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bina yesaira: lets say they usually focus on one specific topic which they usually take from sources- not like the type that they need a halachic opinion on so asking Rav so and so wouldnt come up? also do you think it must be a Rebbetzin or just s/o who i look up to, think that their an amazing person, and they give shiurim that i enjoy? That make sense what you said about it being ok to ask more than 1 person to find someone right for me-thanks! id luv to hear ur thoughts and thanks 4 always responding!
binayesaira; wow thanks so much for your advice you sound right on target!thnx 4 sharing ur story its really encouraging thats gr8 that u made that step… i wish it was so easy for me to do the same btw i luv ur username – fits u well:) I like the sound of the first part asking questions at the end of the shiur thats a gr8 way to start but i would not feel comfortable offering to help cook for shabbos. I guess your from eretz yisroel?! i wish i was living there i love EY !! im from ny but anyways i think ill start like what u said asking general questions after the shiur and see how it goes..thanx 4 the advice its a really good start! also how do u know if the Rebbetzin will ask da’aas torah ? i would assume she would if shes not sure the rite way to deal with it..also do u think i should stick to asking one person or perhaps hear from a few ppl. i know with a Rav u shuldnt go around asking the same ques to a few Rabbanim but does the same hold true in this case?
binah yesaira: thanx 4 the advice BH i attend many shiurim but unfortunately i am not close w/any specific Rebbetzin although i wish i was. How do you gain a kesher w/ a Rebbetzin from scratch? where do i start? and how do i know what if they’re right person for me to ask?
Thanx 4 the chizuk and Amen to all the berachos kapusta bina yesaira..! i wish e/o who needs it the same!!wow Goldenkeit: thanx so much for sharing what an inspiration! a maamin thanx i need that! binah yesaira thnx so much and Amen! although i am looking for s/o slightly differen than my brother i feel from a/o else that he really understands what im looking for however he still feels that this new way of dress is im not sure if this is the right way of saying it but may be “unattractive” to some future boy(s) that id go out with so the question is how do u look attractive but not attracting? i feel that you cant go wrong doing the right thing but i kind of hear what hes saying and he knows better than me cause he’s the boy although i still feel that i shouldnt swith back..thnx 4 the encouragement my take: B”H i feel that my new way of dress is portraying the real me and is “my type” and i dont think its a contradiction to the fact that yes my mother and brother maybe even more so my brother really do know what im looking for and i feel on the contrary some of my other clothing gave the wrong impression of who i really am. They just feel that there may be boys who may not want s/o who dresses in such a way (althogh they are right for me-but i guess maybe not?) but i feel that a boy who doesnt appreciate it isnt for me it sounds like most ppl here agree i just hope this is the right thing to do in such a situation. It really is best to ask Daas Torah but i really dont feel comfortable calling our Rav any ideas?
i spoke with my mother about dressing more tznius and wearing longer skirts and i wish i cud say that my mother was all for it and proud of me but this is not so. Help! my mother really isnt so happy with this and feels it will have a negative affect on shidduchim and boys wont want to go out with me. My brother agrees what should i do? i started wearing and buying longer skirts am i doing s/t wrong? isnt this a positive or do they have a point? theyre not saying to dress not tznius…I was so proud of myself but now i feel so horrible my brother said maybe im making a mistake…
mytake- thnx 4 ur post- i really only have the 2nd ques b/c the ques was not if 2″ is ok but rather i am not finding 2″ ok b/c i dont find it to be tznius in all situations (at least for me) although we got a psak i dont feel its ok so its really only the 2nd question. mw13: thanx for posting the link to the shiur. I just finished listening to it and was a big help! It seems that if 2″ doesnt cover in all situations which at least i find it doesnt when wearing streight skirts it would seem that Tznius comes first. although i shud confirm I wanted someone to find somewhere in HaLACHA that answers the question so thank you!
Thanx again for e/o whos replied on ths topic. perhaps there was a misunderstanding so i just wanted to clarify. I agree that if a person want to go lifnim meshuras hadin and be extra machmir and a parent disagrees Kibud Av Vaem goes first as that M’Deoraisa (of course ask your LOR) however that is not the question here although i still am not sure of the correct answer the question is if its a lack of tznius to wear such skirts although its 2″ I dont feel its tznius in all situations as well as other articles of clothing does Hilchos Tznius override Kibud Av Vaem? ps plz listen to the link i posted previously it is so powerful and had a tremendous effect on me Torahanytime.com and do a search on tznius i think its Rabbi Levin whos speaking
I was on Torahanytime typed the word Tznius in and did a search. Well its such Hashgacha Pratis HASHEM sent my way the most amazing powerful shiur just what i needed to hear its a real must listen to!!! http://www.torahanytime.com/scripts/media.php?file=media/Rabbi/Yehuda_Levin/2009-07-02/Tznius_:_Our_Responsibility/Rabbi__Yehuda_Levin__Tznius_:_Our_Responsibility__2009-07-02.wmv
This is the link im not sure if itll work with me posting it here but if not go onto Torahanytime.com and then type in Tznius and press search and Rabbi Yehuda Levin should come up enjoy
i take the 2nd part of my paragraph back sry i think in general my ques were answered thanx i think its most impt as i forgot who said to speak with a Rebbetzin, Daas Torah and discuss w/my mother these are all really good point if i knew how to edit i wud delete the 2nd paragraph so plz ignore thanks again to all u who contributed I really cant thank u enough and to the person who started this thread what a Zechus i gained so much thank you!!!!!!
wow where should I start!!! i just want to say a HUGE thank you to all of you who gave me so much Chizuk!! a maamin-wow ur post means so much to me thanks and AMen! this thread is so amazing and ispirational! Only in Am Yisroel where Yisroel aravim ze lazeh!! DRB thanks for sharing and u get a zechus b/c i decided to change into a longer skirt as well so thanx! May we be Zoche to greet Mashiach real soon BBA!!!
this may sound a bit repetitive but im still a bit lost does a/o know if hilchos kibbud av vaem includes dressing in a way that may be at the expense of tznius/the way i would like to dress due to a parents request plus its not tot not tznius so its like longer earrings but not to long 2 inch below the knee…gray areas…I know if def best to speak to a Rav but dnt feel cmfrtble i was wndering if perhaps a/o knows s/o well versed who may know the answer or dealt w/this before…
binahyesaira: thanks so much what your saying is so true. I wish i did have a teacher that i kept up with but i really dont. BH though I think my mother understands what type of boy Im looking for so at least that is not an issue. I actually did think a similar idea to what you said and I hope Ill be able to find someone to give me the clarity to know what the right thing to do isin this situation and of course most impt is to Daven! Thanx so much! DRB: thats great keep on growing!
observateen: thanks ur absolutely right. but i dnt want to ask the family Rav cuz its so personal and i dnt know who else to ask i feel so uncomfortable any recommendations?
canine: im sure my mother got it from a reliable Rav and its def not my type of thing to do to call that Rav. My mother is a really special person and just wants whts best for me shes worried cuz im “in the parsha” and have to look good observateen: i agree ideally 4 inches is best i wish i was up to that level.
but it causes arguments and my mother to get upset so i figured its best to give in and not cause my mother heartache. however after reading a bit about tznius im having doubts and not sure what to do i really want to be myself which means dressng a bit differently than wht my mother wnts but wht can i do i def cnt get rid of the clothing i bought and what about the future its so confusing and kibud av vaem is part of the aseres hadibros
Hi im new to this discussion and want to say thank you its a real inspiration to see the useful ideas in dealing with this nisayon. i on the other hand have a bit of a different problem. i really want to wear skirts that are a bit longer (more than 2 inches below my knee) b/c i feel that when sitting and esp. when getting into the car going on a date my streight skirt isnt tznius. however my mother doesnt like my skirts too long and got a psak that 2 inches is enough and the same w/ some of my other clothing id luv the idea of going thru my wardrobe and getting rid of some of my clothing but dont want to upset my mother so what do I do i really want to do the right thing which one goes first Kibud av vaem or tznius? help!