Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Well sometimes I do get stuck in an argument in the CR and miss Netz unfortunately 🙁
I’m curious: 1.Are there any posters here whose spouses also post?
2. Do most posters’ spouses know they are in the CR?
3. Do they care?
4. Do they read their posts?
5. Do they comment on their posts?
Maybe I should work on having better middos…. I don’t think I’m holding by giving water to camels just yet…
I didn’t mean that you were giving mussar. We were discussing whether or not Tznius should give mussar to her friends about getting married younger. I think it’s a bad idea, and my understanding was that you think she should.
“Instead of bashing each other directly they bash indirectly through the candidates.”
That sounds better to me.
“Imho the political threads have more misogyny and less inhibitions”
Doesn’t misogyny mean anti-female? And aren’t there few women on those threads? So how could there be misogyny?
Seriously, Joseph, what do you mean when you say it was like how Yitzchok met Rivka?
In terms of the fact that Internet causes exposure to bad things, the reason you disagree may be because you have a different interpretation than I do as to what “negative things” are. I am referring to ANYTHING that it is better for a Yid not to see if it can be avoided.
For a man in particular, any picture of anyone who is not dressed according to halacha is something that he is supposed to avoid seeing if possible.
Reading anything that is written by someone who does not have Torahidk hashkafos is a negative thing (I’m not saying that you can’t learn something from it, but it definitely has a negative aspect – you are exposing yourself to non-Torahdik hashkafos and it is better not to be if one can avoid it. It is certainly better for a person’s Ruchnius to be immersed in Torah all day if he can be.)
I know that using Internet usually exposes people to bad things because I know this from my experience, and from the experience of friends who were trying to avoid such things.
Regarding filters, many people who work are not able to use good filters for their jobs. That is why my friends ended up seeing things they didn’t want to see.
1. Anyone means all people – that means it is a reflection on the Internet and not the specific people.
2. I keep posting it because you keep asking questions about my statement so I am being polite and responding to your questions. If you stop asking questions, I will stop answering them.
3. If you disagree, I would appreciate it if you could tell me so politely instead of referring to my opinions as “delusions”.
Comlink – even though your points are valid, the maaleh of games is that it gives you something fun to do so the date isn’t too boring.
I agree with you that it can be a problem of not allowing for personal interaction, and I do remember having this problem once (and I’ve only played games on dates 2x that I can remember). I remember feeling like there was no point to the date at all.
There are two ways to avoid that problem:
1. Only play games for a short time at the beginning of the date as a warm-up. Alternatively, in the middle of the date, if no one has anything to say or it’s just getting boring, you can pull out the games just for a short time. The second time I played a game on a date, he did it this way (the first way), and it worked really well.
2. You can try to find a game that involves conversation. I’m not sure how many games there are like this, but I’m sure there must be some. You are the game expert – do you know of any? I actully recently saw a game that is meant for dates. It has questions to find out about the other person.
Boggle and chess are probably bad ideas (especially boggle).
Mik5 – If I recall correctly, the problem is that even if you don’t swallow it, there is a possibility that you may need a bracha since your saliva absorbed the taste. That is the reason why “It would be good to swallow a bit and have intent to enjoy it; then you would make a bracha” as you pointed out.
I think your reasoning about why it would be ok to do this before feeding her dog makes sense, but she still should probably ask a sheilah about it.
Mik5 – I usually work nights, so I do do that most of the time.
Mik5 – I loved that story, and I know it is true because I heard it from the guy’s wife (Ayelet the Kosher Komic).
Joseph: “There are also circumstances where there are heteirim to stop honoring one’s parent.”
And as a general rule, I wouldn’t go around giving people mussar about the way they relate to their parents.
There are an awful lot of guys in Lakewood who only start dating at 23 or 24.
Also, I thought she was talking about girls since she is a girl and she referred to them as her “friends”.
In any case, nowadays the Beis Dins don’t force people to get married by a particular age.
Your father sent his servant to a well and she fed the donkeys water, and you didn’t even need to meet her, because you decided it was enough to know that she was a tzadeikis?
Wow, you’re lucky that your wife is such a tzadeikis!
Health, it was a negative statement about Internet, not about people.
My whole point was that Internet is something that exposes people to bad things even if they are big Yarei Shamayim who don’t want to see such things. I believe I gave the examples of friends of mine who are big Yarei Shamayim who have to use Internet for work and ended up seeing things they didn’t want to.
“Joseph how did you meet your wife?”
Curious about the answer to this.
“Is being married tznius?”
That’s why I’m not married (j/k).
Comlink, it IS a bit confusing, but check here:
PBA’s OP: “Well, that wouldn’t do. So I made a new username, and posted all the stuff that I didn’t mind her seeing under the new username, and kept my old one to post the real stuff.
And that is how this username came to be. I chose Popa bar Abba because that was what daf yomi was up to that day.”
(apparently PBA was the new name that he chose based on that day’s Daf Yomi).
and:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/does-your-wife-read-ywn-and-a-confession#post-509028
“If my husband comes on here people probably wouldnt know were married since wed probably be so different.”
on the other hand, they might figure out your other usernames.
Comlink – good points. Do you think it’s a problem for a girl to beat a boy at a game on a date? I did that once when I was 20 and my mother mussared me for it. L’maaseh, he shmeared me the second round, so I suspected he may have let me win the first time anyhow.
Comlink – huh? I calculated 21. What story? Don’t know it, but I’d love to hear it.
Talmidei Chachamim in Lakewood? You think?
Comlink – Why, what does Shlomo say about the topic? I would be interested in hearing?
“Men are not on a higher spiritual level than women; women are not on a higher spiritual level than men. One’s spiritual level depends on one’s personal choices in the test of life. It is purely individual and cannot be assigned on a category level.”
I think we are getting into semantics here. I was using the terms “higher spiritual level” in a different way than you are. I was using it the way one would say that Malachim are more Ruchniyus than people are. That doesn’t mean they are better. They didn’t use any bechira to get to where they are and people use bechira to get to where they are, so people are actually better (if they use their bechira the right way).
Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that women are more spiritual by nature as opposed to saying “on a higer spiritual level”.
Benignuman – Your second post reminds me of a story I once heard. Reuven was from a cultural background that values having boys, so he gave Shimon a bracha (common in his circles) that he should have
????? ?????- meaning that he should have boys.
Reuven was from a different cultural background in which it is not the norm to give brachos like that so he added, ????? ?????
????? ????? (the boys should be male and the girls should be female).
That being said, there is a concept of davening to have boys and there is a concept that it is better to have boys. But it is true that for the girl herself it is obvious better to be a girl, and for the parents as well, if Hashem gave them girls it was obviously better for them to have girls. That is an important point to remember. Thank you!
???? ??? ????
I’m not sure what you are saying. Maybe this is what you are talking about: B’dieved (retroactively) if you said a shehakol on any food, it counts. But you are not allowed to say, “I don’t know the bracha, so I will just say a shehakol”. You have an obligation to find out the right bracha, and you are only allowed to just say shehakol out of doubt if it’s really impossible to find out (for example, the Poskim themselves aren’t sure and never reached a definite psak) or if you already said it by accident. Is that what you are talking about?
I certainly have never heard that there is any problem with making a bracha on 2 other foods that have the bracha that you are not sure about.
But if you think it might be better to know for sure what bracha to make on the blended vegetables, ask your Rabbi and while you are at it, ask him about this principle you are talking about.
You really shouldn’t be asking halacha questions to anonymous online posters. And the blended vegetables question is definitely one that should be asked because it may depend how well they are blended.
Joseph – it’s not the same at all. From what I’ve heard, there are heteirim to stop having kids at a certain point or to take breaks.
It’s certainly not the same level of chiyuv. You aren’t supposed to give mussar to people who won’t listen to you unless it’s something that’s an outright issur in the Torah. I don’t think this falls in that category.
In any case, if they just get married late, they for sure aren’t being “over” on anything.
Comlink – how would they know it’s really me?
Really, I don’t see why it’s different than a shidduch where you check the guy out first. In fact it’s even safer because we’re both girls.
ITFT: Thanks! 🙂 I thought you were talking about the quote from MW13.
I’m really happy to get feedback. It was really long, so I didn’t know if anyone would read it. And I really did want to know what people think of it. It’s a complicated topic, and one I’m always wary of getting into because it’s so hard to express what I think the right way.
“lilmod ulelamaid – They dont like kids neither do i. Do i still want at least 15? yes.”
huh? You don’t like kids but you want at least 15? What?
Joseph, you’re right, but you can’t force someone else to have kids. Also, she is talking about people getting married late.
I do hear your point; I just don’t think it’s practical or realistic. And, I haven’t noticed or heard of any problems coming up with dating (except for the fact that when you’re 18 or 19 and have never spoken to a boy before in your life, it’s really awkward and uncomfortable, but that just makes it less of an issue in terms of tznius).
ITFT – that’s a good quote. I like that!
You might want to check with a Rav to make sure it’s shehakol. These halachos can be complicated.
Meanwhile, you can always make a “ha’adama” on something else and a “shehakol” on something else. That’s what I try to do when I’m not sure what bracha to make on something.
I don’t know anything about it, but I am glad you got the “r” in your subtitle. That had been bothering me.
Also am glad to hear that you want to be in a Frum environment. Hope it works out!
Before you switch, you may want to check that their pharmacy school really is a Frum environment (or at least better than where you are now). A friend of mine is in Touro Graduate School and she said there are hardly any Frum girls in her program.
LB: “Haha well here is a perfect example of a woman taking a joke literally :)”
Well, it was really only partially a joke. I really would love to meet with you if the moderators allow it!
Lesschumras – it’s two different things. Identifying culturally as an American has nothing to do with giving or taking.
I made it very clear that hakaras hatov is important; I was merely cautioning about identifying as an American culturally. As far as I understand, according to the Torah we are supposed to identify only as Jews. Moshe Rabeinu was punished for calling himself a Mitzri even though he received a lot from Mitzrayim (he was even brought up in the palace).
I’m happy to hear your opinion and to debate with you, but I would appreciate it if you could try to express your opinion more respectfully. TIA.
I’m pretty sure that it is assur to daven to the Rebbe and that it may be Avodah zara. My friend’s brother-in-law took the wine off the table when his Shabbos guest told him that her teacher told her that she can daven to the Rebbe instead of Hashem.
We are only supposed to daven to Hashem.
Health – My statement was a positive generalization since I do think that not using the Internet is a positive thing.
I realize that you don’t think that what you said was negative. I haven’t had a chance to show you why I considered it negative (that will take more time because I have to go back and find the precise quotes), but meanwhile I was responding to lesschumras and explaining why I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my statements.
And I wish you would find a nicer way to express yourself. Instead of “Stop with your hypocrisy!”, it would sound better if you wrote, “It seems to me like you are contradicting yourself”, or something like that. And the exclamation points make things sound more negative, imho.
ITFT: “LU,
You really hit the proverbial nail on the head with your
” but I’ve always wondered if there’s any real source for it… It does seem to fly in the face of the concept of ??? ????? ???????,”
Thanks for the compliment, but it belongs to MW13 – I was just quoting him/her in order to comment on it.
“I feel like its an issue when someone comes from a family of only like 3 kids (frum famlies) than all they want is like 2 – at most 5 kids?”
If someone comes from a family of 3 kids and wants 5 kids, then they’ve gone up!
I agree with you that ideally, people should want more than 5 kids, but there’s nothing you can do about it – certainly not at this stage.
Imho, even though everyone should want to have as many kids as possible, it’s not something they should be doing if they don’t want to and are only doing it because someone pressurred them. Of course they should want to, but you can’t make them want to. And again, you don’t know all the reasons and factors involved.
In EY, you don’t date by car usually. You usually meet in a hotel lobby – a very public place. You usually don’t go for a walk on the first date, and if you do, it’s in a very public area.
And, uh, personally, I don’t talk about sensitive and frivolous topics on dates.
If you’re a tznius person and you go out with tznius people, there shouldn’t be any problems.
I do agree that it would be great to have parents who could arrange things for me, and the chassidish way of doing things is great – but, it can only work if you’re from that type of society. There is a reason why different societies (within the Orthodox world) have different ways of dating.
Sociology is a complicated thing. When things are done a certain way in one society but not in another, it is usually because there are other things that are done in that society that make this thing possible in that society and not in others.
Someone from a Yeshivish society or a Modern Orthodox society can’t necessarily choose to do something the way it is done in Chassidish society and expect it to work.
Shouldn’t you ask someone from Touro?
You can’t. Pressuring people backfires. There are so many issues involved in these decisions, and it’s unlikely you know all the issues involved, and at the end of the day, people have to decide for themselves when they are ready to get married. It’s a really bad idea (most of the time) to pressure someone to date when she doesn’t want to.
btw, I just reread your question – the way it is phrased, it sounds like your friends are waiting until they have 2-5 kids before they get married! If that is the case, then yeah, you should speak to them about it. Or change your friends.
don’t go where?
I think maybe men are easier to deceive/ manipulate/hide things from than women are and women are better at deceiving/manipulating/hiding things. It sounds negative, but it can actually be a very positive quality – I just can’t think of a positive word for it although I am sure there is one.
You can use this quality in a positive way by to getting your husband to do the right thing without having to be assertive or controlling.
I think men take things at face value and are less perceptive. They don’t know how you are feeling unless you tell them.
I have at times noticed conversations between my friends and their husbands which involved the husband saying something that was insulting to his wife and he had no clue that there was anything insulting about it – he thought he was just making a factual statement and didn’t realize that someone could view it emotionally and be insulted. That’s because men don’t read into things.
These are just general impressions I’ve picked up over the years but I think they are pretty accurate in general.
LB – I was half-joking. I would really love to meet with you, but I don’t think the moderators let people be in touch with each other.
It could be dangerous since neither of us knows that the other is what she claims to be.
In theory, I would think there could be safe ways to do it. Like you could give me references and I could “check you out” (and vice versa) and we could make sure to meet in a safe public place.
But I still don’t think the moderators will let. If they do, I think I would be fine with it if it were done the way I just suggested.
You play games on dates? That sounds like so much fun! Can you talk to the guys I go out with?