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squeak, that you?
It was a very good song, sung by a lot of people for a certain cause. I see I’m not getting anywhere here.
apy, do you check the news or just come to the CR? It really was amazing, definitely worth watching.
rosh chabura, the reason they couldn’t give him more time was because so many people joined.
The way I remember it, (haven’t listened to any in a while), he seemed (as other people said) pretty “middle”. I think it was more like bringing something into every day life, not like other speakers “we need to improve in such and such area” style. He has stories and anecdotes that he adds in which makes it very enjoyable.
I definitely recommend it.
once a girl is working and making money, is it fair for her parents to ask her to buy some of her clothing on her own? After all, now she has to get “dressed up” every day and her parents are going to have to marry her off very soon
Can I rephrase the question? Is it fair for her to ask her parents to pay for her clothing?
Sister Bear, there is probably not much you can do. Just be there for her (them?), and show her that you believe in her. FTR, if she does not want to change, don’t push it. It can have the opposite affect. Lots of Hatzlacha!
Once again, I find myself agreeing with apushatayid. But really mw13 said it best. “There is such a thing as a kosher outlet…”
While I’m not recommending that someone in seventh grade (or anyone for that matter) watch movies, a person must pick battles. PG movies are not the best thing in the world, but if something is kosher its ok. If something is neutral, is it automatically bad simply because its not good?! If everything is forbidden, everything is allowed.
coke, if this is a constant issue for you, it might be worth finding about about something more natural than advil. I know some health food stores have people who answer questions and if nothing else, try google.
Two comments.
A. A TV and renting movies is very different. TV means practically anything is accessible at any time with no effort. Renting a movie requires some effort, and if the person has any busha, they will be embarrassed to take out something which anyone else can see is dirty.
B. That being said, a TV has certain redeeming qualities over the internet (and definitely anything hand held that has unfiltered internet). A TV usually is a main attraction of a main room in a house. Most kids (adults are a different story) will not stretch out on the couch and watch adult programming when anyone can walk in at any time.
*To the poster who saw the yeshiva guys walking into blockbuster, is it possible they were getting something for school? I remember in high school certain films (which had books we were reading in class) were passed around.
As far as reading contact Partners in Torah, if they don’t have any materials they give out, they can probably direct you to someone/thing that can.
Hatzlacha!
#3 – Blinky, had you been this “nerdy, un-with it” person, you’d have said, “a klienfeld gown? Why would I want a gown from the kleinfeld family? I don’t even know them!”
ROTFL!! BP Totty, you’re making me think of the good old days on the CR. When the shmooze thread (#2!) was always in the top few threads.
Hey Sacrilege, join the club!
The situation never came up, but if everything was there (middos), and based on certain things (at what age he became frum/how long hes frum/moral person), if everything fit, whats wrong with a BT? I know of a girl who grew up in a super frum house, and at the top of the list was a good learner and a very frum person. After years of dating FFBs, she married a BT who best fit her criteria.
ACIT, firstly, the SN you chose speaks volumes. And I have great respect for someone who completely turned their life around. Secondly, some advice if I may, maybe stick with the “people who know people” shadchanim instead of the big names. The good guy from down the street probably knows more people who would date a BT, and will be more willing to “work” for you since he doesn’t have a list of people who will leave.
Lots of Hatzlacha!
There’s probably some Murphys Law of orange soda. And it spills the most because its the hardest to get out. Simple logic.
Why should it be different to say something about someone IRL using their real name than in the CR using their SN? I dont understand why it shouldn’t be L”H.
mischiefmaker, I personally know of several stories that worked through this. Say it every day and IY”H you will see positive results.
p_b_a, I’m almost sure there was an old thread that discussed this. The idea is basically that you are emotionally involved in your situation = you want to do something about it = sign up. Since you know what it feels like to deal with this certain thing, you will do whatever Davening you can for someone else who is in the same situation.
Isn’t there a Halacha that a man has to see his wife before marrying her?
I, too, was wondering what lesson we can learn from this. We know everything that happens is a message for Jews, so its just a matter of finding it. As I was reading through this thread, something came to me.
The mine was blocked off by 700,000 tons of rock. But the miners made contact with the outside world, and through a tiny hole, they all made it out alive. A person can spend all his life sinning, and even if he has huge amounts of “sin” and tumah trying to get in the way of his neshama, all he needs is a small hole to start doing good. And a small hole to come back to Hashem. The same idea as concept of opening a hole the size of a needle, and Hashem will make an huge opening.
May we all be zoche to get rid of the tumah, and find the hole to come back through.
No stories come to mind at the moment, but using creativity is the right thing to do. I heard (not sure where, but its probably a famous thing) the amount a person works to come up with a reasonable excuse, malachim will work in his favor when he does an aveirah.
This is a great idea for a thread!
A great way to make a mountain out of a molehill. How about let each couple work things out on their own instead of following some list of rules made by anonymous people? A crisis? I think not.
I agree with APY.
So what are we trying to establish here, OOT communities are not good?
I’m a NYer and its very nice, but the “best”? Probably not. As far as Shidduchim, I know some people look specifically for OOT (or OOT type) families because they are often more laid back. Not with Ruchniyus, but its ok if your child doesn’t have a complete designer wardrobe to compete with her classmates. Its ok to drive a Camry and not a Lexus. Find me that in NY.
No denying that NY has certain benefits, but each person needs to weigh whats important to them. Some do better in town, and some better OOT.
Oh, and as comfortable as NY is, its not Eretz Yisrael, and we had better not forget that.
(Sorry if I repeated anyones post, I didn’t read the whole thread)
He wasn’t really asking if he was in your seat, he was asking if you wanted him to move. If you let him sit there, it didn’t make a difference if it was your seat or not.
Next time you can just answer, “its ok, you can sit there”. 😀
Can we call it anything BUT a “resume”?
Makes it sound like someone is applying for a position.
bio?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know some people put a description of themselves and what they’re looking for but I think its not as common.
Miyushag – how are you
Chinush – skinny
Kisinem – thank you
Kapusta – stuffed cabbage
someone call?
dunno
I find it strange that you would rather lie (yes making something up is a 100% lie except in the rarest occasions like for Shalom Bayis) than be mature and honest and tell them that you are dating and you won’t always be available. Saying you are dating isn’t talking about your dating life. It should be a given to your friends that you are dating and if they are normal people they will respect your wishes for them not to pry into your dating life. If you have to hide fom your friends the fact that you are dating and you would rather lie to them than tell them then you and them aren’t really friends, you are just people pretending to be friends.
Dont agree. I think its an issue of tznius. Plus, especially among (some) girls, dates do not always come that easily. And while a friend may know someone is dating, its different to actually be told that to your face. No reason to cause bad feelings unnecessarily.
smartteen – i LIKE that answer…
That makes two votes.
In her defense, I will say that she probably doesn’t realize to what extent she is burdening you. When you needed something, it was nothing for her to do it, and she probably feels its nothing for you to do a return favor for her. She doesn’t realize that different requests are not all on the same level.
Is it possible to tell her that due to something (something REAL, not something off the top of your head) you will not be available as often anymore. That way you still help her but get to keep your sanity at the same time.
Good luck!
P.S. There is a thread somewhere on the CR with some great Davening tips. No idea where to find it though.
In answer to your first question, I think a big problem in davening that affects everyone is that since people cant see Hashem, and the answers to our Tefillos aren’t always the ones we want/are looking for (so we don’t see the answer) we get discouraged. I think one way to change this would be to talk to Hashem throughout the day. “Hashem, thank You for letting me catch ABC before he/she went out.” “Thank you for letting me get to the cleaners before they closed.”… simple things like that. It will strengthen your relationship with Hashem and make davening easier for you (and seem like less of a “burden”). Also, dont forget that Davening is for your good, no one elses. And remember that the better your life will be the stronger and better your relationship with Hashem. (Not talking about the actual events of your life, but you will have a very good attitude which will make your life better.)
For the second question, I’m not an LOR but ask yourself if you sincerely want to be a good davener. (And based on this thread, I would say the answer is yes.) If thats the case, “Mitoch Shelo Lishmah, Bah Lishmah”. (If a person wants to do something for the right reasons deep down but they get “covered up” by other things. Eventually the right reasons will shine through.
Hatzlacha Rabbah!
if i was a young child listening to goish music, was allowed to watch tv, etc… who would want to be frum??
I guess the answer to that question is me.
The Wolf
Welcome back!
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I agree with Sacrilege. Keeping someone tied up and having them follow you isn’t worth too much. The point is to teach children this is what the secular world has, but what we have is so much better and then show them you believe it with your full heart. And there is the fact that when some people are exposed they break free completely and give up everything. Proper balance is the answer.
Heres the link for anyone who didn’t hear it yet. I agree that it was amazing.
Firstly, I think the Halacha questions need to be asked of a rav. Secondly, all issues of geirus aside, about general every day Halacha, don’t push anyone in your family. Just show them you’re happy at your level but don’t force anyone. You don’t want it to backfire.
Don’t worry about Shidduchim, even if you feel you cant go for the “norm” (not gonna comment on that), doesn’t mean you don’t have a bashert. EVERY shidduch happens with tremendous Hashgacha Pratis, including yours.
Lots of Hatzlacha!
Didn’t mean to hijack this thread with my comment about JAPs. It was considered more of a warning, as in, if a guy meets a girl, (who can make kugel!) and has middos, (although if she would be considered a JAP, middos would probably need some polishing,) don’t assume right away she isn’t. On the flip side, if a girl grew up with unlimited cash at her disposal, drives a lexus, etc, don’t automatically assume she is a JAP. Lots of people use a mask.
What does her potato kugel taste like? This would mean that she has been a help to her mother, and not a whiny JAP.
FTR, you should be aware as a father of boys that there are JAPs who can make great kugel. A so-so indicator.
Middos, Middos, Middos. Someone who talks and looks and acts like a Jew should. Last but not least, someone who is machshiv Torah. (But if the rest fits, then he will likely be machshiv Torah anyway)
If the hat would be given when a child is younger (and the davening would likely be more “simple” for lack of a better word), then it seems to me the hat would have no meaning. A Bar Mitzvah is a milestone, partially because the boy gets a hat. If he would have it younger than it would just be another article of clothing.
Hmmm, IMO I would say more likely the dress codes of certain schools.
About the idea of denim, I definitely laud anyone who gives it up, and I definitely agree that denim is maybe not the best best clothing for a Bas Melech to be wearing, but according to Halacha, denim is not assur, and we tend to forget that sometimes.
its against many community standards, perhaps including the OP’s. as you know, community standards play a very important role in tznius.
Key word is “community standards”, not Halacha.
(missme, I wasn’t trying to make an example of you, just trying to defend the other side)
(Sorry if this was already addressed, I didn’t read through the whole thread)
Say a Tinok Shenishba is in a Frum neighborhood and wants some lunch so he goes to a Kosher pizza shop and eats his lunch. His intention was eating lunch, not eating Kosher, would he get schar for eating Kosher food?
Going a step further: Had he walked into a non-Kosher store and had something, he would have gotten an aveira. If he didn’t care about the pizza being Kosher, and there had been a non-Kosher store for him to walk into, he would have eaten something there. So if his eating Kosher pizza was never “recorded” as Kosher, would it be considered Kosher or nothing? (To make it a little clearer, since he didn’t have any machshava to eat Kosher, even though he did, would it still be considered his having eaten non-Kosher food?)
TIA
Habah L’taher Misayin Oso. You must be a very special person to take this on. Firstly, (as some other people mentioned,) dont bite off more than you can chew. I’m not encouraging doing less, but if you feel at any point that this is too much, then just concentrate on one thing. The same way a person who is trying to increase kavana in davening should concentrate on one Tefilla or Bracha.
Is it possible for you to do something after school? Like get involved in a Chessed, maybe through a program in your school, help a friend/neighbor who has young kids/had a baby recently, find someone who needs extra help with homework. The point is if you cut down on your time at home, maybe everyone will “forget” you’re doing something out of the ordinary if you are in a rush to eat supper, finish homework etc. Even study by your friends houses, if that will get you out of the spotlight.
Another idea (if this is your thing) if you have a black skirt which you aren’t wearing, maybe do something with it. Make a belt, a headband, even something to cover your notebooks.
Hatzlacha!
(sorry, that was very wordy!)
I’m also a single girl and can’t suggest too much about makeup cuz my “philosophy” is “less is more”. But on the three day thing, doesn’t everyone realize that on the third day of a three day Yom Tov, most people, unless someone was given supernatural hair and skin, will not look their best?! Someone once told me when a person stains an outfit on Shabbos, they should not think of it as a stain but rather like a badge of honor. They spilled something on themselves, has a yetzer hara to clean it, but they overcame it! Same thing with this, do what you can in advance to make the makeup last, but bottom line, it probably wont. And assuming that it wont, go out with a big smile on your face because even though your face might not look perfect, you are doing just what you’re supposed to be.
(again, I am not from the biggest make up users, but I definitely understand the want to look good.)
I too disagree with this concept. Someone once told me that a persons davening is strengthened if its said in Lashon Kodesh, but what she didn’t say was that when a person is really really davening from the heart with tears, the language wont make a difference. (At least thats my thinking).
Say for (just) a minute that ABC needs to daven 200 S”E before meeting her bashert, does that mean if she davens only 199 times, she wont ever get married? What about if she davens 199 times, and finishes sefer Tehillim 50 times, is that not counted? What if she davens 200 S”E and her bashert davens all that he needs, what happens to him? This whole thing sounds a little funny to me. And since she will never know exactly how many tefillos she needs, isn’t the point to daven?
I think maybe we’re getting a little caught up in certain things. I’m not c’v saying a person shouldn’t daven, but if a person works on themselves to be the best potential marriage material, and just davens and davens some more, (IMO) thats the best thing for a shidduch.
Of course. You need to talk about things you need to run the house. What schools, doctors appointments, what types of windows to put in, what to budget so on. But not to stam shmooze.
I happen not to agree, but putting that aside for a minute, have you actually seen a couple that does not “stam shmooze” have a successful, productive marriage?
Appreciation. For the little things and for the big things. Its the root of so many other issues. The “me” attitude, unnecessary divorces…
HashemLovesMe, I agree. I think this is a product of the “everything is coming to me on a silver platter” mentality which is unfortunately the norm today. And what bothers me more than general support (food, rent etc) is when the children are driving expensive care (two!) and taking vacations all while totty and mommy are working two jobs each. (And then the children move in for as long as they like while the poor younger sister spends Shabbos afternoons changing diapers and cleaning up toys.)
I know someone who has children in high school and is still supporting her husband who is learning. Her kids understand that totty is not bringing home an actual salary, and if it means wearing something a few more times rather than getting something new when they feel like it, its ok. That, IMO, is being Moser Nefesh for Torah. Not being handed everything in a box with a bow on top.
(And yes, if the parents are able and want to do it, then go right ahead. Its just that today, how many people can really do it?)
Really can’t comment on the first point, since I don’t know too much about the issue. As for the second point, she just had a pretty big package thrown her way. And the (partial) point of this thread is to judge her reaction?! After she just had a baby?! Completely ridiculous IMO.