothes, but the length would not be a problem and it would be literally “custom fit” for you.

Nice try. Have you ever tried remaking an outfit?

I’m by the tailor anyways more often than not, with clothes that are my size.

NY Mom: I shop in both the Jewish and the non-Jewish stores. I find the fit in the Jewish stores not as good; they rarely have small enough sizes or petite sizes. Many times, its in the non-Jewish stores where you can find nicer, better clothes that actually fit. But regardless, its still so hard finding clothes, and I think many women can sympathise with that. If people would only think a little before making comments to someone else for the clothes they wear…

And you’d be surprised. I’m happy for you if you’ve never had the experience of people making comments at what you wear. Maybe you’re just perfect in the area of tznius. Who knows…