Mammele

I second what RY says. On a “practical level” one benefit of remaining connected to these children/young adults, is that dangerous use of drugs/suicide are less likely. So it’s a matter of life and death.

However, I don’t believe, and don’t think most Rabbis do, that literally EVERYTHING has to be allowed in ones’s own house to try to placate them. Of course, many factors including age play a role, and Rabbonim and experts must be consulted for guidance on an individual basis.

Lightbright: absolutely yes. There’s dirt on the Kushners and probably other Yidden as well. And from what I hear, it’s not a “Kosher״ book by any standard. It’s basically a tabloid in book form. As to how much of it is true, it doesn’t really matter Yiddishkeit-wise, but the author obviously cared more about being a top seller than sticking to the truth.

So I guess this glitch is on other threads as well. Good luck!

Thanks 33 and anonymous Mod. Hope you didn’t have to work too hard to fix this.

And sorry if I wasn’t clear enough about the issue. None of my posts were blocked. My posts just weren’t listed as the last one on this thread, despite being last several times, with the prior poster remaining listed as the last one. And that was both LU and Joseph.

Looks like my name is still backlisted. It’s not yet Purim or April fools but someone/something is surely mocking me. And I’m adding the fuel…

You are 100% not blacklisted. The site’s spam filter has a mind of its own. I’ll check to see if any of your posts landed there. -33

Bump.

Because for some reason LU is still showing up as the last poster on this thread. Hope this’ll fix it, in case someone is actually waiting for my update…

LU: below is part of an article in Prevention magazine:

This Everyday Hygiene Habit Could Up Your Risk For Diabetes
By MARKHAM HEID NOVEMBER 16, 2017

Back away from the mouthwash.

A just-published study in the journal Nitric Oxide found people who use over-the-counter mouthwash twice daily were 50% more likely to develop diabetes or prediabetes than those who use mouthwash once a day or not at all.

Yes, that sounds nuts. But experts say there’s a likely explanation. And, like so many other things these days, it seems to revolve around the helpful bacteria that live inside our bodies.

Some “oral microbes” seem to play a beneficial role in metabolic health, says study author Kaumudi Joshipura, ScD, an adjunct professor of epidemiology at the Harvard School of Public Health.

“Many bacteria in the mouth are able to metabolize nitrate into nitrite, which is then swallowed into the gastrointestinal tract, and then converted to nitric oxide,” she explains. Nitric oxide (NO) is “an important signaling molecule,” that helps regulate your metabolism, energy balance, and your body’s insulin levels, she says. Insulin helps keep your blood sugar levels in check so when it malfunctions, type 2 diabetes can result.

What’s the problem with mouthwash?
Nearly all commonly used mouthwash formulas include some kind of antibacterial ingredient that kills bacteria, Joshipura says. These antibacterials include chlorhexidine, triclosan, cetylpyridinium chloride, alcohol, essential oils, fluoride, and peroxide, among others.

“Most of these antibacterial ingredients in mouthwash are not selective,” she explains. “In other words, they do not target specific oral bacteria—instead, these ingredients can act on a broad range of bacteria.” That includes the good kind that helps your body produce appropriate amounts of nitric oxide, which as a reminder, is the signaling molecule that helps regulate insulin levels.

Also, if your mouthwash is killing helpful bacteria, rinsing them away may make room for potentially harmful bacteria to take their place, she says. All of this is bad news.

I don’t remember the source but the antidote to hate is to do favors and be extra nice to the person in question. So that’s what you should tell the guy, since he apparently asked for your advice. For example, if shayach, offer him a car ride, inquire about his family, compliment his Shiur or find other ways to be nice to him.

If there’s truly no bad will between them (where asking/ granting forgiveness may be a prerequisite) the hate should subside and hopefully ahava will follow.

Another thing to bear in mind is that flawed character traits may bother us more if they are similar to our own. We don’t want to face our demons.

Although maybe not as interesting from an historical POV as Go my Son, I have a soft spot for The Scent Of Snowflowers by R.L. Klein. Haven’t re-read it in years, so maybe if I read it now I won’t be as enthusiastic, but it’s definitely a must read.

And yes, way more suspenseful than any novel.

Just thought I’d pop in with a quick “Thank you” to the Mods for their hard work in Modding this/these never-ending thread(s).

Shkoyach, it’s greatly appreciated! (And I believe I speak for everyone, but we’re all too busy contributing.)

SH: You keep on spitting back the same Kool-aid. But I haven’t heard of one family that had this minhag in Europe. Aderaba, I’d like to hear from non Lubavitch readers here to the contrary.

And I believe a young girl shouldn’t be asked to go against her family’s minhag. (Although it was probably prefaced with something to the effect of “with your parents” permission” I still think it’s wrong.)

Neither should someone who says his own TRADITIONAL grandmother disagrees.

But it’s not this that’s getting me “riled up”. It’s the whole pattern here of deceit and lies, and trying to cater the message to suit the audience.

CS: nice diplomatic answer.

Many years ago Tzivos Hashem kids’ magazine ran some sort of Mitzvah contest for girls. Among the Mitzvos to participate in was candle-lighting. A friend of mine contacted the magazine asking not to have to complete that one, but was answered something to the tune of “The Rebbe (he was still alive and pre-stroke) asks that all girls light a Shabbos candle to increase holiness and fight darkness.” This girl was NOT Lubavitch and was clear about it.

So while researching this topic tonight I came across this (mods please allow) http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1221742/jewish/Do-Young-Girls-Light-Shabbat-and-Holiday-Candles.htm
and found it “interesting” but not believable. For one I’ve never heard of young non-Lubavitch girls lighting Shabbos candles (even from some of these families I know listed in the footnotes) and two, in my family and many others, an additional candle is added by the mother when lecht bentching for each child born into the family. If candle scarcity had effected our original minhagim, wouldn’t this minhag have been lost as well?

Sorry, but whatever respect any of us may have had for Chabad is flying out the window the more we realize how they have their own doctrine, whitewash their actions and look down at others that don’t share their beliefs.

(Incidentally, that is why IMHO DY has quietly bowed out of these conversations, you and your fellow Lubavitchers are doing a fine job on your own of digging your hole ever deeper. But the truth needed to come out so I’m glad it did.)

You’re welcome, LB!

And Pro schnapps: no mention of warming up with a glezele schnapps, only coffee and tea?
Are user names just figurative nowadays? You must be a pseudo-Russian Chosid…

Nechomah: I’m probably not much younger than you (if at all) and my doctors routinely checked for chicken pox immunity during pregnancy (don’t remember at which point, I think during an early visit, but they definitely didn’t wait for the ninth month).

Thankfully, I was always immune, though I never visibly had chicken pox despite my mom’s efforts.

I guess the doctors in the US are more vigilant.

Joseph: no. It’s just based on different observations that I’d prefer not to elaborate upon.

What I didn’t mention clearly is that there are thousands of homes in the planning stages around KJ. So currently the numbers of Chasidim living out of the KJ/Town of Palm Tree borders may be relatively low, but it’s about to explode. (There are vacation homes in the area as well, for better or worse.)

And KJ has no traffic problems unlike most growing Jewish neighborhoods. So its potential for growth is huge – especially once the NYC water pipeline starts flowing.

I believe its population in 10 years will rival that of Lakewood today. (My numbers may be off, but this means going from somewhere in the 25,000 range ka”h to 70k or so.) And while my “guess” is as good as yours, I’d say about 1/2 of that growth will be “natural growth” and the rest will be from many Chasidim relocating from Brooklyn and their expanding families.

Additionally, some other Chasidim besides Satmar might slowly but surely find Monroe hospitable due to its affordable cost of housing and many amenities. Satmar in its variations will probably lose the monopoly there, it’s just a question of time.

Just to be clear, I’m not just talking about the proposed Town of Palm Tree, which will most likely win in this week’s referendum, but the many large developments, and new individual home-buyers cropping up in Woodbury and beyond (outside the proposed Town borders).

I wish them lots of Hatzlacha, but hope Moshiach will come sooner and my predictions will be for naught…

In case you guys are unaware, it’s actually illegal to tip the mailman, holiday or not.

Joseph: I believe for the most part, Russian Jews identify with (Jewish) Orthodoxy.

RY: Baker’s Choice make something called “sweetened milk cream” which is very similar to condensed milk, I believe. It comes in 10.5 oz jars, which isn’t the typical recipe size, and they still have to work out some quality issues.

With all due respect, I think Reb Aron Teitelbaum meant Monsey as an alternative as well, which does include the masses.

I think Rav Miller zatz”al was referring to a time and for those that the suburbs was/is a route to assimilation. Even Lakewood has expanded, and while those on the outskirts are initially among non-Jewish/irreligious, those communities usually become majority Frum very fast. Not everyone can or should be a nachshon – depending on the neighborhood (or even “block״) moving to they have to be very firmly rooted in their Yiddishkeit – so I definitely see his point. And couples have to be honest with themselves as to the primary reason for their move.

But making it a blanket rule can be very detrimental to the klall. Most Brooklynites aren’t fleeing to the suburbs of secular NY, Long Island or NJ nowadays. There’s more than a subtle difference.

Okay mods, I’ll try it this way…

Joseph, what say you?

It’s not just an issue of economics, even Williamsburg ain’t what it used to be beruchnios.

So Satmar Rebbe Aron Teitelbaum is asking his followers in
Williamsburg to move to the Suburbs.

Below is part of an article from the Israeli site Chareidim.

מצוקת דיור ו’שמירת עיניים’: הרבי מסאטמר קרא לצאת מויליאמסבורג

אלפי חסידי סאטמר התאספו אתמול (ראשון) אחר הצהרים בהיכל בית המדרש הגדול של סאטמר בשכונת ווילאמסבורג שבברוקלין, שם נשא האדמו”ר מסאטמר את דרשת ‘שבת שובה’.

בתחילת הדרשה דיבר האדמו”ר, שמקום מושבו בקרית יואל, על סוגיה שלומדים בהיכל הישיבה – ‘מצות לאו להנות ניתנו’, ואחר כך עבר לדבר בענייני השעה, דברי מוסר, התעוררות והתחזקות.

האדמו”ר התייחס בעיקר למצוקת הדיור של תושבי שכונת ווילאמסבורג כאשר בשנים האחרונות הרקיעו מחירי הדירות “לסכומים שאי אפשר לתאר בכלל”. עיקר המצוקה נוסעת בגלל גויים שאינם יכולים לשלם את מחירי השכירות במנהטן ועוברים להתגורר בווילאמסבורג, שם המחירים זולים יותר.

בדרשה ביקש האדמו”ר מחסידיו לעזוב את השכונה ולעבור לגור, כמו בארץ הקודש, מחוץ לערים הגדולות, בעיקר בגלל בעיות ‘שמירת העיניים’ הקיימים בשכונה לאחרונה, בשל התושבים החדשים.

Maybe email Ikea’s Customer Service your dilemma and perhaps/hopefully/wishful thinking snag yourself a free shipping coupon? Hey, a girl can dream…

Worst case scenario you’ll have vented and let off some steam.

Meno: you have my sympathies.

If it’s really bothering you, you can vote our lovely mayor out of office. Or more accurately, you can’t…

The liberals who don’t have a clue as to the volume of “organic trash” the average Yiddish Family generates, or what leftover fish smells like a few days after a three day Yom Tov, actually thought this was a viable idea. If I’d eat out more days than not, and only had to contend with a few eggshells and dry leaves, maybe I’d think so too…

B”h my block hasn’t been so lucky – yet.

As to the good news, I hear the containers inside can be very useful – and they’re free.

Until the sanitation tickets start coming – but that’ll take a year or two. So enjoy your almost indiscriminate garbage pick-ups while you can…

GH: that was a bit too harsh, even coming from you, and even though I realize you’re being sarcastic.

JJ: you’re right, and I thought about it before my post, yet it’s more complicated than it seems at first glance . My assessment is that “kids of divorce” are getting smarter, getting counseling early on, and actually “fighting back”. (This is from a secular POV. We have some catching up to do in this regard , as our children of divorce have “bigger chips on their shoulders” which likely effects their self esteem. She ironically, IMHO less stigma on the kids can lead to less divorces down the road.)

Below is part of an article in Psychology Today entitled “Are Children of Divorce Doomed to Fail”. While not statistical proof, I like how the author, Renée Peltz Dennison, examines the issue. (And that she agrees with me…)

“Overall, recent research paints a more complex picture of the effects of parental divorce on future relationships. It has become clear that simply modelling your relationship off of your parents’ relationship isn’t the only option. Many couples take steps to consciously create their own relationship patterns, and many are able to actually learn from their parents’ “mistakes.” In addition, there are other important marriage role models besides parents. Parents are important, of course, but about three-quarters of the couples I interviewed discussed important and influential marriage models beyond their immediate families—including peers and peers’ parents—that they used to supplement their own learning about marriage, and develop the tools necessary to build what they saw as a successful marriage.

More and more couples are actively constructing their own paths to relationships, and therefore actively determining their own marital fate. Interestingly, coming of age in a time of higher divorce rates in general may have taught the current generation that marriage isn’t something that should be entered into lightly. In USA network survey, 73% of respondents believed that couples should take at least one additional step (such as engagement therapy) before being granted a marriage license.

After decades of research, and over a decade of marriage, I continue to work to understand exactly how my family of origin affects my current marriage—but I no longer live in fear of the “sleeper” effects of my parents’ divorce. After studying and talking to many couples who have successfully navigated a path from parental divorce to personal marital success, I am confident that the fatalistic picture of couplehood for those exposed to parental divorce is flawed, and that the “transmission” of negative relationship outcomes is by no means inevitable. The bottom line is we play an active part in constructing our own marriages, and therefore have an active part in determining their success.”