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Huh? Who is mod-42? a few single guys where? in the CR?
Nice!
The leg from below the knee only has to be covered if it’s “minhag Hamakom” (the custom of the place). There may be different ways of understanding minhag hamakom and when it would apply in this case, so this is a question that you definitely need to ask a Rabbi.
If you were asking a clear-cut black-and-white question about hilchos tznius, I could answer it, but that is not the case with this question.
If you were just asking if such communities exist, they definitely do. I think all Yeshivish/Chareidi communities are like that.
Hashkafamaster, your last post kind of contradicts this post:
It also contradicts every single mussar sefer, halacha sefer and common sense. So if I kill someone in order to find the perfect man, it’s ok? That would be one way to solve the shidduch crisis.
Person1 – thank you for sticking up for me at the beginning of the thread. Sorry I didn’t say anything until now.
I pretty much stopped sticking up for myself once I realized there was no point, but I appreciate it when others do it for me (especially when I feel like I can’t do it for myself).
Actually, LB, I thought that you meant Chillul Hashem. Check your previous post.
“Do month-to-month leases in Lakewood require a first and last month’s deposit?”
Usually not. It depends on the landlord. My experience is that usually not.
You can rent an apartment for a month. There are a lot of short-term rentals.
There’s such a thing as a Tehillim Minyan? Cool! I never realized that men said Tehillim, and davka with a minyan. Oh, is that why the Tehillim booklets have the Y’hi Ratzon at the end that can only be said with a minyan (at least the 13 Middos part)?
One time when I was at a Tehillim group, they didn’t believe me that you are not allowed to say it w/o a minyan. One girl’s proof was that it wouldn’t be written there if you’re not allowed to say it. While I didn’t think it was a proof, I was wondering why that is there. It never occurred to me that anyone says Tehillim with a minyan. Is that the reason why they davka do it with minyan (in order to be able to say the 13 Middos).
LB – I think you are right. That is how the phrase “stuck in one’s ways” is usually used. If Twisted had said “stuck” without the “in one’s ways” then Abba would probably be right.
ZD- I think that tzadikim are often able to do that, and there are many stories like that told about tzadikim. However, in my experience, I have found that as a non-tzadeikis, I have at times been faced when situations like that – situations that a tzaddik would have been able to accomplish that, but a non-tzadik would not be able to and would have to choose between the two.
Additionally, we do find that even with tzadikim (maybe davka with tzadikim) they often do have to do things that cause others to hate them and speak badly about them, and their gadlus lies in their being able to stand up for the truth even when others hate them because of it.
However, that is usually because they are leaders (and have to deal with community issues). And I do agree that for most people, it is probably true that things can be worked out most of the time with some thought and a lot of sincerity.
“should be noted that use of the term has been debated on the CR for years, with a bunch of posters concerned that someone would be offended, no bunch of posters being offended, and nobody giving a valid reason for anyone to be offended.”
Well now someone has:
although when I looked through the threads, I think there were others who did as well.
PBA & DY, I answered your question. Would like to know what you think of my answers (I gave two in two different posts above). Thanks!
Person1, sorry I’ve been so late in responding to you. I wanted to qualify my last post. After I read your last post, I realized that you might be assuming that I found out all of these things from the references given to me by the guy. That was not necessarily the case – I just meant they were people I called. They could have been references given by the guy, or references given by the references, or people whom I figured out on my own that they might know the guy.
Regarding #7, it actually may have been a reference given by the guy as I remember being surprised by that myself, but I can’t remember for sure (if not a reference, then a reference given by a reference).
In #4 -#6, in at least one of those cases, the guy himself gave the reference. #3 happened at least two times. In one case, it was the guy’s reference, but it took a while to get the info from him. In another case, the guy himself called the shadchan and asked her to call me to tell me (although that wasn’t the case I had in mind when I wrote the list).
Basically, what I had written is that it’s a good idea in theory, but there are hardly any other singles in the CR that I know of. The few I know of do not match up with each other in terms of gender, age, hashkafa, and personality.
However, there probably are a lot of singles that I don’t know of, since there are many people whom I have no idea if they are single or married.
I have lived in RBS for years and haven’t seen any elderly ladies dressed untzniusly. I agree with emunah613 that it must be people visiting who don’t realize.
I remember years ago being on a bus and having one such visiting American zaidy sit next to me on the bus. It was probably the only time that a man sat next to me on the bus and I didn’t stand up because he so clearly was temimusdik and completely clueless and just didn’t realize that you don’t do that in EY.
btw, I think there may be LH on this thread and I’m not sure it should be continued but since it was bumped, I felt the need to clear the reputation of the elderly ladies in RBS.
Moshiach
stop speaking LH so he will come today!
taanis dibur
taanis food
taanis Esther
Purim
achdus
Moshiach
etc.
LB -yes, everyone agrees that circumcision is a must for all Jewish boys. It must be on the eighth day unless the baby is sick.
Upsherin is a minhag and it does not have to be done. I think it was actually a Chassidish minhag that has become very popular in most or many Frum circles today.
In Israel, it is almost unheard of not to do one. I have a friend who didn’t do it because her husband is Yekkish and it’s not a Yekkish minhag. She had her son start wearing a yarmulka as soon as he got his first haircut even though he was under 3 becuase she was afraid that people would think he’s not Frum if he has a haircut but no yarmulka (since in E”Y, everyone waits to do the haircut till age 3 which is also the age that boys generally start wearing a yarmulka. So it is unheard of for a Frum boy to have his hair cut but no yarmulka).
On the other hand, I once worked with an autistic 7 year old (approximately – I don’t remember his exact age) whose parents deliberately kept his hair long because they wanted people to think that he was 2 so they wouldn’t realize that there was anything wrong with him. Personally, I just thought that he wasn’t Frum until someone explained to me. He didn’t look like he was 2 – he just looked like he wasn’t Frum.
It is correct that priority is not to walk more than a certain distance if possible. However, if necessary, one is allowed to wash under the same roof.
There are different opinions regarding whether or not one must wash within that distance (4 amos) if it’s possible or if it’s okay to rely on the “anywhere under the same roof” even when one had the option of setting up negelvasser beforehand. That’s why there are many people who set up negelvasser near their bed the night before, and many do not do so.
I didn’t mention it in my prior post since: 1. There are many who hold that it’s okay to wash under the same roof even if you have the option of setting up negelvasser the night before, & 2. In your case, where it was not an option, it should certainly be okay.
However, if this is something you are normally makpid (careful to keep) about, then you should probably ask a sheilah about what to do in this case. You have mentioned Chabad, and I am under the impression that Chassidim may be more stringent in this manner.
When you hear back from the Rabbi, I would be interested in hearing what he says. Which questions did you ask him?
In case anyone didn’t get the joke:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/fire-is-retarded#post-638281
In case anyone didn’t get the joke:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/fire-is-retarded#post-638281
In case anyone didn’t get the joke:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/fire-is-retarded#post-638281
In case anyone didn’t get the joke:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/fire-is-retarded#post-638281
Why in the world do you like Trump so much? From what I understand, the only reason why anyone said to vote for him was because he’s better than Clinton and not because they thought he was so great.
Don’t you have to feel some connection to the person before you can marry them?
I never understood how people could say that it’s impossible to like someone before you are married to them, but at some point I realized that these people who say “there’s no such thing as love before marriage” and “I wasn’t in love with my husband before we were married” must have just been defining their terms differently than I was, because it was clear from things they said that they did like their husband to some extent before they got engaged.
The idea that you can’t like someone until you are married to them never made sense to me. After all, there are a lot of people in the world whom I like even though I am not married to them.
And I don’t see how I can marry someone whom I don’t like. I don’t understand the people who have told me to marry guys whom I couldn’t stand being on a date with. You can’t marry someone whom you don’t like being with. I think that’s crazy.
I wonder if that’s one of the reasons for all the divorces. I can think of at least one person I know who got divorced for that reason. When I think of all the times when people tried hard to pressure me to marry someone I didn’t like, it’s reasonable to assume that has happened to others, and that some of them did give in to the pressure.
In case anyone didn’t get the joke:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/fire-is-retarded#post-638281
In case anyone didn’t get the joke:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/fire-is-retarded#post-638281
Daas Yochid:”I agree with myself from four years ago. “
Hashem is Reading: “Daas Yochid, I admire that. It means you really do have a singular mind. Nice.”
True, but I was much more impressed by this:
It is much harder (and t/f more impressive) to admit you were wrong than to admit you were right.
I think we should hold a contest in the CR to see who can admit they were wrong the most often.
“Lightbrite -“If no one is there and I feel safe, then talk to the person”
You’re the first one that’s even getting close!”
I forgot to mention – I think I did approach the person first and talk to her.
What in the world could be wrong with calling Hatzalah/ambulance/911?
What is the right answer?
A lot of the posts in this thread seem to about the supposed contradiction between having values and opinions vs. accepting others. I think the key is to distinguish between people and their actions/hashkafos. You can love someone and disagree with them and think that what they are doing or thinking is wrong. You can even tell them that you think that what they are doing is wrong and it doesn’t have to mean that you love them any less just because you think they made a mistake.
After all, do you love your children any less when you scold them? Do you love yourself any less when you do vidui and acknowledge your mistakes?
Meno: “There are situations where in order to be accepting of other people you would have to compromise on your own values. Not saying there’s no way around it, it’s just very difficult. It’s not as simple as just “getting along”.”
I think it’s also important to remember that sometimes one really does have to choose between compromising his values and getting along with others and there may not be a way around it, and in some cases, the right thing to do according to the Torah is to NOT compromise even when it seems to entail less achdus.
Of course, there are times when one is supposed to be more “maikel” and “compromise his values” for the sake of getting along with achdus, but there are times when that is not the right thing to do, and it may be the Yetzer hara telling us that the most important thing is achdus.
Hopefully, most of the time, we can find ways to do both, but sometimes it’s not possible and then we have to make sure we find out the right thing to do in that particular situation.
YehudaYona – thanks for answering my question! I don’t really get the logic though… if it’s obvious why it’s illegal to tip police, what does that have to do with garbage men?
Shkoyach! Glad someone finally got it!
Thanks! That’s so nice of you to say! I always wonder what people think of my posts.
When I have a chance, maybe I’ll try to rewrite a shorter version that won’t get deleted. Truth is, it wasn’t that important – I was sort of trying to be funny, but I guess the moderators thought that parts of it weren’t appropriate or something.
Gut Voch LB! How was Shabbos in Eretz HaKodesh?
LB: “Confession please::: Sorry sorry sorry. I lied about my layover location. I wanted to protect my anonymity so I said another common layover city from the US to EY.”
Well, I guess it’s a good thing that Rebbetzin Joseph and I cancelled our tickets to London at the last minute…. 🙂
“When Moshiach comes, we’ll all be whisked to E”Y, correct? So isn’t buying a plot in Chutz L’aretz tantamount to saying you don’t think Moshiach will come in your lifetime?”
Actually, I would think that buying a plot anywhere is tantamount to saying that you don’t think he will come in his lifetime, hence my above
post:
I am! And most people I know are! Those who aren’t just haven’t had the right education (yeah, I used to be one of them too, until I educated myself.)
I think it’s better to wash in the bathroom sink than to only wash till knuckles, but if you have a chance to ask a Rabbi before your return flight, maybe you should do that.
In terms of the extra steps to the bathroom, as long as it’s under one roof, it’s okay. And you are supposed to wash your whole hands if possible, so that’s why I would say it’s better to wash in the bathroom.
Lightbrite, just want to wish you a great Shabbos in Eretz Hakodesh! I don’t know if you will get this message before you’re mekabel Shabbos, but just in case you do –
Have an amazing Shabbos!
“One Shabbat, attended a shiur about Ashair Yatzar at the shul. The rabbi said that negel vasser is not required, ever. All that is required is to wash hands with water before saying Ashair Yatzar.”
I just realized that I may have misunderstood what you meant. I thought you were talking about washing negelvasser in the morning (you wrote the Rabbi said you never have to wash negelvasser). I just realized that you probably meant that you never have to wash negelvasser after using the bathrroom.
If that is what you meant, that is correct. You only have to wash negelvasser in the morning and after sleeping for at least half an hour at any time of day.
“Is washing half my hands enough to purify myself of the Ruach Ra?”
L’chatchila, you are suppsed to wash until your wrists. If you can’t, then you have to at least wash until your knuckles and that removes the r’uach r’aah. (like on Y”K & Tisha B’Av).
If you only washed until your knuckles, it’s possible that you should try to wash until your knuckles later when you have a chance, but I am not sure if you are obligated to or not.
I’m just curious – why didn’t you wash in the bathroom? Wouldn’t that have been easier? Then you could have washed your whole hands and not have had to worry about where the impure water dripped.
“But am I supposed to wash then again negel vasser after the restroom”
You just have to wash with water (it doesn’t have to be negelvasser).
LB: “One Shabbat, attended a shiur about Ashair Yatzar at the shul. The rabbi said that negel vasser is not required, ever. All that is required is to wash hands with water before saying Ashair Yatzar.”
I think you must have misunderstood what he meant LB. There is definitely an obligation to wash negelvasser in the morning. You definitely have to pour water over each hand 3 times.
You are supposed to use a cup but if you can’t, you have still fulfilled your obligation. Maybe, that’s what he meant – that if you don’t have a cup, it’s ok (although it’s better to use a cup).
Until you pour water over each hand 3 hands, your hands have a ruach ra’ah and you are not allowed to touch any openings in your body until you do this, so using the bathroom could be a problem. You are also not allowed to touch food before you pour water over each hand 3 times.
Abba, If you can, it’s better l’chatchila to use a kli, koach gavra and a r’viis of water. But if you can’t, YOU STILL MAKE THE BRACHA AND IT STILL REMOVES THE RUACH R’AAH. (Mishna B’rurah Siman 4, S”k 15, 16 & 17).
However,the water does have to be poured (you can place them under a faucet for example even though it’s not koach gavra) (M.B s”k 17) and it does have to be 3x over each time in order to remove the Ruach R’aah (SA seif). Maybe tht is what you were thinking of.
“MasaU’matan is just a publication of available apartment in Lakewood, they are not real estate agents who know what going on.”
They know when there are more apartments for rent (and t/f cheaper) and when there are fewer (and t/f more expensive). That’s why I had called them. I thought it might have to do with the time of year, but they said that it doesn’t – it has to with the amount of building.
Since they publish the information all year every year, it makes sense that they would have a handle on when there is more information to publish and when there is less. It makes a big difference in the size of the Masa U’matan.
“The question is does a positive commandment override a negative commandment in this case?”
You’re never allowed to. At least not in the way that you’re talking about. It would be a “Mitzvah haba al yedei aveirah” and it’s assur, like using a stolen Lulav.
In any case, the concept doesn’t even apply here. Dating is not a Mitzvah in and of itself. It’s hishtadlus. It would be like working on Shabbos in order to earn a parnassah.
Hishtadlus is not allowed to be done by means of an aveirah.
In terms of your first paragraph, the implication is that one is allowed to deliberately commit an aveirah for the purpose of finding one’s zivug. That has nothing to do with “shiluchei Mitzvah ainan nizokin”.
Ask a Rabbi. Off-hand, I would think EY, but I don’t know.
Trying to hang on, I second all the other posts here. I think it’s great that you are trying to hang on, and actively looking for help and advice. That’s really amazing!
It’s not easy being a teen today (or in any day) and I wish you a lot of hatzlacha with your struggles.
I do agree with the others that this is not the best place for advice, but I realize that you are probably having a hard time finding someone to talk to, and that’s why you came here.
There is a hotline in Lakewood for teenagers. It is called Regesh and the number is 732-367-7700. They have a website that might be worth looking at. I think that calling the hotline would be a great place to start. They could probably help you or guide you towards someone who could help.
I am also thinking that you might like the “The Thinking Jewish Teenagers Guide to Life” by Rabbi Akiva Tatz. I read it a really long time ago, so I don’t remember that much about it, but I remember that I liked it. As far as I recall, I think it gives good basic clear reasons for being Frum.
What do they do in shul?
Why waste money on something you won’t need anyhow?