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Oh, here’s a little glimpse at something related… not exact because this deals with Pesach minhagim and the husband is already observant, but it speaks to considering the wife and children in terms of the minhagim…

From *Chumros and Minhagim on Pesach* by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

“My husband feels that minhagim (customs) are very important. I agree that they are. But I don’t feel that they are worth engendering the resentment of our children.

Shoshana

Rabbi Horowitz Responds

Shoshana:

I am with you on this one. While minhagim (customs) are an integral component of our mesorah (tradition) and Pesach, in particular, is a time of year where family minhagim play such an important role in determining our practices, I would not recommend maintain in totality a minhag that is “engendering the resentment of your children.”

This is not to say that your family should abandon this particular custom entirely. There are a number of ways to perpetuate this minhag, which is, after all, a time-honored tradition in many kehilos. One approach would be for your husband to refrain from eating commercial products throughout Yom Tov, while graciously and cheerfully allowing his wife and children to do so. This way, several clear messages are simultaneous being transmitted to your children. Firstly, the importance of tradition in your Yom Tov practice and your husband’s willingness to exhibit a level of misirus nefesh (self-sacrifice) to adhere to family minhagim. At the same time, he will be conveying to his children a very important point – that he cares about their comfort (and yours) and is willing to make allowances for them. As your children grow older, don’t be surprised if one or more of them voluntarily assume this minhag, especially when they marry and establish their own families.

Another way to go may be to have the entire family assume this minhag for a limited period of time, say for the first day or two of Yom Tov. During that time, your family would refrain from eating commercial foods or ‘eating out’ as an observance of this family minhag. I think this would accomplish your objective of adhering to your customs without excessively burdening your children.”

Some Common Sense: He didn’t have a Rebbe or Yeshiva, so it would be up to his father’s father’s hometown’s minhagim. I cannot remember right now the location of his father’s father’s hometown.

Either way, if he does not know them and/or has not lived them, why would he not go along with what his wife already knows. They raised their children based on her minhagim, and they would have not gone by anything had she not insisted on their marriage dependent on his observance.

I am glad that I asked because I thought that the answer would be obviously to go by the wife in such a case, so it is interesting to see that someone is insistent on it going by the husband and other posters are saying that it is not clear cut.

Thanks – I wonder if anyone in the CR knows of a similar situation.

Rewind. Okay I know someone who knows him! So from Hashem and totally unexpected so all is good 🙂

Also found a super insightful deep beautiful article that his wife wrote in a publication.

Makes me feel good and the truth here is that Hashem is in charge so I have to use my intuition as best as I can and let the shadchan b’esrat Hashem help me on this journey.

Thanks for letting me process this all out in words here 🙂

Amen amen amen 🙂 Thank you YYTZ 🙂 🙂 🙂

Such a sweet way to go into the Chag!!! So happy!

Thank you so much and blessings to you always 🙂

Unicorn
Idyllic

Interesting. During the Sedar I went to a friends whose husband became more religious to marry her and we went by her her Ashkenazi sedar minhagim, vegetable-wise, BUT I heard a story about a Gadol, I think, who also had potato at his sedar because his wife liked it.

That’s a good point too RebYidd23 ~ and thank you for that!

After reflecting on this question more over Shabbat, I realize that the issue is tied up in one taking accountability for one’s health. Saying that one would eat vegetables if the wife prepares them is pushing the responsibility for his well-being onto his wife.

NOW this is talking about a specific person and so surely there may be people here that object and say that they won’t eat vegetables unless their wives prepare them for them… but I don’t know the other details and am not speaking about you, and what frustrates me here is how this person is neglecting major health concerns. Like a blind spot.

That said… for me health is a great value. I almost died and Hashem gave me my life back. I was so lucky. Am so lucky. They [doctors] even prepared my parents to never see me the same again. But Hashem returned my neshama, brain, and body. Since then, I have worked and still work to ensure that I am as healthy as possible because I need my brain and body to fulfill my soul’s purpose in this world.

And this person also was given a gift of a new life, but I feel like I am looking at someone who thinks that he is invincible and/or the symptoms that he is experiencing have nothing to do with what he consumes during the day, and frequently.

—So yes. It is more than vegetables. It is about guarding one’s health, proactively.

Waiting until one is married to do something like take care of one’s body does not even make sense. If someone wants to be a father, then what he consumes also affects the parts that he will b’esrat Hashem give to his wife to create that life (you know what I mean). So part of being a father and the self-care needed to be there for one’s child starts before the child is born, and even before one finds his wife.

I don’t know. Obviously I care so it is difficult to just turn off my brain and walk away.

Especially when I think of being an EZER. Maybe Hashem put me here for this very reason because I can be an EZER to this man and etc etc it is my mission.

Then again, I have been here before and remember that I learned that this is not a healthy position for me to be in, and it is not my job or mission to try to fix someone or open his eyes.

Thank you