Lilmod Ulelamaid

I have a lot of experience with both types of resumes. It shouldn’t look like your job resume. A job resume has a lot more detail about your job. Someone once sent me a shidduch resume that looked like a job resume. It bothered me; it made the guy sound very gaavadik because there was so much detail about his professional successes. A shidduch resume should mention what you do professionally but it doesn’t need a lot of detail. It is enough to write (for example) that you are a computer programmer and possibly the place where you work. There should be more details about your personality and hashkafos and values and goals in life and what you are looking for in a spouse. Those are the kinds of things your future spouse wants to hear about.

There was another thread in which someone asked a similar question, and I gave them a detailed response. I will find it & tell you what it was.

ZD, I just reread Sam’s post – I had thought he said the opposite.

In any case, the fact that Sam wrote it doesn’t necessarily make it true, plus, there may be other opinions. Also, even if R’Elyashiv said that, I wonder if he could have been referring to the world from the time of Adam’s creation (i.e. after the 6 days of creation). Maybe we only start counting the 5776 years from that point, and that is what R’Elyashiv was referring to.

Shopping613- From the posts I was reading, it sounded as though people were painting smoking in very black and white terms and implying that if someone picks up a cigarette, it is like taking poison and completely assur.

It could be you are right, but in that case people should be clearer about what they mean.

I do think that most bochurim who smoke do so as a short-term thing with the intention of quitting when they get married (or start dating), and most of them are in fact able to quit.

Wolf -I don’t think that Kagany was saying that it’s not dangerous -just that it’s not pikuach nefesh which is how some people were making it sound. Dangerous/unhealthy and pikuach nefesh are not the same.

Disclaimer: I can’t say that I read every word in every post on this thread, so I may have missed something.

Why would you?

Peer pressure can be positive or negative. It depends on several factors. First of all, are you doing the right thing, the wrong thing or something neutral as a result of the peer pressure? Also, how big a factor is it in your life? Do other people’s opinions totally take over your mind and feelings such that you can’t think for yourself at all? Or is it just that you realize that it makes sense not to be “poresh from the tzibbur” and to do things like your peers do to some extent? Are you doing things that you really don’t want to be doing and you feel repressed or resentful as a result? Or are you just going along with the crowd when it comes to things that don’t really matter?

People tend to think of peer pressure as something negative. But it doesn’t have to be. I think peer pressure is what keeps us as Frum and as good as we are. We are all incredibly influenced by the fear of what other people think. I think that is the biggest motivating factor for most people – much more than Yiras Shamayim. Even when people think they are doing things because of Yiras Shamayim, I think it usually has more to do with wanting to maintain other peoples’ opinions. Proof: People who would never dream of turning on a light on Shabbos will speak Loshon Hara or wear short skirts, etc because those things are more accepted societally. There was a generation when most Frum women didn’t cover their hair. Today, most Frum women wouldn’t dream of not covering their hair, yet, many of those women wear short skirts.

I never heard of it. What does it mean? It sounds like someone who died and came back as a gilgul!

Sparkly and whoever else is interested: I just did a Google search and I found the book on Amazon.

I was going to post the link, but I think the moderators don’t let. The book is: “Brainwashed – how Universities indoctrinate America’s Youth” by Ben Shapiro. You can find it on Amazon.com

I never read it, but it looks interesting and like something that anyone attending or thinking of attending college should read.

Person1: The Torah says you shouldn’t do things that are harmful, but exactly what falls in that category is not clear. We have Gedolim to figure out the exact parameters of what is included in that issur.

Many things are harmful but not assur. Living is dangerous – do you know that every second of life brings you closer to death? Not getting enough sleep, having bad eating habits, etc are all harmful but not assur. Driving and crossing streets are two of the most dangerous things to do, but no one says it’s assur. The chances of getting killed IMMEDIATELY each time you cross the street or drive are probably greater than the chances of getting killed by a cigarette while smoking one.

Using cellphones is dangerous. Living in places where there is more pollution than others is dangerous.

The point is that we do dangerous things all the time, but they are not necessarily halachically assur. We have to continually make decisions in our lives and weigh things out. Why do we drive if it’s dangerous? Because it is important to be able to get places and that is more important than the dangers involved. You might die sooner, but if you don’t drive, you may not be able to have a meaningful and productive life and that is more important. That is the reason why people do all sorts of unhealthy things.

I once saw a boy who looked like a kid-at-risk type smoking at the bus stop. A lady started giving him mussar and telling him how dangerous it is. He responded, “Lady, I’m not smoking because I think it’s healthy.”

Maybe this boy was so depressed that he was thinking of committing suicide and he was smoking as a way of dealing with his depression instead. Or maybe it was an alternative to drug use.

A baalas teshuva I know told me that she started smoking when she was in the Israeli Army because she had such a stressful job and it was the only way she was able to deal with the stress (her job was calling people up for reserve duty – she had her life threatened on occasion, and someone even held a knife up to her throat once!). Obviously, from a Torah perspective, she shouldn’t have been in the army in the first place, but she didn’t know that at the time, and she thought it was something she had to do even if it meant that she would end up smoking.

Let me make it clear. I am not advocating smoking!! I think it is a terrible thing to do!!! But- the fact that it is dangerous does not NECESSARILY render it a clear-cut Issur D’oraissa. People continually have to make choices in life. We have a Torah that lays out for us those things that are clear-cut Issurim. Beyond that, we have to make choices and prioritize. It is not fair for one person to put down another person because he seems to be making different choices than us. Maybe that person is going through a really difficult time and smoking is the only thing that will get him through it. He is putting himself at risk of eventually developing lung cancer, but meanwhile he will have 10,20, 50 years of productivity that he may not have had otherwise.

And honestly, I am not sure statistically that picking up a cigarette and smoking on occasion significantly raises one’s chances of lung cancer. I haven’t done a survey, but all the bochurim that I know who smoked only did so for a short period of time and stopped before they got married. Yes, there is a risk that someone will get addicted, but I’m not sure how significant a risk it is, and as I said, people have to weigh things out and make decisions. Smoking a cigarette is not like jumping off a bridge which is how some people are making it sound!

Happygirlygirl – You are only allowed (and supposed) to let your house burn down if no one will be hurt. That’s why (as you pointed out) if there are houses nearby, you would be required to put it out. It there is any chance of pikuach nefesh, you are REQUIRED to put it out as fast as possible!!!!

And if your Rav says otherwise he is an apikorus

There is something which I think there is some confusion about here. Saying that something is assur can mean different things. Even if the Gedolim assurred smoking, that does not put it in the category as something that is mamash assur such as being mechalel Shabbos.

Also, some posters had mentioned that at a certain point, the Gedolim did not yet know that smoking was dangerous. I had also always been under that impression, but I actually saw in one of the Chofetz Chaim’s sefarim that he wrote that smoking is assur. He gives two reasons: 1. it’s unhealthy 2. waste of time (in those days it took at least half an hour to roll up the Cigars).

I read an article about someone who wrote a book showing how the purpose of college is to inject the students with a Liberal Philosophy. I don’t remember the name of the book or the author. I think the author was Modern Orthodox. Has anyone heard of this book? It sounded very interesting and relevant to this discussion.

Actually one of the courses I am referring to was in a Jewish School. Many theorists base their theories of psychology on evolution. They have to explain why people are a certain way so they attribute it to evolution.

I never studied biology on a college level and in high school they didn’t teach evolution.

There’s a rule that you can’t even say that you want to get to know anyone? (Was I allowed to ask that or was that against the rules?)

” I did not think of you being that way” trying to decide if this is a compliment or an insult… maybe a bit of both? Currently, I am actually teaching adults.

And knowing that if it’s meant to kill you it will and if it’s not meant to it won’t so it won’t matter what you do.