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Seahorse. Looking back now, were there hints to the concerns while you were dating that you ignored, or was it totally unexpected?
Let’s get Hello99 over to this board. He will tell us that it is all a figment of your imaginations. They are just as many boys as girls….
Here is an idea for some empirical data. I wonder if we could get SawYouAtSinai to release their numbers. I.e., how many men v. women in each age bracket. Frumster as well, although I think the people on frumster might be more MO.
hello99 – what is your personal goal? AZ seems to want to help more people get married. What is your goal? Prevent bad marriages?
Laker – It’s not R’ Ruderman -it’s either a Rashi or a Medrash or something like that.
Yes – Rashi in Chumash brings it. I just looked quickly and couldn’t find it However, I don’t think that Rashi says Mefurash that she would have influenced him. Also, the Rav Ruderman story’s chiddush is that he was telling it to girls 20 years ago to point out to them the Koach they have.
Ofcourse asks “In the eyes of the Torah, is marrying a Jew, even a drastically less religious Jew, or a totally secular Jew, better than staying single, or vice versa? If anyone is aware of any Gedolim’s thoughts on this, please share.”
Given the topic of this thread I presume the question is whether a frum girl should marry a less religious man. I haven’t heard any Gedolim opine on this. However, I once heard that R. Ruderman told a group of bais yaakov girls (including my sister) that the reason Yaakov was punished for hiding Dina was she would have been able to be mashpia on Eisav LiTov.
So, if the frum girl would be able to keep Taharas HaMishpacha and the less frum man would agree that their children should be raised frum it seems to me like it would be ok for the frum girl to marry him. Now, of course, the devil is in the details, and it would have to be an unusual situation to work, however, in theory it might be able to work. Just my $0.02!
It’s not pritzus,but it is a challenge, not an excuse not to do Hachnossas Oirchim!
If you are inviting someone who doesn’t have a place or is otherwise a nitzrach to be MiKayem HaChnosas Orchim that is very different than inviting your good friends who B’H have a very nice home and you are primarily focusing on the “social.”
It doesn’t mean that it is inherently wrong to socialize, it’s just a question of priorities and in which derech you want to go.
I once heard from R. Meir Stern a similar thing. He was talking about how a ben Aliyah doesn’t socialize as much. Not that there is anything wrong with people who enjoy socializing, just that socializing is not the derech to be koneh the “Keser Torah”, etc. See, e.g., Rambam hilchos Talmud Torah on “Keser Torah”, the “Crown of Torah’, which can be acquired by one who dedicates his nights to the study of Torah.
oomis 1105 “Oh brother, here we go again. Have couples over, enhance your Shabbos table with orchim….”
Whether or not couples socializing is an inherent problem has a lot to do with the communities they come from. People from more modern backgrounds who are used to socializing with people of the opposite sex (for example, in more modern communities is it very common for two families to share a shabbos meal and shabbos afternoon), will not see a big deal in having couples together for a shabbos meal and in most cases it is perfectly fine.
However, for people coming from more Chareidi backgrounds interacting with another couples is something very new and potentially can lead to problems.
In the back of the new Nefesh HaChaim Rav Chaim Volozhin quotes the gaon as saying that the more gedorim one puts up against arayos the more the yetzer hara burns. This isn’t meant to argue against gedorim c’v, however to recognize a fact of life.
I have lived in both chareidi and modern environments and during those times that I lived in the modern world I thought the chareidim were being so extreme in this a similar areas, however, now that I live amongst chareidim I totally “get it” and understand why for their culture having two couples sharing a meal would be very inappropriate.