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“I would recommend the Kerem Yehoshoua (an English sefer; I forget the author… his name is probably Yehoshuoa). “
Last name, I think, is Cohen.
moi aussi said:
“If you don’t change your attitude Mr Health (is it Dr? Prof? Rabbi?), you will alienate your family and friends, and you will be a very lonely person.”
Health replied:
“I already am; so give me another reason to change. “
Health, I don’t being alienated and lonely makes you happy. Does it? If not please change; we want to see you happy.
always runs with scissors fast,
I think what you say is comical, but I don’t think that the store owner is going to take it that way. Let’s just keep that idea here in the CR.
Just a thought: are there any place in the good old USA that are nice to visit, like Southern CA, or Florida, etc. I have friends that have gone to Palm Springs that like it. Apparently there is some frum life there, too.
BTW, ARFWS thanks for responding to me, here and elsewhere. It’s nice to be noticed.
First of all, maybe some quiet time with your husband is long needed to ease some tension in your house.
Second of all, I would not travel to Mexico, as it seems to be filled with violent drug gangs.
You can ask travel agents for places to go that are more secluded. Just avoid the time of spring break for the colleges.
If there is a difficult labor/birth. Say Yizkor. You can see that when they says Yizkot in shul the kids always run out 🙂
The pulpit rabbi of my last shul told me that when Boteach’s book “kosher saxophone” came out, he felt that he has to read/skim it, as people might have started asking him questions about it. He said that, as far as he could tell, there was no kefira nor anything against halacha in it. Maybe writing such a book is a problem, but the contents were not incorrect.
Anyway, it seems to me that Boteach is not OTD with halacha, nor with most of his hashkafa. It seems to me that trying to mekarev the world can be… well…let’s just say unusual and potentially problematic.
I’m noting sides for or against Rabbi Boteach, but I saw on an article that he wrote years ago that he believes in being Mekarev Goyim. Whether that’s a good idea or not, and how he does it is up to debate.
always runs with scissors fast asked:
“is IMHO regular internet slang on any blog or just the CR? “
It’s general internet slang.
BTW, there are web sites dedicated to internet/texting abbreviations and slang.
“Meaning yes, he pulled her (with authoritative force) by the hand to bring her out of the room (as she & he explained me) and which resulted in her hitting the door frame, but he wasn’t aware she had hit her head on the door frame because he was leading her out of the room, while facing the hall, pulling her out with one hand.”
In other words, he pulled her so angrily that he had no idea where she was nor what she was being slammed into. But by golly, she was going where he wanted her to go, regardless of her health and welfare.
ARFWS, that may have not been intentional, but that’s not an accident. He was out of control with anger. He needs help.
“Soccer (or any other type of ball playing). Real Charaidi Neigborhoods (such as Beitar) do not have any ball playing.”
(Bad joke ahead)
They get their exercise from chasing, harassing, and throwing things at little girls.
GAW said “An Am Haaretz will always hate the Talmid Chacham (IIRC, brought in the Gemorah)”
That Gemarah (Pesahcim 49b IIRC) says that an Am HaAretz’s hated of Talmidai Chachamin is even greater that the pagan’s hatred of Talmidai Chachamin.
When an Apikoros states his hatred, it’s usually with a much more in depth hatred, looking into all aspects of the frum life for ways to bash it. I see it as a yiddishe kup biting the hand that feeds it. A goyish antisemite usually repeats the same old canard of money, power, etc.
It seems to me that many of the young yeshiva students in the pics linked to above don’t have long sideburns (payot). It seems that some relied on lenient views of which bone is used to determine until where to grow the payot.
It also seems to me that wearing black is purely a European custom of what is formal. Clearly the passages in the Gemara that mention black don’t treat it as Chashuv. The Ben Ish Hai of Baghdad says not to wear black on Shabbat. But in European and Western culture, wearing black is considered dressed up.
Little boys wear Superman pajamas.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
It seems to me that there is another issue. IIRC, Rav Moshe says that Chalav Companies is like Chalav Yisrael. But if one decided to take on real Chalav Yisrael, then that practice becomes a neder (see Igros Moshe, it think it’s in Y”D 1 pages 82-89). Breaking a neder is a very serious matter.
As in all cases CYLOR.
I never said which rabbi there it was.
MODS – this discussion is going no where, mainly because of my unneeded L”H. For that, I am very remorseful. Can you please close the discussion?
I think frumnotyeshivish is correct, but so is also WIY. Ask a rav for a psak.
Yita wrote: “It’s your tone which implies they – as a collective group – don’t care and are not trying hard enough. That is a baseless and unfair accusation. “
If, as aries wrote, the Agudah is covering up – and even respecting – a molester, then that is certainly not a baseless accusation. The collective group is clearly not trying hard enough.
I like Coolwater
When I take out my garbage, I call it taking care of the Terumat Hadeshen.
“nowadays this does not apply as we assume Kohanim waive there honor (Rama)”
At least I do.
“Each alone is true, but only partially true”
Are you telling me that the Torah is partially true? Then that, to me, is Kefira. If you are telling me that I cannot fully understand Torah without a good understanding of Mada, then that make sense to me.
I regret having written any personal attacks. After I wrote it, I was hoping the mods would have erased that.
If you would like a more objective view, go to the yeshiva’s web site, YBT dot org, and judge for your self. If you want to hear what the students there feel, go to a site run by them, mesora dot org. Ask your Rav about what is written there.
They are pure Maimonedians. From the Yad to the Moreh.
Maybe philosophically. They like the Rambam, but so do a lot of others. Rav Hirsch, in the 19 Letters, points out that the Reform in his day said that they were following the Rambam.
If you are talking about Yeshiva Bnai Torah, YBT, then that would Hellenism.
They are about the intellect conquering all – reason above everything. They have a strong dislike of anything too religious (as defined by them). They are against using emotions, except when they disagree with you, then they will get all hot telling you how you are being emotional. Happened to me after I asked a simple question and the rabbi did not know the answer. Maybe he did not understand the question, could have been my bad communication. Either way, there was no need for personal attacks. I almost laughed in his face – hearing him getting all emotional and yelling at me that I was being emotional. Such irony.
You lefties are so gauche.
IIRC, a girl has the power of ownership. We know this because a K’tana who was married by her father can receive a get while still a K’tana.
It’s been a while for me, but I liked
bash.Working on it,
A few things:
Maybe when she says rude things to you, she thinks it’s “cute” sarcasm. I have seen some women do this, and they had to be told that their words are rude and destructive. I’m trying to be Dan LChaf Zechut – at least with her intentions.
I have seen that some women think after they are married that they can say anything to their husbands. After all, he is supposed to be there for her. My wife used to joke that I was her punching bag. She would dump on me all her negative feelings that she could not dump on others who really deserved it, like her boss. Being the “punching bag” was cute at first, but after a while I totally got sick of it, so I told her to stop.
You have mentioned her rude comments to you. What have you said to her that was not nice, if you did? Have you ever told her what she said was inappropriate?
As passfan asked above, how do you owe $8500 a month? That sounds a bit hefty to me.
“whats your shailah? Parents nowadays are always wrong, and todays generation is way more experienced and knowledgable then their elders. fife fife fife. the rabbanim are out to lunch, too. “
I think that many parents are acting in ways that are for their image in the community or according to newly perceived ideas of frumkite. I don’t live in the East Coast, but a friend of mine who grew up in a very yeshivish family told me that what is there now is nothing like what is was years ago. He said that people come up with ideas of being yeshivish which are totally erroneous.
WOI,
A couple ideas.
Maybe your wife’s problem is that she feels that you are treating her as secondary. She wants your assurance that she is primary. Her wanting to go on vacation may be more out of a desire for you to show her some attention (OK a vacation trip would be a *lot* of attention). Speaking of which, how often do (or did) you go out with her on dates after you got married? It’s a good idea to do so. It does not have to be something extravagant, but just time alone.
Do the councilors that you have been seeing understand the frum way of life? It seems to me that a Rav would be better in understanding and setting direction.
I just came up with this idea. If your parents don’t think that you need schooling because all parnassah comes from Hashem. Then you should not have to try to get married, not worry about it, because that comes from Hashem also. Bitachon is Bitachon. If you have it one place, you should have it in another. In reality, we need to put in our histadlut.
To the OP,
Have you discussed your financial worries with you parents? Here’s a bold move – how about telling them that you expect their support for the first 2-3 years of marriage? If they are preventing you from getting a better parnassah, then they should be responsible for the problems that come with it.
Can you compromise? For example, getting some training that will prepare you to make more that minimum wage. For example, the Agudah has a school called COPE Institue. I knew some working guys that said that their going to COPE had been a great investment in their careers. Maybe you can take online courses – no treif environment.
As someone said above, it’s hard to give specific ideas because you have given little details. But it seems that you need to speak with you parents. Also, you can ask then what if you don’t get married for a year or two, then what? Should your whole life be put on hold until then?
Working on it,
As a guy who has been (and kind of is still) in your shoes, take aries’ advice.
You and your wife both seem to have valid points, but I don’t think that logic is what will get you wife to open up.
Distributive Property.
.5 A + .5 B = .5 (A+B)
or
C*A + C*B = C*(A+B)
My kids are similar – I guess all kids are.
Avoid buying sugary stuff and find the proteins that they like.
Working on it,
Don’t pressure your wife (even in the slightest way) to work; let her do what she wants. She will eventually work more, but pressuring her will backfire and create resentment. It sounds that she is distraught already that your business is not bringing home enough money. Try to create a calmer atmosphere. She will respond in kind. Apologize if you have been pressuring her, and make it short. Talking too much about it can lead back down that path of negativity.
If she is working in the public school system, I can understand her being picky. A new teacher/councilor/etc in the public schools often get the least favorable neighborhoods and/or students.
BTW, what is your business? Maybe some of us can offer ideas on how to grow it.
Working on it,
What are your wife’s feelings? Does she think that your marriage is on the ropes? Is she talking divorce too? I used to think that my wife and I were headed in that direction based on the way she talked to me and treated me. One day she noticed (from the web browser history) that I was looking at sites about preventing a divorce. She got a lot nicer. My point is that many women talk very emotionally and either are not in control of what they say or they do not understand how their emotionally charged words are interpreted. Like aries said above, read the Mars & Venus book.
I really see aries’ point that women “are frightened when their husbands don’t bring in enough income to cover the bills.” I’ve been w/o real employment for a couple years now, and it’s been really hard. B”H my wife has a good job (pays the bills), but it’s still stressful. Does your wife understand the nature of your business? Can she help? OTOH, if it will take a long time to make real money, then maybe you should switch businesses. Your parnassah is for living. If it does not help you live, then find one that will.
I have to agree that one home on low income is better than two homes on half a low income each. Does she know and consider this?
If you have verbal fights, you should set some ground rules, like no fighting or yelling in front of the kids. That frightens them. One thing I tell my friends who are new parents is that it’s not about them anymore. You have more important things to take care of.
BTW, what do they always say is always your fault? Do they have a point? Is there something that you can do that would make her a little happier?
A family member of mine is a dentist who told me that chocolate is good for the teeth, just not all the sugar in the chocolate.
I have heard that Godiva is best, especially their truffles.
I’d say no. But that’s just my opinion. CYLOR.
Bad history (and worse publicity from the liberal press) from when he was in office, as speaker of the house.
Doen anyone know which teshiva Jackie Mason went to? Or who gave him Smicha?
Internet searches come up with nothing specific.
We sit in the Sukkah on S”A because of Safek DiOryta. At least that’s how it started.
But Lulav is only D’Rabanan after the first day of Sukkot. Safek D’Rabanan LiKulah (especially for something that could be muktsa).
I went to Brooklyn, but I soon came back to America.
“She is always on her phone, computer claiming to be “busy” but when I pass by her I see that she is just entertaining herself (movies, emails to friends, etc). Im not against that, for I feel that she also needs her time out (break) but dont just sit there for hours! Or spend the entire day talking to your friends and claim that you are too busy to hear what I have to say.”
It seems to me that she is trying to avoid her responsibilities as a parent. It sounds to me that maybe she feels like a failure as a mother because she is trying some form of avoidance/escapism. OR maybe she is suffering from depression. OR maybe she feels unhappy in her marriage, but cannot do anything about it, so she takes it out on a symbol of her marriage (a child).
I think that many parents get into a certain mode of relationship and communication with their children and don’t change it, even though their children have grown up and changed.
I’m no psychologist, but it seems to me that she needs professional help – a therapist, a Rav, or both. Speak with your father, as you implied that he knows you are having a difficult time with her. OTOH, maybe she is jealous that you are getting a lot of attention from him. So you may need to speak with him when she is out of the house.
Just a crazy idea, but the next time she goes off on a rant, tell her that you need a minute to get some paper to write down all that she is saying. Or ask her if you can record it so that you can learn from it. Do this with a straight face. Act as though you just got an audience with a great Rav/Rebbitzen and you want to remember and understand what is being told to you. Afterward, review what she told you and ask her a few serious questions for clarification. Why go through this excersize? 1) You should be more calm and respectful when she rants. You make it sound as though you are partially responsible for the escalation of the arguments, so just sit there and take notes. 2) It might make her think more clearly when she is ranting, as opposed to the uncontrolled tirade. 3) If she reads/hears what she is saying – later when she calms down, she might be surprised as to what has left her mouth. 4) She might get some more (self) respect which seems to be what she needs.
In less than a week we will be reading Parahsat Breisheet.
Start learning Shnayim Mikra NOW so you don’t get behind.
yitayningwut,
Maybe that Gemara,in Kesubos, means that the hair of the head must be covered, as the Gemara in B’rachot (24a) says that the hair is the Ervah. If you are telling me that the head is the Ervah, then I could say that wearing a burka would be obligatory to cover the whole head. Clearly, covering the head (as mentioned in in Kesubos) means to cover the hair OR the hair & scalp. I think that it means to cover the hair.
I once joked about that with a Chassidich friend about that. After all, the hair is the ervat davar, not the head. He gave me a good reply. He said that since the head is part of the body normally covered (at least for a married woman) it also becomes a davar ervah to expose.
My daughter wants to go to camp next year. We live out of town.
Any suggestions? It could be in the NY metro area.
An old friend of mine is a builder, and he told me that if one is going to use ply-board and beams, then use 1/4 inch (think) ply and use 2×2’s for the beams. If you use thicker boards, you will need thicker beams to keep them in place, and that all gets heavy.
If your Sukkah is up on a deck, you may want to get an outdoor rug to prevent the (cold) breeze from coming through the floor beams. You can get them from Lowes or HD. Expect to pay around $70-$100 for about 12’x12′.