m in Israel

Somewhat off topic, but the MBD song referenced in the title and the second post has nothing to do with Yom Yerushalayim. It was talking about the Mormon attempt to build a missionary center (officially a Mt. Scopus branch of their Brigham Young University) in Yerushalayim in the early 1980’s, hence the use of the term “not for sale” (they purchased a large plot of land to do it, with the encouragement of then mayor of Yerushalayim, Teddy Kollek). If you listen to the words of the song there is a reference that they should go back to “Utah”, the Mormom capital.

Every “daled amos” another mitzva!!! (It is obvious from my screen name, isn’t it?)

This sounds like a good time to discuss with your child that all people, even teachers and principals, sometimes make mistakes.

However if your child is the victim of the abuse mentioned, please do not stop trying to protect your child!!!!! If you have tried everything from both ends (i.e. you taught your child anti-bullying techniques, and you have tried to get the school to intervene and help the bully get appropriate intervention) and the abuse continues, even if to you it is “only” verbal abuse and mild physical abuse, this may be a reason to take your kid out of the school. This has nothing to do with the protectzia issue, but rather that as a parent you must make sure your child is in a safe environment. It makes no differences if the reason that your child is not safe is due to protectzia, due to ineffective school policies, or due to bad mazal of having an uncontrollable bully in the class, in any case you must protect your child.

aries, I think you misunderstood the posters who are arguing with you. The point is that there are no 2 sides to your question. EVERYONE agrees (or if someone doesn’t, please post!) that it is forbidden to do other things while being paid to work. So what is your question, meaning what is the argument the other way? The reason the “man walking behind a women” had so much discussion is because there were many people arguing that perhaps social expectations would be a more important factor then the Halacha, and there was some debate as to what the exact parameters of the Halach was. Here this is no question. If you read through this post you will see no one says it’s ok to post without permission while at work — no one even mentions any mitigating factors (except for adorable, with a side question) (And if you read the thread you can see that many of the posters who often post vehement and extreme defenses of other Halachos, have also posted unequivocally here that it is gezeila.)

As far as if you are having trouble being dan lkaf zchus the posters here, I can give you many possible explanations:

1)People are posting from all different time zones — what is during working hours for you may be different for them.

2)People may work unusual hours even in your time zone.

3)Some people work jobs with down time during which their boss allows them to do whatever they want, as long as they are there and available in case the phone rings or someone comes into the office, etc (and we can assume they have permission — I know a few people like that).

4)Many people work by the hour or the job, rather than during the set hours of 9 — 5.

5)People may have lunch breaks/ coffee breaks worked into their schedule, and post then.

6)Some people are their own boss!!!

The point is that there are many legitimate ways to be posting during the day, and there is no reason not to assume that your fellow posters are following Halacha. If someone is in fact stealing from their boss, and by reading your question they stop, then it was worth you posting it. But as far as in your mind, I really don’t see what the difficulty is in understand how people can manage it.

adorable — I believe your impression is wrong. Gezel is forbidden from Jews and non Jews. The discussion here is about when the non-Jewish store owner/ worker made a mistake. If it was THEIR mistake then technically you are usually not obligated to correct them (although as has been clearly posted previously, there are many reasons to do so, particularly if it would make a Kiddush Hashem). If it was your mistake (you didn’t see the sign), then you certainly have no right not to pay.

MII — Big Mazel Tov!!! As everyone said — you are completely normal. I am always teary eyed for weeks after a baby, and that is without illness! Please make sure to sleep, sleep, sleep!!! My advice as I was reading through the beginning of your thread was to take the baby to bed with you, but I see you’ve done that already! Don’t worry so much about what you will do to her — mothers have been co-sleeping with babies for generations, and for many women it leads to more sleep for both mom and baby. Use your sechel, avoid heavy blankets or excessive pillows, and relax. Also, maybe you can find a metapalet who has “drop off” hours available who can take your 2 year old for a few hours for a few mornings so you can sleep.

Health — The medical information you quoted actually contradicts your original post. The AAP recommends AGAINST supplementing with bottles in the early weeks, except when necessary. It is also not uncommon for young babies to refuse bottles (as you quote “this increases the likelihood that the baby will accept it”, meaning sometimes the baby does not accept it), while many babies who are exclusively nursed when young have no trouble switching to bottles between 2 and 4 months. A lot depends on the individual child’s personality and sucking habits. Your comments of “Your kid is way too young to be only demanding to have you” and “If you keep giving her your milk everytime she cries, she will never get used to a bottle” are not supported by the medical establishment — nor are they true in the experience of myself and many other nursing mothers who I know. I have also never heard the idea that an exhausted, starving baby will be more likely to accept a bottle then a calm one (” Eventually the kid will be so exhausted- she will take the bottle.”) It is more likely that eventually the baby will be so exhausted she’ll fall asleep — and wake up even more hungry after an hour! I usually enjoy all your medically sound posts, but it seems to be that this time you went with your personal feelings or perhaps experiences, without stopping to determine the current medical position on this issue.

“cottage cheese with olives”

And cream cheese with olives and “gevina levana” with olives, too!

(It is one of the shivas haminim after all. . .)

I’m with asyyeger on this one — if I have to go back and get something after I pay, that’s what I do, just to prevent any mis-impressions.

Once it’s done with however, I don’t think you really have to worry, because as other posters said most likely people realized what happened. Often in stores with self-service drinks, individuals will take a drink after they pay.

As for your other point, I have never heard that there is an issue of Chillul Hashem just because your actions seem “not normal” (assuming they are not objectively negative actions). Shabbos and Kashrus are “not normal”, too, but there is no Chillul Hashem in publicly doing it! Certainly tznius is not normal, but we don’t worry that when we walk in the streets in the summer goyim are thinking “are they normal to be dressing that way?” (And trust me, that’s exactly what they are thinking!) On the contrary, publicly performing miztvos is considered a Kiddush Hashem. I am not addressing whether you should have gone back (I think there is enough grounds to assume no Chillul Hashem was made), but just disagreeing with this argument that being viewed as strange would be in the category of Chillul Hashem.

BasYisroel94 — If the Chometz was hefker, then it was not owned by a Jew, so what is the problem? (I’m not sure, but I actually think that there are some opinions that hefker items may be better than mechira.) Unless it was owned by a Jew on Pesach, and then made hefker after Pesach?

cshapiro — It seems like you’re upset at your sister/ parents for spending the money. But that doesn’t meant what the seminaries are doing is extortion – no one is forcing you to go!! If you feel it is not worth it you can choose not to go.

mod 80: Most seminaries actually do not raise funds besides tuition, which is probably part of the reason tuition is so high compared to other educational institutions such as boys yeshivos and elementary/ high schools. They need to cover all their expenses (including numerous tiyulim and trips) from only the tuition.

always runs — You’re absolutely right except for one thing — these nuts are not simply against “society’s norms” — they are trying to fight physical reality!! Last I checked there were very clear biological differences between male and female . . . it is not a “choice” that parents (obnoxiously) make for their children.

If you know the person will not respond well to telling them outright not to speak L”H, often the best thing to do is to quickly change the topic — it is actually easier then it seems to interrupt someone with “Oh! I just remembered I really wanted to tell you. . .” — at worse they’ll think you are being rude, but if your new topic is interesting enough then the moment will pass!

I stumbled on this approach many years ago by accident when I was in camp. There was a big push to be careful, and one thing going around was that if someone is starting to say something that sounds like L”H, you can use a hint to stop it. A popular one was “I smell smoke.” Well, I was with a group of girls who started speaking some L”H and I said “I smell smoke.” What I didn’t realize was these particular girls had never heard about this phrase, so they took me literally, and decided to go out of the bunk and check around. I didn’t bother explaining because the purpose was served anyway — everyone was distracted and the conversation was over!

Since then I discovered that you don’t usually need something that dramatic — conversations naturally change course all the time (just look at a typical CR thread!).

Obviously this won’t help if someone is specifically trying to tell you something — that would probably require a more direct approach, as ZeesKite discussed. However for the L”H that is constantly just coming up in conversation this works.

DRB — I don’t want to get serious on a light thread, but. . .

Do you plan on living here long term, or are you just here for a few years? If it’s a short term deal, I agree with you. Or if you are retired and don’t have young children.

If not, it is probably well worth your effort to try to develop a functional Hebrew. It will make many aspects of your life easier, help with job opportunities, and certainly make a big difference if you have kids here and need to deal with the school system. If you don’t speak the language, you are making it much more likely for your kids to always be “outsiders”. I have met a number of people who made Aliyah many years ago who say they strongly regret not having put more effort into developing their Hebrew when they first arrived.

charlie hall – Why do you keep reposted the misinformation that these boys admitted to smuggling? Where did you get your information from? If you have been following the case at all the point is the boys did NOT know they were doing anything illegal — and the courts have acknowledged that, which is why they were only convicted of negligence rather than smuggling.

Their story, which the Japanese court system has ACCEPTED, is that they thought they were carrying religious antiquities which are exempt from tax and completely LEGAL to be brought into the country. However due to the high value of the items as well as their delicate nature, the items were packed in false bottoms to protect them and prevent theft.

NO ONE involved in the case has rejected this story. The issue is that the judge has ruled that there was enough about the story that should have given the boys ground to be suspicious, and therefore their lack of suspicion constitutes a form of negligence. This is very different from the version you keep posting stating that they thought they were smuggling something else.

However, I agree with those pointing out that this knee jerk reaction to criticize the Japanese justice system seems dishonest. It is not a matter of “wasting energy” trying to “defend” the Japanese justice system. It is a matter of not distorting facts. These boys were not convicted of the more serious charge of drug smuggling, under which they could have faced life in prison. Even under this conviction, Yaakov Yosef was sentenced to 6 years, when the prosecution was asking for 13 — and it is likely that he will be extradited to Israel within the next 10 months. The judges also used leniency in terms of how they calculated time served. I am certainly sad about this verdict, and continue to daven for these boys, but it is hard to justify all this vitriol against the Japanese, who do not by any account appear to be singling out these boys in an unfair way, according to their laws.

600kilobear — As is clear from my previous posts I am in no way a Zionist. However some of your posts are over the top, in my opinion. It is absolutely true that the current “medina” is very secular, but your implication that the culture is not primarily Jewish is not accurate. In fact one of the main redeeming factors of the state of Israel as a “Jewish state” is the fact that even the secular Jews here are much closer to Torah and Mitzvos then in other places, partly as a result of the “Jewish” culture, much of which is due to the strong fighting done by the Yishuv Hayashan and its leaders in the early years.

Numerous studies have shown that the rate of non-religious Jews in Israel who fast on Yom Kippur, have a Pesach Seder, and light Shabbos candles far exceed the rates in the US. A secular Jew in Israel is more likely to keep some sort of Kosher, to avoid Chometz on Pesach, to celebrate Purim, and even to shake lulav and esrog. All of these activities may be “cultural” rather than completely religious, but obviously the Mitzvos have value, and these Jews are that much closer to eventually understanding their meaning.

Unfortunately time is chipping away at much of the status quo that was in favor of Yiddishkeit, but there still exists much to be thankful for. Shabbos is recognized (although this is an area that has gotten much worse in the past few decades), and one must go out of his way to find real treif food. I recently had to be in a mall and commented to my husband that despite the fact that 80% of the people around did not seem religious, all of the restaurants in the “food court” — about 12 — had some sort of Kahrus certificate. When taking a taxi a few weeks before Pesach, the clearly Chiloni driver began to tell me about how his Pesach cleaning was going — and he didn’t meant spring cleaning! He was discussing scrubbing down his oven and fridge to remove Chometz.

Again, this is a complex topic, and the bottom line is that I think we can all agree that the best solution to this discussion would be the coming of Moshiach Tzidkeinu and the geulah!

Charliehall — Last I checked the Central Powers lost WW I to the Allies, so I’m not sure what that fact regarding the Ottoman Empire has to do with the creation of Medinat Yisroel over 30 years later (and with another world war in between that further altered the political landscape). Throughout the cycle of history much larger Jewish populations were expelled from virtually every country in Europe at some point or another. And in recent history the only place where Jews were forcibly expelled from their homes was in Gush Katif, under the rule of Medinat Yisroel, unfortunately.

In general I don’t really think “what ifs” regarding history are too valid — there are too many factors. But once you start with what “probably” would have happened, a person can theoretically come up with many other scenarios. Perhaps had the early Zionists not forced the hand of the British empire through their armed resistance, Israel would currently be under British rule like Gibraltar. Perhaps Israel would have remained under some sort of Arabic rule that allowed freedom of religion for the Jews living there, as there was in most of the Arab world before the 1940’s (including Iran and Syria, whose large Jewish communities experienced tremendous hardship after the formation of Medinat Yisroel).

I am not trying to discuss the core issue of why people have problems with Zionism and the modern state of Israel. I am simply pointing out that many of these presumptions are not necessarily true.

Similarly, I strongly disagree that the “only thing” preventing Hamas rule over Israel is Medinat Yisroel. The “only thing” preventing Hamas rule over Israel is Hashem’s protection. There is no reason to assume that had Israel never been formed, Hamas like groups would be in control, and even with the State of Israel the situation right now is pretty precarious, especially now with this “unity” deal.

As someone who actually lives here, I have appreciation for the Israeli government in a similar way that I had appreciation for the U.S. government when I lived there. A democratic and functioning government provides the derech hatevah security and law and order that allows me to be free to live the life I believ in , and have a good quality of life in Artzeinu Hakadosh. I pay my taxes, follow the laws, and express appreciation whenever I meet anyone serving our country (as I did in the US). And I certainly daven for the safety of the young Jews putting their lives on the line to save others. But that does not mean I agree with those who view the formation of a Jewish state here in Israel as the beginning of any sort of geulah, nor do I believe this scenario is what we have been davening for over the past centuries. I even believe that many aspects of what goes on here today may be worse when done under a Jewish government.

One can have serious Hashkafic problems with the Zionist belief system, and object to it, without being accused of “anti-Zionist” rhetoric and lack of hakaras hatov.

lovebeingjewish —

As you seem to truly be machshiv the tremendous mitzva of yishuv eretz yisroel, as well as the other mitzvos you can do only here, why aren’t you living here yet? (Is seems from your other posts that you live in NY, although perhaps I’m wrong)

This is a huge complex topic that I’m not going to address in this forum. However just to clarify the misconception in your question: no one is against Eretz Yisroel or denies the fact that there are many Mizvos involved in both living and being here. Many do have objections to the State of Israel, and do not necessarily view it as a positive development in Jewish history. Some small groups have hashkafic/ halachic objections to moving to Eretz Yisroel before Yemos Hamashiach.

Many of the groups in Eretz Yisroel with the strongest objections to the State, who take no money from the state, do not participate in elections, etc., are also among the most ardent lovers of the land. Members of many of these groups will not leave Eretz Yisroel for any reason, even missing simchos of relatives, etc., and even avoiding traveling to areas that are “safek Eretz Yisroel”, like Acco or Eilat. Many in these Yerushalmi communities are descendents of those who came to Eretz Yisroel in the period of the “Yishuv Hayashan”, well before the influx of secular Zionists in the WW II era, and before the declaration of the state.

Yes, but Yom Hazikaron (Memorial Day for fallen IDF soldiers) is Monday.

Yes, it’s true about the positioning while diapering (I’m mom to 4 boys).

As SJSinNYC said, remember that although the generalizations are true when you look at groups (more wild, energetic, less verbal, etc.), when dealing with any one individual there are no hard and fast rules. You need to try to understand your individual child’s temperament and personality, not the general trends of boys vs. girls.

oomis — You make a very broad generalization, and as with most generalizations it can’t be accurate. Perhaps you meant to say “SOME kids who do not have one. . . “, which I would agree with. It is definitely not everyone, and I believe a lot depends on how well you communicate your value system to your kids. I grew up without TV in my home, and I NEVER went to a friend’s house “for the express purpose of watching.” On occasion, I did watch TV at a friend’s house when I was there anyway and she wanted to watch. Similarly if I was babysitting at a home with a TV I would occasionally turn it on (although I was more likely to head for their bookshelves!) BTW my parents allowed this, requesting that I use good judgement and avoid shows that may be inappropriate.

And even if a child does watch TV at a friend’s house, as I said in my previous post, it is not likely that the child watching at a friend is watching more TV overall, or watching worse shows, than one with a TV in their home.

Did they count with a Beracha in the morning? Many people count every morning as an extra precaution in case they forget somehow one night.

oomis – I think that you are missing the point of those discussing Tisha B’Av as our national day of mourning. The point is not that we don’t remember the Holocaust, but rather the day to mourn it is on Tisha B’Av itself. The point is that the Holocaust is the most recent manifestation of the fact that we are in Galus, and so on Tisha B’av it is part of the tragedy. As you mentioned, since the Shoah is somewhat more personal to us, by thinking about and discussing the Shoah on Tisha B’av, and then realizing that this, too is a result of the Churban, it will help us achieve that deep sense of mourning that is so incumbent on us to feel. We were always encouraged to read Holocaust biographies during the three weeks and on Tisha B’Av. Additionally, I remember once hearing a shiur discussing that Tisha B’Av is also an appropriate time to mourn personal tragedies in our families and communities, which are also a result of the lack of Hashraas Hashichina in our lives due to galus.

I am not sure about your historical generalizations however. I believe the number of Jews killed during the period surrounding the Churban Bais Sheni was in the multiple millions as well. And in terms of the “systematic and organized” murder of Jews, the Spanish Inquisition was pretty systematic and organized, as were the pogroms during Tach V’Tat (although obviously the actual numbers killed do not compare). I am not trying in any way to Chas V’Shalom minimize the Holocaust. Simply to point out that this has been a long and difficult galus, and the point of Tisha B’Av is to mourn all the aspects of it.

In terms of Yom Hashoah itself, I believe a previous poster has mentioned that the complete “official” name of the day is “Yom HaShoah V’Hagevurah”, and it was picked because it was the day associated with the Warsaw Ghetto uprising. Many of the early secular Zionists were embarrassed by the Holocaust and felt that the Jews went “like sheep to the slaughter”. The uprising was something they could take pride in, as it was the type of “gevurah” they approved off. (Tangentially there certainly was a tremendous amount of spiritual gevurah under the harshest circumstances throughout the Holocaust. . .) So even if one would feel that for some reason the Holocaust needed a separate day of commemoration, there are actual problems with the specific day, from a Torah hashkafa.

To the OP (if you’re still reading!), and those like her:

I was always on the heavy side and got married at age 20, B”H. There are plenty of guys out there looking for more than weight, and even many who find girls attractive even when they are not skinny.

In Malky Feig’s Mountain Climbers 2 she has a beautiful mashal (discussed with regards to someone having difficulty in shidduchim due to a medical issue). Basically, when you are doing a puzzle the easiest piece to match is the corner piece because it has 2 straight sides and less options to match it to. Shouldn’t having more options make it easier to match up? The answer is that when you want to “choose” something, having more options is better as it gives you more choices. But if you want to “find” a specific thing, less choices narrows the field and makes it easier. We are not trying to “choose” a shidduch. We are trying to “find” the one specific individual who is right for us. If you have less choices due to circumstances that Hashem put you in, He is making it easier for you to find the right one by narrowing down the ones you must sort through until you find him! When he does come along, he will be attracted to the way Hashem made you! (Obviously we have to do reasonable hishtadlus, but it seems clear from your post that you are doing that.)

May you all be zoche to find him quickly!

good.jew — It does not seem that the OP’s main concern with regard to negiah was the handshaking issue. (These are classmates — presumably the handshaking dilemma has passed for the most part!) It seems she is more concerned about working on group projects, etc.. where other situations of negiah arise.

I do agree that there is no reason whatsoever to lie, and it is highly inappropriate (and probably against Halacha) to do so. As other posters said, there is no reason why one cannot politely and matter of factly explain this issue the same way one would explain not eating non-kosher refreshments. The worst case scenario is a few strange looks, and some classmates who think you’re a bit strange (which may not be such a bad thing. . . )