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BoysWork, Oomis, that is what I have been saying all the time, this “Shidduch crisis” When this whole idea of learning only and not seeking a degree or earning a livelihood, took off. 20 years ago, most boys went to work, after yeshivah. It was rare for boys to continue learning full time. The current situation is unsustainable. When I got married, my parents and in-laws did not give us a penny, nor did we ever even think that such a idea existed, of parental support of kids after marriage. My parents paid for the wedding and that was it. I found an inexpensive gown, that I paid for myself, from my earnings. They were still trying to manage their own incomes. How can one ask for money from parents who are already struggling. I was taught, that when you got married, it was just the couple there to fend for themselves.
Nowadays, it is unfortunately, expected for the parents to pay for their childrens’ support. How? I don’t know, but this could very well be the reason, why there are less marriages occurring. And there are. There is no way parents, in this economy, can support their married kids, and especially, those parents,still with young children, at home to support. Even before the kids meets, some boys want to know how much support they will be getting.
The response to shidduch crisis is, that boys should start dating, younger. I don’t want to disparage the Gedolim, but that will not solve the crisis. Really, who do they expect to support the young family. Actually, I think it will make the problem worse. How can the Gedolim tell boys be to get married younger, when the boys have no means to support a wife & family. Doesn’t the Torah tell the men to have a house, and then get married? Doesn’t the Torah, tell fathers, that they have to teach their sons a livelihood? Doesn’t the ketubah, list a man’s obligations to his wife? I don’t think it says anywhere in the Torah, a parent is responsible to support his married children. Until boys are actual responsible for learning to earn their own incomes, the Gedolim can issue all the Kol Korahs for boys to get married a year younger, I don’t think it will solve the problem.
Honestly, how will a boycott, help?? I was reading some many of the negative comments and gave up, trying to respond. You want help and bring change, a permanent one? Pick up a Tehillim and daven for Moshiach and it will end this craziness once and for all. A silly boycott, will make the goyim even act worse. I honestly am scared that after this mess, knockout games are going to come back in. I don’t feel boycotts will get us anywhere, while Davening and becoming united will get us everywhere.
still happening. very frustrating!!
You want more, boys?? They ARE out there. but we have to get going on Kiruv and bring the boys back into the fold. You want more boys, then we need to teach them a parnassah so they can support their future families. Getting boys to date earlier is not the solution. Helping the boys try to find an income and giving them confidence would work wonders. How is a 20 year old boy ready to get married?? How is he suppose to support a wife and kids. In today’s day and age both husband and wife, in most cases need to work. Unless the parents are willing to support, but how can the parents support all their married kids, when they have single children at home?? How are single parents suppose to support married kids, when they are already struggling. I keep saying it, but the emphasis on the boys in most Yeshivas is to get them learning, where in most cases, the boys should not be there full time. They are concentrating on the rare masmid, and the other boys get lost in the shuffle and pay. There is nothing wrong with our boys working. There should be Yeshivas, that teach a trade as well, part time and learn the other half. Unless the current situation changes, most boys will look for girls, with families who are willing to support the couple, and those type of families are far and few.
I understand, completely and have been where, you are. I don’t like to be dependent on others, but you have to realize, that you are not superwoman!! You need the help and a break. Even if it is just for a little bit, just a chance to go outside and get a breath of fresh by yourself, is a must. You are doing yourself and your family a major chesed by just re-charging your batteries, to be a better and more rested mother. People want to help, let them!! Also, taking the newborns to the doctor can be quite a challenge the first few months. The extra pair of hands just for that, is something you need!! Getting in and out of the car, etc. Hatzlochah and Mazal tov on your double brocha!! Enjoy and remember, this too, shall pass.
Art Raymond and the Sunday Simcha!!
Reb Doniel, pointed out one of my pet peeves, in my house, we refer to so called “Babaganoush” made with Mayo, as “eggplant dip”, NOT “Babaganoush”!! Why the companies, deemed it necessary to refer to Eggplant and mayo as “Babganoush”, when it not, is beyond me??!! I am also use to the way Babganoush being made with Tehina, cumin , parsley. My mother would roast the eggplant on open flame. Her baganoush would have a smoky flavor to it. But adding Mayonaise?? No way jose!!
And what is with all these Mayonaise based dips and salads. If it’s vegetable, then just add Mayo, and call it a dip. I’ve seen asparagus dip, broccoli, spinach, etc… all potentially healthy veggies, but once the mayo gets thrown in, are no longer healthy choices.
As a community we need to find healthier alternatives. The cholesterol in these mayo based salads & dips are terrible. How about spreads made with beans? olives?
Oh you guys, poor girl is just looking for tips, so here is one. I use Urban Decay’s Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Original(there are a few other colors, but this a basic skin tone color}. I use it to prime my eyelids, so the shadow holds on better. I use it during the week as well, and there is a major difference then just putting on the shadow on a bare lid.
You wanted something for the 3 day Yamim Tovim, though. I am luckly, if my makeup makes it to Shabbos afternoon.
Also, if you see someone who manages to keep their makeup on, ask them for tips & products, that they use, and find helpful to keep makeup before Shabbos.
If it brings a smile to a child, is it wrong? If it makes the child happy, is it wrong? If it brings one less thing for a parent to worry about, is it wrong? You are bringing simcha to someone’s life!! You are doing a Mitzvah!!! It’s all in your perspective and how you look at things. . And actually good well- made shoes ARE a necessity in life.
I once read (from a reputable, Torah-observant foot doctor in Israel) that there are 26 bones in the foot. 26 is gematria of HaShem – therefore there’s another good reason for shoes. We have to protect our foundation, which is not only physically our feet- but also the 26 bones which are representing HaShem who carries us everywhere we go.
The choice is yours, if you want to GLADLY help someone else out and be Hashem’s messenger, or not. Without judging them and without calling it a “trump lifestyle”
Sorry Zushy, read the first original OP and didn’t not realize that Shoe store assistant had a little bit of hard time dealing and understanding. Please forgive me for not reading correctly and thank you Syag L’chochmah for pointing my mistake out.
Oh Yes, for sure bring sensible & comfortable shoes. Leave the crazy high heels at home. Can you imagine walking in them in the old city, when it’s raining? Not good!! and “ouch” is an understatement!!
Zushy, do you know the background of the family who received the vouchers? Do you know their situation. Not everything is crystal clear. Maybe there is a sick sibling at home or other troubles that you can not even begin to imagine. Is it so terrible to you, that it may make these children happy to be like everyone else? And what defines luxury to you? If they were getting Ferragamo or Chanel, or any other insanely priced brands, then yes, you have a valid complaint, but to be somewhat upset over Basic Pair of Shabbos shoes? If they got shoes from Payless, would you feel better? I don’t know about you, but when I did buy from Payless for my children, they did not last, and in the long run it made financial sense to buy the better quality shoes, then 3 pairs of Payless shoes. because after a month or two, they were in tatters. Be grateful for what you have and please do not judge others, when you have no idea what maybe going on in their lives.
A topic for discussion- how have larger families affected affluence and financial stability? And just to make the discussion more effective: Add to this the societal change nobody thinks to mention; i.e. the steady, exponential rise in the number of young men wanting to defer involvement in their own parnassa for years (the number of years also steadily going up); and the number of young ladies (-arguably greater than men, as seminaries seem to be doing a finer job inculcating these ideals) who want more and more years devoted to Torah learning exclusively on the part of their husbands.
Thank you Golfer, I agree with you and have been saying this for longest time. What has changed in our society from 20 years ago till now, is that learning boys wanting to be supported by their in-laws and the few families actually able to do that.
Apples to Apples (junior edition) is a great game for the whole family((kids who can read to Teenagers) to play. My kids asked for it, because they played it at camp and enjoyed it
Connect 4 is something we like to play as well
Oomis, I read your comments and was taken aback Maybe you are B’H healthy and have no need to worry about such things. If someone was going through such things, they would be a bit more sensitive, who take their health for granted and can not understand how hurtful it is for someone to tell others not to have children. So basically what your saying if someone knows they have a hereditary disease, they should not get married. You say one should not relay on miracles, but you know what, we all are relaying on miracles everyday. Everyday, we wake up and we can up our eyes. Everyday second that we can breathe. When we are able to cross the street, and get across safetly that is a miracle. We are all needing miracles to make it through each minute of our lives. For you to say one should not get married,is wrong, who knows what Neshomas are suppose to enter the world. You don’t know the cheshbons of Hashem. Hashem commanded men to get married and have children. What happens if a man decides to not have children, because he has a genetic disease and after a 120 comes before the Creator and is asked “why didn’t he have children?”
I know someone who had a hereditary disease. His mother had it, uncles and a grandparent as well. Half the siblings had the disease and half didn’t. So from what you are saying, is his mother, never should of had kids??? Then the other healthy children, would have never been born. and those healthy children had healthy children as well. So the one of her kids with the disease married and had children and it’s possible that the children may or may not have it or not. Those children shouldn’t get married?? People can be healthy all their lives and they can be taken in a second. Or they can be sick all their lives but still manage to be productive in society. It is not your call to say not to have children.
This is a thread that requires great rabbinical guidence, and the opinions of what the layman have to say are sometimes best kept to themselves.
Totally agree, that the age gap issue is not the reason for the so called crisis. I got married over 20 years ago, we did not have a problem. My friends and their spouses have a good deal of age differences. What has changed? Well I really feel the whole yeshiva mentally of parents supporting their kids has changed the shidduch world and expectations of the parents and the children. My parents did not give us anything, nor my FIL. My parents paid for the wedding and that was it!! We were on our own. No furniture, nothing. and I am not complaining because we went in our marriage realising it was up to ourselves.
Fast forward 20 years later, the parents are expected to support their married kids. I ask is this realisic? especially in the current financial situation where you have both parents working barely makeing ends meet, then they have married kids and probably have yeshiva age children, to support. The whole situation is not feasible, and I think that is why we have a problem. Unfortunately, parents are looking for their childrens welfare, and i believe money is the problem.
I myself have a 20 year old boy. do I think he is ready to get married?? No way, no how, and he knows this himself. there is no way I can support him or he himself at this point in his life. and now the Rabboinim are saying boys should get married younger?? That is the answer???
How about going back to a time where boys were working and earning a living and not to be dependent on their parents. Where does it say in the Torah, that the parents are suppose to support their married kids. If anything a father is suppose to teach his sons a trade, so they may support themeselves. Yes the kollel lifestyle is wonderful and a beautiful dream but simply not feasible for the general population.
I don’t believe the age gap has anything to do with the shidduch crisis. I think it is the attitudes and expections of people nowadays that have everyting to do with it.
It’s been raining in Brooklyn for at least an hour, and the winds pick up every so often to make me nervous, like 15 minutes ago, one of my neighbors wooden succah beam that is still around, was picked up from their porch, lifted up by the winds and came down over my side of property. Hope the forecasters are wrong.
The MTA shut down the trains as of 7 PM and buses will stop running at 9 PM. I don’t think anyone is going anywhere. Public schools are also closed, which means there is no public school busing tranportation. It’s a pretty safe bet to guess, there is no school tomorrow.
Last thing the city wants, is for people to be driving around.
I had an exterminator come a few years back. He did a through check of the house for holes and sealed all of them. He moved the oven and sealed all around the pipes. You can do this yourself. Get some steel wool,(Like brillo, but no soap added) break off pieces and plug in. Make sure you wear gloves as the steel wool can give you splinters. Mice can get in through holes the size of a dime.
wanderingchana, the police do not care, which makes me wonder, if they are in on it and get a cut. Makes you also question, why you never hear about this on the news, even though this is happening to many people. It is pure blackmail.
My biggest fear is that if/when Israel does attack Iran, it may trigger sleeper terrorist cells around the world. C’V if things like that happen, guess who will get scapedgoated by nations as usual… So we really need to be praying now, hard for Hashem’s mercy on us.
I tried this by the outerbridge tolls I had over 3 people in car and asked for the carpool discount. I just got my EZpass statement and was NOT given the discount, I was charged $9.60. I think you need to call first(which I did not do).
It’s been 4 months since I’ve read anything regarding the Nasi project. I was curious to know if the Nasi project yielded any success for any of the participants?
Happy Home on Coney Island has the Center for Kosher Culinary Arts above it. They advertise that they have classes. Also pickup a Torah Times. Sometimes they have ads for baking classes.
Help them try to quit??
endless.com is also good, prices are better then Zappos, and you also, have a year to return, unworn shoes. Free shipping and returns as well.
6pm.com is a division of zappos, but i think there is a fee to return. Their prices are even cheaper, than zappos so if there is a shoe, you like and know the correct size you need, it might work for you. good luck.
Personally, I don’t wear things with the shiny sequins, I think it is attracting. The same way I wouldn’t wear red or a very bright color. The light just makes the sequins shiny and well, more noticeable. Maybe some women don’t realize it, when they wear highly sequined garments, but I can spot them from across the hall or down the street. Be attractive, not attracting.
did you know that even talking about somebody and saying they are doing good things can lead to Lashon Hara as well, let’s say you are praising somebody for something good they had done, you might get someone to say, oh you think so and so is good, you want to know what they did? You just opened to door for L’H to be told. I was reading on FB, about someone praising someone for something good that a person has done, and guess what, someone else posted, something negative and said, they weren’t so great and they did something…. So like other posters said silence is golden, better to keep silent and that it!
I miss Ames. If your reading this, Hi!!
You’re not the only SY here either. I can not believe such thread was even allowed. Lashon Hara big time!! Wealth is a test for anyone and not only for SY’s. If you drive in Boro Park there are big houses too, They just don’t stand out as much, because they are all on so close together.
Boro park girl, I’m with you. I am so confused by this election, that I changed my mind and I am not planning on voting. I’ve never been so disgusted before.
I got letters telling my vote for Fidler, because he is for helping to get more youth core, I got letters telling me to vote for Strobin, because he is for family values.
I don’t know who to vote for anymore.
I was talking with someone who has a daughter in the parasha and she told me, that before even the date begins, is asked about “support”
When I was going out, there was no such thing as parental support. We worked and could not ever imagine asking my parents, or his parent for help.
This my folks is the reason for the shidduch crisis. We did not have these kind of situations 20 years ago.
A nice set of personalized stationery.
Maybe if the kesubah was followed exactly, there wouldn’t be a crisis, and hence that might be the problem nowadays.
The Goq, the shul in Memphis is called Baron Hirsh.
CaptainTzvi, Memphis still has a nice warm vibrant community. After hurricane Katrina, hit New Orleans, a few families who got displaced, re-located to Memphis. Memphis has B’H, quite a large, warm community. Lots of nice warm southern jewish hospitality.
I think we had enough snow from last year, to give us a little break this year.
I think in England, they don’t put hechers either on products. You have to shop with a list with all the kosher products listed. When a relative of mine went to London, they called the local kashrus organization, about what chocolates they could buy there. For example, They were told the cadbury products were acceptable.
I wouldn’t say the girl is OTD, there are alot of people who read ingredients and figure, it’s fine. That idea was popular many years back. As I’ve grown, in yiddishkeit, I’ve learned that there are many problems that can arise. But when reading a recent publication last week, about what supervising mashigiachs uncovered, in restaurants, that are under their hashgachah, how can anybody be sure of what they are eating is 100% kosher? Just because someone claims it is kosher, how do you know for certain, even with a hecsher?
I had a jewish babysitter, though I didn’t realize the level of observance of the home. When I returned home,I noticed she brought her own mac and cheese mix(non kosher brand) and used my meat pot to cook it in. It also made me realize, what about people who have house keepers, and are not around, do they have any idea, that their hired help could possibly, making their kitchens trief?
on no, here we go again…
or the other scenario, shadchans not making shidduchs for girls under 22 so they can make money, once the girls hit the 22 years mark so they can earn more.
You will have more girls who will want to marry so before they hit the 22 year old threshold.
hurry, we have to get Chanie married before she hits 22 years old,otherwise, we have to pay 4 grand.
If anything, putting a specific price on the girls, will mean, that the girls parents, will want to have their daughters married before they turn 22, so they won’t have to worry about how to pay $4,000.00.
Mik5 , Cook everything Thursday night. Find receipes that are easy to make. Buy baked good instead of making from scratch.