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The problem is that some people unfairly passel whole groups of people with a wide brush. Judge each case on it’s one merits.
Midwest2, “Al ken ya’azov ish es aviv ve’es imo ve’dovak be’ishto…”.
D9, very good!
Americaisover, the very suspicious attitude towards BTs, for sure, makes it much more likely that they will indeed go OTD, has ve’sholom.
Msseeker, as a side point, if one is not doing anything wrong al pi Halocha, others are not allowed to have tainos. Some do, though, and that is the reason for all the sinas chinom. Yosef also thought his brothers were not noheg enough kedusha ve’tahorah.
Msseeker and Smartcookie, how many images of ladies he is going to have stuck in his mind? Al pi Halocha, one does not have to worry about it. If something improper comes to his mind, he should stop these machshovos.
Enjoing dates? He is just looking for a wife and mehuyav to properly frame his mind and not enjoy it because of spending the time with a girl. Just as if you invite a male guest to your house, he has his hiyuvim.
Makpid on looks? One is allowed to makpid a lot and to a degree one even should be makpid. Should the best boy be looking for the most beautiful girl in town? Gutte shaila.
Chemistry makes for more stable,happier marriages.
I’am agianst the Left, but we must remember that not everything that any selfish, greedy, misantropic conservative says concurs with the Da’as Torah.
There might be a shaila of midas Sedom in not allowing immigration. Plus, they take jobs that regular Americans would not.
Trying my best, why do Israelis understand the Loshon HaKodesh so well? Please, tell us.
Trying my best, you can not deny the undenyable: Biblical Hebrew and Modern Hebrew are variations of the same language, and they are very similar. Stop repeating the right-wing propaganda without thinking!
And German is certainly not the Lashon HaKodesh!
And stam azoy, heintike Chassidim are not known for their Ahavas Yisroel and Dun chaveiro le’kaf ze’chus.
Popa-bar-Abba,”kol hanosey isha le’shem Shamaim ma’ale alav haKosuv ke’ilu yalda”(Sotah). Plus, we are talking about something which does not really matter — a slight difference in the age of a girl.
Health, I think, I understand what you mean. But I don’t think this is what the OP was asking.
Bezalel and Health, look in Ramban, Parshas Noach. He writes that it should be poshut to anybody that it’s wrong to steal.
Plus, Health, what was wrong with what Lot did with his daughters?
Health, you are wrong. It is an ofene Gemora that certain things would be obvious (that they are wrong), even if the Torah had not been given.Eiruvin 100B.
Cleverjewishpun, there are groups within the frum world, where one can venture to expect that it won’t be a problem. Plus, what’s the other choice?
On the second thought, I guess, it is possible to inquire through the shadchan.
Oomis,your whole approach is wrong: if she does not want to be married to him, why would he try to keep her? If she is not entitled to a get according to Halocha, she is obligated to be a good wife to him. Stop putting forth your convoluted arguments.
Cleverjewishphun, for takonas ha’shavim: there are things which are not eidel-maidel type of things, which are allowed by Halocha between spouses either completely or in modified form. If one of the spouses wants them ,the other has to comply. Many frum women would not have a problem with these things.
Secondly, in addition to what people have already said here, remember chilul Shabbos is very hamur — both, for one’s olam ha’ba, and safety in this world. Please, consider this information.
Oomis,SJSinNYC and others, there is such a thing as Halocha, which is the Will of HaShem Isborach. According to it, men and women do not have the same rights and obligations when it comes to marriage.
As far as divorcing one’s wife because she burned the food goes, we pasken that it does not apply to zivug rishon.
If a husband abuses his wife — it is a valid reason for seeking a get. If she just decided to get divorced and look for a cooler fellow to get married to — it is not a valid reason for getting a get.
Havesomeseichel, who told you that Rabbonim are not adamant about the shemiras eynaim for the men? And there is not much what to give shiurim about here — they know their obligations. Plus, if someone, chas ve’sholom, does something wrong, it is hard to detect for other people.
For women ,there are more details to know. Plus, when someone starts steping out of line, everybody can tell right away. Hence, the shiurim.
And, yes, derech klal, for a married woman: the less attractive she looks in public, the better it is. We can not obligate every woman to uglyfy herself in public, but it is a middas hasidus for her to do so. And trust me, sh’miras eynaim and machshovos is a lot of pressure for the men ( considering the way Goyos are undressed and Bnos Yisroel are pitsed up).
Eclipce, sometimes a woman is entitled to seek a divorce.
Ladies, there is such a thing as dinei Torah!Sometimes, the din is that she has to stay married.Period.
Of course, men have their obligations. But you can’t totaly avoid seeng women. And it is not good when the women in your office look like a collection of models. If they looked more toned down, it would be much better.
BTW, if a man is unaffected by the model-looking women, he needs to see a doctor.
Just as a person can have nisyonos in other mitsvos, he can have nisyonos regarding finding a wife. But it is an obligation, and it must be approached as such. If you can’t find your Miss Perfect, you drop some of the requirements. If you are in upper thirties and have been looking for over 10 years, consider marrying even divorcees and widows.
It is a mit’sva for a man to get married(and for a woman, also). A person has bechira.
An important notice: there is no divorce on demand in Judaism. Sometimes a woman is entitled to demand a get, and sometimes she is not. In the latter case, she has to learn how to subdue her wishes and accept what the Halocha says.
Brooklyn Yenta, which circles are you talking about?
It would be much better, if women were machmir to cover their hair with something other than a shaitel. Contemporary shaitels are of high quality, and make a woman look 2-3 times better than otherwise she would. It could make an average-looking woman look like a model. And it causes yetser horah!!
BTW, there comes a point, when one just has to drop many of the demands and just get married.
“It’s so easy to judge…”(but you should not, you imply) — I do not agree. We are not talking about some huge, unusual tests. If you go with this approach, one can’t condemn anybody for anything. Oy vey, heintike tsaiytn.
Yiras Shamaim. Plus, for b’sulos, it is different. Plus, some men have lower levels of yetser hora.
DM, This is not how I understood what Reb Aharon allegedly said.
BTW, a Yid could lose his heilek be’Olam HaBa (according to the Rambam — one intentional kares is enough).
According to you, what exactly was Reb Aharon’s point?
There is no mitsva to feel pride!!! Avrohom Avinu, Moshe , Aharon and Dovid HaMelech felt they were nothing. It is only the heintike kleine mentchen need the “pride” to prop the up.
“Al tevoeini regel ga’ava ve’yad reshoim al tenideini”.(Attn: Myfriend)
Ahd who is talking about where in Olam Ha’Ba one is going to be? We were talking about some regarding nochrim as beheimos.
There are halochos as to what is considered a valid reason for demanding a get. Maus alai — she is allowed to say this, but he is allowed to reciprocate by divorcing her without a kesuba.
Popa, as I said, there are inherent ma’alos in being a member of Klal Yisroel. But, it is possible to find a Yid who is a ba’al middos raos, a bli’ya’al, a big rasha, and a Goy who is a good human being. And, yes, it is true: a Yid’s actions affect upper worlds, and a Goy’s do not.
So right, so Wrong!! WHAT DO YOUI MEAN???
iN WHAT SENSE, HELPFUL?
According to you, Reb Aharon held something that is mufrach from a number of befeyrushe Gemoros.
Derech HaMelech, what you claim is Reb Aharon’s shita is contradicted by a number of Chazals.
While there are inherent ma’alos in being a ben of the Avos and a member of Klal Yisroel, a tsadik she’bahem can be a better human being than many shlechte Yidden.
And you are right, it is the misunderstanding of certain Hashkofos that leads to a lot of ga’ava and other aveiros.
There is a gemora in Kiddushin about Dama ben Nesina (an Akum) who excelled in Kibbud Av ve’Eym. According to you, Derech HaMelech — eh, a Goy is a Goy.
Jam,I think you should give small change.
And I wonder, if they would have saved Yidden, had they been aware of these attitudes!
“A Goy is a Goy”. Ye, especially those who risked their and their families’ lives to save Jews during the Holocaust. It is critical not to misunderstand divrei Chazal and the Gedolim!! It is just mind-bogling and outrageous!
Jose, Love tocheichos!
There is a such a thing as tsadikkim asher be’umos haolam (Yerushalmi, 2-nd Perek of B’rachos; other places). Some people’s extreme and ignorant opinions lead them to aveiros: not caring about Chillul HaShem, not loving Geirim, hisgarus be’Umos ha’Olam etc.These opininos are against Da’as Chazal and common sense. This is not the place to discuss what happened in Germany. But you can rest assured, that these type of wrong shitos were used by the Nazis to stir sinas Yisroel!
What the Rambam means is that if no details of the mitsvos were explained to him, but he meant to accept the mitsvos in general , he becomes a Ger.
PY, learn the sugyos more. If a fellow says he wants to be a Jew, but does not mean to accept the mitsvos, he remains a non-Jew. No wild and dangerous heteirim, please!
Popa-bar-abba, if there is no kabolas hamitsvos, they remain non-Jews. They are forbidden to intermarry with Jews, and that could mess up the yihus situation terribly.
If it is indeed known they are not going to keep mitsvos — of course, there is nothing to talk about.
Some Poskim hold that it is ossur.
Gavra-at-work, your comment from 2 years ago about not asking Gedolim shailos is absolutely ridiculous. There are here to teach Klal Yisroel. And not just so that we be in awe of them, and yungeleit being afraid to ask them questions on Tosfos.