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Firstly, dont do the same thing every night. You will get bored of it VERY quickly.
Some ideas: See if there is a Chesed organization in your area that needs helping stuffing envelopes or doing something like that. You are doing it together, gives you something to do, and doing Chesed all together.
Make a serious attempt to set up some of your single friends. Not just when it comes up in conversation.
Find or come up with a new common hobby.
Ther is a passuk that says “ho’chaich tocheach es amisecha v’lo sisah alov chait”: “rebuke you shall rebuke my people, and there will not be a sin on you”.
Not really related to the direct conversation but the second half should be translated, “and you shall not bear a sin because of him”. As in, if a person will hurt someone by giving rebuke, do not give rebuke at all! May be why some people are convinced “rebbetzins” should go over to people in short skirts and give them as much mussar as possible.
Boy this thread was well hidden… Been searching for it since it fell off the main page.
Hello Kitty: Hashem just wants more davening from you. Before a person is given a tzara, all the people who will possible be affected by it (that means even someone who is forwarded the name in a text) are taken into account. If a second person was diagnosed, just means to daven, daven, daven, and daven some more. Remember, Hashem doesn’t care the least bit about statistics. Or what doctors say.
Under “FRESHNESS” on the main coffee room page, click whichever thread you wish where it says how many “minutes” or “hours” or “days” ago, and it will bring you to the last post of the thread.
I used to do that but since the new site has appeared, the page gets cut off. Any suggestions?
A friend of mine and I every week take a stack of index cards and write on them in large letters “Practice Modesty,” and when on the train or walking in the city, we’ll quickly hand these to a pritzusdik-dressed woman, whether frum-looking or not (goyim get the English, and frum-seeming women dressed immodestly get the card which says “Practice Tznius”). We have never been attacked or given a hard time. People take them, and G-d willing, they hold on to it and think about what it says.
This doesn’t sit very well with me. I understand the thinking behind it, and maybe I can even force myself to cards being handed to frum women, but Jews are not especially loved by the rest of the world. Why go in their face to advertise that we are different than them?
Additionally, I’m not someone who wears short skirts etc, but I don’t think I would appreciate being handed a card that said “practice Tznius” from someone off the street.
Can I put in a motion to close this thread? If not for good, than at least for Erev Yom Kippur.
I don’t see this going anywhere good.
Is there any way to view all threads not divided by section? Kind of like the main CR page but not limited to the top 40 (?!) threads.
If a Rabbi says something which is clearly against Halacha like its mutar to drive on shabbos then his competence goes out the window. You are competent until proven otherwise. Making wild irrational or extremely meikil psakim is valid reason for declaring a Rav incompetent. Not every Rav can give a Heter just because he knows a few simanim of shulchon aruch.
Agreed. A competent orthodox Rabbi would not say it, but it was an example (maybe a little extreme), and intended to bring out a point. Short sleeves is not the same as driving on Shabbos.
Ok kaputsa, you can now become an orthodox rabbi. Orthodox rabbi Avi Weiss so paskened. One can get their female semicha and become a rabba. Its Orthodox rabbi Weiss’ psak. Don’t dare disrespect this orthodox rabbis decision or question it.
And enjoy that cheeseburger.
First, thank you for a great laugh. Second, as I wrote to WIY, the example I used was a little extreme. Sleeves can not be equated with driving on Shabbos IMO.
And I’ll have to wait till I finish my breyers ice cream for the cheeseburger. 😉
And what if an orthodox rabbi allows his congregants to drive to shul on shabbos and eat in any mcdonalds? Must we quitely respect that and mind our own business?
What did you say? No real orthodox rabbi would allow his congregants to do so? Correct. Nor would such allow uncovered elbows.
Its a sad fact that today everything is up for public discussion, and if someone doesn’t agree with something (debatable) a certain Rav says, the Rav is no longer viewed as a real Rav. If a competent Orthodox Rabbi would say its ok to drive on Shabbos, then yes, it would be ok. Because what a real Rav says, even if its Halachically wrong, becomes Halachically correct, simply by him saying it. Same goes for short sleeves.
I have no words. I happen not to agree that a woman should have uncovered elbows, but if thats what her Rabbi says, than she is completely allowed to do that. Where does anyone come off judging that? And in Aseres Y’mei Tshuva when we’re all begging for a good year, to judge someone to the nth degree?! There is Middah K’neged Middah in this world. If a competent Rav would say a person can drive on Shabbos, then they are allowed. Same goes with short sleeves. I think some people are getting very caught up on the “letter of the law” and forgetting about the “spirit”.
“Maybe the whole shidduch system is faulty – 5-6 dates and an engagement is announced! Making a lifetime commitment takes more than that brief period of time”
I haven’t written on here for a very long time but when I read your post…Yossi please, I got engaged after 7 meetings and I am very happily married bH. Funny thing is that one of my friends just got divorced after 5 months of maariage and she went out with her husband for 6 MONTHS. It has NOTHING to do with it. Do chassidim who meet for a very short amount of time have a higher divorce rate?? And one more thing, my huband was just speaking about this with his Rav the other day. He said whats the point of all this dating if you don’t really get to know the person anyway till after you’re married? And you know what our Rav said without even thinking twice? He said THERE IS NO POINT!!! He said as long as there is no obvious things that bother you there is no other reason to continue dating, because for what??
This is not in lines with the thinking today, but realistically, isn’t there more of a chance for a marriage to work if the couple knows each other for two months over two weeks? Granted, there are many people who are very happy after knowing their spouse for a month (which is probably average or more than average today), but how many people say they wish they had gone out for a longer time? Isn’t it better to be safe than sorry? And the reason the short thing work for some people and the long thing for others, is possibly because they are more emotionally ready? How many people are rushed into an engagement, by a parent, friend, or just by the excitement of being engaged and are not emotionally ready?
~~~~~~~~~
I once heard from Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky, (paraphrasing) the people with the best marriages are the ones who walk in expecting to give 80%.
Could someone explain to me why everything is a crisis? An issue, maybe. But a crisis?!
These are Jewish girls being spoken about here. Please, lets avoid words like prutzah and zonah. Its Aseres Y’mei Tshuva.
As a side point, I for one don’t believe the majority of people who have a slightly short skirt or sleeve are doing it to attract. The ones who have bad intentions know very well what they’re doing and have no reason to wear a skirt that is an inch above the knee over one that is three inches.
A friend of mine did very well at Davids Bridal. You will probably need to add a jacket or sleeves and a top (and I heard from more than one person not to do it with them) but you can probably find something to work with. I think they have a website.
The obligation to give tochacha is incumbant upon everyone, not just the Rabbonim.
true, but only if you know how, and are wise and sensitive enough. very few people today know how, and it is assur and extremely dangerous to administer such potent medicine unless you are an expert. dangerous to the giver more than the recipient.
Agreed 100%.
I just sent a text and got a reply “we are experiencing technical difficulties”. Anyone else get that? Does that mean my vote went through or not?!
TIA
kapusta, yes, this pandemic (and that is an understatement) is occurring amongst some BY types, unfortunately, as mdd said. (amongst some non-BY girls this issue has long been a problem and even worse.) if you feel one method discussed to cure this illness is ineffective please please share what you feel IS effective. to do nothing or ignore it is certainly not the solution and will leave it untreated and allow it to get worse, as it already has.
Truth is I don’t have any major ideas of what might work. Maybe if a large group of people would go into a well known (frum) store and say “don’t sell short skirts (skirts that are excessively short- skirt lengths are different on different people), or bring in a seamstress so people can add something to the bottom (if there is a seamstress in the store and no one needs to go traveling, people will be more inclined to actually follow up on the adding on) or we wont shop here anymore.” If people really avoid that store, then they will be forced to change their style of inventory. Of course this would only work for the people who shop in frum stores.
~IF ANYONE HAS ANY PLAN TO IMPLEMENT ANYTHING OF THIS NATURE, PLEASE ASK YOUR LOR FIRST~
I do think that by simply avoiding shoving speeches down every ones throat, the problem will get somewhat better on its own.
he then told me its good i got a good sense of humor and he is happy to see me like this. the truth is is it worth to sit and cry all the time ? will the cancer or any other problem go away? NO OF COURSE NOT so all we gotta do is daven and ask hashem to help us!!!!
Very true. Every person makes a decision to be depressed about their life or not (this goes for the people with “easy” lives and the ones with “hard” lives). When people spend the bulk of their time depressed, they often don’t realize they are really making themselves depressed.
Could someone clarify something for me? Is the issue being discussed here the frum BY girls who wear skirts just above the knee, or the girls who are frum, not BY, never associated themselves in any way with a BY mentality and are wearing skirts above the knee?
Here is a view from someone who went through the BY system (who doesn’t wear any short skirts, and very much admits that there is an issue): Tznius is probably the most often used topic for a Yom Iyun/Shabbaton etc. I think I can honestly say at this point in my life that I have heard too much about Tznius. It is overused MUCH too much. As someone once very well pointed out to me, if a person has one food which he loves and eats it every day for a year, at the end of a year the food is no different than any other. Tznius is a beautiful thing, and its a shame for something so beautiful to be labeled as “boring”. When it is forced down the throats of young girls, it is cast aside as the filler topic that teachers talk about when they need a lesson to bring out, and the brain completely shuts down. To explain once, twice, and maybe even three times the beauty of Tznius is great. But fifty three times is not good. Rebuking more probably wont work, nor will talking about the issue more. Whoever isn’t causing an issue with tznius, knows about it, and the people who are the issue, aren’t going to speeches. What we are doing now obviously isn’t working!!! Why wont we learn the lesson and instead of stuffing something into a hole, make a new hole?!
We need something new.
(Sorry for ranting.)
I’ve heard El-Al sometimes holds specials on their website during off seasons (actually, when is an off season to Israel?!) when they need to fill seats quickly, but you would need to be prepared to travel in a few hours.
Mosh: It is pretty clear to me (to me, the little person that I am) that Hashem obviously thinks very highly of you, and maybe has people give you comments that seem to be hurtful, nasty and downright annoying just to keep up a more solid connection. Don’t let them get to you. And don’t lose sight of what you were given. Hashem didn’t give your life to someone else, He chose you for a reason.
I once heard something which fits in well here. Always play the “stupid and smiley” game. If anyone says something, just do a “yes, yes, very nice, blah blah” kind of thing. Don’t put anyone off, or treat them disrespectfully, but in your head have a running chant going. (Maybe even turn it into a bit of a game like “don’t get mrs. annoying acquaintance get to you”)
Hatzlacha Rabbah!
G’mar Chasima Tova!
How did a thread of Chizuk get caught up on minor details? (And details which likely, most people will not follow since they come from anonymous people online). Don’t forget who the Doctor really is!
Hello Kitty, keep a positive outlook. Not only will it be good as an extra to help keep your Emunah in check, but it will keep you calmer in general which is a big deal in itself. I have heard that the Shechina rests near a choleh. The Shechina!! Daven and daven more, it will only help. May Hashem bentch all cholim with a complete Refuah, and many Simchos to dance at!
P.S. there are other Chizuk-related threads in the CR.
K’siva V’chasima Tova!
I have no idea who I heard this from, so I can’t give credit where due, but the idea is to ask yourself if it’ll be important in five years. That can help put things in perspective.
“First of all, the truth is one shouldn’t ask this question. If we have proper Emunah in Hashem we won’t have ANY questions and will realize that as mere mortals we cants understand what Hashem does.”
Your right with the fact that we cannot understand Hashems ways… but NEVER discourage anyone from asking questions… there are beautiful answers and explanations as to how we can understand hashem ways on our personal level.
if you dont have a good answer to a question being asked you can always look it up… theres nothing wrong with saying…” thats an excellent question… im gonna get you a good answer”
it makes me sick when kids ask teachers emunah questions and are told “we dont ask such things” there is so much out there we just have to want to find it!!
Hmmm. Maybe I’m wrong but I understood that line to be “we really should not be having questions because we should have full Emunah, but because we dont…”. Not that the question shouldn’t be asked, but that in the perfect world, we wouldn’t need to ask.
I do agree that people are called goyim or something along those lines if they ask a question. The Torah is all about asking. As long as it does not affect a persons Emunah.
Keep in mind, there are certain rabbanim who are only available for a short amount of time per day to answer normal, “run of the mill” shailos, and then for a large portion of the day they will be involved in other things. I’ve heard of a certain Rav who spends a lot of time arranging (for lack of a better word) a Get for women. He is busy with the Klal, but not for the “general” Klal.
Just got a reply. Now I don’t know what to think.
First thing that pops into my head, maybe the neshama needs a tikkun for some reason, and this is the form of tikkun. The second (and possibly more satisfying) answer I have is that sometimes there are stories of people who experienced something as a child, and based on that grew up to be a certain type of person. Example, if, as a child someone is constantly hungry for lack of food and ends up being very wealthy, he will probably donate large sums to organizations that get involved with feeding the poor. Usually we wont know why Hashem does something but it always comes out good, even if we don’t see it.
72, just tried again and didnt get a response… any ideas?
smartcookie, you around these days?
(that would be to bring up a fault of mine, nothing you did)
Hmmm, I only got a reply text the first time I sent one… That happen to anyone else?
Try Jewishusedbooks.com. (I think its new and used)
Rau Banim is incredible…surprised no one mentioned it yet!
Agreed. I could probably listen to the song all day.
Dr. Pepper, is he married now? How many names does she have?
(btw, I can just see this being a new shidduch question. Or a mother not agreeing to a boy/girl with certain first names if the potential monogram might be out of proportion.)
Agreed. As frum Jews dont we believe that Hashem is running the show? What seems likely to happen in the future, let Hashem deal with, and He will. And how would rejecting one child keep a school open?
JFTR, the topping would probably also work with oil, it might not taste as good, but it’ll be a whole lot healthier.
I’ve never tried this, but why not just put some cinnamon in with the sugar before its mixed (if its not being used only for yeast)?
btw, SDHN, how do you sift the flour when you make it whole wheat? I find that the whole wheat grains are too big for the screen so I end up with white flour. Anyone else have this issue?
Never say the following:
“Don’t worry, dear. Yout turn will come, too.”
“Someone even BETTER is in store for you!”
“Maybe you should try a dating service.”
“This must be hard for your parents.” (Yes, I have heard all the above!)
I can beat that. I know someone who was told how terrible her situation was (a view which the person did not share). I think its near the top of all-time stupidest comments.
About the topic: I think as with most things, there can’t be a blanket statement. A lot depends on the ages/gender and relationship between the siblings. JFTR, this is just an observation on my part, but generally when siblings date at the same time, I find that they get married in order anyway. Just an observation.
Appeal to the teacher (or whoever else is in charge of the game) to bring back chairs.
To my understanding, what is commonly known as a Kiddush Hashem, when a non Jew acknowledges something good a Jew did, (and that Jews are good, etc), is a form of Kiddush Hashem (not intended to be taken lightly). The highest form is when a Jew recognizes how great a Jew is. (As in someones saying something like “Mi K’amcha Yisrael”.)
I think this says so much about Yiddishkeit. We dont need to “lower the competition” to “raise us up”.
One Day by Matisyahu. I’m not the biggest fan of his kind of music, but this song happens to be very good.
Talking from personal experience, it’s possible to sometimes go on websites of “regular” stores (jcpenney, etc) and find skirts in a tall size (only the length is different).
Dont you also think its kind of babyish to be having cliques in 12th grade?
Rule, there are some people who thrive in a cliquey relationship, and don’t give it up. As odd, and totally immature it might seem to the people looking in, that’s the way it is. Maybe its like an ego thing, like “I have something you dont…”?!
About the OP, I know there are some classes that got together and made shtick so that way, when it came time for weddings, no one needed to rent (something I’m assuming that would come in handy when a girl gets married after some friends are already married and paying rent), and maybe something more specific to the class instead of the standard fare. Another idea might be to set up a system where when Girl A gets engaged, Girls B, C, D are in charge of a shower/shtick. When Girl C gets engaged, Girls A, B, D do. Maybe doing something along those lines would get the idea that you as a class have a special bond and would strengthen it.
Good Luck!
The first B could be the name of the school she went to, like Brooklyn Bais Yaakov or something but she doesn’t want to say where she’s from.
Thanks SB. I automatically thought it was something she didnt feel comfortable saying because it was YWN, not because she might want to keep it private. Thanks again.
b/c im a B-_______ B-bais Y-yaakov G-girl(the 1st b is… we wont say!)
If the first b is something you don’t feel comfortable saying in the CR then chances are, you shouldn’t be calling yourself that. If you are a Jew, (which presumably you are if you went to BY), you are way better than anything you wouldn’t call yourself. I make a motion to get rid of the first b.