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I don’t want to digress, but isn’t it more theoretical for most of us? I personally can’t imagine listening to music tonight, especially while breaking the fast. It just feels wrong, not in the spirit of motzei tisha baav, even though today is really the tenth.
I won’t say the same about laundry, so I wouldn’t consider myself a chasid shota…
Any thoughts?
Interjection: you are wrong about me professing to be representative for all women, I’m simply the only one who mentioned her personal experience.
People feel they are being attacked when they are. If you read my posts that’s not what I suggested at all.
And in my anecdote it doesn’t mean I didn’t blush or enjoyed her reproof, just realized she was right. it’s a matter of personal integrity, which apparently is very lacking nowadays.
And I’m aware I just contradicted myself.
Good shabbos and an easy fast. I rest my case.
Interjection: Nobody said it HAS to work, there has to be a chance of it accomplishing something, not a slam dunk. And I was referring to his threat of stripping, although he was surely kidding..
Gavra: You surely know where flyers end up, most people not even bothering to read them, besides all practicalities involved. And the idea is to be specific for the mussar to be effective, not generalizing.
Sorry Shlishi, the reason I said “borders ” on loshon hora is because I wasn’t sure but the way it was phrased sarcastically was offensive to jewish women, myself included.
This thread reminds me of the proverbial “your slip is showing” argument, do I tell and possibly embarrass her or do I keep quiet because of my american myob mentality and let her walk around like this like a fool all day?
Based on the above comparison to minimize embarrassment here’s how I’d clear it up: same gender only, tactfully (and obviously there’s nothing tactful with shouting) between 4 eyes only (even in public by calling her aside if possible or if no one is within earshot) and lastly (listen up shlishi) if it appears to be user error or lack of awareness, not intentional violation (a snood can slip down a little just as a skirt can pull up — doesn’t mean it’s sanctioned by her rabbi– and a woman may be unaware that her black and yellow outfit is striking from a block away.)
You crack me up gavra, but as you said you are not a woman, so you are obviously not wired like one…
I read that we receive bracha in the merit of our children. And if we have a child that’s destined to grow up wealthy, we benefit by association of being his/her parents. Just saying.
If what the mother in that case is claiming is true, it proves bloomberg and company have an agenda and we better toughen our stance. Also, can the newspapers be sued for defamation of religious practice (or something else) as I don’t remember reading “allegedly” contracted, just contacted through the ancient practice…
557: you really have an unfounded negative opinion about jewish women which borders on loshon hora. I truly hope you were kidding. Personally, I once got stopped by a woman walking behind me delicately stating that my skirt was too short. (I had gained some weight which somehow effected the length.) I did not ignore her advice.
I think before marriage when dealing with hypotheticals it’s a waste of time and money. But an annual marriage checkup/tuning with more sessions if necessary would keep many marriages on track and resolve issues before they escalate. The only advantage of pre marital therapy is that the connection is built beforehand for those that encounter difficulties sooner. So maybe have the first checkup at 3 months, and annually thereafter. Since theres no easy way to enforce this, were still dealing with hypotheticals…
Bpt: besides for the kol yisroel areivim issue, b.c. mentioned she’s concerned because she has sons, do you still think it’s none of her business as she can ask her sons not to look?
YRK : As the tznius level in our neighborhoods keep on falling, must we keep on wandering like the proverbial jew to ever more religious communities until we end up with helbrans in canada or do we have a right to speak up and try to affect change?
I love shakshuka although I can’t spell it…
Google some recipes for it and then just wing it based on whatever makes sense to you. It’s pretty flexible and simple, fills you up when you eat it with pita, cheap and perfect for the nine days.
Who says you have to go back to pre-baby #1 weight . For most of us 10 pounds more or so is a very healthy weight , especially if she’s breastfeeding which adds a few pounds to her physique and/or she used to be stick thin. Please everybody keep your expectations real.
It depends a lot on the school the girls go to (or went to) and the home environment. Also, once one gets used to reading english, yiddish becomes more cumbersome to read EVEN IF YIDDISH IS HER FIRST LANGUAGE. Besides weeklies such as das yiddishe licht, oneg shabbos etc. there are monthly yiddish periodicals such as maalos and I think der blick. I’m not sure about der shtern because there was a whole ruckus that it’s just history and politics with no Jewish values. And nothing compares to the quality of say mishpacha, but they are all more tzniusdik and the hashkafa is definitely anti-israel.
I believe most men prefer yiddish, although there are always exceptions, especially if it’s “in house”.
Or swag equals pretending to be confident while being petrified of being considered uncool…
Really, confidence is a positive thing, flaunting your confidence not so much.
What’s HTH ?
You are definitely being too hard on yourself. However, I found that I was famished after giving birth, and even once the hunger subsided I continued overeating, so be aware of how much you are eating. You do need more calories when nursing, but not substantially more.
Also, and it’s probably too soon after birth for this, but it’s helpful to know so you don’t get frustrated now by lack of progress — napping, and down time, a necessity now, means you have less active hours and are burning less calories. It’s a catch 22 though because lack of sleep also triggers overeating. With time, a baby that sleeps through the night or isn’t too disruptive (for this you’ve got to pray…) and smart time management and cutting out unnecessary stuff, you’ll be able too have a more active day, with limited naps and lazy mornings (nursing also means you don’t have to get out of bed to tend to your baby’s needs).
This is based on my own experience being a stay at home mom, but you really have to see what works for you, and definitely don’t rush your recuperation process, just realize that you are in a very early stage post birth, and a lot of what’s keeping you from slimming down will change for the better, and I haven’t even touched on hormones yet… Oh, and most importantly Mazel Tov and lots of nachas!
I think Ambp is kidding, although it’s inappropriate for this thread. In reality we were taught that once all neshomos are brought down from shamaim, moshiach will come. (and btw this includes miscarriages) which is another reason to have more children.
In a more literal sense, we unfortunately haven’t yet replaced what we lost during the holocaust, which means there were more jews at a given point in history.
Thanks moski for agreeing with me. I was afraid I was the odd (wo)man out, and on a yeshivish site yet … Which brings me to your game — aka known as peer pressure — which I obviously was just a victim to, although I’m not such a good player…
Lol to you and zb.
I interpret a swag as gaava. Am I alone on this?
Also, if her friend that was asked info from repeats the whole conversation without filtering, she’s more insensitive than the guy who asked.
Shticky, you left out my comparison to the word landsman, so don’t be too offended about not being considered heimish by others. Everyone feels closer to their own kind, doesn’t mean everybody else is bad, just different. So smile and listen out for moshiach…
Way back I remember loving baron korof. It’s a pretty short book and I’m not sure it’s total fiction. Haven’t seen it in a while so I don’t know if I’d be as enthralled today. Don’t remember the author. Has anybody read it and have an opinion about it?
Shticky, lol. But it means different things to different folks. In this case since the guys are chasidish, heimish is somebody from their crowd, i.e. also chasidish, maybe hungarian. Kind of like landsman.
Choppy, by your logic, a kohen can never be a bechor.
This is why posters stop posting in the coffee room. Very often somebody asks a question and never checks back or for whatever reason fails to acknowledge the answer. It take effort to post, and nobody enjoys talking to the wall… Just venting.
If you can crochet, there are adorable patterns online. Most newborn stuff (hats, shoes, diaper covers for photographing, headbands for girls…) are relatively quick to make. Or you can buy handmade items on etsy. Good luck!
Technically being a perfectionist and getting the short end of the stick are not mutually exclusive. However being that you actually chose your wife (despite Walton’s criticism of our dating system) and this wasn’t a random lottery; and if I’m inferring correctly you are being annoyed by stuff which was there all along, but when you were dating you didn’t have to actually LIVE with (and some of the excitement has worn off) it’s most likely not the case here.
Also bear in mind that most behaviour can be changed with proper counseling and commitment from both of you, but if you feel she’s not smart enough, tall enough, talented enough etc. it’s much trickier to work with, although your perceptions can also be worked on.
Good luck!
Sorry NOMTW, but I was told this a long time ago by somebody that used to counsel lshem mitzvah. And I was referring to the fact that he wasn’t making progress, that it may sometimes be the case, not about the whole profession. If something isn’t working it’s better to consider all possible reasons, not throw in the towel and assume you’re hopeless. Although in his case it’s more likely a lack of willpower to make it work, so maybe I shouldn’t have opened this can of worms.
In any case, if it’s more of a hashkafah issue (as he said the will isn’t there but regret is) a rabbi might be a better fit “to make him see the light” or if necessary give him the green light to consider divorce if that’s the right approach al pi Torah.
I don’t know if it can be a full time job by itself, but a math tutoring job would prob. suit her. She can “test drive” it in the summer to see if she likes it in her local community (maybe even as a volunteer) and if she does can go for whatever educational training necessary to make it in the broader world.
I know oomis mentioned math teacher, but tutoring is usually one on one, which she prefers.
You haven’t mentioned a word about how your wife feels about the marriage.
From the little info. you gave, esp. if she has doubts as well, I would definitely recommend IF POSSIBLE you discuss birth control with her and your rabbi, if she’s not on b.c. yet. Sorry if I’m being too personal, but kids should not suffer for parents mistakes.
Once that’s taken care of, I can only echo what other posters have said. Do your best to work on YOURSELF and your marriage.
A marriage working out usually boils down to middos of both parties, so that’s something to bear in mind.
Question to ponder (you don’t have to answer): are you a perfectionist by nature, or have you truly gotten the short end of the stick?
And last but not least, and I might get yelled at for this, but since you mentioned not making headway in therapy, be aware that some therapists may design this so they can profit from more hours billed. So maybe change therapists or find a mentor (not a family member) or Rabbi that will counsel you at no charge. (you can always tip later if you feel he’s worth it, not necessarily based on the hours spent.)
I thought I’d add one point nobody brought up. Helping a couple conceive usually also falls into the category of “v’havuos shulem… Uvein ish l’ishto” (bringing peace between husband and wife) for which one reaps reward in both worlds. First by taking some financial pressure off the couple, and also very likely by mitigating the guilt (however misappropriated) of the partner with the infertility problem (although sometimes both have issues, or one compounds the other’s problem). In the worst case scenario infertility may even lead to divorce.
Chips are very often added into salads, including salami salad, or even used to bread chicken. So the risk of milk and meat is extrmely real. (And I love Beigel & Beigel’s sour cream flavored chips in salads.)
So yes consumers have to be vigilant, but even more so the kashrus agency as many people trust them blindly, and causing others to sin and placing a stumbling block in front of somebody are both severe transgressions.
This is too funny…
I’m backing out of this one.
You don’t need a special bag to wash tzitis. You can put the strings in a knee-high and then twist the opening into a knot. If the strings are dirty pretreat them first like you would anything else. (Don’t leave strong pretreatment on too long though.)
If all else fails you can buy replacement strings in many sforim stores, which you need to know how to tie.
I was addressing Giyoress in my comment about confusing two stories. It showed up later in the thread than I anticipated.
The two posters being confused were yiddishemishpacha & rebdoniel.
You seem to be confusing the stories of
two different posters.
Sorry about that. I was originally hoping helloworld would recheck her info. and post the result as I wasn’t 100% sure. But since she didn’t and you were the one interested in the williamsburg aspect, I thought maybe it’ll ring a bell to you
In any case, if it helps she had an older sister that taught in satmar high-school, and if you lived in williamsburg as opposed to just went to school there (idk from your post) it is very unlikely that you don’t know the family, as they were very well known, but I don’t want to give too many details here.
Thanks for the advice.
I guess this means I was a wise-guy for bringing this up here instead… I’ll know what to do in the future.
For the record, I’m not so new that I haven’t read a lot of your posts and appreciate your humor. And I definitely enjoy your advice more when you’re not in Serious Mode. But it is kinda late for jokes…
Dear Gefen — I mean Bar Abby,
I’m kinda new to the cr and was wondering what to do when my seemingly helpful post gets ignored by the one it was intended for. Do I get insulted, realize my timing was late, bump the thread, start a new “I’m really heartbroken/left out thread”, or maybe, horror of horrors, vent to all the world on the very popular Bar Abby forum?
OK, I’m just kidding, but don’t you think it would be nice if Gefen read my Binas Bais Yaakov post? I did respond belatedly just for her benefit.
YW Band:
I know you meant to be funny, but I don’t think we’ll need handicapped parking once Moshiach comes…
Are you sure this isn’t the Fried family that used to live on Rutledge St. In williamsburg and moved to BP when their apt. Burned down some years back?