Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
IMHO it was not necessary to point out that they were BT’s. Why the label?
CR10- It seems that you are disscussing 2 issues. In your discussion about judging others, you are correct, we aren’t permitted to do that.
In your discussion about better/superior vs. worse/inferior, someone who chooses to be an Eved Hashem is clearly better than someone who does not. Chazal tell us that we have the ability to choose, but we don’t have PERMISSION to choose. Hashem tells us what choice to make. Check out Parshas Nitzavim (Devorim 30:19). Hashem says, “I have placed life & death before you…CHOOSE LIFE.” Life means a life of serving Hashem. We are told what is right & what is wrong, and certainly right is better than wrong, and certainly someone who chooses right is better than, superior to, someone who chooses wrong. When you observe someone who is not keeping the commandments, you come to the conclusion (i.e. you judge him) to be wrong, & therefore inferior to someone who is doing what is right.
What do you mean by <If I am more religious than you, then I am not more superior and if you are more religious than I, you are not more superior.> Better/superior in what way? According to, or relative to what? After 120, when the neshamos of the “non-religious” people will ask why the neshamos of the “religious” people are enjoying a greater reward in Olam HaBah, they will be told it is because they were BETTER Jews than you (i.e. during their corporeal existence, they chose to be closer to Hashem.) In Olam Habah, the reward is being close to Hashem.
< Choosing to be closer to Hashem by being an Oved Hashem does not make me better than the next person >. In fact, it does.
Seder night is supposed to be a re-enactment of the 1st seder in mitzrayim. You are not supposed to leave your homes all night (Shemos 12:22). As for moving out of the neighborhood, we conclude the Seder with :”L’shana Haba b’yerushalayim”. It’s US who should (look forward to) move out of the neighborhood.
Check out Mesechta Beitza 16a:
“The entire sustenance of a person is fixed for him from Rosh HaShana until Yom Kippur, except the expenditure for Shabbosos, Yomim Tovim, and the expenditure for the instruction of his children in Talmud Torah. If he spent less he is given less and if he spent more he is given more.”
So you have a havtacha from the gemora that, even if you pay full price for matza, you won’t lose.
Chag Kosher V’Someach!
It helped me to keep in mind that every mitzva I did, & every brocha I made with a little more Kavana was a kiyum of Kibud Av. Also, any time I did something that I learned from my parent, I expressed gratitude for that part of my upbringing.
When you say Kaddish, in the last 2 stanzas, when you say “v’al kol Yisroel”, you should be m’chavein to the names of the nifter(s). It helps them (& you, too).
Ha-Makom y’nachem eschem b’soch sha’arei tzion v’Yerushalayim.
LAkewood001:
It sounds like you are judging G-d. You are observing His behavior in the world that He created & owns, & you have decided that, according to your understanding, Hashem is wrong. Do you admit that you are one of Hashem’s creations, subject to His sense of right & wrong? Do you think Hashem created you SMARTER than Him? Or at least as smart? Do you feel that Hashem gave you a more perfect idea of justice than He Himself has? Do you, with your finite wisdom and limited focus, think Hashem, with His infinite wisdom & perspective, is making mistakes? When you study the past, or observe the present, & you see something that you don’t agree with, why is your response, “How could Hashem do that”? Why don’t you ask, “How is it that I don’t understand what Hashem is doing”?
The short answer is Yes, she has the potential to see Moshiach. Moshiach is a time when Hashem will be the acknowledged King “al kol ha-aretz”, not only the King of Klal Yisroel. Hence there will be Gentile nations as well. Non-Jews are not required to become Jewish. We are Jewish because we are the biological & spiritual children of Avrohom Avinu. Non-Jews can’t be “punished” because of their ancestry. But Gentiles have an obligation to acknowledge Hashem, the G-d of the Jews, as the One & only Creator & Director of the universe. They also have an obligation to find out & observe what the Creator expects of them as non-Jews. If the non-Jewish friend can wrap her head around that, then she’ll merit seeing Moshiach.
Is it a done deal, based on the consultation with the renowned expert, that the boy has ADHD? I am acquainted first hand with cases where meds were a condition to return to mesivta in the 10th grade. The boy took the meds & was aware of the effect it had on his body & personality. He didn’t feel like he was himself anymore. As far as self-esteem, having to take meds so “I can be like the other boys” does nothing for self-esteem. The solution in these cases was to find a mesivta that had more guidance for the younger boys (yes, 10th grade is younger boys), shorter independent prep time, a menahel/mashgiach who is astute in assigning pairing the right chavrusas. This does not mean a place with significantly lower learning. He will shteig just as well. And if this prevents him from becoming a gadol at 15, we’ll just have to wait until he’s 18.
If you don’t give her a gift, then when her friends ask her what she got she’ll feel bad, so you have to give her something. If she gives you something also, then her friends will think that she had to give you something in order to get what you gave her. And if she doesn’t invite those friends, she’ll have no one to talk to about the gifts she got in Yichud. You’re better off eloping.
Is your title for this thread just for us in the CR or do you plan on addressing a gadol “fo’ yo’ P-O-S-E-K!”?
Alone in an elevator with a woman? When I’m with the woman, I’m not alone!
Torah613,
Villain? Unfair? I didn’t give her mother one word of tochocha or musar or criticism. I spoke as one caring parent would speak to another, and, having “been there, done that” 5 times, (6 if you include me as the teen) I spoke from years of experience. Vogue can show the letter to her mother, leave it for her to find (she’ll probably take the hint), use it as ideas or inspiration to write her own, or chizuk for self-confidence or just ignore it. (She’s an adult. She can decide for herself.) And even if the entire episode is off the mark, I still think it’s a nice letter.
Hey folks, feel free to append your screen names to the above. Vogue, show it to your mom. Maybe just print it out & leave it for her to see.
To the Mother of our 19 year old online friend,
We, the undersigned internet friends of your daughter, pray that you take these words to heart. We wish you much success and happiness with your family.
Sincerely,
“left to write” (screen name). Parent of 5 post-teenagers.
Vogue-
Admittedly, a 19 year old should / must be treated as an adult. Would it be too personal to ask you what your mother does that you consider being treated like a baby. I know that answering this question puts you at risk of being judged for your perspective. As a former 19 year old child of my parents, & the current parent of similarly aged children, I think it would be helpful to hear that perspective from you.
Danish123,
Yes, it truly pains me that my children are not conducting their lives in a Torah-true manner. The pain that I express is not a farce to instill guilt. The pain that I show is not nearly as much pain as I feel. My children are hurting themselves, spiritually, socially, sometimes even physically. I disagree with the statement above that your job is to live your own life. With all due respect, at 16 you don’t really know how to live your own life. Parents are there to teach by example, by word & by deed how to live a Torah-successful life. That’s why Hashem chose Avrohom; He knew that Avrohom would teach his children the derech Hashem (see Ber 18:19). I disagree the statement above, “Well, sometimes it pains the parents because they want what is best for the child and __think this is not what is best for them__”. Being OTD, even in only one or two behaviors, is never “the best for them”. Parents, having had more life experiences than their children, are better equipped to be “ro-eh es ha-nolad”. It hurts us to think that our children are veering in the wrong direction. And if one will say it is good to learn from one’s mistakes, it is better to be righted when only slightly off course than to have to come back from devastation. I disagree with the statement above that it is not a child’s job to make their parents happy or to give them nachas. One of the foundations of Yiddishkeit is the concept of hakoras hatov. If you can’t follow the teachings & desires of your parents to walk in the ways of the Torah because YOU truly want to, then do it because THEY want you to, & “mitoch lo lishma, ba lishma”. In the end you will benefit.
You asked for an honest answer. I shared with you honestly. May I ask you a question: Will any of our answers have an effect on your decisions?
B’ahava.
Why is there a minhag not to walk around with only socks on your feet?
Look at the 3rd Rashi on Shemos 14:10, “vayitzaku”. The B’nei Yisroel employed the occupation of their ‘avos’, i.e., they prayed. The Aramaic word for ‘avos’ is ‘a-vahan’, hence “D’avahan”, or as we (mis)pronounce it, Daven, means, “of the Fathers”.
Thank you Chana. Good Shabbos.
Teach him who he is. He is a descendant of Avrohom Avinu. Avrohom stood against the world & chose Hashem. Then Hashem chose Avrohom & his children forever, & he is one of them. Teach him the history of the Avos & their dedication to Hashem. Going down to Mitzrayim as a family & coming out as a nation, the nation that received the Torah, the nation that he belongs to. Get him to feel pride in that heritage so he will want to commit himself to the ranks of the Jewish people.
Then give him an easy mitzva to do. Give him a talis katan. Let him walk around all day (even with the tzitzis tucked in), knowing that Hashem surrounds him wherever he goes. Tell him Hashem is thinking about him 24/7. Tell him to keep Hashem on his mind from time to time during the day. He will feel pride & ask you for another mitzva and it’s explanation. Pesach is coming. Invite him to your seder. Learn a little about it in advance so he’ll know what to expect. Anticipate the best seder YOU have ever had.
Kinderlach:
You don’t have to post your personal info to the public. The mods have (or can be given) your e-mail addresses to be passed on only to each other. Then the interaction is all up to you (initial contact, follow-ups, etc.). If you would feel more comfortable having a 3rd party involved, again OUT OF THE CR, then authorize the mods to send e-mails to your mutually agreed upon 3rd party/shadchan & let him/her take it from there (not that I’m looking for shadchanus, but I would volunteer to facilitate your efforts). This is not called relying on a miracle, and considering some of the other uses of the CR, announcing a CR shidduch would be very exciting.
Hi reggirl. I have a young man I think you’d like to meet. He’s in his early-to-mid 20’s,is learning and will go to college. He’s intelligent (like street smart) and frum. He’s looking for a normal, frum, college educated, reasonably good looking girl.
Hi curiosity. I have a young lady I think you’d like to meet. She’s about 22 year old, she’s frum & educated (she’s an accountant) and is looking for an intelligent,frum, normal guy who is learning and will go to college.
Kinderlach, I think it’s worth looking into.
Which moderator will be the Shadchan to exchange contact info off-line?
Again, don’t post you name. we don’t need it. JUST YOUR ROV’S NAME. we’ll call him & say one of your balabatim posted on the YWN that he is in dire need. If you tell him to expect that call, then when we call he’ll know who we’re calling about, tell us how to make out the check. The shul will deposit our check to it’s account & write you a check for the amount sent in.
David-
Don’t give your personal information, just the name of your Rov. His address can be looked up by anyone who is interested. You should tell him to expect calls from us. He will obviously confirm all you have said. We can send checks made out to his k’hilla, earmarked for your use. You & I will never meet, no one except the Rov will know your personal details, it will be matan b’sayer without any internet exposure. What do you think?
>> After all, those who are not baalei nefesh are nebech soulless creatures, literally and figuratively.
Was that Rav Moshe’s definition of a baal nefesh?
if the mods allow, have the OP post the name of his Rov. This will establish his legitimacy for the skeptics & provide a place to offer assistance
there is considerable M/F intermingling, even on the tours geared to those who prefer more M/F segregation.
One more time: this is the post that keeps getting lost:
I will give you a hint. If your post keeps getting deleted, there is something wrong with it. We don’t allow links.
Hi-
Just curious. Why does my post not get posted? I sent it twice, & both times it disappeared.
Do trees use a belt or suspenders to keep their trunks up?
Do you call the grafted part of a tree a branch office?
If you put your car on Elm instead of Oak are you parking up the wrong tree?
In the fall, does an anti-social tree tell everyone to leave me alone?
If 2 trees are competing who do you root for?
I said to the tree, “should I cut you down?” & the tree said, “What are you axing me for?”
And if you cut it down, what wood you use it for anyway?
@ WIY
when you go to work, your employer is obligated to give you your wages. That is a Torah law. Hashkafa-ly, Hashem gave him your money. The job is merely to save you from idle-atry & keep you out of trouble. The money your parents or in-laws have is not necessarily yours, & you have no claim to it, seeing as how you did not work to earn it (or earn the right to collect it). When you say “in a situation where it is *normal* to need to come on to them…”, if, for example they promised to support you for a particular amount or regular expense (i.e., they promised to pay your phone bill or health insurance, etc), then they DO have YOUR money & you have a right to collect it as per their promise. In our case, no such arrangement was made. Why would I assume that my parents’ money is in my cheshbon?
We are in a similar situation (frum & non-frum factions, vacations & stuff for ‘them’ & we are left to fend for ourselves, etc). I know _exactly_ how you feel. I console myself with 2 thoughts: Every time I suppress the feelings of ‘they have so much, if they gave me something, anything, they’d never miss it,etc’ I am m’kayim the mitzva of ‘lo sachmode’. Hashem tells me not to want anyone else’s possessions, including their money, even if they have a surplus. The second thought is: on Rosh Hashana, everything was decided; my income your income, their income. If they give me something, then I will lose that amount from somewhere else. And if they don’t help me at all, that will have no effect on Hashem’s cheshbon. I won’t end up with any more or any less than I was supposed to have. If you are able to make ends meet, even just-just, then you are doing fine. Spend conservatively, don’t waste the resources Hashem has given you. Relax a bit with knowledge that you are just like so many of us, & we’re all surviving. You will too.
The Bensonhurst frum community is more insular. It helps to be a Bais hatalmud-nik to feel comfortable. The community is small & confined to a small radius. Kensington is less concerned with “keeping up with Jones'”. They are less gashmius-oriented & in general, more open to new faces & non-judgmental interaction. BoroPark is intensely frum, but sometimes in too competitive a way & with skewed priorities. Flatbush is the most mixed-bag-ish. Wherever you go you can find your niche, but the niches don’t necessarily mix with each other.
No man is an island…but Virginia is a state.
>if at 1st you don’t succeed, consider making failure your goal.
>keep your eye on the ball, keep your shoulder to the wheel, keep your ear to the ground, keep your nose to the grindstone, keep your back to the wall. Now try working in that position.