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Is life about feelings?
I have had plenty of people tell me they feel alive and have had “religious” experiences at non -jewish concerts
I’m not connecting chassidus with goyish music
I’m questioning the premise of the questionJoseph
Next time your wife wants something I would like to suggest the following
“Honey, I know it’s our 25th Anniversary, but intellectually there is nothing different about today vs yesterday. So I bought you a vacuum”
Let me know how it goes
I guarantee results.RY23
Listen
I’m not arguing the point
As a guy, I find these things baffling. But don’t you find most things about women baffling? And I’m sure they feel the same way.As for the OP
I’m reasonably sure this will split among male/female lines
Few women want or treasure a “fake” diamond (unless they are worried about conflict diamonds, hence Hollywood actresses pushing stones like Moissanite which are supposedly even more pretty than real diamonds)
When I tried to convince my (very low maintenance) wife to get Moissanite instead of real, it didn’t fly.
So the answer to the question is
“because it makes your wife happy!”RY23
The RAMBAN by the choshen in shemos has a long piece that goes through the stones in the choshen and ascribes “powers” to them
For example, the ruby is reuvens stone and connects to the story of reuven bringing his mother mandrakes, which apparently have fertility powers (and that is why he was bringing them to Laya) so the ruby stone apparently has fertility powers.
Hence the extremely popular minhag for pregnant women to wear rubies.
Our religion also ascribes “powers” to zodiac signs. You can argue as to whether it still applies. But the concept is well documentedallow me to get more philosophical
I used to have a passion for politics, as if caring mattered. As if my passion sways what happens at bureaucratic level. An analogy might be a fans passion for sports.
But it doesn’t matter
we aren’t in control of who gets elected
we aren’t in control of policy
so why be passionate and waste energy or anger on the subject?joseph
between the presidents daily speech and the clearly biased media, is there a detectable shred of truth to be found? my ears can not handle all the sheker.I actually appreciate President Trump and I owe him hakoras hatov
This election cycle has cured me from the tayva of listening to and watching the news
There is a certain freedom I feel from no longer caringI believe that it is more than “chutzpah” to shop shaylos around. My understanding is that once you ask a competent posek a shayla, the answer is binding on you.
Unless you phrase the question at the outset by saying something like “I’m not asking the Rav a shayla, just a theoretical question”
Otherwise a person can ask multiple people until he gets the answer he wants.
I’m basically saying that at this point it is against the halacha for you to ask someone else. And if you do, you must phrase the question as ” I asked Rabbi Forst and got this answer can I still ask the Rav….”
I bet if you call a gadol and told him you already have a psak from Rabbi Forst (A very competent halachic authority), they will hang up on you.
But in general, you can reach many gedolim fairly easily, but why tie up their valuable time? There are many capable local authorities, find out who they are and use them. After all this is the system that Yisro suggested to Moshe, not every question needs to go to the top.Actually very apropos to my life right now
Thanks for the chizuk!Plenty of chassidik communities marry the girls at age 16/17. It seems to work for them.
Notice I said Litvish
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in EY for lag baomer, but I don’t believe that it has caught on with the litvaks.
And my RY was a big litvak. And his statement is classic litvak.
I personally agree with my Rosh, but I understand that there is more than 1 right derech to serve Hashem.Many Litvish Roshei Yeshiva advise against going for various reasons.
In the new Rav Gustman book he is quoted as saying “surely Rav Shimon runs away from his kever on that day so why go?”.
The book does not elaborate but my rosh yeshiva in EY (who was against it) always commented on the irony. After all Rav Shimons most famous story in the gemarah is about his intolerance of bitul torah. My rosh yeshiva used to say “if you want to honor rav shimon, learn a little more”.Larry
I agree with the recommendation to read Garden of Peace
There is a chapter on divorce.
Since I read the book, and since I am divorced and remarried. I truly believe that the only way to stay married (assuming that is what you want) is to follow the guidelines in that book.
Basically, once a woman decides she doesn’t want a guy, you can’t force her to be in a relationship. Usually holding on tight will just make her run harder.
Read the chapter, and live the book. I did and I have had nothing but good in my life since I adopted the philosophy.Joseph
This doesn’t happen much in the coffee room.
But, I hear by bow to your superior wisdom and retract my posts on this matter.
I’m not saying we pasken every case like the Noda. However, what I wrote in his name is wrong.
And I thank you for sending me to the bais medresh on a motzei shabbos!Joseph
If you are discussing treif you would be correct. But we are discussing a completely different halacha. In this Halacha ,awareness, creates the issur for the husband.
There is a famous tshuva on this by the noda b’yehudah. In it he lays out this concept and when to tell the husband. The exact case he is discussing is quite juicy and involves …
(Sorry , the moderator said to be vague). Ask someone knowledgable to fill you in on the details or point out the tshuva. It’s an interesting read.
Gotta go get ready. Have a good shabbos.
And moderator. It’s torah. I would like to think that I occasionally raise the level of conversation in the coffee room. But if you feel otherwise, I accept the tochacha.Joseph
There are distinctions here.
In the case under discussion the woman is doing the averah.
The husband is only considered to be doing an averah if he is aware.
Thus it may not be advisable to tell him. Certainly you shouldn’t tell him if you are afraid he may not grant her a divorce. Which brings us back to the last disagreement I had with you. Namely better shogeg then mazid. Here he wouldn’t even be shogeg he would have a din ones since he is unaware.Its been a couple of years, but you just write ;
“we would like to inform you of the bris of our son, which will IYH take place ……….”
There is an inyan to not use the word “invite” rather you are just informing peopleHealth
Regular dentists are capable of doing regular extractions. except it was already stated that the tooth is impacted.
Allow me to shed some light on the situation.
There is no such thing as certification to remove wisdom teeth, any dentist can remove any tooth he feels capable of removing.
Most dentists wont remove wisdom teeth for several reasons
1) impacted teeth are complicated
thus, unless you do it on a regular basis it takes a lot of time and therefore not worth the insurance reimbursement of a few dollars
2) it carries more risk then a regular tooth extraction
there are nerves that can be severed and dentists (and all doctors) want to minimize law suits
3) special scanning is often necessary
in order to minimize the risk of nerve involvement, 3D scanning is often used, these scanners are expensive and usually only oral surgeons have them
So if you have an impacted wisdom tooth, it’s best done at a surgeon. Can a regular dentist do it? sure, if he knows what hes doing and if he can isolate the tooth on regular xrays and be certain it’s not near the nerve
Example of non-frum job;
Veterinarian
Neutering is assur
Had a friend in High School who really wanted to be vet, but Rebbe dissuaded him. He was practical. How can you join a profession where a significant part of your responsibilities are assur?
Allow me to present a different way of looking at it. Yerushalyim is a holy city.It should remain that way. We should guard it’s sanctity.
Do we really need to invite more goyim to live in yerushalyim? Embassies have large support staffs, all of whom expect goyish type pass-times, none of which should be engaged in, in a holy city.
Ronald
Building on what Akuperma wrote.
Anyone who has stepped foot in a liberal arts college understands the danger. A christian co worker of mine has her daughter in a local community college. The daughter thought she was safe taking some core courses. Her english professor turned out to be LGBT and rather than reading Shakespeare, every book that was required reading was written from someone in that community. The pitfalls and dangers of what is viewed as learning in the goyish velt, is obvious.
If colleges were strictly profession related, it would not be as despised by he charedim. Aren’t there many trade schools attended by charedim? Rather the charedim understand the severe spiritual decline in spending time with those who make secular studies their religion.
MA
The second perek of chagiga discusses Kabbalah in the form of maaseh bereshis and maaseh mercova.
If you learn it you will note that some Tanayim are told by their Rebbe that they aren’t ready to learn Kabbalah yet
I find it interesting that so many people these days feel a desire to learn something that clearly only has meaning to a select few.
I have often wondered if this is the work of the yetzer hora. Perhaps the yetzer hora, when he sees someone with a desire to learn, attempts to channel that desire into something that has less meaning for the person.
On a personal note, whenever I have a desire to learn Kabbalah I remind myself that I don’t want to die an am ha’aretz and open a mishna brura.
yichusdik
It’s a question that I ask myself all the time
What is appropriate fundraising? I am also on the fence
I read an article a year ago about the top 10 worst (non jewish) charities. All had commissions/expenses of 95%, meaning only 5% of each dollar went to the advertised charity.
when the ceo of one of the charities was asked to justify his fundraising tactics, he responded “what can i do, it’s what we need to do to stay competitive and I see the good the money does”
But here is the thing
I have found that almost every “famous” charity out there has an equal that uses the money in a similar manner with far less expenses. Mostly because they are staffed by volunteers.
As a charity becomes “successful” it’s budget, paid staff grows, which feeds the need for expensive advertising and fundraisers (often becoming a family or community business).
Ideally every charity should close its doors after a decade or two only to be restarted by well meaning volunteers
yichusdik
why is it ok when done as a fund raiser?
Two weeks ago there where tzedakah organizations that held fundraisers during the nine days that were not just siyumim but siyumim with wine tasting and cigar sampling. Was that ok? Did they kosher up the event because there was a siyum (despite the obvious inappropiateness of holding such events during the nine days)?
Personally I hold tzedukah organizations liable for their fund raising tactics. I don’t donate to organizations who have a promoter taking a huge chunk of my tzedakah money, or to organizations that throw gluttonous fundraisers
ubiquitin
If that was the emes they wouldn’t require it in med school, but biochem and the krebs cycle is something you need to redo in med school and on the boards
What they really mean is “we had to do it, so you do to”
which is unfortunate, and a huge waste of time. Time that can be spent learning things that actually have relevance to the profession
It’s been a long time since I took these courses, but out of all the premed courses I found orgo to be the worst by far. I agree that if you don’t need it don’t take it. Orgo 2 was the worst because it is simply memorizing organic formulas, almost like being forced to memorize the cookbook that you will always have available, so what’s the point? Pretty much how I felt about a lot of courses. Can someone explain to me why every bio and bio chem course requires memorizing the Krebs cycle? What’s the point ?!
Sparkly
I need to second the notion that calling smoking worse than watching TV is absurd.
I will grant you that its not as bad for women as men. But as any man who has seriously tried to work on his neshama can attest, its the antithesis of ruchnios.
I grew up MO, with a TV in my house, and I’ve been trying to scrub myself clean from this for years.
Health
In case you forgot, i will paste one of your comments from page 1
YY -“just because someone smokes doesnt mean they are otd!”
Sure they are! As a matter of fact, some Yeshivas will throw out a smoker!
Now
If you are telling me that you are retracting your position, or didn’t mean what you wrote, then I am Ok with that
that said
you didn’t answer my question
do you watch TV?
and if you do, how do you not see the hypocrisy between calling smokers OTD but not TV watchers?
In case you are curious
As I have posted before, I am a health care professional, not a yeshiva bachur. (The Israel trip was vacation). I do not smoke. I happen to have a TV in my waiting room and since I occasionally watch I do feel bad about myself in light of the poskim who deem that pritzus. I didn’t call you a parutz, they did.
If you and Sparkly want, In light of the upcoming yomim noraim, I am willing to quit TV with you guys.
When people quit smoking they often find it easier to do with a buddy. So buddy up with me on quitting TV
At the very least it might give us all a little more empathy with what smokers go through when they try to quit (and that sounds like something that is achdus-dik for the nine days and certainly more productive then calling almost half the frum velt in Israel OTD)
I’m simply pointing out the ridiculousness of your assertion. You like Sparkly want to pasul (call OTD) those that smoke. My guess is you watch TV, like Sparkly. The gedolim call that assur. Does that make you and Sparkly OTD?
No where in rabbinic literature have I seen a definition of OTD that revolves around smoking. But I have seen a definition revolving around TV. In regards to the issur of yichud a parutz does not count in terms of negating the issur yichud. There are those that hold that watching TV qualifies you as a parutz.
I was just in Israel. Spent time learning at the Mir. It seemed like half the yeshiva smokes. Disgusting, a little. But I’m betting they have much more yiras shemayim then those on this site casting aspersions on their frumkeit.
Sparkly
I’m just curious. Don’t you think Hashem would rather a person destroy their body rather than their neshama? Isn’t the point of yiddiskeit to return your neshama as close to pure as when you got it? Isn’t that the point of chanukah that the chashmonyim would rather die then sully themselves with the greek culture?
That said, I truly don’t understand your position. You believe TV, movies etc are permitted under our religion? That they don’t cause spiritual harm.
Health
Don’t you think the list of gedolim who ban TV etc vastly outweighs the list you put up?
and Neville
I love the name
just sayin
JF02
Just out of curiosity, would you be as vocal with the antivax crowd for the same reasons?
Though zahavasdad is certainly incorrect, I am not sure ben levi is 100% correct either (where do you see that its the “same boat”?).
At issue here is the averah of chanifa (often translated as flattery) which coincidentally, has its source in this weeks parsha.
A classic example is the gemarah where chachamim told king agripas not to be sad (when he read the part in the torah that prohibited him from being king) and they responded “dont worry , you are our brother”. the gemarah says they were chayiv bnofsho.
Bottom line, chanifa is the implication to an ovrey averah that his actions are supported by you, or ok with the torah. It is an averah that some hold is yaharog v’al yavor (see rabeinu yona sharei tshuva) but even though we don’t pasken like that, rav moshe calls it a form of kefira (igros moshe orech chaim 2 #51)
so going to a gay parade or bar to be supportive of gays post orlando (as the OO did) is at the very least an aveirah and considered a form of kfeira
Jewishfeminist
I did not reference conversion therapy
I mentioned articles from people who formerly identified as LGBT and then switched
These articles are out there, and many talk about the abuse they suffer at the hands of their former friends for having the audacity to say that it is possible to go straight.
I am in the health care field, and I have been reading science articles critically since school. I always keep my mind open to both sides. But if you think that there is no agenda here, and that agenda’s don’t drive science, then you are fooling yourself. Much of the medicine I practice is based on theory’s that are tentative at best, and often driven by agenda’s. (The biggest agenda is the desire to not be sued, which influences the way we practice. I wish I could say that all are actions are based strictly on whats good for the patient, but alas that is not the case)
Ben Levi
I read that issue and found it fascinating. Since then I am attuned to the politics that drive the “science” behind this argument.
There are numerous articles put out by former LGBT attesting that they changed themselves. You just need to search for these articles. Because, as has been written about numerous times, there is tremendous pressure to remove these articles from the internet by those who are more interested in the agenda, then in helping people.
Sam2
Support of such a “Parade” would obviously be conditional on everyone in that parade recognizing the fact that it is assur to engage in homosexual activity. And then the parade would be nothing more than an assifa to work on the issue of how to mmake sure these people can best be helped. Because if they arent willing to recognize the issur, then you would be supporting the agenda which is obviously assur.
zahavasdad
Alexander was not welcomed by chazal because they were happy to have a greek rule over them. Nor did they want to embrace greek culture.
They made a choice that was very shas hadchak
Go look up the story
Alexander wanted to put up a statue of himself in the BM, This was chazal’s way of preventing that
(“why put up a statue that is temporary, we will name our kids after you and that will be a remembrance forever”-I’m paraphrasing. And since the words of chazal are forever, so there are still alexanders.)
Gavrah + Sam2
I am aware that the main reason the battle took place was to kick out the greeks and abolish their edicts.
That said, the main hashkafic reason we have a holiday of chanukah is to commemorate our victory over greek culture. Chanukah is not a celebration of a military victory.
The mefarshim ask the question of how goyim can be metamei the pach shemen and the answer given is that it was tamei because of the hellinistic jews. This was a war against an influx of foreign culture and that it still what it is.
Unfortunately the way it should be practiced is the opposite of the way we practice it. Instead of vacations from school and lots of family parties, it should be a time of more intensive learning and an attempt by all of us to remove as much foreign culture as possible from within us (michtov mayeliyahu main source)
I admit to not being a talmud chachum and i certainly do not know shas bal peh.
I would be glad for anyone to prove me wrong. But it would shock me. Nothing I have ever seen has ever even implied a tolerance of chazal of imitating or integrating any foreign culture.
Those familiar with the controversy over moreh nevuchim know that one of the main sources of contention by other reshonim was the RAMBAM’s respect for greek philosophy. And thats just thought, certainly no one tolerates practice.
Which brings us back to my main point, what I believe is the failure of MO to excise goyish culture, rather there is an acceptance and even a raising it to the level of mitzvah through torah im derech eretz
Gavrah
I believe you are mixed up on the definition of straw man
You raised a valid point about the writing of Greek in the BM
However, I pointed out that you cant extrapolate from that. Because you will only find a narrow allowance of greek language allowed (because of yaft elokim layefes). And you can not extrapolate from there an allowance of greek culture.Nor can you extrapolate to any other culture or language other than Greek. (I just did the gemorrah that mentions one reason for acher going of the derech is because he sang greek songs). Chazal has no tolerance for embracing goyish culture.
Thats not a straw man, It’s me telling you your source is incorrect so go look it up.
On the other hand
The OP raised the concern that MO is allowing a lot of cultural mixing (perhaps based on torah im derech eretz).
So all the references to problems in other branches of yiddishkeit, well that is the definition of a straw man.
Zahavasdad
That is some mental leap
It would seem that you are implying that because we drive cars then we can also do cultural things like listen to goyish music
If I am understanding you correctly than you are proving my point about rationalization
Sorry Gavra
the burden of proof is on you
There is no Hashkafic evidence that embracing a foreign culture is a good thing, all statements of chazal say the opposite. Feel free to bring some proof.
Yaft elokim is an interesting statement that does require explanation. But the explanation is always a narrow interpretation such as language.
Another narrow interpretation (believe its the rambam, but could be mistaken)is that it simply means that greek philosophy was a better alternative for the goyim than what they had previously (avodah zora).
Gavra
All you have proved is that yaft elokim layefes applies to the greek language
which is the truth
which is why there is an opinion that a sefer torah can be written in greek.
It does not apply to any other cultural aspect. The fact that culture always seeps into our religion is something to be lamented, not embraced
Luna
I read your post and I see everything that caused me to leave the MO world I grew up in.
Now granted, everything I am about to say can apply to every Jew no matter what level he is at.
That said, rationalization seems to be more of a disease in the MO world than black hat.
In the yeshivish velt watching TV is something to be kept hidden because we recognize the inherent evil. So even when we are nichshal, we at least recognize the inherent wrong. My MO friends see it as having positive secular culture aspects.
When discussing meticulousness of halachos, those halachos they don’t want to keep are “chumros”
You even said “most halachos”! there is no such thing in orthodox Judaism as keeping “most halachos”! Its all or you arent orthodox!
Torah IM derech Eretz was never about going to theaters and culture. Thats hellinisim
As for a source (gavrah at work) try pachad yitzchok, maharal etc
The same goes for yaft elokim lyefes
There is no concept in Judaism for embracing goyish culture
AviK
as far as I’m concerned, Torah IM derech eretz means nothing more than being a shtark baal habus. Ner Yisroel allowed me to become a professional while learning. But the philosophy was not tolerant of becoming “cultural”, it was a yeshivish atmosphere. The dorms looked like any other yeshiva.
Rebyid
Do you really think that the Maccabees were fighting only jews who worshiped zeus? Thats ridiculous. It was a fight against a blending of cultures. And If your honest, you would agree that many in the MO world are trying to do just that.
Sam2 I’m talking about the dorms, There was more than one dorm at the time (this goes back 20 years). Yes there was a more yeshivish dorm but the people I knew where not in that one. And the posters on the wall showed a lot more than elbows.
Luna
I grew up in the same YI as one of the more controversial figures in OO.
So my MO origin credentials are solid. Based on that I emphatically state that you can not argue that MO is as makpid on “regular” halochos as the charedi community.
The women did not cover their hair, the girls were not tzinius. During the summer the counselors in the mixed day camp had no problem mingling in swimsuits. My friends were not shomer negia (or worse). The women kept starting clandestine simchat torah minyanim so they could dance with the torah etc. I could go on all day long.The final straw was my interview at YU when I visited my friends brothers already there. The walls were bedecked with inappropriate posters. For them a religious experience was strumming a guitar to some goyish nigun while smoking something illegal (at the time). I went straight to Ner Yisroel (which is not MO)
To me the over riding philosophy of many was “religion on my terms”. Sure there were good men, graduates of YU who were shtark, but it felt like a losing battle against those always trying to push the boundaries.
The OP is not wrong in his assessment (just his tone). MO is devolving into a hellinistic culture. Blending secular with religion.
Even your screen name is borrowed from secular culture.