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“Even if wild street dogs come bounding toward a person, say the pasuk calmly, casually — watch as they suddenly veer away.”
Excellence, apparently, i’m not on as high a level as you, because they don’t do that for me.
Wolf – Amen! Thanks.
What is pair pressure? Is that pressure to get married? neither helpful nor good for self- esteem imho.
Sparkly – I checked his profile, and it does say that he became a member 6 and a half years ago. Strange. Maybe the dates on the threads are inaccurate. Or maybe he quit and came back. Or maybe it’s a different Joseph.
How do the moderators know we are Jewish? I don’t remember – did we have to give any info when we signed up?
Avi K- I do that!!! Automatic instinct! I say Tehillim too. Years ago, when my brother was young, I heard him telling my mother that I am so scared of dogs that I make a bracha whenever I pass by one safely. I was like, “huh?” Turned out he heard me mumbling the above possuk and he assumed I was making a bracha!!
Once when I was with my brother, a dog started barking, and I got very scared. He reassured me by telling me that “barking dogs don’t bite.” He happens to be extremely knowledgeable so I figured he knew what he was talking about, and I calmed down. But then he added, “well, it can’t do two things with its mouth at one time, can it?”
Happpygirlygirl – that is amazing that you have come so far!!! Yasher koach ! Taali V’tatzlichi!!! I’m glad to hear you had the guts to go back. You sound like a very courageous person. It’s ridiculous that anyone thinks you are a quitter!
In any case, illegal or not, I find that in most communities where people own dogs there are dogs out on the street w/o leashes. People have been bitten – it’s not an unrealistic fear.
“So everyone has to accommodate their homes to you and your fears?”
If they keep their dogs in their homes at all times, it would be one thing. I was talking about people who let their dogs out without leashes, and then their dogs actively threaten me. That should be illegal. I wonder if it is.
The wild dogs (coyotes?) in EY are much safer (even though they look scary) because they don’t threaten people – they ignore them.
Sparkly – he was the first poster on this thread 8 years ago. Unless that was a different Joseph…
29 – you do a great job of moderating! Shkoyach! I am just wondering why you do let certain things go through. For example, I wonder why you let Abba’s original comments go through. Also, personally, I have been feeling very harassed by a particular person who has been quite rude to me. Although I realize that it is due to his own inferiority complex, it is still a bit upsetting.
That being said, I realize that sometimes there are grey areas and it is probably difficult to know when to let something through & when to leave it to the posters’ own judgment and ability to respond. But I am wondering if it would be possible to delete a bit more often?
“Vocationally, that a problem. That would sure rule out a career in politics or journalism (these days at least), and probably law and probably finance. I guess you could always learn Torah all day.”
That’s the best idea anyhow!!!
“If your definition of off the derech is “meeting your spouse by yourself,” then yes, I’m off the derech.”
In that case, I have always wanted to be off the derech but haven’t managed to yet. I didn’t realize going off the derech was so difficult…
Probably the same reason that there are girls whose hair turns grey when they are in their 30’s.
Probably genetics. Maybe your grandparents married first cousins during a tornado and got so confused they made Haetz before Haadama because they looked up the halacha online instead of from actual Sefarim.
Coffee addict – I used to post for free. But it’s possible that it depends on the type of business or that things have changed. In any case, every email list has their own rules so it’s kidai to check it out.
sounds great (in theory)…
Happygirlygirl – while I could understand why you would want to meet someone in real life, it really is probably not a good idea. First of all, it could be dangerous. I don’t think that you or Sparkly are dangerous, but you just never know. And once it starts with the two of you, there could be bad people lurking out there who will get the idea in their head to pretend to be another Frum girl around your ages in order to trap you into meeting them. As long as the moderators have a policy of not allowing people to meet, it sets a certain protection.
But the other thing is that I have a feeling that a lot of people may be very different in real life than the way they seem. Not because they are pretending, but because you really don’t know them even if you think you do, and you could meet s.o. & be really disappointed by what they are like in real life.
just my opinion.
Joseph – you have been on the Coffee Room for a really long time. Have you been on since it started?
Sparkly – he is referring to Amuka. I’m sure you must have heard of it..
TOL- I think that PuhLease meant the same thing as the person who said that NCSY is like the Parah Aduma – it’s metaheir the temaim and metamei the tehorim. In other words, they do great work bringing not-Frum people close to Yiddishkeit (and in some cases perhaps in inspiring jaded Frum kids) but some Frum kids end up less Frum as a result.
In her case, it sounds like she specifically meant the people who work for NCSY – that they become less Frum. The broom represents the people working for NCSY -they are making the floor clean (helping others become Frum) but they get dirty in the process.
Excellence -just for the record, it was a guard dog. I was working in a camp and they had gone to some kind of a fair. I had to come late, so I was walking around the fair grounds trying to find my way. Apparently, I walked next to some trailers that were being guarded by guard dogs. A dog (or 2 dogs – i don’t remember) started running after me and stuck his teeth into me. I thought I was about to die, so I said the Shema & he let go.
I guess Torah & Mitzvos do protect you from animals!
He also may have realized that I wasn’t a threat because I was running away, and because thieves don’t usually say the Shema.
Excellence- lol. That reminds me of the time when I had to get into a building in Israel and there were some Israeli boys-at-risk with a dog sitting by the stairs. When they saw me, they politely moved to the side so I could get past. When they saw that I was still standing there, one of them said, “What are you waiting for? For us to roll out a red carpet?” So I responded, “no, I’m scared of the dog. Do you mind holding it for me?”
So the boy looks at me very seriously, and asks “Do you learn Torah?” So I said, “yes.” So he said, “Don’t you know that the Midrash says that if you have no aveiros, you don’t have to be afraid of animals.” So I said, “but I have aveiros.” So he looks at me shocked, and said “chas v’shalom!”
I thought it was so sad (yet sweet in a way) that he seriously thought that most Frum people don’t have aveiros. Maybe that’s why he went off – because he had been taught that you have to be perfect if you’re Frum.
Btw, he did hold the dog for me so I was able to get into the building.
You can try the Frum email lists/ yahoo groups. They are free, so they are a good way to advertise. There are a lot of them, since many communities have them.
I have the same problem. I also recently started a business and am trying to figure out how to get my name out. I started by speaking to friends. In my case, that made sense since my “product” is something relevant to my friends. Also, it’s the type of thing that it’s hard to get someone interested in if they never heard of me. I have been getting a lot of business from friends but would like to expand eventually.
Right now I am too busy trying to make my product good to have time to figure out how to advertise, but I really do need more business.
In my case, I am trying to slowly build up a name for myself, so that I can get my name out, but it’s not going as fast as I want it to, so I wish I could find a way to do it.
Yekke2 – that works. Thanks! I like my quote even if it wasn’t accurate. If it wasn’t accurate, it can now be said over in my name!
CTLawyer – that’s so sad. Nice to hear about other older singles who are able to lead productive lives instead of acting like their life is a crisis.
From what you wrote though it sounds like the issue was not really about marrying a cousin. This girl chose not to get married at all, so it shows that there was a serious concern about passing on these genes whether or not she married a cousin.
just for the record, everything Hashem does (which means everything, since everything is from Hashem) is FANTASTIC.
The last conversation was about hardships. Something can be good but hard.
Joseph & Meno- lol. I started laughing when I read some of these posts. It’s good that I’m in a house by myself & not in an office full of people or in the midst of a tornado or in the middle of getting my hair dyed during a tornado.
Sparkly: “apushatayid – yes but NOT religious. you CANT stop being jewish… i would consider a guy in my class who is otd who came into school on yom kippur to take a test otd and jewish. he CANT stop being jewish.”
Apushatayid asked you if you would consider this guy religious.
I know that Rav Fisher Zatsal held of 40 days at the Kosel
I don’t know a source, but it’s one of the few segulos that I’m pretty sure that I have heard is reputable. I’m fairly certain there is a source, but I don’t know what it is.
LF – just reread your post. I missed the part where you said that you think it would be better one day before or after. I do agree with that. Only concern would be that less people might come
I didn’t. What was the topic this year?
Little Froggie – in theory, you’re very right and it’s beautiful that you have that sensitivity, but imho, in this generation, it is a very good and necessary thing. Partly because we don’t know how to mourn properly, and even if most people can spend part of Tisha B’Av mourning, most can’t sustain it for the whole day. Therefore, most will end up doing things that are less productive and meaningful than watching a Chofetz Chaim video.
Also, it is hard for people to mourn because so many have difficult lives year-round and are somewhat “depressed” and need something positive to focus on even on Tisha B’Av. For many people, it would not be productive to mourn too much on Tisha B’Av, and it is more productive to try to work on Achdus and Ahavas Yisrael, and to try to use their sadness in a positive way.
Also, we have such a need to work on Achdus and Ahavas Yisrael. And on Tisha B’Av, people are much more receptive to this.
Just my opinion. I can hear why others may feel differently, but I do feel that their videos accomplish a tremendous amount.
Btw, in some place in EY, they show it during the Nine Days. That makes more sense, but maybe less people come because they are working and busy and on Tisha B’Av, people have more time.
Meno- have you experienced one?
I don’t know so much about the topic, but my guess is that it is only a serious genetic concern if either:
1) there is a lot of in-breeding in the family as opposed to a one-time thing of a cousin marrying another cousin.
2. There is a known history of an inherited condition in the family.
I would guess that if it’s a healthy family and a one-time thing, it’s not likely to be a problem. But that is just a guess.
Fact is that often people marry unrelated people and have a lot of kids with inherited conditions, so the question is if it’s statistically much, much more likely in this case. If it’s only a bit more likely, I wouldn’t think thats a reason not to do it.
In many families, it’s not considered acceptable. Partly this may be because first cousins often grow up considering each other as brothers and sisters.
In a way it may be good that it’s considered unacceptable for first cousins to marry each other. If it were acceptable, then it might become either awkward or unacceptable for them to be too friendly to each other since the y would be like any unrelated boys and girls.
Sparkly – that was in response to someone’s comment.
“Yes, it is! On the bottom it lists where they got it from!” – that means that it is not a source – he quotes sources. He actually is quoting the Mishna Berura just as I am and he is no more a source than I am. The only point in bringing in the halachapedia is if you want me to comment on whether or not he does a good job of explaining the Mishna Brurah, and that is assur.
It doesn’t make sense that you wrote that we don’t go by the Mishna Brurah l’maaseh, and then you are quoting someone who is quoting the Mishna Brura.
The only reason why you are bringing in the Halachapedia is because you don’t know how to learn the Mishna Berurah yourself, which is why it is ridiculous for you to be arguing with me about what the MB says.
“That’s obvious, even you admitted that most people say Haetz first!
If e/o does it, there must be a reason. I just wrote what that was!”
That sentence makes no sense. I said that most people think you say haetz first because they don’t know the halacha (at least not until I point it out to them and they look it up).
“LOL! You keep proving – Why Religious girls should Not learn Torah B’Iyun!”
Why, are you a girl? – I thought you were a guy! Anyhow, your problem is that you HAVE NOT learned b’iyun. I am not against anyone learning b’iyun, and I think it would be kidai for you to do so. Why don’t you find someone to sit down with you and teach you the sources? Then maybe you won’t be so frustrated by the fact that you don’t understand them, and that there is a female somewhere in the world who knows more than you.
Actually, I think what you should do is to go read Rav Bodner’s Hilchos Brachos Sefer. It is in english and well-written and he explains this sugya very clearly.
Sparkly – yours= Sparkly’s. He mixed up Sadgirlygirl’s story with yours (sparkly’s). That’s why he thought your friend wanted an apology
I know that a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this, but personally, I don’t think that people should get dogs as pets because some of us are scared of dogs, and for good reason. They bite and bark at people. I have been threatened by dogs many times, and even had a dog stick his teeth in me!! It was very scary!!
Avi K -that proves nothing about whether or not one should get a dog as a pet, although it is an interesting story. David Hamelech’s life was saved by a spider, but I never heard of anyone using that as a proof that he should get a spider as a pet.
Meno -these threads can get very confusing!
RebYidd23 – 13 has no relevance for females. Also, 13 year old boys are not men!!
Thinking out loud: Thank you very much for your post. You are right that it is very important that people be careful to differentiate between the two types of depression, and that it causes much confusion when they don’t. I think that most people don’t know the difference between the two types of depression. Also, I think it is confusing because there are so many levels and types of depression. Thank you for clarifying. I think that was very important.
Tachlis, it seems that the OP was referring to the nonclinical form of depression – the type that responds to everyday things like getting enough sleep, listening to music, etc.
I’m just curious, TOL, from your knowledge of the topic, do you think that there is a danger of non-clinical depression becoming clinical or are they two different things? I’m also wondering if people who commit suicide and/or OD usually suffer from clinical depression or if they could be suffering from non-clinical depression? Also, is there a clear-cut difference b/w the two or is it a continuum?