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Health: AviK and I booked you first class starting yesterday. Tisah neyeema!
It’s yogurt that spreads easily and tastes awesome with Za’atar
“Poor is when you have too much month at the end of your money.”
~Unknown
Omgosh that makes sense. It’s not even English. Wow. Yellow in Italian is “giallo.”
So a yellow squash would be Zuccagiallo.
And now I know why we just call it yellow squash!
Meh. Baruch Hashem for exceptions.
“According to Rav Suf Ganiyah of Bakersville, anyone who has reason to assume that there are Channukah donuts in the making has permission to publicize one’s glee even without solid evidence.
If the evidence comes from an online forum with enough frum posters, then renewing the thread about sufganiyot in Yerushalayim is a mitzvah (Sefer HaOchel).”
Get new bumper stickers?
iacisrmma: Thanks. I notice on imamother threads in such cases start with S/O for spin-off
You may want to limit your reading there – for your own sake
Who read the CT Rules before their first post? I did. That’s another reason why I’m working with previous threads.
Did I misinterpret their rules?
Enter Exhibit #1:
“4 – Before starting a new topic do a quick check to see if the topic exists.”
Citation:
****RULES OF THE YWN COFFEE ROOM – PLEASE READ****
“A well-known bakery in Jerusalem produces over 200,000 of these each day during the month leading up to Chanukah”
Assuming this bakery is still in operation with at least comparable demands then yes it’s currently the month leading up to Channukah. Yum yum!
Someone mentioned that uncovered hair may help with shidduchim.
Maybe the rav told the woman that she wasn’t required because in her case she wasn’the required. Plus enough time passed where she felt finally ready to shed herself from mourning her late husband of beloved memory and find a new husband.
In that case the chinuch could still be consistent. She wanted to honor her late husband, after his passing, by covering her hair for him, which she had not done when they were together.
Then as the mourning lifted and she learned that she did not have to cover her hair according to the rav, she decided to leave it uncovered to be open to remarriage and maybe finally covering it again with her next husband.
If she listened to a rav and if needed got a second rabbinic opinion to be sure, and they said that she didn’t need to cover it, then she would be modeling the importance of listening to one’s rav.
Otherwise she may be teaching her children that her subjectivity overrides. Chas v’shalom she may be adding to the Torah. That’s also a transgression.
We’re not abnormal. In fact we’re an even higher level of normal than men.
We’re supernormal.
LOL lilmod ulelamaid that is probably why I believe so strongly about other people’s fridges!!!
Babysitting will teach you responsibility they say.
Sure but it’ll also teach you that other people have better snacks.
Why did you have to bring gefilte fish into this?
Gefilte fish did nothing to deserve being a pawn in your example.
This is the most confusing thing ever. Or maybe for the time being since I’m in this parsha.
A bunch of shiurim, books, real life rabbis talk about how bitachon and emuna are what you need for a shidduch and histadlus is really only to calm one’s nerves and doesn’t affect the outcome.
Then there are all these people yelling to get up and start meeting people, changing your schedule, getting out there, etc because no one is going to get married without effort.
RebYidd23 +1
I also wouldn’t want to marry someone whose attraction to me was so superficial and conditional.
Simple solution to a complex problem from an armchair captain commanding some other army’s troops with hypothetical resources and simplified risk assessment all based on theoretical analysis
People like to tell people that they will have a hard time finding a shidduch for many different reasons. Ideally your match will find you attractive regardless.
I’m a women but IMHO self-acceptance and confidence are more attracting overall. I’m sorry that you’very had such critical feedback. For sure you muat have many wonderful qualities that others only dream of having.
From OU: “Original Oreo Sandwich Cookies, Oreo Double Stuf Sandwich Cookies and Mini Original Oreo Sandwich Cookies do not contain dairy ingredients, though they are manufactured on dairy equipment. The equipment is not necessarily cleaned before the production of these three cookies, and there may be a small amount of dairy residue present. Nonetheless, the dairy component would be minimal, and from a Halachic perspective, the dairy residue is nullified (botel bishishim) and of no consequence. The bottom line of all this is that these three cookies may be consumed after meat and poultry, but not simultaneously.
Abba_S: It’s unfair to assume that you know that the marriage is salvageable when Lenny1970 has yet to account for his actions here.
The amount of change needed for an allegedly abusive or controlling partner to become a consistently appropriate spouse takes years, not months in therapy. Furthermore, even if he changes, the wife may have gone through too much trauma to continue investing in the relationship. Both could be better off with a clean break.
Also you speculate hope. Yet his wife may have finally had the means in place to make this decision. Maybe she was sick of praying for him to change. Maybe his wife could have waited until the children were old enough. It’s a common strategy to living with an abusive spouse when one has children at home, limited resources, limited options, high levels of stress, and lowered self-esteem.
Lenny1970: I appreciate you coming to the CR and expressing your feelings. At the same time, it concerns me that you do not seem to be considering the very points that your wife addressed. Instead, you’re providing irrelevant information in hopes of redemption. None of which speak to acknowledging the pain that your wife is going through.
Thus far you told us that while interrogating the rabbi, he didn’t have any examples to prove his case. Often an abusive individual will get defensive and demand proof, which can be overwhelming and leave one at loss for words. Of course one can say that an innocent person may get defensive. However, from the standpoint of a husband who cares for his wife, would he not genuinely seek to understand where he may have gone wrong?
Moreover, controlling behavior and abuse can be consistently covert. It’s not something quantifiable but over time one sees the effects that it has on one’s partner.
I’m speaking from personal, educational, and professional experience in this matter. Unfortunately there are many types of abuse, including financial, emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual. It is also possible that the rabbi was at a loss for words because some of the reasons were based on intimate detail and he was protecting your wife from further shame and embarrassment. Additionally, he may have promised her that he would not tell you about the intimate details that she confided in him. Omission does not mean that you’re innocent.
Thank you and Hashem-helping, I will cease engagement in this thread.
Bump
If we all looked similar then it would be too easy to raid the fridge in someone else’s house
Other people always have better food
Lenny from what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re spending your money buying everyone else’s approval with your charity. While no one except your wife and the rabbi knows what you’re really like at home. Having a life that looks good on the inside doesn’t mean that you’re pleasant to deal with and a courteous spouse always.
The good news is that controlling behavior can also be a violation of boundaries. Based on the information you provided, you are fixed in making your wife do as you wish despite her insistence of her suffering. None of us can tell her what she feels. None of us have the right to say that she feels otherwise. Even you, despite your desires to make her jump through extra hoops after 20 years of getting the courage to confront you, have an obligation to recognize and validate her feelings.
Based on the information here, it seems like you are at the very least crossing her boundaries that even a wife is permitted to assert and obviously needs for her own well-being.
You’re a fancy sapphire
All of you are fancy sapphires
Good to know! Thanks I never knew that divorcee with two “e”s is feminine and one “e” is masculine.
I wonder if that’s the same for fiancee and fiancee (with the accent). I’ve seen it spelled both ways. So I’ve typed it with both ways, and never based on any grammatical rule.
Aww it must be hard to lose the tallis gadol status/wearing at shul. I know that some divorced women wear their wigs, and some choose not to do so. Still, wearing a wig is a full-time thing (unless one only does it for shul) and doesn’t come with the extra davening privileges.
How do we determine who is a Gadol? Aren’t some people Gadolim to their followers? Are they officially considered Gadolim?
I’ve wondered this before about certain rabbis. I’ve called them Gadolim because they are popular, but I really don’t know the requirements. Is it true that we don’t have Gadolim today?
Also, TIDE mentioned some individuals who are sometimes considered Tzaddikim.
Thanks for your input. You’re like CR’s Queen of Lashon Hara Rulings 🙂
“I never understand why people post things on threads from five years ago.”
lilmod ulelamaid: Sometimes if it’s the longest thread ever, then it’s extra work to have to click another page to get to the most relevant.
On the flipside, if there is already a thread along the lines of my message, or a previous thread intrigues me, working off the old one can both add context to the train of thought and highlight the other opinions already shared.
A long time ago, my art teacher told us to keep a journal of our experiments. Somewhere along the line, we may find a new perspective and use for our work. Work that we otherwise would have forgotten about. It expands our creativity.
No need to spend years reinventing the wheel.
Here it’s a collaboration that we can all turn to, imho.
Thank you
lilmod ulelamaid:
+1 for Bumping
+1 for Working with an established thread
+1 for Conserving space
Who is the author?
It’s unfair that zucchinis are zucchinis while yellow squash are just yellow squash.
Sometimes they are lumped in the category with zucchinis as summer squashes.
English needs to give them a unique name
That means they’re making them as we type!
It is interesting that TIDE feels comfortable saying that not every influential rabbi necessarily speaks to him/her.
Because that doesn’t make sense. Sapphires are blue. They are both corundums.
You can ask why don’t they just call a ruby a red corundum.
Why don’t they call a sapphire a blue corundum
From the Geology website:
“Red corundums are known as “rubies,” blue corundums are known as “sapphires,” and corundums of any other color are known as “fancy sapphires.””
gefen: Some people are “orthoprax”
They don’t believe, “dox”
But they practice, “prax”
So basically they are frum on the outside and just doing it for other reasons, such as keeping family together, maintaining friends and a community, lack of opportunities outside the frum community, etc.
Technically they practice Torah and are removed from Hashem.
The interesting thing is that there is the whole mitzvah gorer mitzvah thing. Where one mitzvah leads to another. Faith it until you make it. Generally it states that the more that you follow Torah the closer you’ll be to Hashem and believe.
Person1: Yes all of the above. We also need to be conscientious of avodas bein adam le chavero.
Person1 again: IMHO this thread is supporting the frum community vs being overtly or covertly against the frum community.
My thing from someone who grew up secular and started keeping more mitzvot was this whole stress about being religious.
Like my brain was spinning with “Omgosh this is so much. I cannot see myself being religious. I don’t want to be religious but I’m Jewish and I don’t know where I belong, at least I know some of where I don’t belong, but I want to be myself too and and blah blah blah panic.”
Enter rabbi who said, “Chill out [not necessarily in those words], just focus on getting closer to Hashem. Don’t think about all this religion business. Work towards developing a closer relationship with Hashem. The way to do that is through Torah.”
!!!!!
Revelation nation. Suddenly what I wanted was so clear. So much of my inner turmoil was about trying to conform to what everyone else seems to be doing so easily. Essentially I want to fulfill my mission in life. I’m not sure what that is exactly. Yet if I focus on what Hashem wants of me, and act accordingly, then with emuna I’m on the right path.
Thanks for asking your questions because hopefully anyone on the outside will get to this post and understand the purpose is to unite halachic observance and being close to Hashem.
Thanks
FYI DaMoshe: Shraga18 is wondering how you’re doing
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/im-very-stressed
Conspiracy theory:
The egg came before the chicken
Do widowers or divorcees in this case still wear a tallis gadol?
So you don’t care about hurting your wife and instigating more undue stress?
“If you’re good to your car your car will be good to you.”
-Jiffy Lube
“unceasing and usually powerful winds. The fire travels very quickly, and the terrain is dry from not having any rain on it “
Thanks for your insider information lebidik yankel!
Yea… The California wildfires are hard enough.
This is cities burning intentionally by arsonist with even less extinguishing resources, such as airplanes and water.
Israel is def not to blame here for not stopping it beforehand. They can only do so much against the elements. Surely a lot of people are praying in the medinah right now, and internationally for cessation and reparation.
May this thread provide prayers as well please, for a safe and speedy stop to the fires and healing for those affected and rebuilding their lives with Hashem’s goodness and loving-kindness.
After Thanksgiving some people go cold turkey.
That’s halachically permissible right?
Are you not violating the contract of providing for your wife’s needs?
In this case it would be that she have the opportunity for someone else to fulfill that role because for whatever reason it did not work with you.
So in by refusing to allow your wife the respect and decency of an official divorce, are you not keeping her attached to you halachically against her will?
You already know that withholding the get goes against her will because she wants one and even is working towards the civil divorce.
To me, it sounds like it would help to be accountable to more than the Beis Din. Do you really need to wait until the Beis Din forces you to treat your wife like you care enough about her to recognize that doing this is best for her neshamah?
I pray that the Moderators approve this message. Shavua tov and may you empathize with the woman who ought to come first in your life. Thank you.
“When the first family fight occurs right after kiddush on the first day of yom tov , you are all stuck together for the next 48 hours (zahavasdad). “
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote of the century lol
Thanks -!
So cool you can dl it 🙂
“Rabbi Avigdor Miller: 529. Mitzvah of Happiness”
Does davening from one’s phone in shul elevate the phone’s status when it’s used in RL regular practice?
Maybe it becomes a kli for brachot. I like books but can see how davening from a phone not only can help one achieve consistency, but give kedosha to the material nature of the phone.
“in yiddishkeit EVERY DAY IS THANKSGIVING”
Mashiach Agent: Being grateful and giving thanks is great. Just slightly different than Thanksgiving, as the one day a year where business stops, family reunites, people eat lavishly, travel anticipates it’s arrival and come nightfall the day after, people start descending back to their regular lives.
Is it just me, but…
Thanksgiving is more like Shabbat or a Yom Tov than every day?