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For anyone who is a baal teshuva or whose parents are, dealing with shadchanim and figuring out what to expect is even more baffling. Calling a shadchan day after day may seem like normal hishtadlus to people who understand how things work, but for people coming from outside the frum commumnity, it seems just plain rude and pushy. Making detailed inquiries into the other parties’ lives is an even stranger proposition.
Anyone who finds him/herself in this situation might want to contact a new shadchan network created especially for BTs and children of BTs. It’s called “The Rebbetzins” and it’s part of the Oorah kiruv organization. It’s not just a shadchan service, because the shadchanim actually play a lot of roles. They get to know all the candidates personally and they do the research that parents would normally do. They also act as dating mentors. It’s a nationwide network with boys and girls who are all serious about dating in a frum way, but lack the support system FFB people would normally have. If anyone is interested in signing up for The Rebbetzins, they can call 1-877-REBBETZINS.
Do you think that the gifts — or even the whole chinese auction format — encourages people to give tzedakah for all the wrong reasons? Plenty of people would never even consider owning the things that are in the catalogs until all of a sudden it becomes a possibility — even if it’s a remote possibility. I know someone once said that if tzedakahs could just send out a plain old letter soliciting funds and people would respond, it would take half the amount of contributions to raise twice the amount of money.