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“I want to get green lips”
Cannot see anything halachicly wrong worth that. My Rabbi has blue tooth!
I think the title of this thread should have been A Very Old Joke.
And we might aswell add in the other oldie that rivka said to besuel that she wants to get engaged. What he said, but you are only 3 years old! I know replied rivka, but I’m in the parsha…
Who knows the lyrics for the new york boys choir “Ride the waves”?
We had the best laugh ever when I looked up the lyrics on their website because this is how my young kids sing it (you MUST actually listen to the track as you read this and follow it, you’ll see how genuine it sounds):
Like a father, like a friend, he stands there by your side
Always has your best interest in mind
And even though he seems so far, things just don’t seem right
And Donald Duck is looking for the light
This is turning into my own private diary. I look forward to looking at it in the future and getting nachas.
My daughter came home from school this friday ???? ?? ?? with a box and a lady in it. “Who’s in the box” asked her. ” ??? ” she said proudly. “And who put ??? in the box” I asked her? “I did” she said!
One of my kids have just begun learning the script alef-bais. Today she came in excitedly from school and proudly announced that she can now write a script gimmel and she wrote one. I told her that in a few days she will be learning the script zayin and it is the exact same as the gimmel besides that you write it the other way round. Oh she said, you mean you start at the bottom and write it going up to the top? ☺
Kenco without a doubt!
Just bought a CD called ‘LATIN MIX’. Turned out to be 1,009 songs from Ancient Rome
” Just wondering about the percentages: Do you or don’t you wear Tefillin on Chol Hamo’ed? “
Not a very scientific poll. Remember, you are conducting it among people who still use the internet so is it any surprise they do not wear tefillin?
Sam2 IS very ????? on ????? ????? and rightly so. Because of that he did not realise that it was actually men he could see in the ladies shul. They were late for davening and too embarrassed to enter the main shul. Their actions are now completely understood 🙂
” Also, when saying hoshanis,
both hands need to hold the
lulav and esrog, not one hand…
…So how do you hold your
machzir?… “
This is where those mini hoshanos booklets come in, some have clips to allow you up literally clip it onto your lulav. Others are on a piece of paper.
” Firstly no u don’t need … 2 hand (just lechatchila 2 hands 4 halel and ikur
naanuim)”
In the ??? ???? that many recite before shaking ???? it says ” ???? ?????? ???? ” which is singular (hand), not plural (hands). How does this fit in?
BTW who saw the hilarious picture of the shul where everyone sticks a copy of the ??????? onto the back of their ???? and they all go around the ???? reading from the back of the guy in front of them…
Check this previous thread
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/eating-in-sukkah-on-shemini-atzeres
I have a really long post to write but I can only post SO slowly, so I opened this thread for a tip on how to post fast. Can someone please give me a post fasting tip?
My young daughter was insistent that her teacher had told them that on yom kippur all the men go to shul and to look like malochim they all wear white tichels…
Selichos is so important. Many places DO daven too fast. Too fast means not giving time to contemplate and think even a little about what one is saying, only to rush thru saying words we do not understand and concepts we are not grasping. Selicha is begged, not said, so we do not go to say selichos rather to ‘beit’ or ask selicha. A minyan that begins ten mins earlier makes all the difference.
Incidentally I was also told like Aaron Chaim said that the most important part are the few pesukim between before beginning the new selicha, while of course the yud gimmel middos are never rejected by hashem if said properly and we live by those middos ourselves.
the mishna berura says you can make up your own things that sound like other things. For example yogurt is gut yohr, banana is bon anne, raisins and celery for rise in salary etc etc. There are more, cant think of them at the moment. Can you?
Message/Tweet currently going around the UK:
If you took any electrical items during the riots last year, the one year warranty is now expiring. Should you wish to renew the warranty, please call us on 999 (911) and we will sort it out for you.
Mods I think you should only accept posts via regular mail then posters will be happy when their comments appear within the new time limit of 7 to 10 working days!
We were telling the kids about reb elyashiv zatzal and mentioned that all the world media were talking about is the size of his levaya and the fact that he saw 6 generations ie his great great great grandchildren. My daughter asked me – is that on his side or his wife’s side
I have been at a chassuna where gertner sang and I was memorized! How effortlessly and seamlessly he weaves songs together, skipping from one to another and back again. Such a sweet voice. How the orchestra kept up with him I do not know. We were enthralled. I could listen to him live for days at a time like that!
Hello did somebody call?
My little sister said “I want ice cream”. My mother said to her “you did not say please!” So she said “please can I want some ice cream”…
The Goq
Founder and president of the CR welcome wagon!
We welcome back Ken Zayn to the coffee room!!!
POSTED 1 MONTH AGO #
Aw thanks,president goq! I just saw your post.
Sadly i have not seen any newbies of late if u see any please let me know or welcome them yourself.
welcome zalmon to the coffee room. I do not recall seeing you here. BTW we seem to be missing oldbies of late, never mind newbies! (from what I can see; I am not really here much myself either 🙁 )
Then of course we will also soon be holding the Olympic games here too where we (they) celebrate and commemorate the greek culture and way of life etc (just look where the greeks are today…)!!!!
Looking out for all you guys… ☺
There is little reason this “language” of Yiddish exists, other than for historical purposes
I thought the main reason was so parents could have a secret language in front of the kids! (Does not apply in Williamsburg…)
Late at night it is usually more advisable to learn with someone else. This year we have the advantage of having shabbos on erev shevuos so we can all get the decent shluff that we don’t usually get on erev shevuos, plus we have friday night to practice staying awake during learning!!!!!
In England we have only a short night anyway with nacht being so late and alois so early. By the time we daven and have the seuda it leaves only 2-3 hours to learn. Australia have close to 12 hours. I don’t know how long you have on the states. Maybe you can post in which state you live in and how long you have to learn
Computer Upgrade – gevaldig!
Message to Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Bochur Life 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors
all other systems. Applications such as FarbrengenNight 3.0, Party Night 2.5, BaglesSnoozes 6.1 and Hangout 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
In addition, applications such as Garbage Out 3.3 and House Work 2.1 have gone from select-as needed to continuous schedule Ignoring them causes Night-on-the-Couch 1.0 to take over all activity. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.
I am thinking about going back to BochurLife 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program Can you help me, please!!
Thanks,
A Distressed User
Dear Distressed User:
This is a very common complaint which is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from BochurLife 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES program. Wife 1.0 is in fact an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to BochurLife 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once
installed. You cannot go back to BochurLife 7.0 because Life1.01 is not designed to do this.
Some have tried to install BochurLife 7.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under ‘Warnings-Alimony/Child Support’. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
I suggest installing background application program C:YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,regardless of their cause.
The best course of action will be to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds
5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install OtherFriends 3.3 as a primary operating system. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Thanks for using our Tech Support.
@moderator 42 Has your apple really frozen or maybe it has only run out of juice? Do you store it on your desk top? Because if you do you can use a mouse to drag it to the recycle garbage. But then it could quickly develop black spots. Or, if you have a strong pair of shoes on, you could try booting it, making sure it doesnt crash somewhere in the process. Or you could try pairing it with another apple or even blackberry if your search succeeds in locating one.
As I was opening my camera, my daughter asked me if she can see my remembery card!
I love the posts in this thread.
@TheMusicMan “we can post using fruit” lol. (And welcome to you. I do not remember seeing you here before.)
And did you know that in the UK I can even post from an orange!
Why when talking to people on the phone and they are about to put you on hold briefly do they usually say ‘I won’t be a second’ when what they actually mean is the exact opposite; that they WILL (only) be a second?
And another thing. Why do all official forms have the following – Title: Enter Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms etc, which is followed by the next question Gender: Male or Female?
Fantastic title! As I read it I guessed immediately what the thread must be on!
Who remembers
Zohar Licorice or Toffee Twirls
Selecta Snap-Its
Gross Chocolate Rondos (like Rolos)
Caramel 2000 chocolate bars
Paskesz square cherry candies
Elite orange, raspberry or pineapple filled chocolate bars
The ikkar is halacha not politics. So there were these two neturei karta guys watching the celebrations with dismay and one asks the other ‘so how many years has this medina been going for now’ and his friend says ‘well last year was 63’.
shmoel wrong, its the first sale that is no longer chal. The new one is mevatel any previous ones. Some people have shaychus to several rabbonim and feel bad not to use each one as the shaliach to sell their chometz. So make sure the Rav that you really want is the one you go to last..
popa/itche really lol
Sorry, dolt that I am, I meant to write ‘nerd’ not dolt. Its coming up to that time of year again… Long chol hamoed morning davenings again! Popa watch out… Lol
PBA isnt the time someone arrives at and leaves the minyan a good indicator of whether or not they are a dolt…
Cigarette. Definition: a roll of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other
Women dancing? Hrrrmph! Thats an oxymoron if ever there was one. You mean shrugging their shoulders and waving their feet around a little
I have a feeling not too many people have a sixth sense
You’re correct. Too many people have no sense at all.
Well at least they didnt ‘accidentally’ bump him off like the American ‘special forces’ did to bin laden. He’s surrounded and cannot harm anyone. So why rush it and run the risk of not being able to capture him alive and put him on trial. He doesnt deserve the easy way out of blowing his own brains out at his own choosing.
In the UK the speeed limit is 30mph on regular roads and 70mph on motorways (highways) but the police usually practice an unofficial policy of allowing “10% +2mph” over the speed limit before stopping you.
Incidentally there has been this week talk of raising the motorway speed limit in the UK to 80mph in line with Europe where it is either 110/120/130 km/h (75-80 mph).
But based on the policy of allowing “10% +2mph” over the speed limit before stopping you, it is 80mph already before they will stop you, and seeing as they said that if they do increase the limit to 80mph they will not allow ANY higher than 80 and will stop even at 81, I fail to see what will change!
this is a direct result of the anti-Semitic atmosphere throughout Europe
Many Americans believe Europe is very anti-Semitic whereas the USA is not. Read on:
The ADL Audit of Anti-Semitic Incidents, released today, found that the number of anti-Semitic incidents increased slightly in 2010, to a total of 1,239 incidents, compared to 1,211 incidents reported in 2009. It is the first increase reported by ADL since the numbers hit a record high in 2004, when the U.S. experienced 1,821 incidents of anti-Semitism. Since 2004, the total number of anti-Jewish incidents had declined incrementally each year.
The ADL Audit tracks incidents of vandalism, harassment and physical assaults against Jewish individuals, property and community institutions across the U.S., using reports and data gathered by the League’s 30 regional offices and law enforcement.
A nationwide survey released by the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) shows an increase in the number of Americans with anti-Semitic attitudes, reversing a ten-year decline and raising concerns that “an undercurrent of Jewish hatred persists in America.”
A national poll of 1,000 American adults found that 17% of Americans – or about 35 million adults – hold views about Jews that are “unquestionably anti-Semitic.”
Problem solved. Throw in a pineapple! 😉
Some people include women in their mezuman. Others pay them thru their bank instead.
is my pan now issur also
I think so though I have no cast iron proof
why do they say muslims pray more
This is a classic example of chinese whispers. What they probably said was why do muslims prey more!! Prey on innocent civilians. Prey on children. Prey on their fellow muslims. Yes, they certainly prey more than other religions.
Exhausted after driving all night, a man decided to stop and have a small nap. He had just fallen asleep when there was a knock on his window. ‘Do you have the time please’ asked a passer by. ‘Its 8.10’ he said. He dozed again but was woken up with another rap on the window. ‘Excuse me what time is it’ asked a cyclist. ‘8.15’ he replied. To avoid being disturbed again, he put a notice in the window saying I DONT KNOW WHAT THE TIME IS and settled back down to rest. Just as he was drifting off, there was yet another knocking on his car. Scowling he opened his eyes. ‘What do you want?’ he shouted at the elderly lady standing there. ‘I just want to tell you that it is 8.35’ she said!
How can I calm my road rage, so that I don’t feel angry while driving?
Watch a road safety movie
From the OP’s questions, like what do you gain from davening slowly and not quickly or what’s the latest time you can come & earliest time you can leave, I get the impression that he’s not being genuine. But I will share a story of the Chofetz Chaim who used to go around towns selling his seforim. In one shul after shacharis a guy who had come late was ‘catching up’. Why are you saying so much davening asked the CC? I am being mashlim my chovos the guy replied. Said the CC its not kedai to have chovos by the ribono shel olam.
BTW you mentioned bizyonos towards the tzibbur… What about the bizyonos towards the RBSH”O and YOURSELF?