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“RY: Non-diabetic people with anxiety typically don’t have sugar restrictions for their diet. Diabetics do.”
Why is that important when deciding whether or not to marry someone. You can still eat the way you want to. Now, if I had to give up sugar, that would be a serious consideration, but why should I care what my husband eats?
What is the significance of a staring Bald Eagle?
I find it hard to believe. As you yourself wrote: “I cannot imagine any rav telling a person that this is assur, unless the question was framed in a way that could involve halachic issues, like lifting weights on SHabbos, or in a mixed environment for someone who is sensitive to that.”
IF anyone thinks that it is an ISSUR GAMUR to lift weights, it can only be because of the context – both the individual and the individual situation.
Therefore, I can’t see what the purpose of this discusion is especially since I don’t think it is relevant to any of us currently involved in it.
I think she realized that there is no point, since the entire thread is based on a false premise. I agree. By continuing, I think we are giving validity to a premise that was based on nothing to begin with.
“Dunno if it will be approved.”
Sounds like it must be interesting 🙂 Can’t wait to see it, if it is approved!
Flatbusher – I don’t think you meant your comments to be addressed to me. Did you mean Ubiquitin?
“People wear shoes to protect their feet not as a fashion statement.”
“Not on my planet, Abba_S.”
On mine, they do.
Use it to teach them the difference between goyim and Yidden, and the reason that we don’t strive to “get to the top” in the secular world.
“Some do and some dont, You are going to have to decide at some point which community you want to be a part of . If you are going to be part of the More Chassidish or Yeshivish communities then you will have to give up the TV. If you are going to be part of the more modern communities, you will not have to give up the TV”
It’s also a question of what the right thing to do is, regardless of what those surrounding you do.
Also, some communities contain different types of people.
According to Halacha, women aren’t allowed to have certain types of leadership positions such as being a king. Devora and Chulda did not have postions that are forbidden for women.
Even though this halacha does not apply to goyim, it could possible that the reasons behind it do (depending what the reasons are).
For example, if the reason is that woman’s natural talents cause her to be someone who does not have the ability to be in a leadership position (since every quality has both a positive side and a negative side), this is something that would presumably apply to goyish women as well.
However, if the reason has something to do with the person themselves (meaning it wouldn’t be good for her as opposed to not being good for everyone else) then it would not apply.
What about Darchei Binah?
Parsha and Mishna Berurah.
“Let’s daven that we never have a female president so that the above conversation remains only theory.”
And now the real reason why you don’t like Hillary comes out. 🙂
If he should be on medication for anxiety and isn’t, I would be able to tell when I go out with him. And if I can’t, then he probably doesn’t need to be on medication.
Lightbrite – Is it possible that you are at a stage that you shouldn’t be dating yet and should be waiting until you are more stabilized in your Yiddishkeit and know where you stand and the direction you are going in?
I am not saying that I know the answer to the question – it is meant as a question and not a statement since I don’t know enough about you. I just think that it is crucial to know what direction you are going in and the type of home you would like to build before you get married.
I am not saying that you have to know 100% exactly what you want your home to look like, but you have to have a basic idea of what your goals are. The fact that you are considering both Reform and Orthodox concerns me.
Obviously, people continue growing their whole lives, but you have to know what your basic hashkafa is and basically the type of home you are looking to build. I get the impression from both this and other posts of yours that you are still in a stage of figuring things out.
I’m also wondering if you have had any type of seminary experience yet and if that would help you figure these things out.
I’m not sure that he should have a title. A wife has a title because “behind every great man is a great woman”, but the same doesn’t apply the other way. In a way, I think it might even be insulting to him.
“Someone who is taking medication for anxiety is showing that they want to change into a healthy functioning human being. How in the world is that a reason not to go on a date with them?”
It’s not the fact that they are taking the medication but the fact that they NEED the medication in the first place.
Flatbusher – this discussion reminds me of a story I heard when I was a kid. I assume it’s from the Gemara.
Some of my details may be off, but the gist of the story is that someone approaches a Rav and tells him that he wants him to teach him Torah, but only the Torah Shebichtav since he doesn’t believe in the Oral Law.
So the Rav says “fine, the first thing we must start with is the Alef Beis.”
So he teaches him the first few letters.
The next day, the student comes back to continue the lesson.
The Rav points to an Alef and says, “this is a Beis.”
The student says, “no, it’s not, it’s an alef.”
The Rav asked, “How do you knwo it’s an Alef?”
“Because you told me so yesterday.”
“Ah, so you see, that we do need the Oral Tradition in order to learn anything. Without the Oral Tradition, you wouldn’t even know the Alef Beis and you would have no way to begin to learn the Written Torah”.
I think that story answers the question.
I never heard of such a thing. I don’t think you should pay any attention to a random post by someone you don’t know, quoting someone you don’t know and not giving a reason or a source.
If you have never heard before that lifting weights is assur and you have no reason to believe it is, don’t start believing that it is because someone (with the subtitle “troll” no less) says it is.
In terms of how he is when he is not on the medication, is there a way to find out? Does he have a psychiatrist or psychologist that he would give you permission to speak to? It might be kidai to find out. I have gotten permission to speak to potential shidduchim’s therapists.
Also, try to get a sense for how responsible he is for taking his medication. Also, you should try to find out what he is like while taking the medication. The medication might not solve all his problems, so that is something you would want to find out.
That is a good point Joseph, but I still don’t think that I (or anyone else) should do something harmful for myself in order to prevent such a scenario.
Also, I wouldn’t date someone who needed to be on anxiety medication but wasn’t anymore than I would date the one who is taking the medication.
But each person has to make his own cheshbonos. There have been people who married someone who was on medication and had great marriages. It depends both on the one taking the medication and the one marrying them.
I don’t want to be the one responsible for discouraging a shidduch that could work, especially since I don’t know so much about the topic. But it is definitely kidai to research the topic beforehand.
I don’t know if it’s true regarding looks, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that in general, people tend to be attracted to people who resemble their parents.
Yasher Koach to Abba_S for realizing how important it is to stop L”H! Since you are so concerned about this, maybe you would like to help me out with my Shmiras Halashon Thread and contribute halachos as well? Personally, I really like “A Lesson A Day” by Rav Shimon Finkelman and Rav Yitzchak Berkowitz.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your perspective, Lightbrite. I did not vote, but as someone who thinks she is probably happy that Trump won as opposed to Clinton, it was still very enlightening to hear your perspective.
Thank you.
Golfer – Gut Voch to you! Thanks for answering my question. Meanwhile, I kind of assumed that was what you meant, so I wrote a really long post describing all the things that I think have been accomplished in the CR. However, it has not been moderated yet – I assume because of the size.
He’s a goy, so it must be Mitzvah #8.
What’s Brita? Is that a filter? Filters don’t make internet kosher – they just make it less treif. It’s still better to avoid it altogether if possible. But everyone is different, and everyone’s situation is different.
If it was meant as a general question, I would say that I have gained the following from being in the CR during the past 3-4 months:
1. I have gotten some threads and posts containing LH removed.
2. Through my LH thread, I have raised awareness of the importance of and knowledge of the halachos of LH in myself if no one else. But it’s hard for me to believe that there was no effect of anyone else, since it’s impossible to read something w/o its affecting you. Also, at least one person did thank me for it.
3. I have gained a better understanding of other people and how to relate to them.
4. I have learned that just because something is obvious to me, it doesn’t mean that it is to others. And yes, I did know that already, but I need constant reminders.
5. I learned to be more tolerant of people who find tznius to be difficult.
6. I have given chizuk to others.
7. I have received chizuk from others.
8. Others have received chizuk from others.
9. I learned that there are men who know how to apologize.
10. I have had a much-needed relatively kosher and productive outlet.
11. I think there have been people who said that they were going to consider taking advice I gave them. For example, Lightbrite mentioned that she may sign up for Partners-in-Torah.
12. There have been people who acted on advice given in the CR. For example, Happygirlygirl quitting her job and that high school boy (forgot his name) who applied to Chofetz Chaim and Sparkly gettting more “Yeshivish”, and the guy who is becoming a Ger who became more aware that he should research the issue of Judaism’s perspective of yashu and that going to his family for xmas could be problematic, and I think lightbrite went to a shiur because of advice in the CR.
13. Also, there may be many lurkers who could learn from the advice presented. Even if Lightbrite doesn’t end up reading the book I suggested by Gila Manolson, maybe someone else will google the word “tznius” and come across my post. Or maybe someone will read my posts on hilchos LH and learn a halacha they didn’t know.
I assume that those people who are upset that Hillary lost are not really upset that she lost but upset that Trump won. My impression was that most people voted based on who seems to be the lesser of two evils (although I’d like to remind everyone that at the end of the day, we don’t REALLY know in any case – “Lev melachim b’Yad Hashem”, and in this case in particular there is really no way to know).
Golfer, was your question about Joseph specifically or about the CR in general?
flatbusher – either those people should not be learning midrash at all and should stick to something like Mishna or they should learn from a Rabbi/teacher. As DY pointed out, the Torah is supposed to be transmitted from teacher to student and one is not supposed to learn on his own.
Also, doesn’t it say somewhere that someone who is on the level of Chumash should learn Chumash, and someone who is on the level of Mishna should learn Mishna and only someone who is on the level of Gemara should learn Gemara?
In terms of people misunderstanding, that can happen with the Chumash as well. That is why we are supposed to learn from teachers.
“So after years and years of misrepresenting Torah you finally found someone who fell for it.”
I have a better view of my intelligence than that, thank you very much. As do most people who know me. I wouldn’t call it falling for something; I would call it being open-minded and trying to understand what people really mean by what they are saying as opposed to being judgmental.
Just for the sake of accuracy, I didn’t actually change the way I do things; I just started being more careful. Trying not to walk in front of men was something I have always done to some extent (or at least for the past several years) when I thought about it, but I didn’t always think about it. And when you are getting on busses in EY, it’s not something you do unless you are really thinking about it and making a real effort.
Since the discussions came up in the CR, it raised my consciousness and made me more aware of the issues, so I now I think about it more and am more careful.
If you are seriously considering going out with the person, you should definitely do serious investigations beforehand. Find out how long the person has been on medication, how good they are about taking the medication and if they have had any issues since they have been on the medication.
It is also important to realize that in some circles, taking medication has become quite common-place, so it might not have the same meaning it once did. I have heard that in the Western world, approximately 1/3 or 1/4 of the population is on medication. I doubt that these statistics are true for the Yeshivish world, but they may have some truth for some segments of the Orthodox population. So there may be people taking medication today who would never have thought of taking medication at one time. I think that medication today is safer than it used to be so some people consider it like taking Tylenol.
That being said, I personally wouldn’t want to marry someone on medication. But that is a personal decision based to some extent on personal factors, and it may not be the right decision for everyone.
So far, I have always said no to anyone on medication. But on the other hand, I know someone who married someone on medication and had a great marriage.
I don’t know if you are male or female, but I think that guys have to be particularly cautious about marrying girls on medication.They may be fine while on medication, but when they are expecting, they usually have to go off or decrease their medication and then serious problems can arise.
I know of at least one case in which the couple got divorced because of this. I know of another case in which they didn’t get divorced but the wife had a serious major breakdown after giving birth, which Boruch Hashem, she recovered from, but it took a few weeks.
he’s also not a false messiah, which was the main problems of those listed. I think he did other things that were more objectional. I don’t think the main issue we have with him is the fact that he cursed people, although it’s not a very nice thing to do.
I was going to write what DY wrote, but then saw that he already wrote it.
I would just add that the reason why people often have internet and not tv is because of the practical (and often necessary) functions of internet, but they then have to be careful that they don’t end up using the internet for the same things or worse that they would have been using the tv for.
Also as Joseph pointed out, one should only use internet if necessary.
The danger of internet is precisely the fact that it is much easier to rationalize its use since it is practical and can be necessary. So one has to really think carefully before acquiring and/or using it to determine if it is really necessary. And even if one has to use internet, its use should be limited.
As for the fact that I am using Internet right now? I thought about it carefully, and came to the conclusion that it is the right thing for me to be doing right now.
There was a president who thought that ketchup should be considered as vegetables for school lunches.
1. If you are now in a different class, wouldn’t it be a different teacher whom she’d be calling?
chocolate.
Joseph, are you really Sushi and Patri?
If the day you are born is connected to food preferences, then Monday is clearly chocolate.
I don’t know but I heard that in the Gemara it says that people born on Mondays have a certain personality trait. I no longer remember what it was but I remember that it fit me and I was born on a Monday. It may have had to do with persistence, but I’m not sure. I do remember that it was a trait that can be viewed as either positive or negative.
Is anyone here familiar with this Gemara and do you know what the trait is?
I always liked, “Monday’s child is fair of face.”
“Others consider potato chips vegetables.”
You mean they are not? What about french fries or ketchup?
“Ambivert: A person who needs energy from both social settings and being alone equally or like 60/40. Being alone for too long will zap their energy, and being in a social setting for too long will too. They need to jump between both.”
That is interesting. I always wondered why I can’t figure out if I’m an extravert or an introvert since I seem like both. I didn’t know that “ambivert” is an option. I have always thought of myself as an outgoing intravert.
It depends on the community and the individuals. Almost everyone I know does not have a tv. Most people whom I know would not want their kids watching even “kosher” DVD’s. There are different levels of how problematic things are and everyone is on a different level in terms of what they do.
“Kosher” DVD’s are obviously not as bad as not-kosher ones, but there is something somewhat negative about any kind of DVD. Someone who wants to run a home that is completely Torahdik and where nothing exists but Torah will generally not want to have any kind of DVD’s in his home.
The way a Torah Jew thinks (or is supposed to think) when confronted with a decision, is not: Is there anything wrong with it? But rather, will this bring me closer to Hashem? Is this the best way that I can be utilizing my time? Will having this in my home make my home a Torahdik home?
Our home is supposed to be a “Mikdash” (Temple). One should strive not to bring anything into his home that he would not bring into the Mikdash.
Also, Torahdik Jews try to keep away any foreign influences from their families. Influences are subtle, especially when it comes to kids. The DVD may seem harmless, but foreign messages are creeping in.
But at the same time, one must be realistic and intellectually honest. You have to realistic about your level of religious sensitivity as well as your needs. As a newcomer to Judaism, you are somewhat similar to a baal teshuva (newly religious), and you might want to be careful about “b’aal teshuva syndrome” (taking on too much too fast) and you might want to be careful about not taking on something that is too hard for you and not forbidden.
On the other hand, in terms of kids, you might want to think about it like this: Do you really want your kids to spend their time glued to a machine? Wouldn’t you prefer that they be running around, reading, or playing with friends the way kids used to before tv was invented? Even in the secular world, many people realize that tv is not good for kids (or even for adults).
l’mhavdil