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Abba- it is possible to work off the books. When I lived in the US, I was self-employed and I could have easily not declared my income and not paid taxes. Of course, I wouldn’t do that, but if I had wanted to, it would have been possible.
Tznius – who chose your subtitle?
“What about sparkly nail polish? Is that tznius?”
just “chapped”.
tznius – shkoyach! Tizki L’Mitzvos. That must have been hard to do – I’m impressed.
I confirmed it – the name is Weissman, and it was written by the wife, but it was published under the husband’s name. At least the earlier Sefarim were, but the later ones might be under her name.
What are you, an Anti-semite?? When terrorists are murdering us and our children and we fight back, you think that you can compare us to them? Are you part of the UN or something? What Jew speaks that way? It’s bad enough when the goyim do it!
And I have no clue who you are quoting.
Yichusdik & Avrum in MD +1,000
and thank you! (on behalf of everyone who is in a bad marriage or who managed to get out of one).
Meno – sorry, I didn’t realize it was Joseph’s comment.
What is going to change in 2100?
I should hope Mashiach will be here by then, so no one will be using the english dates anyhow.
I once worked in a modern school during a time-period when blue and purple nail polish were very in style in certain circles, and all the girls were wearing blue and purple nail polish.
I really wanted to wear blue nail polish, so I decided to wear it on Purim, since I figured it’s the one day a year I could get away with it. However, when I was about to wash for the Seudah on Purim night, I suddenly realized that I had to take it off if I wanted to wash. I figured that it was a bigger Mitzvah to have a seudah Purim night than to wear blue nailpolish – so there went the blue nailpolish! Oh, well. Boruch Hashem, I got a Mitzvah instead.
GAW – sorry, but I lost you. If it’s not assur, why assume that nail polish is untznius? Or is your point that no one should assume that it is tznius? I didn’t think anyone was. It is debatable. Many would say it’s not. I was simply stating my opinion.
The first election I remember was the one between Ford and Carter. All I knew about them was that Carter had a daughter, whereas Ford had a dog.Obviously, I liked Carter much better.
“lilmod, though I wasn’t yet an adult during his term to be able to claim I recall events in detail, Hoover was a fairly good president despite his tenure being marred by the Great Depression – which was no fault of his.”
Uh,Joseph, do you mean that you weren’t an adult or you weren’t in this world yet?
I’ve been trying to figure out everyone’s ages based on which presidents they remember (I want to see if anyone is older than me). So far, DY wins the prize by a long shot!
Otherwise, most people seem to be around the same age as me, besides CT Lawyer.
Lavender, we haven’t heard from you in a while. How is it going?
GAW – while most Yeshivish girls don’t wear any nail polish, I think that most people would not say that it is assur to wear light pink nail polish. Although if it’s really unacceptable in your community, it probably shouldn’t be done. (although personally, I think there should be some leeway given for older single girls).
Please do not mention the Israelis in the same breathe as the Jihadis or any of the rest!
Israelis fight in self-defense. To save lives from murderers, not to kill innocent people.
Meno & Geordie are saying two different things. Who is right? Has anyone checked Artscroll?
She might have a new name now. But I haven’t noticed anyone who sounds like her. Hope she’s okay.
If it was removed, there was probably a good reason, and you should probably not try to find it, imho.
Tznius, I just want to clarify a few things about my earlier statements:
1. Everything I wrote and will write in this post is my own personal opinion. I never asked a Rav about black nail polish and never read anything about it anywhere.
2. When I said that it’s untznius, I did not mean that it’s assur. To my knowledge, it’s not assur. I merely meant that if you are asking about it, I would certainly say that it is a higher level of tznius not to wear it.
It is definitely not in the same category as wearing short skirts which is a clear-cut issur. I also would not put it in the same category as wearing certain styles which may not be mentioned in the Shulchan Aruch (since the Shulchan Aruch can’t deliniate every pritzusdik style that the oilam might come up with), but are CLEARLY assur to anyone who has a sense of tznius. I have seen girls wearing styles that were so pritzusdik even though they didn’t break any technical rules. I would not put black nailpolish in that category.
I would describe it as a level of tznius. It’s the type of thing that a Rebbetzin wouldn’t do and that one should be trying to outgrow, but right now, if you are a young girl and you feel that this is something that you like doing and that is hard for you to stop doing, it’s not assur, and there are probably more important things for you to work on whether in tznius or in other areas.
I don’t think it’s something to lose sleep over or worry about if it makes you feel good. Find something else to work on. At the same time, if you do want to send your kids to certain schools and be part of a certain society, you may want to think about eventually stopping to wear black nail polish at least by the time you have kids who are school-age, if not sooner.
Meno – for you, no.
I guess that explains why the person I sent the link to couldn’t find it. I was wondering – thought I must have put it in wrong.
Thanks Avi for bringing up the dibas haAretz issue.
Lightbrite – you’re adorable 🙂
tznius – so did you start going to some of the shiurim I mentioned or did you find other ones?
ZD – it could be it’s not literally gothic (I don’t know that much about gothicness), but I meant that it seems to me, that it’s based on the same concept. There is a science to colors and what they represent. Black certainly has a certain meaning.
LB- I think there is some confusion regarding the topic of conversation here. No one is against women working. In the Frum world, it is very accepted for women to work.
Joseph was comparing what goes on in the secular world today versus the way things are done in the Frum world. According to the Torah, women and men have different roles. If you want to say that women are more spiritual, that can only be the case if they have a different role. It is clear that women have different roles since they have different obligations and different physical and emotional make-ups.
The Torah world did not espouse (is that the right word) the Feminist movement, or at least not every aspect of it. There is an aspect to the Feminist movement that wants women to be like men (which I think is very demeaning to women). That is what the Torah world is against and has always been against.
Of course women can have careers, but they have to aware that in general, a woman’s main tafkid is to be a wife and mother. That is what distinguishes her from men and that is why Hashem created her as a separate creation after He finished creating mankind and could have stopped there. That is why He gave her certain gifts – the Bina Yeseira and elevated spirtual level, the greater capacity for understanding emotions and relationships, her greater ability to be nurturing, etc. That was all so that she could fulfill this tafkid of being wife and mother.
Of course, in addition to being a female, she is also a person, and she has to develop the person side of her as well (and maybe first). In order to be a good wife and mother, she may need to have a career, whether for economic support of the family or for her own fulfillment. But she has to realize that her family comes first and that her main role is as wife and mother. Even women who don’t have husbands and children have to remember that they have a unique role and potential as women and they should try to find a way to fulfill that potential in other ways.
While there may have been some positive changes that came about in the not-Jewish world as a result of the Feminist movement, it did cause a decline in the appreciation of the importance of women’s role in the not-Jewish world.
In the Frum world, even though women work, they generally realize that their main purpose is to be wives and mothers and the family is greatly valued. Of course, even in the Frum world, it can be tricky to maintain the right balance in the modern world, and there probably are those who do struggle with this issue as well. But that is not what Joseph was talking about. I believe he specified that he was talking about the secular world.
I could be wrong, but I don’t think that you disagree with anything I wrote here. I think there was some confusion regarding what the topic of conversation was,imho. And I do understand why you may have thought what you thought. But having read through many of the posts that were written on the topic, I reached a different conclusion.
btw, I have noticed that many of the disagreements in the CR on this topic are based on misunderstandings.
It is possible for someone to be self-employed and not get 1099’s. Someone can be self-employed and not be receiving $1,000 a year from one entity.
Additionally, he can be unemployed and have someone else supporting him.
Also, how would the State even know that he is not paying child support unless his ex-wife reports him (and she may be reluctant to do so, or there may be halachic issues involved)?
Also, the issue could be that he managed to get away with making a (unfair) deal that he wouldn’t have to pay child suppport in the first place – maybe it was the only way he would agree to give a Get even though the Beis Din said that he should.
There are many ways that a person can be negligent in his responsibilities if he really wants to be (I am not talking about someone who really, really is trying his best, and is just not able to).
Of course, it will be hard to get to the bottom of it in any case, but I think it is kidai to at least ask. The answer may provide a red flag that would be worth looking into further.
Maybe Hashem wants you to ask other people to look for it.
thank you tznius – I wanted to say that, but I couldn’t remember the word.
LF – +1. Basically, the same thing I said above; I just use a lot more words (I’m supposed to use 9 times as many, so I guess I’m not doing so badly).
LB – I read the post. I wanted to know what part you agreed with. I don’t agree with any of it. I think it’s very anti-Torah and anti-women, so I was surprised that you agree with it. It completely contradicts your OP!
In terms of the miracles, it is only out-right miracles that are a problem, the type of miracles that are not going to happen to you no matter how much you daven, so you have nothing to worry about.
I think the issue is brought up in the Gemara in reference to a man whom a miracle happened to and he was able to nurse his baby (I don’t know the details, but I guess his wife must have died and he was desperate to feed his baby). Nothing like that is happening to you, so you have nothing to worry about. When “miracles” happen to you, take it as a sign that Hashem loves you. That’s what I do.
And always daven. You don’t lose out by davening. It is a Mitzvah to daven (and not just to say “I’ll be happy with whatever Hashem sends. We are not supposed to think that way – we are supposed to daven!).
LB- +1. No, your story is not unique. There is a reason why people get divorced, although not every case is the same and there can be different levels and types of abuse. Some are not as bad as yours, but some are worse. And no one really knows what is going on with anyone else, even if they think they do.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It doesn’t seem like it’s the right type of school for you religiously. Not just the students, but also the hashkafa of the school and the teachers. I know you are tzioni, but within the dati-leumi world, there is a huge range of hashakfa/level of Frumkeit. You seem to be more the MMY type in terms of hashkafa, and this school seems to be very different from MMY.
Women was created after man because Hashem “saw” that man needed an “eizer k’negdo”, so she obviously had to be created on a higher spiritual level or how could she be an “eizer k’negdo” and what would have been the purpose of creating her?
But that doesn’t make her “better” than man, which is I think what Joseph was arguing about, because he thinks that women think that. Personally, I don’t know women who think that – I think that most women have inferiority complexes which is why everyone always stresses the ways in which women are on a higher level.
LB, what part of bais yaakov maidel’s post did you agree with?
Joseph, that thread didn’t “disprove” anything. First of all, there were not proofs. Second of all,the point you made there was that each one is better in different ways. Which is true. And women need to focus on the ways in which they are better and men need to focus on the ways in which they are better.
It is not productive for girls to constantly be told the ways that men are better (and vice versa).
I didn’t say there were any. My point is that you said that the US is safer than Israel because there are no murders of Yidden in Lakewood (bli ayin hara) so I am pointing out that haven’t been any murders (bli ayin hara) in Ramat Beit Shemesh or Kiryat Sefer either.
And in addition, there haven’t been any muggings or abductions which there have been in Lakewood.
I think Person1 has a point. All these posts from several posters about how abuse is not abuse if it’s not physical and how people should stay in bad marriages, etc, can be kind of dangerous.
I met someone who told me that before she got divorced she was very judgmental of people who got divorced. It is very easy to be judgmental of people who get divorced. You don’t know the situation, and you don’t know their cheshbonos – cut them some slack.
Of course, no one should get divorced too easily, and most people don’t. Perhaps, there are people who don’t know how to get the help they need, so point them in the right direction – but, please stop with all the judgmental speeches about what other people should be able to deal with, etc. I think it does more harm than good,imho.
Also, LB, did the Rabbi give that example or was that your own example? Because I don’t think that is what the Rabbi meant by changing nature. I have heard of such a concept but it was talking about out-right miracles. I never heard that something like this would be a problem.
LB- thanks! It’s nice to know that somebody actually reads my long posts!
In terms of the changing nature thing, I would think that if it is a result of your davening, it would be fine. Because then, it is not coming from nowhere – it is coming from the fact that you raised your level by davening so now you deserve more than you did before. You never lose out by davening (except if you daven to marry a specific person, and maybe there are other examples like that, but most of the time, you don’t lose out by davening).
I just checked out the Emunah V’Omanut website. It seems like a very different type of school than the others you have been talking about.It seems to me that Sharfman’s is probably more your type. I can’t say for sure since I don’t enough about you, Sharfman’s or Emunah V’Omanut, but check out Sharfman’s and Emunah V’Omanut carefully before you decide.
I’m glad to hear that you haven’t ruled out Sharfman’s or MT.
Basically, each gender is better in different ways, and each gender needs to focus on its maalos (advantages) and not its chesronos (disadvantages). It is counter-productive to focus on the chesronos of your gender, certainly not before you have reached the stage of having enough self-esteem and self-confidence in your identity and your role that you can handle it (if that ever happens).
Therefore, it’s not a good idea to discuss this topic with the opposite gender because they have to focus on why it’s better to be a man, and you have to focus on why it’s better to be a lady, so such a discussion becomes impossible and unproductive.
This is the conclusion that I reached approximately 5 minutes ago after thinking about it for many years (and after reading some of the discussions in the CR on the topic).
My friend’s daughter told me that her teacher taught them that girls have more binah than boys do (and she may have also said they are on a higher level), but she also added that they shouldn’t go bragging to their brothers that they are on a higher level than them.
I thought the teacher was very wise.
It’s really not worth it to get into an argument with boys/men about these things. Each gender needs to feel good about themselves. Arguing with the other gender about it doesn’t make anyone feel good about themselves.
Ask Joseph – or maybe, don’t.
“Wait…. Then again, something that is not generally accepted and/or be considered trendy in the non-Jewish world, like black nail polish, wouldn’t be permissible.” 🙂
I think that much as people don’t like admitting it, different types of styles have different meanings. Like, wearing jeans sends a different message than a suit does.
Black nail polish is not pretty. The point of black nail polish is to send a message. When I see black nail polish, I think it says “anti-establishment” or something like that. It’s not just that it stands out; it has no purpose other than standing out.
That being said, if I were teaching teen-age girls who were having a hard time with tznius, I probably wouldn’t say anything about black nailpolish. I certainly would not put it in the same category as short or tight skirts.
Is Emunah V’Omanut American or Israeli?
What happened with Sharfman’s and Midreshet Tehilla? I thought they sounded like good choices.
“(due to majority of writers that posted it isnt tznius so it probably isnt)”
Just don’t start drawing any conclusions in the opposite direction. Like if the majority of the anonymous posters in the CR tell you that something is tznius, don’t assume it is.
I agree with moderator. Although I could see that pink nailpolish might be untznius on someone with black skin. But I still think that black would be worse.
lol. Coincidentally, you just happened to post tonight. What hashkacha! And now everyone else will remember too.