Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
TAOM-
I’ve wanted to post for a while. Sorry for the delay.
I was watching a clip of something recently, where someone very overweight was starting to work out with a personal trainer. The trainer pulled out 20 pound chains, and started putting them on him one by one until he had added 80 pounds extra. The trainer then explained to him that by his being at that weight, he was shlepping around weights that he never took off. To transfer that to life, some of the “weight” (stress) is impossible to take off, but if someone else can help carry even some of the extra, it means you have less to carry by yourself. A teacher you feel comfortable approaching will likely have your best interests in mind and do what she can to help you. You don’t have to get into the nitty gritty now, but its still a way to ease the load some. If you’re uncomfortable talking to her directly at first, maybe you can write her a note and leave it in her box in the office.
I think you’ve mentioned you want to go into social work. Doctors spend years going through rigorous schooling and training. When they finish with it, they can save lives. I’ve been there (different way), and I know sometimes its “just” hard, and sometimes it seems impossible but I believe pain is pain, whatever type. And maybe one day you can use the pain you’ve been through to help people.
Tears are incredibly powerful and every one goes somewhere. I’m sorry things are so hard now and I hope that you’ll be on to the bigger and better very soon IY”H. <3
TAU
Off the top of my head, not sure what your general budget is:
Chanukah is coming up. This may be done already, but you can contact your community’s Tomchei Shabbos and add something extra for one week or a game or gift certificate to a toy store. The gift certificate will give the kids a chance to have the fun of choosing and get something they definitely like and it may be the only presents they get. Even if its something small to several families.
Some organizations are emotional support based (divorced parents, families with special needs children etc.) rather than straight out Tzedaka. You can ask if they would be interested in a “fun night” with a comedian or another activity that may be within your budget (or a portion of it) and its a chance to bring a smile to some people’s lives.
I think Oorah (and I’m sure other organizations have as well) have an option do donate specifically for a certain purpose. Something like buying Siddurim or another item used for a Mitzvah is not only Tzedaka, but also a Zchus for the Niftar when the item is used. You can do this in a local Shul as well whose Siddurim/Chumashim can use updating.
May the Neshama have an aliyah.
If you look through old threads, I think bpt had a whole long list of dieting tips. A few random stuff thats popping into my head now:
-This time of year especially, soup is a dieters friend. Most soups start with soup mix (a looot of salt and possibly fat) so either watch how much you use or skip it and add you own base of seasonings. If you saute the veggies (you don’t need much oil, the veggies will release water when they start to cook) and add your own seasonings, you’ll be fine.
-If you aren’t that familiar yet, this is a good time to learn about good seasonings. Its free flavor.
-Someone told me she was on Atkins for 3 weeks with no results. You can cut out fat/carbs/other for a few weeks and not see any results. Its a matter of finding what works for you. Figure out what foods you like, and would work on a certain type of diet, and that might be a good place to start.
-As someone mentioned before, one piece of cake is ok. Two pieces of cake is less ok. Being realistic, at some point you’ll probably be hungry or have a long day and want chocolate cake, and plan for it. Take one piece and then find something healthy to have.
-Plan meals ahead. If you come home late one night, its much easier knowing that the chicken is ready to be cooked than to find the leftover lasagna and decide it looks very interesting and have that for dinner. (Btw, you can take something like lasagna and add veggies, use whole wheat noodles etc and make it healthier. Or use veggies instead of the noodles altogether.)
-Figure out what healthy snacks you like and keep them around. Whole wheat pretzels, baby carrots, apples, nuts, cottage cheese are relatively healthy and quick.
-I know someone who lost weight by dieting the whole week and then having a treat at the end of the week. Don’t plan to cut out all the bad foods, just limit them and know when to expect them so you don’t feel like you’re missing out.
-Veggies are cheap because you can get a lot of food for low calorie and a lot of health benefits and the fiber is healthy and filling. Figure out how to stick them in wherever you can. Potato is low calorie, but not necessarily diet food.
-Don’t become focused on losing weight. Focus on eating healthier in general, but be reasonable about it and take one day at a time.
-If you really want sugar and see you cant avoid it, wait five or ten minutes, and then have.
Good luck!
Not me. I believe we had a slight connection a looong time ago and that we know someone in common though (a former neighbor of yours) if that counts. 🙂
Ty, SaysMe 😉
1.Why do people get offended by “iy”h by you”? I try not to say it because it became “taboo” but I don’t truly get why it should make people angry.
I always appreciate a bracha, but I remember one time in particular someone (also single) told it to me, completely dripping with nebach. Its not something that caused warm, fuzzy feelings. Also, I can see that people would want to be acknowledged for something other than their single status. IMO, an honest bracha would be appreciated, but its the kind of thing that depends on the person…
WB, eclipse 🙂
Maybe try Shabbat.com
Not to ruin this thread or anything, but an fyi because it seems most people aren’t aware– the smiley thing isn’t always the best answer. And a pet peeve of mine is that smile=happy. They’re different. Sorry y’all 🙂
TAOM-
(partly in response to the poem you posted)
You’ve posted some stuff about yourself here, and I’m sorry you went through so much. I think theres a common language of pain, even if its not the same pain, and someone who’s felt it, can understand the emotions someone else feels. Having been there, I know sometimes it hurts and sometimes it hurts even more, but if you keep in mind that maybe one day down the road, you’ll be able to help someone else because of something you’ve been through, it makes it a little better to know that you can turn hard into something good. You sound like a very mature person and money can buy lots of things, but thats not one of them.
Hang in there, from someone who gets it.
🙂
I think once a person forgives, the pain might fade into the background a little. But I’d say it happens after forgiveness, or at least letting go on a certain level. But because its something abstract/personal/situation-specific, I’m not sure theres one blanket answer.
Shopping-
Did your friend just cut off contact from one day to the next? I have no idea what happened, (and I apologize if this makes it worse,) but IME, sometimes people act funny in relationships because of outside factors or because they don’t have any better ways to deal with it. I believe someone once posted here “hurt people hurt people”. Not necessarily is every situation like that, maybe many are not, but could she have been hurt and then reacted as she did, or maybe from something else going on in her life?
Again, I have no idea what happened, but I’ve seen both sides enough times to know that usually people don’t specifically try to hurt anyone, usually its just a side effect of something else. Decide if you want the relationship or an apology and if you aren’t comfortable picking up the phone you can try sending an email or something, but if you ask directly, you probably have a better chance of getting a direct answer. Good luck!
Sorry for the rant. 🙂
Been there done that (different situations though) and yes, very uncomfortable for both people involved. You can try adopting a friend/sibling/cousin for the night and stick to them like glue and possibly avoid a long conversation because you’re “talking” to someone, or, before the questioner gets the chance to ask you, lead the conversation (still civil and friendly,) and ask them how their summer was, what color their ceiling is, how their pets doing etc. It wont save you from every question, but maybe it can save you from some. In theory, you can also name the last school you attended (unless it wouldn’t work) but at best, use it as a last resort because it can backfire really badly (especially with people getting info from multiple sources).
And you phrased the title really well IMO. :-/ Good luck with the wedding and the school sitch.
🙁
I don’t have much to say but I’ll give you some things that occurred to me while reading.
BTDT and you speak for many other girls out there. I remember a teacher once saying that in high school/seminary, girls have an opportunity that (for the most part) they never have again. And she was probably right. Someone once said that getting married is just exchanging one set of “stuff” for another set. Its a sad fact that after the “transfer”, friends can get caught in the middle, and as a side effect, get hurt.
On a different note if I may: Before marriage or after marriage, you’re a real person and entitled to breathe, think and feel just as much as anyone else is- regardless of a husband. Do your hishtadlus, no more, no less. IY”H (soon!) your right one (and a very lucky one at that!) will come along (and yes, you only need one,) and when the time is right, nothing nothing gonna stop him. Till then, sorry it hurts and keep a sense of humor on hand… It makes things a little easier to digest.
A hug if you like 🙂
Hi Goq!! Thanks for the WB. I knew I could count on you 🙂 Don’t know if I’m just lurking or posting or part posting, but wanted to say hi. Hope you’re doing well!
Shopping613, thanks 🙂 And fyi, I do enjoy your posts 🙂 WB to you too.
I think Project Inspire has something like that.
Is everyone coming out of hiding now? Welcome back 🙂
Me 😉
I was referring to another post as well…
Some of the earlier posts… Thanks in advance.
Ahhhem. Thanks, OOM 🙂
I think the Star K has info about checking vegetables on their website.
wow, I never commented but I’ve been keeping an eye on this thread and definitely keeping you in mind. You mentioned coming to NY isn’t doable now… I wonder if its possible to implement something similar where you are or if you can do something similar online. I’m sure there are people (from all over) who would be interested in something like that.
Hatzlacha
Good Shabbos
“maybe…”, “what if…”
Checking in to say hi 🙂
Thanks for the shout out, Goq!
MP, I think someone once posted a quote (from Rabbi Brody?) “Emunah checks in where logic checks out”. If/when it’s not logical, and when things don’t seem to go “right”, Emunah is the lifejacket. Hatzlacha. (btw, the inner peace/piece thing is amazing)
NOMTW, sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I can’t give you much more than whats been said already but I do think the suggestion of a Chessed organization of some sort is a good one. It doesn’t have to be straight out, maybe visiting an elderly relative/neighbor? Hope things get easier soon.
Luna, those were great poems. One thing i’ve learned more recently is to assume that everyone is hiding something. The second poem also has a great message, especially for the three weeks. Thanks!
(Thanks, you know who you are :))
*bump*
the Torah says that if someone is sensitive, we have to be very careful not to hurt them. it doesn’t say that the sensitive person has to learn to deal with the shortcomings and insensitivity of others.
+1
+1, ZK
Only one?!
Mods, please close this thread. Obviously the decision was made for him to go on it whether the CR agrees or not and at this point any (pointless) discussion seems to be going nowhere good.
TIA
SIDI have you ever been here before?
I think theres a sem handbook with info for packing, getting around in Israel etc. you may want to look into it.
Good luck!
Depends who it is.
A “good” day just got “better” after reading a horrible comment on a different thread. 🙁
SM, the poem was great! 🙂
Syag, I hope I’m not encouraging something you’re trying to stop but its nice to see you around.
Mods-
I’ll request that this thread be closed simply because the topic can (and has) offend(ed) people. If not that, than at the very least please edit the disgusting comments. Thanks.
Thank you, Goq! I’m still here just mostly lurking…
Try breaking it with the prongs of a fork first or you could put it in a food processor (but keep an eye on it).
WB 🙂
Syag- That was very nicely done and so heartfelt. I love the way you close the poem on an uplifting note. One thing; you write “My poor self confidence wants them to want me, to depend on me”. I’m not so sure its a confidence thing. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and everyone wants to feel needed and I’m sure a parent feels it even more. Regardless of confidence level. Hatzlacha with everything.
Luna- A mashal I once heard: Someone is walking in a thunderstorm and trying to find his way. Its completely dark as the storm had knocked out the power. Every time theres a flash of lightening, he uses it to see where he is and where hes going. The nimshal I heard was to use the “flashes” of inspiration to keep going in the right direction and keep growing but a second thing can be to use the light to make the darker parts easier. That said, I’m not suggesting going for walks in thunder and lightening. ? (Wow, that was deeeep!)
SM, +1 🙂
MP, I’m doing well B”H, thanks for asking.
PE, you still around?