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lilmod,
You probably saw the whole video. It was a very short video, which is one of the reasons it’s so great.
The main point I took from the video (in addition to what you said) is that relationship problems can’t be approached the same way other problems are approached. If my refrigerator door is broken, and the pickle jar falls on my toe every time I open the fridge (true story), a perfectly effective solution would be to fix the fridge door.
In a relationship, when one person is bothered by something, the other person often tries to think of ways to directly avoid or get rid of that thing (e.g. the nail). But even though that would seem intuitive, it’s very ineffective. You first must show the other person that you understand their problem and their pain, and then you work out a solution TOGETHER. Again, a therapist should be able to facilitate this in each couple’s specific situation.
(I used to think this had to do with the different ways that men and women approach problems, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not really true. I believe this applies whether it is the man or the women having the problem.)
I’m confused. What is this thread all about? It looks like just a bunch of incomplete sentences to me. It’s like one of those things where they get a computer to write an essay.
Popa_Bar_Abba, though I’m not sure where he went
Lenny,
It sounds like you are in a tough spot and I really feel for you.
I would like to offer my two cents. It may or may not be appropriate for your situation, so you can take it or leave it, but from what I’ve read so far I think it may help. Before I start I would just tell you that a marriage counselor would likely say things similar to what I’m saying, and I know that because I’m married to one.
It sounds like the situation you’re in is a gridlock. In a traffic gridlock, everyone thinks he has the right of way (and he may very well be correct), and therefore each person keeps moving forward, making the gridlock worse. The only way to ease up the gridlock is if at least one person takes a step back to let someone else go first.
In your situation, each one of you thinks you’re right, and that the other one is being irrational, and it’s the other one’s fault that the marriage isn’t working (and you may very well both be right!). However, if each one of you keeps pushing forward, the gridlock will only get worse. The only way to ease it up is for at least one of you to take a step back. As far as how exactly to do that, I can’t tell you, but a marriage counselor should be well equipped to facilitate that in your specific situation.
Another point: There’s a very popular video somewhere on the internet called “It’s Not About the Nail.” Though it’s not exactly the same as what I’ve been saying, it does offer a very good demonstration of both ineffective and effective ways of approaching relationship problems.
Sparkly,
What?
Sooo does that mean the advice helped?
“what is the percentage of the people who go totaling %100?”
Based on the questions you asked, the total can easily add up to more than 100%
Mashgiach agent,
Seriously, just go somewhere else to spread your garbage. This is not the place.
Oh maybe it’s just a fancy way of saying masseuse
“What’s hilarious is that between the kids yeshiva schooling, new cars, vacations, sizable donations to our shul, etc… etc… we’re doing quite well.”
Why is that hilarious? And what does it have to do with this situation?
I can explain the difference.
A masseuse is a type of person.
Massagenist is a word that you just made up.
Hope my explanation was clear.
“My advice is to apologize and buy her some jewelry it will be cheaper both financially and mentally.”
Dumbest advice I’ve ever heard.
You’ve clearly never had an argument with your wife.
Don’t check on craigslist
Another suggestion:
Don’t listen to anything Mashiach Agent says.
I know that sounds sarcastic and rude, but I’m serious. Someone is coming asking for help with a serious mental health issue, and you give garbage advice that would never be given by any legitimate mental health professional, or Rav for that matter (assuming they really understand depression).
I was driven to school every day, K-12. I don’t understand what the problem is.
“And how come even when I am davening as fast as possible for whatever reason, there are still people who finish before I do?”
Maybe they’re davening faster than possible
You should also give instructions on starting new threads so that people don’t just post randomly in other threads.
What about spray lacquer? Never tried it, just a thought
Well if my calculations are correct, 80 is better than average.
Raisins have tolaim issues?
reuventree555,
Are you suggesting that Sparkly contradicted herself from one post to the next?
I can’t believe that
“is 80 bad for a and p?”
What did the rest of the class get?
I was about to make a comment joking about how his period key must have been switched with an exclamation point, but I couldn’t think of a good place to write it, and then I noticed his subtitle, so I guess my joke isn’t so original.
I just got Health’s subtitle
“9/11 i.e. tisha b’av”
Huh?
(I actually read what you wrote earlier, it just sounds ridiculous though)
So people are against cell phone jammers because there might be a blackout lasting more than a few hours, but shorter than the life of of your phone battery, and you would then need to use a siddur on your phone?
I usually go to YWN on my computer, so I always see the words [COMMUNICATED CONTENT] to indicate that it’s an ad.
I just realized that on a smartphone you don’t see those words until you open up the article. (It was, um, my mother’s smartphone. She needs it for work)
It is misleading.
He’s just confused. He doesn’t understand the concept of brothers or mourning
“im too late in life to change my mind.”
Clearly not true. You change your mind every two weeks.
Sparkly,
Just wanted to remind you of something you said before:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/work-vs-kollel/page/3#post-624949
lilmod ulelamaid,
It’s an inside joke between me and Sparkly
Yuck
“Why is everyone against it?”
There were two arguments against it brought up in this thread:
1) It’s illegal
2) It’s dangerous
There was also another thread started by Sparkly about this exact same topic:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/needs-help-looking-for-sem
They probably went the way of MsPrincess and lookngforsem
Sparkly – “takahmamash – thats what i just said and was referring to and now we all know that your a guy because MOST girls dont daven with a minyan every day.”
I knew he was a guy before this. Do I get a prize?
“The only option would be for the parent to take off- would the boss allow that?”
I may be wrong, but I believe the law (at least in NY) is that you can take a sick day in order to care for a dependent who is sick.
I think he’s confusing two cases. There was a more recent incident in NC where the officer was black. That’s where all the rioting is.
YW Moderator-100,
You are a very smart man (or woman I guess)
“They were given $25,000 if they removed the t.v.’s”
Not a bad way to start a business. I think I’ll open a restaurant with a TV in it. Not sure where though. Where do the rich kanoim live?
“someone else started this thread about a year ago”
Right. Sure. Yep. Mhm
“NO MORE talking about drugs thats boring!!”
Another classic Sparkly line
“The only comments accepted on main ad page are praises of the offer”
I don’t think this is true. You certainly have no basis for saying it, because as of now, no comments have been accepted.
“If patrons are aggressively accosted and harassed, not to mention if the establishment is vandalized, the action rises to the level of criminal activity”
So the second they came to him and threatened him he should have called the police
I once heard a very smart line, “If you can’t explain it, you probably don’t understand it”
I’m sure there are other places where there aren’t tons of frum people
“Not patronizing an establishment is a lot different than threatening to shut someone down.”
How could rabbonim (or whoever these people are) shut down a restaurant?
The credit card scam is back. Everyone go comment on the main site asking them to take it down.
Sparkly,
I see.
I’ve been on a bunch of first dates. I’ve found that it’s better to do something where you could just talk and get to know the person. For the second date you can have more fun.
I’m sure there are places where you could go to talk where there are no frum people.