Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Thank you, Iacisrmma.
I think the problem is that people are not differentiating between Frum and Orthodox. If someone is Orthodox, that does not mean that they are Frum.
There is no reason why anyone should be holding Jared and Ivanka up as role models for Frum living. They certainly never claimed to be. As Ivanka says, “We are fairly observant. There are some who are more and others who are lesss”
It would be one thing if they were going around announcing that according to halacha it is mutar to put oneself in a pikuach nefesh situation and then get a ride on Shabbos.
They did no such thing. As far as I know they said nothing at all about why they did this.
nauseous
JA – have you called Regesh yet? Please try to call tonight. I really think they might be able to help you.
ZD – from the things that JA has written, it is clear that the shoes and the rules are not the issue. JA is going through a hard time and that is causing her to want to break rules. It is not about the rules themselves – it is about whatever it is that is causing her to want to break rules.
I think there’s a warning on the label about its being dangerous to swallow. I don’t know if alcoholics are a proof.
On the other hand, if it were really dangerous, we wouldn’t put it in our mouths in the first place.
Maybe it’s only dangerous if you swallow a lot of it.
But then again, I don’t think most people make sure to keep mouthwash out of reach of children which presumably they would do if it were really dangerous.
Well actually, my mother does move my mouthwash when my niece is over, but she is the only person I ever heard of who does that. Does anyone else do that?
“May Hashem grant Mrs. CTL a refuah sheleima and may He bring American Jewry home in a good way.”
Amen!
instant
senator
Johnny – call Regesh at: 18555-tekumah. You’ll be given an automated list of extension numbers – 2 is for the girls’ hotline and 6 is for the mentoring program.
Sorry I didn’t get back to you right away. I wanted to check out the program first and confirm that they really are a good program.
I heard that they are amazing! I called someone I know who works in chinuch in Lakewood, and she told me that she has heard great things about them. She said she just happened to speak to a known therapist in Lakewood yesterday who told her they are fantastic.
I really think you should call. This sounds like it could be a life saver for you! You sound like such an amazing person with tons of potential and it is so chaval you are going through this. On the other hand, you are very lucky that resources like this exist nowadays!
I really hope it works out! Please keep us updated.
Hatzlacha Rabba!!!!
LB- lol.
ZD +1 very true! Especially in this case. I do not envy Ivanka or Jared, especially Ivanka. I would not want to be in her shoes (literal or figurative).
Mammele – you are correct that it is better not to speak LH about anyone even “ainam Yehudim”, even though it is not technically assur, and it is something I generally try to avoid. I am impressed that that is something you realize and are concerned about.
However, in this case, the shikul I made was that LH was being spoken about Ivanka and Jared about whom LH is assur. Since one is a chumra and the other is a halacha, halacha takes priority.
I am unaware of any halachos regarding LH and presidents. I do agree that it is wise to be careful. However, again, halacha takes priority over all other considerations.
adjusts
jaywalk
LB – I though MM meant m&m’s. That’s why I mentioned peanut butter cups. I just realized it’s mishloach manos.
Olam Haba is beyond peanut butter cups. In OH, we won’t understand why we liked peanut butter cups (although we will appreciate the fact that it helped us be ovdei Hashem!)
LB +1!
JA – that sounds really tough! Do you know why you are having a problem socially? Is there anything you can do about it?
If that is the issue, switching schools might actually be a bad idea since that might be escaping the problem instead of dealing with it.
I really think that having a mentor would be a really good idea.
“….al kol mah shebarasa l’hachayos bahem” doesn’t sound too applicable here…
oh right, we were talking about “al hamichya”, uh.. don’t think the words, “michya” would apply here either.
Maybe unlined paper is cheaper.
DY, just trying to be dan l’kaf zchus. Haven’t you ever read any of those books with dan l’kaf zchus stories? This is WAY less farfetched than most stories.
“Seriously, pikuach nefesh? Maybe you really believe your second paragraph?”
Third and fourth are more likely. I would be pretty scared of him if he were my father, c”v.
Joseph – but afterwards, she went to him voluntarily in order to save Am Yisrael. That’s why she said, “ka’asher avaditi avaditi”
“lilmod, do you manage without replacing a dress more than once in six years?”
My clothes don’t usually last that long. Probably not more than 2-3 years usually. But I usually only own 2 skirts at a time (one for Shabbos and one for weekday), so they get worn a lot. Also, sometimes they are second-hand.
My dresses are newer because of the whole tznius conversion.
+ 1 million.
“If she happens to go OTD the following year, are her children no longer Jewish?”
If the conversion was an acceptable conversion and she happens to go OTD afterwards, both she and the kids remain Jewish.
“Not necessarily. If a woman converts to Judaism; promising to keep the 613 mitzvot and does so sufficiently as a frum Jew, and has children; then her children are Jewish.”
What DY meant was: if her conversion was acceptable and she is Jewish, then her children are Jewish as well. If her conversion was not acceptable and she is not Jewish, then her children are not Jewish.
Basically, her kids are whatever she is. You had seemed to imply that it’s possible for her to be a non-Jew and yet for her kids to be Jewish. That is what DY was responding to.
“I am assuming that Queen Ester did not dress modestly.”
“Don’t assume that.”
+1 Actually she was noted for her modesty. Anyhow, in those days, I think the norm was to dress modestly. I once saw someone point out how it was a given back then that the men’s party was completely separate from the women’s party.
“Second, isnt everyone missing the obvious? Kushner is adviser to the president of the US, whose actions affect jews in Israel and here (basically, almost all of the world’s jews). Doesnt that alone justify certain heterim?”
I still think that Trump secretly threatened to make a deal with the Arabs and kill all the Jews if Esther, I mean Ivanka, didn’t come to the inauguration. So it was a horaas sha’ah for her to go.
Seriously, it would have seriously damaged her relationship with him if she hadn’t gone, and maybe she really was scared of what he would do. Family relationships when someone has converted can be very tricky, and I would imagine that was a consideration in the heter. Maybe that’s what made it pikuach nefesh.
Who knows what Trump might have done if she hadn’t gone? He likes her a lot, but that’s because she does what he wants. He is not known for his stability or consistency or peaceful disposition.
“actually my great uncle was second generation born in America, his grandparents arrived in the 1860s. I’m 5th generation born here on one side and 4th on the other.
My paternal grandmother’s side now stretches to 9 generations born in the USA with 5 of the extant lines still orthodox of assorted hues.”
That’s really amazing! My family came in the 1800’s on my mother’s side and 1920’s on my father’s. Both my parents are bt. On my father’s side, no line stayed Orthodox throughout (the generation that came was the generation that stopped being Frum), and on my mother’s side, there is one branch that is basically Orthodox, but from the two people in that branch there is only one child (only one of the two got married), and she is not 100% normal.
“If someone knowingly ate a yummy poisoned muffin, would a borei nefashos be appropriate?”
Dead people can’t make brachos. Another reason not to eat poisoned muffins – you will lose out on a bracha achrona.
“I wonder if you can get a heter to pass on receiving MM.”
I get the peanut butter cups.
Randomex – if it has pritzus, it’s also a problem. Or nibbul peh.
Ari Goldwag, Shwekey, Pinny Schachter, Shaindel Antelis (for girls)
“There is a special bracha to say on medicine.”
If you are talking about what I think you are talking about, it’s a tefila, not a bracha.
“Enough to question if I should call the Poison Control, but baruch Hashem it wasn’t that bad.”
You definitely don’t make brachos on poison.
JA – 🙂
let us know how it goes, and if any of the advice ends up helping! I really hope things work out for you!!!! You sound like a great girl and I hope you are able to keep strong and get through the rest of high school!
Joseph – she is a girl.
Shkoyach to all those who don’t feel a need to buy suits more than once in 6 years. So when are you making aliya?
Iacisrmma- she needs to know if she should do teshuva for it or not. But I’m pretty positive she doesn’t need to:
1. I’m sure she didn’t swallow 3 ounces
2. It’s not a food/drink. Do you make a bracha on medicine?
ZD: “LU always mentions Daf L’zchus.
Perhaps we should take her advice
Most jews dont keep Shabbos”
I’m being quoted by ZD! I’m impressed!
Ps to my above post: I just want to add that it is clear from your posts that you are someone who cares a lot about Ruchnius growth, so maybe if you could get your parents to see that, they would be more likely to let you switch to a school that might be better for you.
That is where a mentor, neighbor, or teacher who could speak to your parents might be useful.
I’m also wondering if you ever called the hotline I recommended in the past. Not that you have to tell me if you did, but I do think it might be a good idea for you to do so.
JA – First of all, I am super-impressed that you felt comfortable discussing this with your principal! Kol hakavod!
It sounds like your parents don’t want you to switch because they are concerned that the school/type of school you would switch to would be worse for you. I would suggest one of the following:
1. Try to figure out if there an in-between option – a school that both you and your parents can agree on. A school that may be a bit more right- wing than you prefer but is more open than the school you are in now.
2. Show your parents that you really want to grow and that you won’t go otd if you switch schools. Explain to them why you think that switching schools will be better for your spiritual growth and that you think you are less likely to go otd if you switch schools.
Maybe you can show them this by making some kind of deal with them. Like tell them that if they let you switch, you promise to do xyz (xyz being some kind of ruchnius thing, like something in tznius that is hard for you but you think you can commit to and will be willing to commit to if they let you switch).
3. Find a mentor, teacher or neighbor whom you can speak to about this and ask them to speak to your parents.
4. If none of the above are options, stick it out because you have no choice. But try to find a way to make it better. Can you find some kind of outlet – something enjoyable that you can involve yourself in when you’re not in school so that school will be more bearable since it won’t be your entire life? Or can you find something about school that you enjoy and try to focus on that aspect of school?
5. In any case, I think you would benefit a lot from having a mentor.
Hatzlacha! I feel for you.
“Not all victims of molestors are girls, many are boys.”
What does that have to do with anything? In this case, they were all girls and they weren’t molested.
“If you wish to call a Shmiras Halashon if a known molestor attends your shul with your nieces and nephews (Or any other relatives), go right ahead.”
That has nothing to do with the example I cited.
“I will protect my family first and if it means I did an averiah, I will take that averiah. Better I take such an averiah than anyone become a victim”
That shows a big lack of emunah. If a certain type of hishtadlus is assur according to halacha, doing it won’t help you a bit. Hashem is the one who decides what happens. Our actions don’t make things happen, and it is kefira to think that they do.
As the Mesilas Yesharim says, our hishtadlus is muchrach (required) but not mo’il (causative).
The Chovos Halevavos says that if someone does hishtadlus that is against the Torah, it shows a lack of bitachon. If you think that acting against Hashem’s Will will help you that means that you think that you are in control and not Hashem. You think that your actions make things happen, and not Hashem.
If you had lived in the US in the early 1900’s would you have said it was okay to be mechalel Shabbos because otherwise you wouldn’t have a parnassah and your kids might starve?
In any case, if you know that the guy is a molestor and that a specific person or people is going to be coming into contact with them, of course, you are allowed to warn them. But that has nothing to do with deciding that you can make public announcements online because you heard that a certain person might be a molestor even if you don’t know that they are a danger or that your announcement will protect anyone. And even in the example you gave, you would still need to ask a sheilah in order to find out exactly what you are allowed to say and how to phrase it.
“And people who cheat in their taxes (I dont mean take an illegal deduction, I mean serious cheating like not paying sales taxes or paying employees in cash) are likely to be dishonest elsewhere as well”
To think that you can make a public announcement condemning someone who cheats on his taxes because otherwise someone might end up being cheated by them is absolutely absurd. Maybe I should say that if someone makes statements reflecting a certain lack of emunah, then I could assume they might end up being dishonest since they think that their parnassah depends on their own hishtadlus so I have to tell everyone about them?
“BTW the Trumps themselves never mentioned any heter, it came from other sources”
If that is true, then it really is possible that the reason for the heter is not as reported and there are more details.
JA – if there are no bad words in the Jewish version it would be fine, unless there are bad words in the Goyish version, and you know the words.
“what motivated you to stay even though you hate every minute of it and noone in your school understands how much you hate every second and you just want to get out of there right this second and you come home crying every day and you just CAN’T STAND ANOTHER SECOND IN THAT **** place?”
I don’t know if this is very helpful, but in my case, even though everything you’re saying was true for me and probably most of my classmates, dropping out wasn’t an option anyone considered back then. So as hard as it was to go to school, and as much as we hated it, we didn’t feel like we had a choice. Which may have made it easier in a way.
Maybe you can try to tell yourself that you don’t have a choice. I would think that would make it easier. It sounds like maybe part of the hardship is that you feel like dropping out is an option, so therefore it’s hard not to.
Alternatively, can you switch high schools? Would that help or would it not make a difference?
inquiry
quarrel
LB – lol. Hopefully, I would have anyhow even if I had noticed. That happens all the time here – kind of hard to avoid, although apparently it would happen a lot more often if the mods weren’t on top of it.