mentsch1

In no way does my following statement condone what he has done
Never the less, this guy has had a difficult life and the choices he has made is somewhat understandable when viewed through his personal trajedy
As ZD has alluded to, His wife embraced the lifestyle, got custody of the kids and has since transitioned one of his children into a transgender.
Think about the tragedy, the shock. You think you have a good marriage suddenly your wife tells you its all over and there is nothing you can do about it. You think you might have yiddisha nachas from your children, but your ex shmads them in the worst way. You have a choice; write them off and start from scratch, or try to find some sort of connection. Apparently his attempt to keep a connection went way too far.
He needs to do tshuva, but man he has had a difficult challenge.

Midwest
I’ve read the federalist, and have no idea how your interpretation of the second amendment jives with that.
For those unfamiliar, the federalist papers are to the constitution what the Gemara is to the Torah.
If you haven’t read them, google it , Or ask a librarian

the op didn’t bring up a second amendment question or some scenario of us vs the us army
He brought up an end of the world scenario and a hashkafic question
In regards to all apocalyptic scenarios , the army/police are never there for the citizen. They are always busy trying to contain the violent scenario . You see this repeatedly played out during riots. The furgerson riots being the latest example. The rioters will cause and get away with a lot of lawlessness and the citizen caught in the middle will have no one to rely on but himself.
In terms of hashkafa, I have an interesting POV . Because I own guns but don’t keep them at home . For two reasons. Safety with little kids around (ie a wife who says no) but also bc I don’t like the effect it has of instilling thoughts of “koach v’atzum yudi”. Essentially, if times are ok I don’t think you should have them . But if there is clear danger then it should fall under hishtadlus.

And Midwest
It’s AR 15’s and AK 47’s

Joseph
Unfortunately kids are pawns in many divorces and there is little a court can do. The most common example is badmouthing the other parent which is very frequent and leads to issues.
That said, I agree with you that a kid shouldn’t be raised under two different religions. But again, what can a court do? If intermarried couples do it (and plenty of people I know where raised with Chanukah lights and a Xmas tree) why can’t divorced couples? Why would the courts view it as harmful and not multiculturalism?

GH
Courts aren’t nuanced enough to understand the differences in frumkeit. Try explaining the difference between satmar and misnagid to a non jew and you will get a blank stare.

Joseph
I still find that position untenable. The agreement is based on an understanding that the agreed upon arrangement is “better”. Ex That frum is better then not frum. And what court would agree to that? Why would they subject the kid to abide by an arrangement that they (the non religious court) doesn’t agree with?
The only way would be for psychologists to say it would be damaging. But for every frum psychologist who would say yes, there is an atheistic psychologist who would say it’s not damaging.

FYI
my divorce didn’t link custody to religious issues. It did specify that we agreed to send to a specific type of school (mainstream brooklyn) and specified a frum expert on children as being an arbitrator in future disagreements.
BH we both stayed at the same level of frumkeit. But the question is, how enforceable are these clauses?
If only there was a family court expert in the CR who could answer these questions!
CT, you have been noticeably abscent

Frum
I like your overall reasoning
Courts do overturn agreements all the time.
Prenups and wills can be contested. I know a case of someone signing a non compete that covered the whole five boroughs and a court overturned it. Courts take into account a variety of reasons including various types of duress. Ex. They needed the job so they signed the restrictive non compete . Or in our case , she wanted a get so she agreed to abide by a religious standard she didn’t really feel like keeping.
And as I said earlier. In our liberal times , no one is going to argue that raising a kid in a less religious environment is harmful.

At some point in my life I felt this tug.
I was in ner Yisroel, Atlantic City was sort of on the way home. But being the prepared person I am , I didn’t walk into the casinos unprepared. I memorized several basic strategy books. But as others have said, basic strategy for blackjack will allow you to reduce the houses advantage from something like 40% (with emotional betting) down to 2% or so.
So foremost in every “professional “ gamblers mind is the fact that you can maybe reduce the house advantage to only 2%. KNOWING I couldn’t win conquered the tug toward compulsion . If you haven’t read the books , then please do . Know the math.
But addiction is a hard thing to beat without help. So if you feel like you can’t stop by yourself please seek help.
A gambling addiction is a family killer. An almost certain path to divorce and misery. So get cured.
Hatzlocho!!

Incidentally
I corresponded with an American gadol
He had written something in a sefer that implied you should give to every tzedakah
I wrote my objection, and told him that I have a problem with the seeming false advertising of numerous tzedokos
I also discussed tzedakos that hold bbq fundraisers during the nine weeks and that I don’t give to these tzedakos
He wrote back that he personally gives to very few of the solicitations that come to his door
But suggested that I should always give to someone who knocks on my door

Milhouse
The “reward” you mention. I believe you are referring to the rambam that promises no one loses by giving tzedakah. IOW The reward is parnasah
Not a shidduch. Not a refuah shelema. Though I’m sure the zchus of the mitzvah always helps.
My point was that the guarantees implied in multiple circulars and the pursuit of segulos is borderline AZ
If you would like to prove me wrong feel free to try

Does this qualify for weirdest CR exchange yet?

Joseph
In this day and age , being “true to yourself “ is the ultimate value . And who you are , even your gender, can change on a daily basis. Is it any wonder that a modern court is going to find forcing someone to “live a lie” unconstitutional?
Twenty years ago psychologists may have testified that we should enforce the clause bc it’s in the children’s best interests to not live two different lives in two different homes.
But now those same psychologists testify that having same gender parents is perfectly normal and doesn’t cause harm. So what do you expect?

There is a tshuva from the radvaz that discusses the two luchos based on the gemorrah in Sanhedrin (21b) and yerushalmi Megillah (12a)
There is a machlokis on what form of Hebrew was on the luchos , ksav ivri or ashuris
The radvaz theorizes that ashuris was on the first luchos and ivri on the second. Since ashuris is so kodesh that it can’t handle avodah zora it couldn’t be used until the time of Ezra when the yetzer for az was destroyed.
Quite an interesting topic. Check out the artscroll yerushalmi

Rebyidd
They want everyone to be equally miserable

A Rav I know has an interesting perspective.
He showed me a tosefta that describes restricions placed on yerushalyim in order to maintain its kedusha
His point. An American embassy (and multiple other embassies that follow suit) mean an increase in goyim. Which means an influx of bars/restaurants/entertainment/traif food. Non of which belongs in the holy city.

Coffee
The world may be hypocritical.
But
Netanyahu has always argued that divestment is a form of terrorism. It would look really bad, and give legitimacy to the BDS movement if he embraced the same tactic.
Which is why he would never publicly take that step.
What he does behind closed doors, and the pressure he puts on business owners is a different story. But I suspect he would never do it in case it became public.

SD
“THey’re not paying her, they want her to do the dirty work of preparing a speech…what’s the justification of that?”
Trust me
No one wants to sit through your daughters speech. Not the parents, and not the rabbeim who have to endure these things every year.
It’s pretty much the same at every bar mitzvah.
Show of hands. How many here enjoy all the speeches at a bar mitzvah? Especially the pshetel?
That said it’s “what’s done”. Every graduation has a speech from the valedictorian, and it will look weird if she refuses. I’m reasonably sure every valedictorian writes their own speech even in Harvard.
It’s a learning experience. And a good one. Public speaking skills is something to hone and useful in many professions.

Litvishe
The first part of your statement is still wrong
Addressing the second (rushing). I made this point in a similar thread. Just like every other profession a doctor has to make a parnasah and pay the bills. In a Medicaid practice the reimbursement is far less then private insurances. the only way a doctor can stay in business is by volume, seeing more patients per hour . If you have A crummy insurance you are in essence paying your doctor below the appropriate fee for any given procedure and you can not expect the same service as you would get at a concierge practice.

OP
I have yet to see anywhere that there is a chiyuv to give to a specific cause. Just the opposite. We are required to vet tzedakos bf giving and are granted latitude to decide whobwe give to.
Personally I shy away from many popular tzedakas for various reasons, including not liking the percentage that goes to fundraising or administrative costs, feeling that the advertising campaign goes against Halacha etc.
My largest donations go to organizations I have vetted and individuals I know (or my rabbeim know) that don’t have two cents to rub together.
So feel free to be judgemental if you find a particular tzedakah distasteful. Just make sure to give tzedakah.
But remember, just bc you don’t like a particular tzedakah doesn’t mean that giving to that tzedakah isn’t counted as giving. Case in point, the famous Halacha that giving a formerly rich person a Mercedez is tzedakah. Most of us find that a poor usage of tzedakah and would shy away from that gofundme program. But that doesn’t mean Hashem views it any less an act of charity.

Joseph
I ran your idea by my wife
She’s perfectly fine with helping out the crisis by bringing a co-wife on board
As long as she’s 400 lbs and rich.

ZD
You are absolutely right, it is so much harder to make pesach these days compared to 100 years ago.
Granted our bubby’s Had to literally make everything from scratch including plucking and kashering the chickens.
But we have problems. Our prepackaged food comes with so many chumros. And our 4000+ square foot mansions don’t clean themselves!
True we have live in maids (or if you worry about the kashrus of your kitchen , then just a woman who comes twice a week). But it’s oh so exhausting to tell her which rooms to clean.
I’m getting so stressed out thinking about it I need to stop writing and call my shrink for more anti anxiety meds!

Less
“mentsh1,you mean they don’t comply with your hashkafa.”
I am pretty sure that the 4/5ths of Klal Yisroel that didn’t leave mitzrayim said the same thing to Moshe Rabbeinu
I’m pointing out the irony that pesach has become our most gashmiyusdik Yom Tov, when it was only made possible by those who shunned the gashmius of mitzrayim.
As for your other comment; google straw man

ZD
Jealousy?
During my pre-sefirah haircut I was listening in on a conversation.
Two people talking excitedly about where they were headed.
One was looking forward to sedarim on the Vegas strip .
The other was headed to Egypt “to the exact spot where the yidden crossed the yarden “
It’s not jealousy, it’s me being judgmental that nebach so many yidden haven’t got a hashkafic clue.

So getting back to my hashkafa post
George Burns died aged 100 from old age. As most of us know he always had a cigar in his mouth.
It was said that The chofetz chaim said to the kallah of Rav Isser Zalman Meltzer that long life and health aren’t necessarily synonymus.
So
How much hishtadlus is even necessary?
Can a person in China go to a clinic and do the recommended treatment of acupuncture for a serious disease and expect the same result as surgery in the US?
Aren’t the years of a persons life predetermined?

(FYI My opinion is , that you can’t rely on open miracles. So a cancer pt cant pray away the cancer. Or use non proven methods like Vit C transfusions. But many tests are becoming standard for litigious reasons not medically necessary ones. And much medical knowledge seems to swing back and forth. So I am undecided on specifics)