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memoMember
Dolce Gabbana-Light Blue, Moschino-I Love Love, Burberry-The Brit
memoMemberDepending on the community..jeans are very street-like and casual…wearing the jeans adds to a certain look that many frum people try hard to avoid….
I’m not saying they are bad or the jean wearers aren’t Torah abiding but the majority of the frum community emphasis to maintain a certain dignified look and appearance
—’cause whatever argument you have to refute this in the end of the day the way you look is the way you’ll be looked at!
memoMemberSince I have shiychus to both sides I think that the parents prob. would be ok with the shidduch…it’s a good idea…so just wanted to check if I don’t have to speak to them…
also once people are ready to get married they should be able to be independent in terms that they obviously speak to their parents but I prob. could just ask them if they’re interested and then call their parents
memoMemberthanks….if I know the girl and I know someone who’s friends with the boy can I redt it directly to them? I know it’s not normally done…but it sounds like it would be easier to go through the girl and boy themselves…does that make sense?
January 17, 2011 12:43 am at 12:43 am in reply to: Primary cause for Frum Divorces revisited. #730058memoMemberIs living away from your parents and in-laws a better way for a stronger/healthier marriage?
January 14, 2011 12:29 am at 12:29 am in reply to: "Shidduchim" I feel like I hit An Huge Iceberg! #728295memoMemberMaybe you should go on a vacation…get away and relax that might help!
memoMemberI know I hear of all these broken engagements and divorces…B”H there out there b/c unfortunately is a need for them….
but some people should consider working it out if possible–if it’s not serious like abuse or s/t like that
memoMemberya she’s amazing!!!
memoMemberlol.. ya the guys always say that they’re bombarded with names…so many times random names that are good like family matches(not people matches–but that’s another story)
the shadchanim have their work cut out for them but they get shidduchim through most of the time…friends are helpful if they know the g and they can give you advice/opinions
memoMemberso you’re all basically saying this bashert concept is incomprehensible
memoMemberBJJ; IY”H you’ll meet your chosson b’karov…I know of many couple who got married (from broken married to from not broken homes)
Some mothers will look past your background and look at you! others wont,they’re not for you! Also the way your family as a whole appears to the community as a functioning cohesive wholesome no baggage family–even if it is so called broken there are many families that will look into you…
nowadays with unfortantly divorces rampant the probability of marrying someone from a broken home is so much greater…
Also when speaking to people who set you up emphasis that your family is a cohesive well adjusted family!
Hatzlacha!!!!!!!!
memoMemberomg! okay some people do think…sooo in the end of the day you will never know even while your married…
I guess I have to just deal with the fact there aren’t answers….just normally you’d like to think you had the clarity to make the right decision!!
memoMemberno nothing wrong with it at all….just people die from it…but that shouldn’t bother you??!!!! jk!
memoMemberI hear your point I just wanted to know if anyone knew where I could hire a house keeper for a day/even a couple of hours in E”Y sounds like people get them and prob. share them in their buildings right?? I know house keepers don’t want to come to just one person a day they want steady jobs just like in America
memoMembermy three sons but i love lucy still is top!!!!!
memoMemberSome people think and don’t marry any guy they go out with…
you might not understand but some people have to know if they made the right choice…
If your happily married you would understand that marrying just any Joe wont work…he’s got to be_______whatever you felt you needed
memoMemberwhat’s the significance of it?
memoMemberokay got it…thats what I thought…go by his Rav and b/c the E”Y Rav doesn’t know him
memoMemberya. there’s nothing wrong with it!
memoMemberEven very frum yeshivish girls told me how beautifully their husbands proposed.
They all said that it was done tastefully and BeKavodik they still remember it and we’re talking about very ehrlich,solid yeshivish kollel yungeliet!!!!!
I don’t see the point in not proposing..
IY”H (BKarov)when your chosson proposes just don’t stop him and tell him..It doesn’t Pas to propose and have the shadchan call me…
As yeshivaguy said….Before you start dating make sure you have a Reb. or mentor other then your parents to give you advice sounds like you should be clear on whether your taking everything on yourself too fast!
Which has to be done with extreme caution… make sure you know yourself well enough before you go out dating guys who you will try to get to know…
memoMemberFrom my experience nowadays kids need everything explained and each child according to his needs/background…the kids who are getting turned off are unfortanatly affecting the rest of the families/classes/bunks in camps/seminaries/yeshivas
my advice to parents is send you kid to a school thats best suited for you child we are at a point that we should know enough is out there and as a parent we shouldn’t think only send to a school for their kavod you must do it for your kid!
memoMemberright. but get someone…and tell others about it…honestly you never know where your shidduch comes from…truth!
So people get involved and stop just kvetching heres an opportunity!
memoMemberI was always under the impression it’s better to follow a Rav who your close to..even if you move to E”Y right? So a local Rav would be there for more local types of Sheilos
memoMemberthanks… so then you never really know????
memoMemberI was wondering the same thing….you can keep the shadchan as a back up support for real issues that do come up…but normally you drop the shadchan and he makes the dates after the 4th (around)
unless you do the 5 dates and engaged…don’t see him during engagement and a year later you get married thing..you never know..I guess to each his own..
memoMemberZacharia’s a singer/musician who went through an illness and he got into music…his music is very meaningful and straight from his heart-I cried when I watched it…you could google it
memoMemberI’m just curious if they taught you in BJJ(if you really went there) that a guy can’t ask you if you would like to build a BNB with him???
Doesn’t sound goyish at all and by the time your up to it you should be comfortable enough together that speaking privately about getting married should be fine.
A frum ehrlich nice guy/yeshiva bochor would know how to ask you in a B’Kovodika way…Doesn’t that sound fine?
memoMemberno. singles don’t go. you’ll need someone to advocate for you…try to find someone!
memoMemberI guess you ask around when you get there
memoMemberfor those of you who are in shidduchim…and kvetch that noones helping you….go and network it’s worth it…
memoMembereverything in moderation….avoid fattening/oily/junk foods as much as possible…
memoMemberIf the guy doesn’t have the guts to propose maybe he can rely on the shadchan but normally in most circles…the couple knows already before he proposes that they’re getting engaged and the guy proposes to make it official..
The actual source of proposing I don’t know..but if a guy proposes in a meaningful way it’s not goyish…
The proposing with bending down and asking will you marry me? is goyish and should prob. be avoided
memoMemberThats what a lot of people understand the concept to mean.
Is there a way to know? Or if you are engaged/married it’s the right person?
Then how do people get divorced–did they not marry their zivug?
memoMemberya. mostly all the nail salons have ladies working there…it’s most prob. not allowed….Just I was shocked and I was almost going to leave but I had sat down already a couple chairs away….please if men do go go out of their local area…it’s weird!
memoMemberAs in many media tools in technology there are pros and cons.
For a frum girl for example the purpose she would use fb is to socialize.
An organization will use it to broaden the scope of people and increase their influences by using fb. So, the actual idea of facebook is ok.
For the girl (14 yr old) for example she could get caught up in inappropriate relationships/sites etc. that could damage her yiddishkeit.
The Rabbis who use facebook I think are mostly involved in kiruv and use it as an invaluable tool to access multitudes of people….
the two usages serve to very different purposes and can’t be compared. I think for an average person to use facebook is fine as long as they socialize appropriately and stay within Halachic guidelines. For people who are avid facebook addicts it’s hard to stop so you cant say don’t use it at all…Just use it and only contact the people you should….For those of you that don’t use it good for you and there’s no need to start!!!!!
memoMemberYour saying blame the actual person not the tool or media??
It works both ways people have to know themselves well enough and at a certain point in our lives we only have ourselves to blame…
technically if you but yourself into a situation –IT’S YOU not the media/facebook(yes. it’s accessible) that got you there…..Bottom Line SO DON’T GO THERE!
memoMemberhe was getting a manicure–I didn’t see a wife around…
Btw I never see guys at my nail salon-jewish or non-jewish…..ya it was pretty creepy!
memoMemberI think red flags are pretty similar for both genders…guys have to watch out too!!!!!!!!!!!
memoMemberboth sound bad to me…
Can we really judge what’s worse I mean isn’t there Halachos that say NO to both????
memoMemberjl–I never heard that one…it sounds good…watching how he is around kids (kids can see through anything!!!) they can tell if someone’s genuine or not…
memoMemberOK, I get your point! I wasn’t really referring to the appearances part more like serious issues but I know pple exaggerate a bit (too much)
memoMemberya…that’s the idea it’s good to get a 2nd opinion but how do you tell him that were going out with my friend/her husband…without making him feel like hes going to be on the spot….I just hope they’ll be okay–won’t interegate the poor guy!—just I trust their judgement..so it should be fine
memoMembersounds like it an accepted thing to withhold info—but it doesn’t seem like yashrusdik at all!!!!
If this is the case than many couples have to deal with the facts after they are serious than knowing the facts b4 they go out…
memoMemberI guess it sounds tooo risky! I thought we could get an idea and btw we’re dating very diffrent guys soo no problems in that sense…but it’s still too risky…
how about introducing him to a married couple?
memoMemberWhen speaking to many of my married friends i always ask them if they felt they ended up compromising- “of course you compromise” and when asking if they felt bad about it they all say “I couldn’t have gotten a better guy!”—it’s good to associate with happily married couples btw…
Soo there’s your answer yaa both guys and girls compromise but once they get up to the stage of marriage there’s no regrets!!!
With other real life issues compromising is more individual and what the single can handle….With regards to smoking many guys don’t tell and roomates/chavrusas don’t tell either…it’s hard to find out unless you smell evidence!!!
memoMemberwhat info would ppl tolerate that would be best said later in a serious relationship-b4 they get engaged?
memoMemberTry looking into the yeshivas that encourage/really allow for college degrees etc.
Maybe tell her in today’s economy unless she marries a real wealthy (financially secure) guy she prob will have to work…we’re not living 40 yrs ago!!!!!
In the frum world making it is around 150k-300k-if she wants to raise a middle size family. So I’m saying two incomes unless he can maintain a successful income single-handed
She should be open to learning guys as well…that’s whats out there!
memoMemberI was going to mention that these breakups might go back together I personally know a few cases -we’re talking about a year after the break….i agree with you you normally only think of the good times you had with him
…if you are interested in getting back together try to have someone redd it..the timing might have been off…a year can be a long time…but I’m warning you I heard that when you get back together it’s extra pressure to see if it works…so think before getting involved again
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