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Ner Israel Rabbinical College.
You can also use the “I’m on break now” excuse.
I always used the “I think she’s too frum for me” excuse. I never received a follow up question or had to defend myself after using such an excuse.
AZ: I have not heard of any of those shadchunim either, but I don’t deal with shadchunim…I understand a lot of shadchunim are bugged constantly day and night, and are therefore, underpaid for the job they are doing, but wouldn’t it be a better idea to have shadchunim charge a fee for singles to “sign up” with them??
Lo Yitzloch: what takes 25 hours to get a guy and girl to go out 3 times??
I’m not a shadchun, but ive set people up…only one of my ideas actually went out. They went out 5 times, but did not get married and i put in a grand total of maybe an hour. I thought of the idea, called the guy described her a lil (3 min) and sent him her resume by emaail. He called me back a few days later to tell me he’s interested (1 min). I called the girl and described the guy and gave her some refrences (6 min). She calls me back few days later to say she is interested and when a convenient time the guy should call her(2 min). call the guy tell him to call girl and give him her phone number (2 min). guy called me telling me when the date is set up for…(2 min). Both of them called me after date 1 to give their answers if they want to continue (10 min). Same after 2nd date (10 min). After 3rd (5 min). they then “dropped me.” After they broke up they each called me thanking me and to let me know it didn’t work out (10 min).
What did i not do that i was supposed to do?
I think it is a good idea and shadchunim should be paid, as long as guys and girls (singles)are able to receive 50 dollars from shadchunim for every time they go out with someone less than 3 times or if they look into someone that is a really bad idea.
How much work actually goes into setting people up??
If a single is old/mature enough to get married, no matter what age, said single should not need his/her parents to decide whom he/she should go out with. Therefore, I agree, shadchunim should go straight to the single with any ideas.
If a single needs help “researching” his/her parents can help with that part. And of course, parents can be consulted with in between/after dates for some guidance b/c “love blinds.”
charliehall:
charliehall:
The bill itself doesn’t change much, but the insurance companies will raise the price of insurance as a result of the bill.
None of my friends (including the ones that are now married) that I know of ever attended a singles event. The reason is/was because single events have a stigma for being “loserish” (This does not mean that everyone who goes to a singles event is a loser). A guy would rather not go to one of these events than to swallow his pride and attend one. (This includes plenty of guys who do not have lists and lists of girls. Contrary to popular thought in theyeshivaworld forum, not every guy has lists of girls to go out with).
Furthermore, I find it hard to believe that there are only 60 single boys left in the world. So the lack of boys attending these events is not because there are no single boys.
The guys who won’t go to a shadchun probably/pos forsure would not go “online” either. In my experience guys are more willing to go to a shadchun then to go “online.”
AZ: it seems like “age gap” is the answer to all the world’s problems.
I agree for the most part with youdontknowme. Personally, I’ve never met with a shadchun, and usually disregard the ideas I do get from them. That said, I prefer to be set up by my friends/their wives, who know the girl and myself better than a random stranger.
I think both sides should give/show a picture before agreeing to go out. Doing so, will save a guy and/or girl’s time, money, and feelings.
I went to a “first year yeshiva” and the majority of the yeshiva did very well, there were only a couple guys who i thought really should not be in Israel at the time. So it really depends on what type of guy your son is. That said, I do not believe there are comparable “first year yeshivas” in the US, personally, the only yeshiva i went to that I really felt I belonged, was in Israel.
If the cause of the shidduch crisis is because there are more girls than boys, then polygamy would be a better solution than the “close in age” solution AZ presented. The “close in age” solution may help some girls, but would hurt others. This is so, because I believe there are guys and girls who were meant to be for each other even though they are more than a couple years apart, yet accoding to “close in age” solution won’t have an opportunity to go out with them bc of their age difference. So in the end of the day there will still be single girls who won’t get married. The polygamy solution, however, allows all girls to get married, if they so wish (although we may end up having to many single guys, because all the girls may want to marry the same guy, and i dont know who would want to a) marry the same guy, and b) marry more than one girl).
my yeshiva’s class of 2001 had 19 guys, and 3 are still single.
from my class in yeshiva, there were 18 guys and 2 are still single(11%). I graduated in early 2000’s.
While “dating for too short” is not the only reason why couples are getting divorced, in certain cases, it definitely is a major contributing factor.
I was wondering, let’s say my basheret wasn’t within the acceptable “age gap,” does that mean I shouldn’t marry her, bc doing so will cause a different older girl stay single?
The world series game times this year start more than a half hour earlier than previous years, so hopefully the games will end earlier as well.
I actually sort of agree with the poster. From my experience, based on myself and my friends, the girl was almost always the one who ended the “longer” relationships (dealing with shidduch dating, so anything more than 5 or 6 dates). That doesn’t mean all the blame should be on girls, but for the most part, I think girls are more picky than guys, once the guy agrees to go out. Part of the reason, in my opinion, is that girls are expecting to feel “magic” and if they don’t, the guy’s obviously not for them. Most of the girls who have this mindset, from what I’ve observed, also happen to be the “older” girls, which is one of the reasons why sometimes guys don’t want to bother going out with them. I also think that if there was a little more realism, if that’s a word, taught to girls, the shidduch crisis won’t be as bad.
1. People tend to lie about how big a guy/girl is, so asking for a size is just a way to get closer to truth (by just adding a size or 2). And by all means, if a girl is really interested or cares in how big a guy is, she should be able ask what size pants a guy wears and get a truthful answer.
2. A girl should also be able to see a pic before hand too, especially if one of the parties will be travelling.
If there really are more frum females than males in this world, then no matter what there will be girls left without a shidduch. The only way to prevent such an outcome would be to create more frum guys (by being mekariv more guys).
By only setting up a guy and girl, if they are close in age, may actually make the “shidduch situation” worse. Guys and girls, potentially, will not be “allowed” to go out with the person who is right for them, just bc of their age differential. Today, there are many married couples, where one spouse is more than a year or 2 older than the other; obviously they were meant to be! So although the idea of setting up people who are close in age, will give the “older” girls more dates, it may end up costing a few people the chance of finding the “right one” too!
I personally wouldn’t date 2 girls at the same time (be officially committed to 2 girls at once), and if I found out that a girl I was dating was dating a dif guy at the same time, I would “dump” her. The excuse that some people have to compare dates, is not a persuasive one. If you need to compare guys/girls, just compare the guy or girl to the previous guys/girls he/she dated in the past. I do not understand why when comparing guys/girls it has to be between guys/girls who one is dating at the same time?!? That said, in my yeshiva 2 guys were officially dating the same girl at the same time, and they both found out about it, weren’t happy about it, and both dumped her at the same time! Although, it is only one story, and i’m sure there are others out there, where the guys/girls involved did not care, I would say most guys would not be happy if they found out the girl they were dating was also dating a dif. guy the same time.
On the other hand, once one side ends a shidduch, I believe both the guy and girl can look to date someone else right away, if they are ready. Therefore, there should be no problem with someone dating 2 people on the same day, as long as he/she is no longer going out with the first date.