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LF – sorry, I thought you meant
this:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/you-in-one-word#post-565828
LB- I know you were being sarcastic. My point was that I felt it was uncalled-for.
I don’t know if his words were well-founded or not since I didn’t really read either the Igros Moshe or his post in depth. But my point was that they didn’t have to be, since he made it clear that it was just his opinion, and that it didn’t affect the psak halacha in any way. He was not presuming to posken (as it seems you may have thought).
I was actuallly rather impressed by the humility with which he wrote and was slightly offended on his behalf. I realize that your post was written based on a misconception, but I felt a need to defend him and clear up the misconception. That was all.
And by the way, it is entirely possible that there are posters in the CR who have semicha. However, having semicha does not entitle one to posken.
LB – as far as I know it is a Jewish thing. There are certainly many, many Psukim that talk about how Hashem loves us. I’m not sure where they are off-hand and can’t look right now, but I’m sure there are many posters here who can bring them.
There is actually a song running through my head. something about “ahavti eschem amar Hashem…” not sure, but I’m sure s.o. here knows what I’m talking about.
And I’m pretty sure Chovos Halevavos, shaar habitachon talks about how Hashem loves us and everything He does for us is out of love for us.
“(Maybe I’m just paranoid because an online game
I really like is closing at the end of the month.)”
my sympathies. What is an online game anyhow? That sounds like fun.
“It would be such a shame to see the pun go down in flames like that.”
What is the pun? I’m quite curious now.
“Please consult a Rav.”
Of course she has to ask a sheilah – I was just curious since you brought it up. I would imagine the issue is marrying, not dating though, which is unlikely to be an issue anyhow. But of course, she should ask a Rav in any case, as you pointed out.
Anyone who has gone through such a traumatic experience has certainly thought a lot about this decision.
It is actually quite impressive that she is already ready to move on and date again. Many people would not be able to do so. Kol hakavod!
grizzly
interns
“Does everyone have access to a rav who is at such a level that one can totally be open with him and he will certainly provide Ruach Hakodesh?”
probably not, but then you should be aware that the Rav you are speaking to is not on that level and don’t assume that he can tell you who you should marry or that you should believe him if he does tell you.
The Talmidei Chachamim in each generation know who the Gedolim are and the Gedolim of each generation know who the other Gedolim are and who the Gedolim of the next generation are.
Even if you don’t have access to Gedolim, you should be able to find a Rav who does.
mw13 – that is true for many things, but if she wants to learn neuroscience and do research in labs, she can’t do that in the library.
WB Health. Where have you been?
blubluh – thank you for clarifying Rav Schachter’s comments and pointing out that they were kind of taken out of context.
I think it would be very problematic for anyone to walk away from this thread with the conclusion that a Rabbi can order them to marry someone whom they don’t want to marry.
btw, it’s not a joke. I had teachers who tried to force me to marry someone whom I didn’t want to marry, and they tried convincing me that halachically I was obligated to listen to them.
Iacisrmma – would the sheilah be in terms of dating or only in terms of marriage? And would it be from the date of the Get or the date of separation?
perfectionist
“But, we also have an obligation to be judicious in whom we anoint with that title.”
+1 million!
DY (or anyone else) – do you know if there’s anywhere online that I can find the third volume of Igros Moshe? It doesn’t seem to be on hebrewbooks.
Thanks!
Joseph – lol. I think you meant “worse than being a woman”.
I was a bit offended – it sounded like she thinks I’m a nebach case because I go to people’s houses for Shabbos. Not that I particularly care what a 5 year old thinks.
Anyhow, I’m glad that you think that being female is less bad than going to people’s houses for Shabbos. 🙂
manuals
nightly
LB – he may or may not have smicha. Either way, there was no problem with his writing anything that he wrote. Actually, it was written in a very non-presumptous and humble manner.
“Is that it then? Is the entire purpose of learning then, of all of academia and the arts, just there to forge a path to whichever endless drudgery one will use to eke out a living?”
The people running the colleges often have other agendas, usaully antiTorah ones.
From a Torah perspective, I believe the only heter (in general) to attend college would be if one feels it is necessary for hishtadlus for parnassah.
Of course, once one is attending college, he can find other uses for his knowledge, since all knowledge can be used for Avodas Hashem. But I don’t think that one would be allowed to put himself in an environment in which he is exposed to kefira and pritzus and secular knowledge not being taught from a Torah perspective unless he felt it were necessary for parnassah purposes. This includes online courses as well.
Avi K – I’m also thinking that even if RMS agreed that RYBS didn’t have to listen according to halacha, that doesn’t mean that it was necessarily the right thing to do. In such a case, I would think the appropriate thing to do in such a case would be to ask Daas Torah (a Gadol Hador not related to him), and present his father’s objections.
I would think she could go to the same shadchanim that anyone else goes to. But am I being naive? Certainly, if she were older, she could, but maybe it’s different if you’re young? Did she try regular shadchanim? Maybe even if they can’t help her, they would know other shadchanim who could?
renamed
nemesis
yahtzee
herring
“Would you go out and hang out with guys?”
It’s not the same, and I can understand why Jhonny Appleseed thought that one was okay and not the other.
She obviously is a Yarei Shamayim who sincerely wants to know if it’s mutter or not.
That being said, it seems that l’maaseh it is assur.
Joseph – lol, apparently so.
I was once shmoozing with my friend’s kids about who could be Moshiach, and I asked my friend’s 5 year old if she knows why I can’t be Moshiach. She answered, “because you sleep over at other people’s houses (on Shabbos)”
I was kind of offended by that reasoning. But apparently, she also didn’t realize that Moshiach has to be a man.
Joseph – how does that fit in with the fact that Besuel had to ask Rivka? Or was she at the wrong age?
In any case, l’maaseh, I don’t think that anyone would say that it’s okay to do that nowadays. And maybe, once upon a time, it could be assumed that most people were Yarei Shamayim and had their daughter’s best interests at heart.
Yeah!!! + 1 million.
Check out Ari Goldwag’s music video.
Catch yourself – are you quoting someone, or are those your own words?
DY – shkoyach, knew I could count on you.
Rav Moshe Feinstein has a teshuva about it. I’m sure someone here can find it for you.
inkling
keyring
mw13 -nice! +1.
LF – I was trying to figure out how you could possibly remember this thread when your profile says that you are only here for 2 years, but then…
I remembered this post:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/what-happened-to-the-cr#post-626305
Avi K – in the case you are talking about, he was telling him NOT to marry a particular person. Throughout this discussion, I was considering the idea of a Poseik or Gadol telling someone to YES marry someone.
It seems to me that the two are very different. I can hear much more of a svara for a Poseik or Gadol to tell someone NOT to marry someone IF he feels that the potential spouse has specific deficiencies in hashkafa or halacha that will be bad for the person in question.
It is much harder for me to see how someone can tell someone else that they MUST marry someone whom they don’t want to (again I’m not coming to argue against RHS).
In the above case, it is possible that R’ Moshe deliberately refrained from issuing a psak and merely phrased it as advice.
I had a student who told me that she thought was Moshiach for 5 years – from the age of 7 until 12. When she was 12, she told her parents that she “was coming” and then she got really depressed when she didn’t and her parents had to send her to therapy.
terrors
rainbow
Was wondering where you went… and Health, and Abba and Person1 (is there anyone else I left out?) Meanwhile, we got a bunch of newbies on the scene.. that’s what happens when you leave, LF, – all the regulars leave, and others appear in their place.
retards
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LF- yep, it’s to remind you of what’s awaiting you at 120. Except then it will include thoughts and deeds as well.
and btw, little froggie is two words 🙂
bump
BasYisroel127 – I am a girl, but personally, I get a lot of suggestions (albeit not necessarily good ones) and I don’t always have a yes or no answer. Some things are definitely yes and some are definitely no, but a lot are “it doesn’t sound that shayich, but it’s not a definite no, maybe I’ll consider it at some point, but meanwhile there are other suggestions that sound more shayich” or, “it doesn’t sound shayich, I can’t say for sure, it needs more research, meanwhile I have others things to look into and I have to figure out who to call to find out more” or something like that.
For example, there was someone who had been suggested to me during the summer. I had heard of him before and had never really figured out how to find out about him. It took me until this week until I managed to track down someone who could answer my questions and for me to find out that it is a definite no. Until now, it was a maybe, so I had no answer to give the shadchan. And she didn’t ask for one, so I didn’t give her one. If she had, I would have explained.
Boys get tons of suggestions and they can’t look into all of them. Or even if they do look into all of them, they can’t go out with all of them. So they might not have an answer to give the shadchan.
I do agree that either way around, if one side knows that the other side said yes and is waiting for an answer, they should get back to them with some kind of answer. But they may not know that you are waiting for an answer.
All they know is that tons of resumes were sent to them, they don’t know if any of these girls already said yes, and they are overwhelmed trying to figure out who to look into and who to go out with.
crochet
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LB – lol, literally. Good thing I’m alone.
redacts
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FuturePotus- From what R’ Matisyahu wrote, it didn’t sound like he thought it was a problem. He wrote that it’s only the words of goyish music that is a problem, not the music.
He then does go on to make some negative comments about certain types of music, but I don’t remember exactly what he wrote (but he definitely didn’t say assur).
Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with it, but it may be a sensitivity issue and perhaps I’m not on the level to see why it’s a problem. But I do think that it is the kind of thing that you can’t say that someone else is doing something wrong even if you feel that it is not appropriate for yourself.
My point was that you are helping others when you serve Hashem. And that should be part of the reason you are doing it.
Of course, the reason you want to help others in the first place should be because Hashem wants you to help others. And the best way to help others is through serving Hashem.
LB -lol, I thought that was where you heard his shiur, so I wasn’t sure if there was a point to telling you about his website. Glad I did in the end!
The reason to start dating at 20 should certainly not be fear of being an older single, imho.
You have to figure out if you are really ready to start dating yet or not. A dating mentor can be helpful for this. I suggest you be in touch with someone from Rosie & Sherry’s website.
“Is it really that bad if im 20 and still not dating?”
No. I wish I hadn’t started dating at 20. I only started then because I was literally forced to.
Even though most girls start at around 19, a lot of them anyhow don’t get married until they are 21 or 22 (at least from the girls I know – I don’t have any statistics).
I would guess that that may be because the boys only start at 23 or 24, and not everyone’s zivug is 4 years older than them, so their zivug was not even dating yet when they started dating.
Also, a lot of girls nowadays are not ready yet to be married at 20. Plus, many are in school and need to finish before they can get married. Even if they are not in school, it can be very helpful or even necessary to have the time to figure out what you want to do parnassah-wise and to start getting training in something. If you want to marry someone who is learning, this can be very important.
I’m not saying there is anything at all wrong with starting to date before or at 20; I’m just saying that you shouldn’t feel like you have to start before or at 20.