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sorry guys – DF has a point and i experienced it first hand! about a year ago i dated a guy a few times and i really liked him but i was scared and had alot going on in my life at that point and i couldnt bring myself to take the next step. i picked on extremely dumb things that i didnt like and acted all weird and cold to him on the last date and i subconsiously didnt let it progress…we both went our seperate ways… obviously everything is bashert and it wasnt meant to be (at that time at least) now almost a year later i think about him every day and live with this sick regret…i cant bring myself to find out if he would want to pick it up again cuz i think he probably hates me….point is i think df is right and alot of times (not all the time) people will pick on dumb things because they dont really want it for whatever reason 🙁 you dont have to settle you just have to know what u really waiting for.
i actually think its kind of nice when a guy says that he used to watch movies or catch a later minyan(or anything of the sort)but he worked on himself and now he doesnt anymore. that really shows us that hes growing and he wants to be better. in a way thats an even higher level than a boy who never had the nisayon. obviously the girl has to be smart and mature enough to understand that but personally i think most girls would be impressed!
put it this way – as a good, solid open minded girl – i wouldnt say no to a guy for regular things like watching a movie (within reason)or listening to the radio occasionally. but its like this – when a guy tells us that he goes to mincha early on shabbos so he can get in some learning – our hearts melt. and when he tells us that he was bored motzei shabbos so he watched a movie – our stomachs turn. thats just the way girls are….but u gatta be honest!so just make sure to say the good, mature things that you do too 🙂
ok maybe i shouldnt have used the term independent thinker… but i do what i feel is best for me…but i also am human and i am effected by peer pressure and by what people say …that still wont make me change my mind but it can hurt.
wiy – i dont need to speak to a rebbetzin. i know what i want.
ok so u missed the point by a long shot 🙁
its not a matter of actions. its a matter of things they said which are a little hard to interperit wrong!! and im sure they do believe what their doing is correct and i respect that in every way but u seemed to have missed the point…
mr. 80
its a little hard not to dwell when its all you hear about all day. and i dont get what u mean by judging them…their judging me! and i am doing what i feel is correct which is exactly my point!!!!
i know im not the first one but i actually made an account just to post here. im a young girl just entering shidduchim from a good frum family in a typical jewish neighborhood. i was always an independent thinker and did what i felt was right and never just followed friends and older siblings…like with choosing a high school and seminary and now what kind of boy i wanna marry. firstly my parents are hard working ehrlich yidden and although they do earn a comfortable living…they can by no means afford to shell out minmum 2000 dollars a month to support me. (thus i hear is the going rate). now i would love to marry a learning boy and i think its beautiful but i am human and im not on the level to just give up my current lifestyle to live like the gedolim without any desire for materialisic pleasures. and so i have no problem with working boys who enjoy what they do and earn an honest living just as my father did all the years. and believe me my father is a tzaddik and a talmid chochom and is respected by esteemed rabannim. so now i sit here while friends and shadchanim talk behind our backs and look at me like a nebach case – like someone of a lesser society because i want a working boy. i dont want to speak l”h on klal yisroel because in many ways we are truly amazing!! but let me ask a question. is it normal that i feel shunned and looked down upon because i dont want to make my hard working parents feel obligated to support me and rake them of ever last dollar they might want to enjoy in their older years…clever – there are unfortunately too many times iv’e been turned off by our people and i guess thats a problem with being an independant thinker and not just going with the flow…but seriously…if i were you i would just think that after 120 you have to face hashem and what other people did or said is not going to be an excuse for your actions. you know whats right like evrey yid does inside! and as turned off as u may be by your surroundings – think about the wonderful chesed there is and remember thats what keeping the world in existence. we may not be perfect but other peoples imperfections are no excuse for you to do the wrong thing. someone wise once told me – theres room in gehenom for everyone. you get the idea….