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Although it’s nice to see someone who wants to pay his own way and is not dependent on his parent(s), there is an alternative to dating and that is sitting in. Sit in on the first date and then see if it is worth for you to spend money. But don’t think if you ask if you can use maaser money for dating and the underlying reason is to have a night out. Rabbi Waxman wrote a strong article about dating in Jewish Observer and writes how dating was an adopted custom from if i remember correctly Germany.
With todays medical technology and research there are many mnay types of genetic testing that at times we find out by ourselves rather than from the doctor. When presenting questions about some testing, doctors will question as whether who is the doctor? You are questioning someone elses genetics, do you really know yours? You are asking about me, yes i have gone for genetic testing for which i tested positive and yes it can pass on to the opposite gender. Dor Yeshorim just tests for 4-5 of 1,000’s more that can be added to the list. If we Chas V’shalom drive ourselves crazywhich we shouldn’t) then few people may want to or end up getting married. Let us leave this to the Rebono Shel Olam who on Rosh Hashanna decides all. Hatzlocha Rabbo and lots of Mazel.
Sorry Mr. Health about your opinion about Maimonidies. However,in our family we refer to it as Gehenom, unfortunately. In dealing with geriatrics their rating is as such that one should hang out at Shomrei Hadas and wait it out there. If one would send out anonymous polls to rate this hospital by people in the community you would see the answer. Unfortunately,everything here is politics and the Rabbonim don’t want to get involved.We had very bad experiences with both health related serious issues and maternity issues. It is not being Motzi Shaim Rah it is for
Divrei Toeles. It’s about time that they are more sensitive especially in the ER and on Shabbos. …..and by the way, isn’t it strange that the Bikur Cholim of Boro Park was sent packing after somany year?!?!?!?!?
We go to Mt. Sinai when needed!
How about spending the day with grandparent(s) and doing some craft project or baking cookies and enjoying their company. You can look at old pictures, laugh together and even make a little scrapbook of Those Were the Days….
Assuming that you pay rent on time, my question to you is if you live in an apartment building and do others agree with the heat being an issue? Did you call the landlord or managing agent?
My mother is in an apartment building and her line is the coldest so we have a heater running very often. When i commented to the landlord he told me to deduct from the rent. He forgot about it and we just pay an electric bill of over $200 monthly all year.
It is upsetting but i saw in life that Hashem runs the world and takes care of all. Have a Refuah Shelaim!
Hope you resolve your issue.
P.S. In private homes most landlords converted so that each tenant pays their own heat. Sorry you are not our tenant because our tenants control the thermostat and we pay the bills. No, we have no vacancies currently.
In Boro Park, the Y at times offers courses for a minimal fee.
We have two sons that are lefties. I wish you the Nachas we have from them. Even when one of them lost their tefillin(which were later found), there was a tefillin gemach for lefties to help out!
Hashem should help you that this should be your worst worry!
Yes, i am in agreement with much that is said above. In addition to the beautiful booklets are unnecessary mailings. To our address come multiple booklets to people who moved away as long as 12 years ago. When i once called one of the organizations to let them know and commented about waste, i was told that someone sponsors these mailings/booklets. My comment was that wasting someones money that someone is intending for tzedaka is not correct. The mailings are still coming. Unfortunately we have to be careful before we give and no one has the right to tell us which cause is more important. One of our rules are not to give to organizations that send us multiple mailings even to our name.
On our recent trip to Eretz Yisroel, there were boxes set up in malls and storefronts to some popular organizations. Do your homework and remember “if in doubt do without”.
According to Halacha, the women’s knees should be covered, that includes when she walks or sits down.
Aside of Rabbi Falks sefer Modesty-An adornment of life(Oz Hadar Levusha) there are organizations as Bnos Melochim which one can call and have their questions answered.
Another issue here is because of openess to the non-Jewish world both audio and visual, some men who are so pulled to the attributes will demand or tell their wives how to dress. Some women do it for Shalom Bayis, unfortunately.
Kindly don’t start attacking me as i B”H am not nogaiya b’duvar. We have children and grandchildren who we are proud of.
Last winter my daughter in law hosted Ateret in her home every Friday night after candle lighting. This is a program for girls to introduce them to the laws of tznius when young. It is done in a fun and enjoying mode.
If my kneehighs will roll down, my 3 year old grandaughter will comment “Babi, you are not tziusdik”. In our family too, the fathers are very makpid on the boys with tznius.
So aside with us women being careful, tznius applies to all of Am Yisroel!
Chazak and Good Shabbos to all.
P.S. Some neighborhood stores that sell women’s apparel have the halachos of tznius posted.
Ateres Chaya is convenient for Flatbush/Boro Park. Mr. Jacobowitz is a mentch and will work with you!!!
With halls in the basement, check out walking down the stairs for safety reasons and make sure they have a permit for a hall downstairs.
Be wary of halls that charge extra for each additional chair they put out or for unionized halls that let you sit only at the table with number on your card, even if it is an error and the table is a children’s table. I had that happen to me in a posh hall and i was ready to leave rather than sit with such as 3-8 year olds. When the person who invited us saw us trying to leave, they literally had to fight for something they were paying for ,big money a bigh $100,000 for the night!
It’s always good to let children know when you are going away for whatever reason. However, just tell them no more than 1-2 days before the departure as children’s concept of time is different than ours. When our children were young and i went away for a longer time, i made a Mommy tape. For each child there was something.For example, for the older one that had a hard time waking in the morning i put on different versions of Modeh Ani.For the younger ones there was the usual morning routine with a Good Morning, “did you remember to was negel vaser” and for the night a story with Krias Shema. It ended up being so helpful that the young one would listen to the tape even upon my return and i watched as he responded non verbally to my questions on tape with nodding. Another suggestion is to make a calendar with only the amount of days you will be leaving for, beginning with the day you leave. So for example if you are leaving from Sunday thru Sunday, you will make a calendar of 8 boxes. You will sit with the child(ren) and show, “today is Sunday and we are leaving today, so mark with an “X”. Then tell them to make an “X” on one box each day and the day that they mark with the last “X” is the day Daddy/Totty/Aba and Mommy/Ima will be here to take us all home.This works for even if one parent will be going away.
Another suggestion is not to talk to them via phone when you are away. With the younger ones especially it creates issues as crying for parent(s).
Enjoy your trip/vacation!
Oh, i forgot to add, it’s best not to leave children with total strangers even if you pay them!
Wonderland Children’s in Boro Park with excellent customer service
Rite Aid on 13th Avenue
Super 13 grocery
Royal Fruit on 16th avenue
The Drug Store on 16th avenue
B”H Liora that this is the only thing bothering you and should stay the same.
There is an old Yiddish saying which i will write in English,”that so long a person lives with a peasant till he himself becomes a peasant”, meaning when one lives with someone long enough, he becomes like the other person, which sometimes means looks too.
For a reason i will not reveal, whenever we fly to E”Y, we have an acquaintance who feels Hakoras Hatov for a favor and sends someone private to pick us up. The private drivers never fail to know who we are, without even having seen a picture of us! It’s the way we are described that helps.
Even in such as a hospital setting when one was looking for the other in a certain area, the worker would say “you are looking for so and so”!
So Mazel Tov and continue growing together and understanding each other for the good only! And remember no one is perfect!!
And of course remember the mitzvah of Kibud Av V’Aim!
Having children in E”Y who occassionally take help, yes it is an issue. My daughter in law(s) usually get someone by word of mouth. Yes, one has to be careful as one had towels and even meat disappearing. No, the woman came for not more than 2 hours but i guess was a professional “ganuf”. Surprisingly too, there are many frum girls who go in and help(for pay) with such as ironing, washing the loads of pots and pans one may have from pre Shabbos preparations. No, my kids are not spoiled. In fact,they have so well blended into life in Eretz Yisroel that many don’t believe they are not first timers(not children of people who move to E”Y years ago). Of course ours sons help too!!
To JustMyOpinion, i learned not to judge by the cover. One never knows what is really going on in someone else’s life and it’s not our business. Someone asks a question and you can either help him/her or not! The why is not for us to ask or comment about.
Going away or having cleaning help is sometimes a form of refuah for someone who needs a Refuah Shelaima and wants to keep it quiet.
For the person in E”Y who needs the cleaning help, what neighborhood do you live in? Perhaps i could get you some leads?
When i sometimes read the coffee room posts i actually laugh. Some of you are really having a good time B”H. My question is and honestly speaking, who are you guys? Are you retired with some free time, are you in kollel and working under the shtenda(be careful because you may end up with a huntched back), are you at work and have time off for lunch or some other break? Are you using your bosses computer? Are you doing chesed at sitting with someone who needs company whether at their home or such as hospital? Do you have a snow day off? Are you a homemaker who already has supper ready and is taking a break? Honestly speaking admit where you are emailing from. Yes, about myself…as i told you it’s some form of entertainment which i may do occassionaly. I am part time employed as a therapist and the rest of the time am busy with running the house as a Yiddishe Mamma is supposed to!
Enjoy and have fun!
Could we add some Yiddish/Hebrew names to this log or are we limited to English/American only?
I don’t think the forum mentioned kids around the house with non Jewish help. Anyway, cleaning help is sometimes not a luxury but peace of mind that adds up to Shalom Bayis. Every family decides how to budget their money. Some need the latest jewelry and clothing where others will rather have a peaceful home by having household help.
One can work around to have the help when the children are not home. If one does, they can provide them with clothing fit the bill of tznius which today can be purchased and sort of looks like a uniform.
We hide the wine in closed closets to which the help does not have access.
Remember we hire them to clean, not to raise our children and babysit them. Non Jewish or not frum babysitters should be another forum.
We once had a frum tenant who babysits. One of the jobs she had was for a very balibatishe family who really support many Mosdos both here in Brooklyn and elsewhere. They always have live in domestic help. However, when the children were young, this man wanted his wife to be able to rest during the day, so they hired this tenant of ours who went over for a couple of hours(i don’t recall if it was 2 or 3 hours) to be with the children while the mother rested. No it was not no Mexican, Polish or other ethnic or very young person who cared for the children.
Giving names is a family issue and not a world issue. Heads up to families who continue giving names that others turn their noses too. In our families names as Zlate are given proudly. Those children with different names are tops in all areas that make others wish to be able to give different made.
Unfortunately, the same happened to a friend of mine who was a frum B.T. for over 20 years. She feels that the community was not enough sensitive to her needs in wanting to especially get married. Alot of what you did and are doing on your own on Shabbos is what she does too. Perhaps if the age were the same you should meet and perhaps can rebuild together by slowly picking up where you left.
Yes, it is true that one reason for spoiled milk is poor or lack of refrigeration. Just to be fair and not name names,one major Cholov Yisroel milk company,the longest one around, recently invested in improving their product which will help keep fresher longer. In interviewing the people they explained the process used by their company which is done in Canada the past ten years. Try it and you’ll see for yourself. The other companies which may be a bit cheaper are of a poorer quality of processing and being they are smaller they do their production by a different company. When using a different company, production has to be of a certain amount so they may just be processing once a week as opposed to the other company that processes on an almost daily basis. What is important is to check the dates. Yes, dates because today the milk companies must show two dates.
Just curious, i see Pride of The Farm being mentioned a few times in this blog. Are they trying to get into N.Y. to join the others here?
We just stick to the oldest company around and in all my 40+ years of B”H running the household i think the most we had a container of spoiled milk was twice.
In truth, the best seminary is the home.
As a mother of sons, whose daughter in laws went to different seminaries, down the road what they saw at home is very important. Yes, they went to seminaries as Gateshead, BJJ, B.Y. of Boro Park and even to no seminary but what they saw at home comes through the most.
Machon Bais Yaakov, with no affiliation to it, is known to prepare the girls for the real world. Not only that, but the principal is there for his students even many years after they left school.
Hatzlocha Rabba young man and discuss this with your Rosh Yeshiva and follow what he tells you. Remember shlepping with the dating for years goes against Shmiras Aynayim. Perhaps let your parents come along on the first date and listen to what they have to say, not what your friends tell you.
This story i heard about 10 years ago through an acquaintance of mine who does shidduchim.
In short,many parents of boys or the boys themselves are looking for a shver who is/has a PHD—Pappa Has Dough(money)!
Going to the comment of rich girl should marry rich boy, in a recent story, the father of the boy wanted to prepare himself in the right manner so he went into hock to fix up their home, drive a nice car, and live the life of rich. His wife was upset but he said this way they’ll make a rich shidduch which they did only to find out that the girl’s side did the same. Anyway the kids got married and learned to live on their own while their parents were paying off debts!!!
Peppermill in Boro Park will be offering a coarse on such, call them and sign up.(No i am not the owner or worker, just have take challa course there and it was great!)
Or go to Aish.com where there is a food corner by a Mrs. Bixenspanner who has one site on muffins and such only.
I do drive.
Honking the horn=no patience!
Someone who practices what he learns and is an example of Torah wherever he is whether in shul,Bais Medrash,work,store,in the car, in public places and behind closed doors.
Recently we saw a head of a yeshiva honking his horn and talking while driving…is he still a ben Torah because he knows how to learn? Or shall we redefine that some that we question ourself is he a Ben Torah because he knows how to learn to he knows how to study Torah so it’s all different!!!!
Yes Mr/Mrs Syllogist,
I definitely did read what i wrote and hope you did too!
Refuah Shelaim too all and a Gutten and Gezunten Chodesh!
To syllogist:
B”H i am still taking my vitamins and going strong. The doctor i use is tops in the field and is in agreement to what i am doing.His priority is to get vitamins from food. But not always are you up to eating the right foods so vitamins can supplement.
I just referred someone to the doctor i am using. He gave her hope, where the doctor in Sloan gave her a death sentence. Yes, Hashem is the one who decides. Anyway, the doctor i am using told this friend that she can follow the protocol i am using.
Many doctors are conventional and won’t take or let you take vitamins. Why don’t you ask them if they do?
On a recent survey 91% of doctors said they would try alternative methods over chemo if they were sick.
Get hold of CURE and read about such!
Yes, i will continue taking my vitamins as much as possible. My PET scans are B”H clean, are yours?
Refuah Shelaima to all.
I prefer not to talk about being sick but will share with someone if it gives them chizuk.
Shlepping is not a dirty job.
You deserve alot of credit and your parents should have a lot of nachas from you.
Hope you find something!
Try one of the big supermarket/grocery stores in your neighborhood or a seforim stores who needs to reorganize.
In our family we always have a bottle of Landau brand ZINC LOZENGES PLUS with Ecinancea and Vitamin C for colds of any sort. Start with 3 tablets that you can either suck on or chew and then follow directions on bottle.
If it is 50/50 at the wedding expenses, it should be 50/50 after the wedding too. What is important is to be specific of what your likes or dislikes are. One of my friends ended up footing the whole bill even though it was discussed as 50/50. The girls parents claimed that for them a cheaper hall would have been good enough. After the first child they(boys) side was still footing most of the bill.But guess where the couple spent most of Yom Tov family time, yes at the girls side. This happens very often. The money side may work out but family time is “busting time” for many from the boys side. Yes, when you confront your son he will say “for the sake of Shalom Bayis”. So whatever the arrangements, be specific of what type of hall, flowers, photos, etc. Don’t go for “we’ll work it out” which sounds good when finalizing the shidduch but may spell aggravation afterwards.
If i see frum business owners employing frum people and giving good customer service i will even walk the extra blocks to give them my business, even if the prices may be higher.
First of all you don’t have to be ashamed of doing what is right even when in the eyes of others wrongdoing is accepted.
In the Succos issue of Hamodia, a man writes how he walks the street without his glasses to avoid looking at women not dressed in the realm of tznius. He ends stating that he is in the process of converting. Try to get hold of the paper and read it in full.
There are gemachs that collect only clothing in good condition and give it for free. Perhaps you could avail yourself from some of these.
The same issue of Hamodia wrote about the problem of tznius at the Kosel and at the same time the same people who come dressed improperly at the kosel would dare not go improperly dressed to places of worship of other religions.
Kol Hakavod for doing what is right. You don’t have to defend yourself to your loved ones just try to explain yourself that you are following the ways of the Torah and the uniform of Torah is tznius in all matters, including dress, speech and behavior.
If you really are honest of not being able to afford more skirts, let me know how to get in touch with you and i will be more than glad to help you purchase some more clothing that are appropriate.
Too much of the cellphone use is unecessary and misused.
Parents walking with their children on the street are focusing on their phones and not their children.
As much as we are trying to stop the Loshon Hora, cellphone is making it more rampant. If someone tells you something you immediately call someone to spread the “news”, whereas without the cellphone you would rethink it till you got home and then realize that it’s not something to talk about.
With cellphones, more children will end up needing some special ed services. Instead of remembering 5-6 items when going to the store, the parent gives them a phone and they call home to know what to buy. So no practical practice for memory which is important for any type of learning.
Written communication such as writing letters is almost obsolete.
Even if you call your parents 100 times a day from your cellphone it does not come to one visit. I read of a Buuby who said she’ll get rid of the phone so people will once again visit her.
So the list can go on and on.
People are not smart enough to realize that all phone conversations both cell and landlines are recorded. This is the way too many people arrested were very easily fingered.
…as it says in Pirkei Avos “Ayin Roah V’ozen Shomaas”….
As an experience mother/grandmother who B”H married off all children i will comment:
1. A very ehrliche shadchan,who no longer practices once told me,
Mrs.—- , a shadchan is a liar. The only thing you could believe me is the name i give you. The rest is up to you to check out.
2. Even when you present things up front they are apt to change.
By one of our children one of the up front issues was the language to be spoken at home, to which the mechutin consented. At first the language held with the children, now the younger ones only speak English. When my mechutin called Erev Yom Kippur i did mention it…so what!!!
3. My husband smoked for 40 years and stopped cold turkey 2 years ago. The tobacco seeps in and can be smelled for a long time after. So for those who think they are fooling someone by smoking in shul yard, backyard, etc. all i can tell you is that the girl who does not pick up on it has a poor sense of smell.
My neice who is B”H married had dated about 2 boys she was interested in and they in her. She picked up on the tobacco smell and that was end of shidduch. One boy promised to stop after married, when stress would be less. After she married and went shopping for a bookcase, she ended up in a store which unknowingly was owned by her former suitor. Yes, there he was chainsmoking in the store. Yes, he got married before her ! When he realized who she was he turned red. No, he did not stop smoking.
Smoking is rampant,even with such as 11 year olds smoking. And guess what, alot are stealing to support this bad habit.
So add stealing to you shidduch blog.
Unfortunately, it is true that when people going through any test in life be it illness or death, too many people do not know how to react so they avoid. They will cross the street if they see you or ignore you. Others will give you so much advice like they were the expert of all.
I myself was tested this year and decided to keep my diagnosis quiet and just among my closest family. Once i was given a clean bill of health i did tell others. Perhaps if you saw me you may have had an inkling that something was amiss. If someone asks many questions i would nicely say that if they will write down the questions i may answer them.
Sloan Kettering is a research hospital and is not one that is recommended for adults. Adults there are just a number not a human.
If caught in the early stages, cancer is cureable just as any other illness. Any illness diagnosed in a delayed stage can be fatal.
Also people can go for more than one opinion.
In regard to fasting, one should ask a dayan who will probably tell them not to fast.
Remember in Unesaneh Tokef we say and know that Hashem decrees who shall live and who not.
Too many oncologists are too conventional and won’t let you take vitamins or supplements.
I used a private oncologist who was very supportive of supplements such as Essaic Tea, COQ10, vitamins B and E and also vitamin C in powdered form.
Chesed of New Square has freshly squeezed pomegranate juice that they will deliver for free and ask for but a small donation.
All this will help your immune system and give you energy.
After just eight 3.5 hour treatments my pet scan was clean B”H.
If you see someone transgressing and don’t point it out to them then you too gets an aveira each time the person is doing that aveira.
On 16th Avenue i watched a woman walk, with her skirt above her knee and slipping too. No she was not a size 2,4,6,8,10 nor 12. When i nicely told her that not only were her knees out but slip too, she got insulted.
Anyway, her car(jeep) was parked at a pump and yes she did get a ticket. I hope she took it as a sign from above.
When shopping stores should have a full length mirror on all 4 sides so women can walk and see what they really look like. In addition to the length, the width should be a factor too.
Unfortunately, some women should take the band they have around their heads(covered sheitel) and put it aroung their knees.