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Avi K: 1. she specifically said that those are the things that she wants to work on.
2. Yes, I do consider being tznius to be an essential part of being Frum as well as Bein adam l’chaveiro’s and making a Kiddush Hashem. Actually, I think that being tznius falls under both the category of bein adam l’chaveiro and making a Kiddush Hashem.
Wow, I’m glad I’m a teacher. Now, I’m waiting for all the posts warning me about how I can mess up people’s lives…
I thought you were an engineer…
Ps to previous post: I just located the original post from Charlie. Personally, it doesn’t sound to me like it was coming from any kind of hashkafe – it sounds like a simple statement that men can help in the kitchen, which is true.
takahmamash, Nowhere did Joseph write that men helping in the kitchen is anathema to Jewish values. He wrote that egalitarianism is anathema to Jewish values. Apparently, based on things that Charlie has written in the past, Joseph felt it was reasonable to assume that he (she?)was coming from a position of egalitarianism and was attacking the concept that there are differences between men and women. The issue was not the specific example but the intention behind it.
I haven’t been in the CR that long, but I did look at some old threads, and if I’m not mistaken, Charlie is Open Orthodox and a follower of Avi Weiss. I believe that Rabbanim from the entire spectrum of the Orthodox world have declared that Open Orthodoxy is not Orthodox, hence, one is obligated to come out against positions that are coming from that hashkafa.
Sparkly: 1. So read my post as general tips.
2. You’re welcome for the fact that I took the time to answer your question. Any time.
WinnieThePooh, nice post. Maskim.
Softwords – I’m assuming that Halacha Brurah follows the Psakim of Rav Ovadiah? If so, that would probably be helpful for me, since I am basically teaching according to the MB, so I need to know when Rav Ovadiah differs, for my Sefardi student. Does Rav Ovadia have something on the Shulchan Aruch? If so, that is probably something I could use. Or is that what Yabia Omer is? Problem is that you probably have to buy the whole set, and I probably can’t afford it…
Why should Ashkenazim learn Yabia Omer if we don’t posken according to Rav Ovadiah?
Meno – I feel better now though knowing that’s what you meant. I was going to ask you, but I was worried about what the answer would be…
Meno, I’m not sure, but I think if that was said it was probably only said in a certain context. Like, maybe in response to a post about smoking being OTD, someone said that IF smoking is OTD, then having a smartphone for sure is. I could be wrong, but it’s a bit hard for me to imagine that someone in the CR could have said that and meant it literally.
1.female? No
2.Joseph? No
3.alive? Yes
4. Is he from the Coffee Room? don’t know.
5. Is he a Rabbi? no
6. Is he Jewish? yes.
7. Is he famous for either being in politics or for being related to someone in politics? no.
8. Is he Orthodox?
9. Does he live in the US?
I agree with Sparkly on this, more or less. Actually, I think you should wait for flowers until after you are engaged.
Sparkly, I know. I already mentioned that you are obviously not in the middle of a test. I was responding to Zahavasdad’s comment – I wasn’t talking about you.
Uh, Sparkly, you mentioned above that short skirts is something you want to work on, so that is why lightbrite and I mentioned that as an example.
Syag, I did a lot of research on this topic recently because I was looking for an online graduate program that I can afford. What I came up with was that while there are no grants for graduate school (as far as I could tell), there are student loans. Depending on the yearly cost of the program, you can get enough money from student loans to completely cover the costs and in many cases, there is enough money left after paying for the courses for you to live on.
You can usually get up to $20,500 a year in student loans for graduate school, so you have to make sure that the cost of the program is no more than that per year. Most online programs are. You also have to double check with the financial aid office of the school in question to make sure that you will be allowed to take the full amount since some schools have their own limits.
Taking out loans is scary, but they have really good income- based repayment plans nowadays. If you are poor, you only have to pay back a little bit per month, and the remainder of the loan is forgiven after 20 or 25 years. The one catch that I found was that you may have to pay taxes on the amount of the loan that is forgiven, so that has to be looked into (since after 20-25 years, there can be a lot of interest, so the taxes on that might be very high).
In any case, if the degree will help you to earn money, it is probably worth it.
What field are you looking into? Depending on the field, I may know of programs. I am currently doing Touro’s Master’s in special ed. online. I chose Touro because it was the least expensive program I could find, and the loan money was enough to cover the courses and support me while I am in school.
Is that Rav Ovadiah Yosef? If so, I really need to start learning it because there is a Sephardi woman who attends my halacha shiur.
Sparkly – I like lightbrite’s advice. I think you should listen to him/her.
Positive self-talk is also very important. Every time you accomplish even a small thing, tell yourself how wonderful you are. If you go a week without wearing a shorter skirt, for example, just keep telling yourself how incredible you are. It sounds funny, but I know from experience that it really works. No one can make you feel as good about yourself as you can.
You can also try a reward system. Tell yourself that every time you go a week without wearing a short skirt, you will buy yourself a new article of clothing/ jewelry.
Try to found ways that you can look great tzniusly. Spend a little more money to buy nicer clothes that are tznius.
Maybe you can find a friend whom you can work on this together with, so you can each encourage each other or reward each other.
Send a post to the CR every time you go a week without wearing a short skirt, so your fellow-posters can congratulate you.
In terms of tv, instead of stopping cold turkey, why don’t you look for Jewish videos that you can watch in addition? As you watch more and more Jewish things, you will automatically watch less and less not-Jewish stuff (since you can’t do two things at one time) or find other forms of recreation so that you will need it less.
Avi K. – No one mentioned those things because those aren’t the issues she is struggling with.
1.female? No
2.Joseph? No
3.alive? Yes
4. Is he from the Coffee Room? don’t know.
5. Is he a Rabbi? no
6. Is he Jewish? yes.
7. Is he famous for either being in politics or for being related to someone in politics?
Sparkly – sorry, I know nothing about science. My fields are Halacha and to some extent, Machshava. If you have any questions about Hilchos Brachos or the Maharal, I’d be happy to help you out.
Zahavasdad – If you’re taking a test, it’s a problem. It’s like looking at someone else’s answers when you’re in the middle of a test – you don’t know if they are right or not, but it’s still cheating.
lightbrite – you shouldn’t be looking for someone on a lower level than you whom you can bring up. You should be looking for someone who will help you grow.
lightbrite – I think Haman had a good marriage. Maybe that was because he and his wife were on the same page hashkafically.
So far, we know that he’s a Jewish man who is not a Rabbi and who is alive and who is not Joseph but might theoretically be in the Coffee Room.
lightbrite – the female was Sparkly. We finished that already.
The desire is the most important thing. It’s wonderful that you want to become more religious. But you must take some action so it doesn’t dissolve. Mashiach Agent is right about one step at a time, although one Mitzva a week/day sounds like it could be too much.
When you add on one thing even if it’s very small, it leads to more automatically. The best is to pick something that is not too hard as MA said but at the same time something that will inspire you. It should be something that will make you feel good about your connection to Hashem so that it will lead to more growth. Maybe try to have kavana for one particular phrase in davening that speaks to you. Or add a tefilla that you don’t already say.
It’s also a good idea to ask Hashem for help. I heard a beautiful story about that, but I’m too tired to post it now. I will try to do it tomorrow bli neder.
By the way, you have to learn to differentiate between clear-cut halachos such as being shomer negiah and covering your knees versus things that are more grey areas such as talking to boys and watching tv. I know that you are not the only person in the world who has trouble with this, but it is important.
Sparkly – I actually was dan l’kaf zchus your Rabbi the whole time and assuming that he didn’t say that it’s okay to not be shomer negiah, and I’m glad that you are now acknowledging it. Being tolerant of others does not have to equal saying that what they are doing is muttar. I am still sorry that you think that he says it’s okay to wear short skirts but not pants. Wearing short skirts is a clear-cut issur and according to some/many/most/all poskim is worse than wearing pants, so I am not mekabel this motzi shem ra about your Rabbi.
What is clear is that you are not a reliable source for quoting your Rabbi, and therefore you should refrain from poskening halacha in “his name” since playing around with Halacha is a serious matter. Unfortunately, I don’t think you are the only one in the Coffee Room who randomly makes definitive Halachic statements without the necessary sources and background. Maybe everyone will be more careful now.
SParkly:- my issue is that the guys i want are in their young 20, in college, enjoying life, and want to wait like at least 1 more year to get married and then you have me waiting for them. and i think thats where the whole shidduch crisis thing sets in because guys making the girls wait.
Health:They don’t make them wait. They are just being choosey! If they want something, they go for it!
Sparkly:Health – so your saying the guys are being choosey since they dont want to start dating until their like 22,23,24,25, etc….?
HealtH: Yes! But why are you saying 22,23, etc.? Some Frum men date & get married at 18yo?!?
You see, Sparkly was talking about specific guys she knows who are not dating yet and are waiting until 22, etc, so she has to wait for them. Health said THEY are not making her wait; THEY are just being choosy. so his comment should be referring to the guys in Sparkly’s post, not to other guys.
As Comlink-x wrote, Health’s pronouns were obviously going on the “them” in the post he was commenting on. Health agreed and even got upset with Meno for writing that his pronouns were unclear.
If Health wants to write that there are other boys who do date younger and Sparkly should go out with them, then he would have to specify that in his original post instead of writing “them”.
Grammar Lesson of the day presented for free from Lilmod ulelamaid.
Meno – apparently as long as you label yourself MO, it’s muttar. So if you really want to be able to dye your hair, you will have to go to the thread where I asked everyone to label themselves, and label yourself as MO and then it will be muttar.
Oh wait, Gofish already ruined it for everyone by saying that if you call yourself MO, you still have to keep Halacha. Oh, well.
Just curious -what year are you in? Also, why are you in college if you hate it so much and think it’s harder than getting married and having 20 kids?
I am actually curious too.
Sparkly – according to you, your Rabbi also said that you’re allowed to not be shomer negiah which means that what your Rabbi says is meaningless. It also means he is not Orthodox and you should NOT be quoting him on this website. I am really not interested in hearing kefira, so please stop quoting non-Orthodox Rabbis! Thank you!
iacisrmma: if it’s homework, it’s not called learning on your own.
Meno: “So if he was talking about something, but he thought he was talking about something else, then it doesn’t matter what he thought he was talking about? I mean, when you respond to someone, shouldn’t you respond to THEM, not just the words that they said?”
Huh? I lost you. This was my point: If Reuven made a comment, and Shimon “attacks” Reuven’s comment, it makes no sense for Shimon to then claim that he was talking about something else. If he is “attacking” Reuven’s comment, then he has to be referring to the situation that Reuven posed.
I thought that was what happened here, but honestly, I don’t know if I’ve been paying so much attention to the thread, and I’m too tired and busy to reread the whole thing, so I might be guilty of doing what I’m talking about.
Little Froggie – it’s the hasagos that count the most…I remember a teacher of mine once saying (possibly quoting Rav Hutner Ztzal) that someone who did not spend his whole life learning and now wishes he had is greater than someone who spent his whole life learning and wishes he hadn’t.
The parents must provide the example from the time the kids are young, so that it will make an impression that they will follow when they are older.
Syag – your response reminds me of a shidduch resume I was sent. For the question “location of parents”, the guy responded with the name of the cemetery.
Joseph – what about you?