justme22

I think it depends on what constitutes shalom bayis.
Can something come up after there were years of shalom that brakes all trust ? A secret comes up about the business that is not acceptable for example…perhaps there was a challenge like that was there before marriage that they thought they could deal with but couldn’t.
So if shalom means that there is no fighting maybe but if shalom includes a higher standard of connection and honesty then it’s probably an indication that there was not
That’s what I would think

Did Moshe Rabbeinu wear a hat ? Some will claim he did even though black hats were not existent then.
What u would wear in front of a king ? When they visits queen Elizabeth do they wear a hat ? So you will Say “no it is what you would wear in front a gadol” but I think the only reason one would wear a hat in 2019 in front of a gadol is because of the existence of this Halacha so why did we ever stop using whatever garment was worn before black hats after all that was what you wear..
in fact I think in many buildings in consider disrespectful to war a hat and you have to remove it when you approach the person.. I will never understand this but I understand that as long as the rabbanim continue to say is required my logic makes no difference it is what it is and is not about my logic.
I even heard from some posskim that is better to daven alone than to go to minyan without a hat and that without a hat one doesn’t count for minyan. 🤔

Adocs – I was sarcastically making fun of the other things that boys are supposed to ignore in order to solve the shiduch crisis. I agree with you it was not a suggestion to be taken seriously

Simcha613- I agree with you, it is a very difficult challenge it can affect every part of their life. You either have to lie to your spouse or be honest and wonder who would ever accept you as a wife when she can always wonder if she is really loved. He can age and be that 90something year old who was always alone. The difficulty is not only in not sinning but rather in the difficulties of living alone or without the psychological emotional intimacy necessary.
If people were really concerned there would be times of organizations in the community making sure they have kosher company in their life, frum girls would be told to marry gay guys to help the shiduch crisis. No one seems to care and therefore those people are alone comments like yours would make them feel more welcome to stay in the right path.
Health – even if people were not born that way (I agree with you ) that doesn’t mean you can change it. Psychologists know very little about this and no answer To the issue is perfect. There was an organization helping people convert in the community and they were force to close down with no frum organizations coming out in their support . Many states are making such treatments illegal and we don’t hear the agudah or anyone saying much about it. Some psychologists believe you can’t cure it but you can get married first and work with ur spouse in therapy on making it work and that is frightening for many singles to go into the unknown.

On the other hand it is brought down by the rembam that if a person must commit a sin he must go out of town , wear black clothing in other words not celebrate his sins in front of all.
Prevention is the the tool ( healthy families with a father and mom who connect in a healthy way with their child)
A gay person who is able to stay in the path or even who tries hard to is probably someone who God loves very much. Specially now days that it has become so acceptable and is everywhere.
(how come no one is having huge issues with eating 🦞 lobster 🦞 – the toeivah-)
I just think we should all be giving a path to a kosher life for this people and we should pray for their mental health for them to create healthy loving kosher marriages.

I’m sure consumer reviews has a list of the top ones , you can get the reports by paying for a one month subscription ( like you said budget not an issue).

“Incidentally do you know of any discussions regarding which is worse intermarriage or marrying someone who won’t keep taharas hamishpacHa” this is a good question even without looking at the punishment: intermarriage might not even be a deoraisa ( unlesss is one of the 7 nations) , and taharas is ..
But it doesn’t seem to be treated as if taharas is worst. Otherwise it would make sense to tell non frum men to marry non Jewish so that the issur if nida doesn’t apply

I don’t know if when things like this happen comments on here should perhaps be limited to “bde” and some nice comments about the niftAr at least for a few days
I imagine relatives of people who have tragedies happen come to ywn; I doubt they want to read that it was chenek or that it was because they were not smart enough when doing what ever they were doing.
I know no one said anything that meant that , but we have to be very sensitive.
Yes it is all has some truth : we shouldn’t hold cellphones while driving , G-d does decide and we do have to do tshuva ( I do seriously doubt that a commentator could possibly know what the tshuva we all need to do is for )
I think whatever can be gained from a comment can be lost if a person who is suffering a lost feels judged by us.
I remember someone commited suicide and the relatives had to read online all sort of silly coments about why etc

Most pro gun advocates are not defending the right of owning guns for its recreational use.
If it was possible to remove every single gun from the country (and completely prevent new ones from been manufactured or smuggled in ) then it would make sense to prohibit gun ownership ; the reality is however that if we just ban it then who would give them up ? Only law oviding citizens would , the ones who want to harm with guns will not give them up. Those of us who do want respect law will not have a way to defend ourselves.
There is also the importance of defending ourselves from the government in situations like Venezuela or nazi Germany
.. the fear with “controls” is where would the limit be? How much control would we allow before letting our right to own guns disappear.
Anyhow some stricter gun control does make sense … the nra has done some great stuff to protect the 2nd amendment but sometimes their protecting of guns as s sport (as a business ) is a bit extreme.
Heroin is very different of course but if the government takes away the right to hace heroin , the good guys are not going to be less protected …

Some kollelim even outside Lakewood tell there married Talmidim to stop shaving at age 25. Many yeshiva high schools would not allow their bochurim to grow a beard.
It seems rare to find non chasidic yeshivos in America where any Rabbeim even suggest that talmidim who are single grow a beard definitely no high school seems to. There is got a be a reason for that silence when preaching is so common about about everything else.

Park heights are is very out of townish , very simple.
You can see that many girls from Baltimore families tend to dress not new Yorky ..
However the other side of town is not as simple , there are some large houses and some nice cars etc
I think the community is more likely to judge the spending of money than in New York , everyone complains that there is no fancy restaurants yet there is not enough of a daily market to support such places.
You will probably find that is not out of towny but defenitely is not New York or LA in as far as materialistic outlook.
Outside of park heights you will have a bit of a sense that younger people 30-45 are more likely to have a New York influence.
The schools will have a mix of both tipes of families
I lived there for a while
Danger is not concerning as far as walking on shabs , is mostly certain areas of Baltimore not inside the Eruv.
Beazer is a development by a publicly traded company under that name , the houses are large and it is a novelty for Baltimore. Some people fear moving there because they might be judged , yet many are moving there and probably no one cares it is right next to all housing frum Jews have been in.. you can probably google it

If Halacha really required woman not to work out of the home you would have to ask most yeshivos why they hire woman for administrative jobs even while rabbanim go in an out .. same goes for kashrus organizations .. etc
Some things have change ( example Shulchan haruch days says walking behind a woman makes you loose your holam Haba yet the nosei Kelim already in their time say that that’s not longer true because we have become “immune” .

Also many boys are not going to want to start their dating with older girls because it often feels emasculating to date a girl who has already been dating for 6 years or a girl who has been earning well for long . I’m not saying boys should date them , I’m just saying that you can create rules all you want but the ones dating have to embrace them after years of been raised with a mother younger than the father , same with grandparents etc

@dovidbt I would think that it would depend on the date of the actual payment being charged to the credit card. If the transaction occurred before the chametz was sold and it was only the shipment that ocurred during pesach then I assume you would be right

@ctlawyer I’m self employed . I had no group plan before or after ACA..( Individual plans all along )

My taxes are much lower this time.
And while my health insurance was cheaper before ACA , trumps executive directive made my health insurance much better for the money. I do understand that those in liberal states with higher taxes loose out

Not the main topic here but materialism with the right intentions is not wrong in our religion we unlike other religions can take the material and uplift it , unless you are wealthy and not buying anything you can’t judhe others
We had Amorim who eat the whole week Lekabod shbs , that means every day they enjoying gashmius ( they could have given it too the poor), how many maids do you have to get for your wife is a discussion in mishnayos today it would be criticized, etc etc an entire year before the wedding a woman would be preparing in spices ( takshisim) is also a mishna…
On shbs mebarchim we ask for O’Sher bekavod not just parnasah… many other prayers like that. We are concussing what might be expected of talmidei chachamim to be able to learn from what we all should be living like.
The Chafetz chaym it is sad had not nice kiddush cup etc for shbs , but what he did at his level might be wrong even according to him for others, there is a lot of judgement
Showing off for the sake of showing off is wrong , living comfortable and with the material is not by definition wrong.
The ram bam says that for mood a nice home is healing etc etc feeling obligated to have for others is not good but that’s on us to work on not on the ones who have to stop having or enjoying. There wealth with arrogance and their is healthy wealth even in all its glory including huge houses etc
That’s my view based on everything I have heard about…
If you feel that comfort and wealth are not going to bring you close to God that could be correct too. But for many serving God in comfort will be what brings them closer to God.
The Mishnah also says if you served G-d in poverty you will end up serving him in wealth why would the Mishnah wish you wealth. You can judge the amorah for eating so much fleishigs gashmus lekavod shbs the whole week next time you judge someone for shopping in the fancy grocery store etc Nothinh like a nice shbs Nap to write a long post after shbs that might never be read ..

Why is this any different than any Hillel house in a school why is only Chabad the issue here.
If they don’t make the event all the Jewish ones are missing out they might become frum , if someone comes and is Jewish and meets a half Jew ( non Jew) and marries him or her chances are he would have met a non Jew without joining the event. On the other if someone who is half Jewish decides to become frum chances are his new Jewish community will inform him he is not Jewish if his mom is not Jewish.
What will almost certainly happen is that a few real Jews might hear their first kiddush , a few might keep their only shbs or perhaps their first. Their first devar torah
Much more to gain here than to loose.
I think people who have only one Jewish parent ussually say so early in conversation they don’t even realize it’s an issue so they announce it. Therefore Chabad or whomever can proceed perhaps at the retreat they will learn they are not really Jewish and save others from marrying them.
Millennials as think look now are probably the last generation that one can assume that chances are thar both parents are Jewish. ( maybe 80% , 20% or 70 %, 30 not 50 50
Out of those who don’t have both parents been Jewish a good percentage it is their mom who is Jewish )
that’s not an official statistic but what my experience is making me believe

Or we can just start polygamy again lol
I actually think the only solutions to the “shiduch crisis” come by looking at each case individually. What can this girl ( or boy) do differently to get married ,. What else does this boy or girl need help with emotionally etc maybe the single boy or girl is not been clear on what they are looking for or are not been honest about where they are holding in religion etc
There is a reason why while there is a “shiduch crisis “ some get married and some don’t.
Just like in a good or bad economy some prosper and some don’t, of course a good economy help not having a crisis would help but the crisis are mostly within the individual
I’m not judging them I’m saying they might need different help

/goldenpupik – if it was to look like a gadol anything less than a full suit and tie would not suffice.

“The comparison of a dirty white shirt or it being untucked versus a clean tucked in colored shirt is a false dichotomy“
This is true, however it sad to see that people loose the objective and get caught up with a rule of wearing white.
Many guys would never wear color shirts and proudly go with their shirts untuck and I get your point that doesn’t take away the credit of white shirts but it does take away any gain for those guys if not even making it worse.
—
On a different note why do we wear suits on Shabbos if goyim wear them to? And don’t goyim also sometimes wear white shirts. I’m wondering if that’s really at all the purpose of wearing white shirts..

I do believe that is more of a psychological thing to get people to feel like the ideal the yeshiva is trying to teach
When one wears a uniform one feels like part of the peiolebin that uniform.. renting a convertible makes one feel one way for example

Some people just despite having to look the same than anyone else and be comfortable in what one wears can help some serve G-d better

Global warming or not global
Warming we all don’t want a polluted world so perhaps it makes no difference if there is a crisis or not a crisis some people do need assistance in order to get married. And all ideas discussed should be considered.
Often when you get older the gilt stays inspire , older single boys are bit more burned out from learning so many years. The boys go through intense yeshiva from a young age and what’s expected from the boys in those years if one stays single is hard not to be burned out ( burned out is not off the derech ) on the other hand girls don’t have it intense as far Yiddishkeit and they continue to want that same “frumy” guy that recent seminary experiences recommended.
Of course the above doesn’t apply to every crisis case.
-Another problem is that we are too segregated ladies often only know single woman , men only know single men and hardly anyone knows both groups. Many judge mingling on shabbos meals etc.
– boys might be getting more names because of the simple reason that it is considered courteous to the girl to ask the boy first , perhaps if the girl was asked first and were the ones to say no the boys would get less names.
– yidishkeit has changed so much it would it seem thus dividing the religion into tooo many religions ( Lakewood , tv no tv, learners not learners , kollel plans va no killer plans , etc etc
– even in a bad economy some people get jobs some don’t and even in a great economy some don’t get jobs and perhaps is not because there are no jobs but rather because is not a match or the person is too picky with jobs . So crisis or no crisis what can we do to help the individual. Honesty can help.
– then there is mental health , secrets , personal fears about marriage or intimacy, parents divorced , or different.
– been single till late make on more distant from the community many times.

I would suggest setting up an amount of money one would pay the shadchan let’s say 1k , for every schiduch the Shadchan sets up and doesn’t end up with an engagement the price of Shadchanus goes down 10% this incentives the Shadchan to not be setting up randomly with out giving thought.
– I hate to write this people do judge the book by the cover and often girls and boys can get some help improving things that Shadchanim are often hearing been said about the boy or girl.
– Girls are so accomplished now days often boys a bit less accomplished feel that the girl won’t accept them or that they won’t be equals at home and in order to protect their self value they just say no the girl. We don’t have many marriages were the husband is the stay at home dad by us.
Any way shiduch or no shiduch crisis there is much room for creativity with each particular case and instead of speculating having a good conversation with the single as to why they themselves think they are single Might help us help them.
After all even if in the “crisis” most of their friends did get a partner in crime.
More mixed meals and events would be helpful.
If there is in fact such crisis perhaps it would make sense to add a misheberach in Shul for singles to get married.
We also have a vulnerability issue in our community we are afraid to share many things publicly that might attract others ( stupid things like wanting to go to movies it’s often not shared , simple mental health issues such as taking minor doses of stuff for anxiety are often public knowledge in the secular world we have a long way to go in learning to be vulnerable share things as a family financial crisis , religious views etc )
Just typed everything that came to my mind
Let’s pray for all the singles and their families and for those who are married and wish they weren’t r”l

How bad can it be in the winter when he is posting this ?
There is something pritzusdk about too much tznius

If wearing glasses perhaps getting a different prescription that is not as good to blur out the pritzut

Hatzalla did not have an easy time in most jurisdictions getting permits to have ambulances, I’m sure doing so for profit would make it even more complicated. A pr nightmare
To the best of my knowledge there are no private ambulance services ( there are ambulances for mobility but not for emergencies .
Copays would be a huge issue , if they bill insurance theyy have to bill copays collecting copays (and even worse Because e of deductibles if might be hundreds) There is not enough demand only within the community to survive.
They are less likely to collect as much of they are charging anyone. The right thing to do if one uses the service and has the funds is to donate at least the amount you would have had to pay 911..of course even if all their patients pay there is hopefully not enough demand to pay the bills ( gas , malpractice insurance etc )

laskern, I believe that was because of kivud of parents not because of Gezel shina. Don’t think that’s a makor.

I assume you can only wake them up to light if they are not makpid under assumption that they would want you to light with pesumei nisa I don’t think this should grant permission for anyone to wake up his roommates or wife if they are not happy about it for example if the night before they were unhappy you woke them

Doctors tell us to not use the internet to look up our symptoms we all do it. I think as long as she knows that all sorts of bad advice can come from anywhere she will be safe in this world.
I had a friend who did not wear seatbelts because his parents don’t so you see parents can
Also be bad mentors.
I assume she is not 12 so stop monitoring so much a girl who you trust to be able to be ready to have kids

Antivaxxera believe in vaccines they just don’t think benefits outweight cons so the question is not using logic correctly.
I don’t believe in evolution so therefore I don’t believe in doctors ? I think antivaxxers are wrong but you are lacking logical know how or understanding of others