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Emmm… They were under the spell of Joseph here.
No I’ll go hide under a rock.
Bump…
CTL: I don’t know your options, but is it perhaps possible to get a High Deductible Prescription plan? I think you may be underestimating the cost of some drugs, should you ch”v need them this year. I sincerely hope you won’t.
And of course, drug companies charge more to the consumer directly than for insurance companies.
You seem to be the cautious type, so find your own insurance broker, not from the ones that are running after you, and you might get a better picture.
Wishing you the best of health!
SL: thanks for all your honest answers. I wish more people were as balanced as you.
I can only speak for the Chasidic world. Yes, SOME men need a more polite way of communicating. The sub-conscious thinking is something like “if the guy asks me for something, I’ll gladly comply, so I can simply ask for what I want, without prefacing or much thanks afterwards.” Except that this is his natural way of speaking, so he’s not thinking about it all. (I remember hearing Lipa Shmelczer mention how a professor had to teach him to start his emails with “Dear Professor”, he would just get straight to the point.) This is also part of the text message culture, coupled with a lack of Basic Writing being taught. Again, this applies mainly to Chasidic men, AND ONLY SOME. There’s a learning curve involved, and they come to the game late.
CS: Sorry but there is no official Chasidic standard of wearing all black or shades thereof for women I’m aware of in the US. Are there Rebbitzins or very Frum families that do so? Likely, but ias a personal/familial chumra, not something requested or expected of the masses. Colors that are not ostentatious are okay, no red, hot pink, neon etc. If you have Chasidish friends out of Crown Heights/ Lubavitch I’m sure you’d know this.
And as was mentioned before, the Rebbe did push candle lighting for girls that were not Lubavitch. So I ask, if the world needed more kedusha, which IIRC was the reason given for this, why not increase tznius? Which is what most of the Jewish world has tried, but even they are unfortunately not as successful as they should be. Levels of tznius are lower almost everywhere than just a generation ago. (The only extremes I see are in Lev Tahor…). So I really don’t see which circles you are referring to. And if some men are failing, generally speaking it’s on them, so don’t blame the women for their lack of yiras Shamayim.
What I find interesting in Crown Heights is to see groups of girls with vastly different ways of dress grouped together. While it’s nice to see everyone being accepted, there’s no way this doesn’t adversely affect the “frummer” ones. I realize this may be part and parcel of the Chabad shitta in kiruv, but I don’t know how relatively young girls can withstand these nisyonos.
Lightbright:
Key question is why are you avoiding gluten (celiac or something else) in the first place? If it’s not celiac, you may have luck with spelt vs. regular wheat, so it may be worth a try, especially for Challah (to start with, as it has no other ingredients besides water, whole spelt Matzah is even better). Many packaged gluten free treats are loaded with sugar, potato, rice, and other fillers that are not exactly healthy AND are expensive to boot.Cravings may be legitimate if you are severely restricting carbs and you’re not diabetic, so it may be wise to listen to them, but don’t jump from from the frying pan into the fire. A good test would be to bake stuff yourself, which will limit the amounts and ensure you’re craving it enough to put in the time and effort. (One fairly simple recipe you can find many variations of online using basic ingredients is for “chick-pea chocolate chip cookies”.) Good luck!
NOTE: THIS IS ALL PURELY MY TWO CENTS AND NOT MEDICAL OR RESEARCHED ADVICE!
SarahL: thanks for your informative post.
You left out the most interesting tidbit many of us want to know. What percentage of kids in your world would you guess (since you didn’t conduct any studies…) become OTD?And what percentage attend college, since you mentioned that’s where you lose them to Yiddishkeit? Additionally, is YU just as risky as any mainstream/ non Jewish college?
Laskern: please clarify your bubble comment.
Laskern: define bubble please. Are you talking about going to college for example, or simply a doctor’s appointment?
The idea of sheltering girls is, espcecially by Chasidim, that it’s lifelong, or at least until they’re married and on more solid ground when they may choose to expand their circle. Those that marry later definitely have more nisyonos in this regard, but I don’t think less sheltering at an early age is the answer here.
What helps in these cases is to have guidance on how to make changes and for support, and actually WANTING to remain pure.
ZD: Yiddishkeit can survive either way to some extent. (Think Russia – just mentioned… – during communism. Though practicing Yiddishkeit then was basically outlawed so it’s not a perfect analogy.)
We want Yiddishkeit to flourish.
And yes something is terribly wrong, but did you consider that the world at large with its amorality is at fault?
OVISM: if it makes you feel any better, from a logical point of view, the odds are in favor of the more sheltered community.
Although passing nisyonos may strengthen once’s character, innocence once lost can not simply be regained.
This is a major factor why you’ll generally speaking find a much greater percentage of young adults going OTD in the Modern Orthodox vs. Ultra-Orthodoxy world. If you see a Frum community where this does not apply, they may be too extreme, or “just for show” without substance.
CA: the reviewer obviously didn’t remember all the food that was offered, or simply made up the whole tirade…
I’ve seen a very negative, anti-Frum review on a Jewish owned hotel out of state, by someone apparently OTD. Maybe some of his arguments were true (men using the pool as a Mikva on Shabbos) but his accusing tone was awful and had probably not been an issue if he didn’t actively seek those out.
Joseph: for better or worse, here in the US children are taken away from their parent(s) if a neighbor alleges the kids are abused, until Child Protective Services finds otherwise.
The MOTHER here wanted her “kids” out because of how hey were treated, but Guatemalan authorities are apparently doing nothing. Not surprising from a country that has at at least hundreds of its citizens fleeing thousands of miles on foot in hopes of a better life.
The reason many girls marry young there is because the parents simply can’t afford to feed them. So again this is a widespread problem with a government lacking the funds to feed its citizens, let alone enforce its laws.
Joseph: the legal minimum age to marry in Guatemala is 18. But they have indigenous poplulations that basically ignore the ban.
Which brings me to the real answer. Guatemala has a starving, poverty stricken population and problems on a much larger scale to busy itself with a cult that needs resources to ascertain if they are violating the law, and additional resources to find homes for the kids and prosecute as needed. Assuming they even care.
We can’t expect a third world country to act like the US would.
Finally something is being reported.
ARWSF: You seem to know more than most of us. Can you clue us in please?
I’m assuming it involves Lev Tahor, but that’s the extent of my “knowledge”. You definitely piqued my interest.
Joseph: although whether your questions really need answers are debatable, I foolishly will.
And if it makes you happy I’ll concede that if all a woman does is be on on the street day after day, she should probably re-examine her priorities (unless she’s homeless or it’s a danger for her to be at home ch”v. In which case she needs help.)
In the time of Chazal not much was known about mental health, and the current “yeridos haDoros” means people were emotionally stronger. Women for the most part worked hard physically at home, so despite being unaware about it, additional exercise likely wasn’t needed. Many homes has roofs and yards (where women spent time doing laundry, needlework etc.) and benefited from sunshine and fresh air without being “on the street”.
My caveat, which you foolishly claim is more exclusive than Halacha records, is based on something that was drilled into us as schoolgirls, and I guess you didn’t get that messsage in Yeshiva… It’s simple ״צניעות איז א געפיל״. So in all your literal research you forgot about the 5th Chelek of sh”a, otherwise known as common sense. It’s time you find a mentor to help you out on that front. Or find a different topic to troll about…
Joseph: not exercising is now seen as a greater killer than having high blood pressure, diabetes or smoking. So literally no reason to get out and walk is truly a great reason for most of us. And I haven’t gotten to the mental health part.
The only caveat I would say there is, is to not Davka “shpatzir” where men congregate, such as in front of a Shul during Mincha/Mariv.
There was one specific case of a young, formerly Frum girl/woman being baptized which was videotaped and circulated online. I think it’s no longer public.
I don’t know her story but if I would have to guess, my best bet would be that she was trying to hurt someone in her family by PUBLICLY converting (unless the video was not her doing, then there are different possibilites).
Of course this is a lot worse than “just״ being OTD, which she clearly is.
I forgot her name, but she used a very obvious Jewish/Yiddish name in the video clip (which someone brought to my attention and I probably shouldn’t have watched) and was surely trying to provoke.
This is the ultimate Chillul Hashem, almost impossible on such a scale just a generation ago. In addition to that, there are the actual aveiros she committed by shmad’ing. We have a lot to mourn over.
Joseph: correct, but it’s more pronounced in Williamsburg and Crown Heights, with non locals pushing housing prices up.
The race to the top has tapered off recently, but it’s not enough for most young families to stick around when they need bigger apartments for their growing families.
It’s similar to the Chinese going after blocks in BP, but covering multiple and larger areas.
The outskirts of Bed-Stuy have thousands of Jews once again. Williamsburg’s Chasidim (and I think Crown Heights’ as well) have expanded into Bed-Stuy. Additionally, there are many secular Jews now living in Bed-Stuy, as a result of these Brooklyn neighborhoods’ general gentrification, including Israelis.
However, with housing prices so high, Greater Williamsburg’s future Chasidic growth is threatened on all sides.
DY: as I understand it, the Bochur/Choson had the disease and wasn’t aware prior to the Shidduch. His and his Kallah’s numbers were compatible, meaning one of them (in this case the kallah) wasn’t a carrier. I believe he made a mistake when he wrote the boy wasn’t a carrier. His parents never tested.
The Queens Zoo was surprisingly not crowded when we went there one Chol Hamoed, but it was a few years ago so it might have changed.
Also most beaches (avoid Coney Island) won’t be crowded, so if we get warm weather the kids can play in the sand. Dress warmly because it will be windy. Definitely not for swimming this time of year, but perhaps you can dip your toes. Find one with a playground to maximize the fun and enjoy the view. However, no swimming means no life-guards, so be on guard.
There’s also some Nature center we went to in CT but I can’t find it now. Wasn’t very interesting but “cute” and we had the place to ourselves because it was a rainy day, although they did have some indoor stuff.
Generally, the smaller and more boring the place is, the more likely that it won’t be crowded if it’s out of town (in this case 30 minutes or more from the 5 boroughs, Lakewood and Monsey).
Sushi Meshuga had to change its name to Sushi Meshuna, so definitely the Frum community/hechsheirim prefer “clean & Kosher” names.
Yet to me having an issue with the “Kosher Guys” seems like going overboard, and most customers won’t even ״chap” that there’s any controversy surrounding the name.
Not wearing a kippah/Yarmulke stems from modernization, even by Sefardim. This “minhag” is probably only about 100 years old when many came to the US. Although as others have stated, the term MO is not traditionally used by Sefardim, modernity has definitely crept in.
One way – and I’ll probably get a beating here for saying it – you can determine if a community or group is truly ״modern” (applies to all Jews, and I’m specifically not using the term MO) is by observing what percentage of their children stay Frum. If it’s only in the range of 50%, there’s no sugar-coating it.
Knock-off name or not, it’s good that supposed restaurant has Kosher & Jewish pride.
In Paris, some “Kosher” restaurants are ditching Hechsheirim because (among other reasons) the snobby (non-Jewish) Parisians consider restaurants with Kosher supervision sub-standard.
Additionally, if a restaurant is truly Kosher, having the word Kosher makes it easier to locate for newcomers. So it’s a win-win unless the Halal Guys decide to sue for brand infringement, which doesn’t seem likely to me.
Joseph: In the US, very rarely do Chasidim marry at 17. Perhaps the “Rebbishe”, but definitely not the norm.
Most Chasidim don’t listen to shidduch suggestions until 18, with some waiting till later (mostly 18 1/2 or sometimes 19). Engagements do occasionally happen at 17, when one is l almost 18. And since many Chasidic engagements span about 8 months, whatever the age then, they’re usually married closer to 19-20. Of course many marry later, as “Der mentsch tracht & G-t lacht”.
I don’t know if I’d call it a crisis, but there are more frum boys, if anything.
Joseph: even for Capital Punishment, they haven’t yet come up with the perfectly instant and pain free method of killing death-row inmates, so what suicide scenario might that be, where there’s not even a millisecond of time for regret?
The last portion of my article wasn’t posted. Don’t know if it was blocked or my error. Very kosher, perhaps too long? Whoever’s interested can look it up.
I also added that Shlomo Hamelech was correct when he wrote “this too shall pass”.
Basically suicide is a nisoyon like any other, which if allowed to pass without acting upon it (and taking steps to improve your life) the urge will eventually abate. This is not to minimize the grip of depression, but to put it in the long term perspective – and to encourage everyone to CHOOSE LIFE AS IT IS WITHIN EVERYONE’S REACH.
Bottom line, the premise of the OP is – generally speaking – false.
Last installment from Business Insider article…
“He finally jumped based on the thought that “nobody cares.”
“My first thought was, ‘What […] did I just do? I don’t want to die,'” Hines told The New Yorker.
Then-28-year-old Ken Baldwin, like Hines, chose to hurdle over the bridge’s railing rather than stand on it first because he didn’t want to lose his courage to jump. Although he was severely depressed on that day in 1985, he changed his mind the moment after his leap. “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable – except for having just jumped,” he said.
That indecisiveness is explained by suicidologist Edwin S. Shneidman, according to a review of his works by Antoon Leenaars:
The prototypical psychological picture of a person on the brink of suicide is one who wants to and does not want to. He makes plans for self-destruction and at the same time entertains fantasies of rescue and intervention. It is possible – indeed probably prototypical – for a suicidal individual to cut his throat and to cry for help at the same time.
The period where the chance of lethal suicide is at its highest and most dangerous is relatively short, typically just hours or days rather than months, according to Shneidman.Of course, not all suicides are impulsive, as some are the result of extensive planning and conviction. Impulsive suicide involving decisions made in as little as five minutes is one of two types generally seen among patients suffering from depression, according to Dr. Charles Nemeroff.
The other type involves “the sort of classic notion that, I’ve been hopeless and helpless for so long. I’m hopeless that I’ll ever be better, and I’m helpless to do anything about it,” Nemeroff said. That type often includes planning, notes, and goodbyes.” End of article.
So Shlomo Hamelch was correct when he wrote “this too shall pass”. Literally, when it looks the bleakest, as long as there’s life there’s hope.
Continued from Business Insider…
“Suicidal urges are sometimes caused by immediate stressors, such as a break-up or job loss, that go away with the passage of time. 90% of people who survive suicide attempts, including the most lethal types like shooting one’s self in the head, don’t end up killing themselves later. That statistic reflects the “temporary nature and fleeting sway of many suicidal crises,” reports The New England Journal of Medicine.
A 1978 study of 515 people who were prevented from attempting suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge between 1937 and 1971 found after more than 26 years 94% were still alive or had died of natural causes.
Many rare survivors of Golden Gate Bridge suicide attempts recall regretting their impulsive decisions instantly – even as they were falling. A couple survivors who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge told their stories to The New Yorker back in 2003, like then-18-year-old Kevin Hines who jumped in 2000 after pacing on the bridge for a half hour while passersby ignored him.
The reason I always knew why most Jewish suicides are not buried accordingly, is because they probably regretted their decision (and did tshuva) in the moments before they died. And it seems the research backs it up. Below is a 2014 Business Insider article. I thought I’ll just copy paste part of it and post, but because it’s so informative and relevant here I’ll post the whole thing, broken up a bit for our dear mods.
“The Role Of Impulsiveness Is One Of The Saddest Things About Suicide
Robin Williams reportedly suffered from severe depression, addiction, and alcoholism before he killed himself at his California home Monday.
We may never know exactly when and how Williams arrived at the decision to commit suicide, but one of the saddest realities about suicide is that it often results from impulsive decisions that might have never occurred again if the person had survived or backed out.
Anywhere from one-third to 80% of all suicide attempts are impulsive acts, according to The New England Journal of Medicine. 24% of those who made near-lethal suicide attempts decided to kill themselves less than five minutes before the attempt, and 70% made the decision within an hour of the attempt.
Laskern: I believe that’s based off a parable in which someone stole a stick of butter and hid it under his hat. Not sure if it’s of Hungarian origin, as I’ve heard something similar in Yiddish, but it’s not a contradiction as it may be have become universal.
If you have headaches it may be from caffeine withdrawal. And then you’re officially a “coffee addict”.
I was wondering what people here think about teaching babies to keep afloat (for a short while) aka Infant Swim/Self Rescue.
It seems really harsh, we’re talking 6 months and up, but the program has saved many lives. And unfortunately reality has shown we could use some “backup” when all else fails.
I don’t know the cost of such training, but if I owned a pool I might have considered it a good investment.
And if our community considered it good practice, we can even work on volunteer or low cost trainers.Thoughts?
And really, Yerushalayim is affordable?
I hear the same about Monsey. And most landlords won’t even rent to you there if you don’t have schools for your kids set up yet.
What many posters here don’t realize, is that some families really HAVE TO move for various reasons. The reasons can range from literally no place for their kids to sleep due to their growing family size, to having boys and girls share a room past Bar/Bas Mitzva age, to the house no longer safe to live in as the roof or something major is in a state of disrepair, to the Landlord needing their apartment for a close family member and wanting them out.
The options to move within Brooklyn are very often cost-prohibitive. Waiting it out can be impossible, especially when the time to move for those with relatively older kids is only during the summertime as not to disrupt their school year.
There are no easy answers.
CTL: if there is danger to life, and laws to back it up, such as drunk driving, cars are confiscated by the police prior to trial.
Additionally, I don’t think these Walkie Talkies were FCC certified, which makes them illegal to own.
From the FCC’s website: “CB equipment used in the United States must be FCC-certified and labeled as such by the manufacturer.”Hatzolah probably got the parents to confiscate it for them, and if the parents weren’t agreeable, they could have threatened legal action. Just my 2 cents, I don’t know how it went down.
I could really use a a straw when riding in a car. And the subway, forget about it… Although I usually opt for a water bottle with sports cap.
In general, short of drinking from a cup (and not gulping it all down at once, but breaking it up in a few draws as required by Halacha) sipping with a straw is definitely the more “eidel” way to drink.
But proper manners in the USA went out the window a long time ago.
Hi, I’m from the Reader’s digest.
I’m looking for a Shulem Lemmer that just landed a great music record deal. Anyone know where I can find him?
Oops, who still reads the Readers Digest, and why would an actual celebrity hang out here? Sigh. Gotta get to the REALLY important stuff. I’m too serious to go the comedian route. And the 9 days are almost here.
Joseph: we are both a religion and a race, however we accept outsiders, i.e. Kosher converts, to be fully Jewish. And when an Ashkenazi marries a Sefardi I think no one (or at least no one in the CR) considers it marrying out. I believes Take2’s point was that we are not racially motivated when we decry intermarriage, yet in the none Jewish world if one is against marrying someone from a different race, it’s likely stemming from racism – or will at least be perceived as such.
On the flip side many people, especially liberals, want to be perceived as open-minded so they might davka seek out someone from another race (Diblasio comes to mind although I have no clue as to his motivations).
Oops I forgot to say “Hi, ARWSF!”
I can only speak for myself, but i definitely remember you, missed you and actually worried about you.
I didn’t try to check up, cause it might seem too close to stalking once I started peppering you with questions. Like how you survived Lev Tahor, to an abusive husband, to kids being perfectly mischievous (or was that someone else?) to not managing financially, to a husband who’s eating all the cookies in middle of the night…
Not to make light of your troubles, I truly admire your spunk and positive attitude. And I truly hope and pray that you and your family are doing great now. Chazak!
“There Will be No More Lonely people… “ From the one and only MBD.
Which brings me to how very sad and scary the rising heat related death toll in Quebec is. On so many levels.
I hate the song, think the word is extremely negative and derogatory; however, the point the song was trying to make is that his followers should live a simple life and eschew luxuries/expensive stuff. A tragi-comic epic fail.
This is THE FIRST SENTENCE on his website:
“Rabbi Moskowitz was assigned secular, then identified as ultra-orthodox for twenty years, and now embraces a religiously non-conforming identity. “
So exactly what are we arguing about? The guy himself is not claiming to be Orthodox, perhaps the article about him made it seem so.
Some nanny cams can be hacked, so I don’t know if it’s a good idea in your own home. Unless you suspect someone, in which case that risk may outweigh the risk of being hacked.
DY: I believe we rule by the rov here. In case you were not being sarcastic.
I believe they do random checks.
Takes2: what’s with the לכם ולא לו? I hope you’re kidding, but to clarify I wasn’t taking issue with chickens or any word on its own. The word brood is used a lot in Frum publications. It is, as I mentioned, the total negative slant of the article which is hard to deny. And my comment was directed to AviK and his fantasy of the article only being negative towards Chasidim and not our Torah and Frum Yidden as a whole.