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MamajunParticipant
Oops – I meant Avi Fishoff.
MamajunParticipantReply to Speaker: I’m so glad Avi Fisher was able to help your child. I did contact him – he only gives his “Twisted Parenting” manual to families in his program. I would have liked to purchase it. Our adult child is not a candidate for his program.
MamajunParticipantI started this thread as a forum for parents like me to share/get support, encouragement from people who may have some insight, understanding and helpful comments. I would like to stick to that format, please – it’s not helpful to be debating about who is an atheist, etc.
Thank you.MamajunParticipantDear Health, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. Pushing wouldn’t work even if I were inclined to do it (and I’m not). Did your OTD kids talk to you about how they feel/why they choose to abandon Judaism (as you and I know it)? Our adult child doesn’t want to discuss it with us; maybe that’s better, I don’t know. I fully understand that I cannot convince/cajole/ coerce s/he to believe in Hashem.
it seems that you have come to terms with your children’s choices; do you talk to them about their potential choices for marriage? This is, of late, my greatest concern.
MamajunParticipantThank you, Ahava 613 for recommending the shiur on Torahanytime – the rabbi clearly knew what he was talking about and I am impressed by his insight, sensitivity and suggestions.
MamajunParticipantThank you, Lightbrite. Your observations are on target – and I am still hoping that this can be a meaningful, helpful, SUPPORTIVE discussion for those of us who are going through this.
I read something recently that was quite striking: in earlier days, parents would sit shiva for a such a child, the reason being that THERE WAS NO HOPE THAT THEY WOULD RETURN. Today, many if not most try to maintain a loving relationship “because” there is a chance they will return (just quoting the source); I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping s/he would find the way back to Judaism but I continue to love my adult child as much as ever regardless of the choices s/he makes.
MamajunParticipantThanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I know each of you meant well, and I appreciate that.
A few comments: I don’t come to this discussion lightly – I have spoken to MANY REBBEIM, some who know our adult child (and us) VERY WELL, others who have experience dealing with this issue, in Israel and the US.
I have combed the internet looking for information, insights, things that we can do as parents besides LOVE OUR CHILD UNCONDITIONALLY. Don’t misunderstand, this is by far THE MOST IMPORTANT thing that we do and have done AND MAKE A POINT TO EXPRESS CLEARLY, OUT LOUD, as often as is appropriate. So, when I absolve myself of responsibility, I assure you I’m not copping out. Our adult child went to excellent orthodox schools where s/he got both a fine Judaic AND secular education.
***Special thanks to the Oh Tee Dee for sharing your thoughts***MamajunParticipantAnother point of information: BH, our adult child is a real mensch – sensitive, kind, loving, caring, responsible (most of the time), going to college; and the disenchantment with Yiddishkeit starting before s/he got to the college campus. Seems to be based primarily on ‘rationalist’ viewpoint, though I’m not ruling out any other factors. NO HISTORY OF ABUSE (Thank GD). Not interested in discussing views with us, even though we have been very open and non-judgmental.
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