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Aries, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), as long as you do not commit a federal crime, like real estate, location is very important. You can bludgeon someone to death in one state and do 10 years with good behavior and get the death penalty in another.

This will sound calloused to some, terrible to others and may come as a shock to even more. How many of these http://crime.about.com/od/deathrow/Death_Row_Inmates_Past_and_Current.htm people on death row will we now start a campaign for clemency? There are over FIVE HUNDRED death row inmates in Florida and North Carolina alone! Will we scour the lists for names like Grossman, Feldman, Cohen and Goldstein before we sign a petition or start email campaigns? Have we as a community suddenly become anti death penalty? Personally, I sent emails made phone calls as requested by the various Frum organizations. In truth, I feel like a lemming. Where are those organizations for the other 375 inmates on Floridas Death Row? Are they actively researching their cases? Why not? Will we all become major contributors to the Aleph Institute? This is not intended to question Martin Grossman, A”H, case on its merits under Fla law. I am not familiar with the specifics of the case, or Florida law. I AM familiar with the fact that until 3 weeks I never heard of Martin Grossman a”h, thought nothing about death row inmates or the death penalty. And if I dont get another email about death row inmates from R’ Chaim David Zweibel, on behalf of the Agudah, I will likely go back to the way it was 3+ weeks ago. I feel like a lemming and a hypocrite. How about you?

How would you feel if on St. Patricks Day you saw people dressed like a Rabbonim drinking straight out of a keg of beer? Would you think it was funny if at the next “rainbow coalition” parade people dressed up like chassidim? You might think it is funny, they dont.

I remember, when I was in high school, there were some fellow who liked heckling one of the english teachers, a devout catholic. One day, to get under his skin they asked if they could “go to the pope” (the previous popes name was john). everyone thought this was so clever and witty, until the next day the teacher announced that he had to make a quick stop at the rabbi. Suddenly everyone was insulted and annoyed (he actually DID go to the office, but thats a separate story).

My in-laws decorate their house with plastic table cloths covering all furniture and carpet, so when the inevitable happens, the furniture and carpet doesnt get ruined.

What was Moshe Rabbeinus bracha to Zevullun? Be happy earning a livelihood, just grin and bear it, you guys drew the short straw and have to bear the brunt of the curse and go work and support Yissachar? Is the bracha of Viasafta Digancha a klala in disguise? Is hishtadlus a klalla?

“this was a curse and the more someone works, the more “curse” they are bringing on themselves.”

Did anyone tell this to Shevet Zevullun?

“For all those who are Makpid in every word, I will rephrase.”

As a shadchan, you better be makpid on every word.

The one and only shadchan (professional) I ever spoke with, apparently was not. When I told him I had a degree from Touro and the girl he wanted to set me up with specifically told him that she did NOT want to consider someone in college, he decided I was a perfect candidate, after all, since I already had my degree, I was no longer in college. He didnt care what she meant, only what she said. As a shadchan, thats a waste of everyones time. I was so annoyed at him, I threatened him with a din torah for reimbursement of every cent I spent on the date including all travel expenses (gas and tolls) and “entertainment” (ok drinks at a lounge) if he wouldn’t do so on his own.

“I want a learning guy … My parents want a college boy… or I want a college boy… and they want a learning guy.”

Is it just me, or do others also see the use of the word “guy” when associated with someone learning in yeshiva, but when he is working he is suddenly only a “boy”.

Boy implies young and immature while guy implies someone older and more mature.

Hopefully, everyone is learning in the best yeshiva, that suits their own needs.

Chofetz Chaim may be great for me, and terrible for you while Ponovezh is great for you and terrible for me. The derech halimud, hashkafas hachaim, the way the rabbeim interact with the talmidim (if at all). Are you self motivated, or do you need a rebbe on top of you all day?

Oomis, Speaktruth. Your both missing the point, she doesn’t know the boy in any way, just heard about him and has determined he is not for her. She refuses to meet him and see for herself if he is or is not for her. At 33 years old, if this girls has some hang up about some family member or some other stupidity she SHOULD seek counseling. Personally, I think she is afraid that at 33 she will hear “after all this time, HE is who you are marrying?”. He is not, the best guy in the yeshiva, the sharpest dressed, the one with the handsomest face, the super high IQ or faubulously wealthy. He is just your average guy, who learns a few hrs a day, has a masters degree, goes to work, dresses like everyone else. Isn’t distinguished in any way, just, your average guy. I think that after all these years of waiting the girls is simply afraid to end up with just your average guy, she probably passed on that guy many times over the years. Now, she is fopolishly holding out for “super guy” so she can justify to her small mind, the waiting was well worth it. Hence. My advise to seek help.

The rt uv spllng haz gottin lawst as ppl txt echothr and hav stpd spkng.

I’m stil trying to figure out lol,ppl, sos, txt, u2, too many acronyms.

Another approach I’ve seen. Internet Explorer/AIM/MSN etc… is only available on the parents log in, it is not available via any other log in. Setting the parents as the administrators of the computer also means that kids logged into their own directory on computer can not install anything on the hard drive (such as a copy if IE they can get off a CD that has juno or Netzero) and the only available tools to them are Word, Excel and the things needed for schoolwork. If they DO need to be online for schoolwork or other legitimate reason as determined by parents, then one of the parents must make the application available to the kids by logging in on their own. It sounds cumbersome, but it really isnt. It makes the computer avaialable to the kids whenever they want to use it it legitimately (Word, Excel, PowerPoint or an allowed game – installed by the parents and made available to all “users” – for example) and the parents dont have to worry about “where” the kids are.

If a child MUST have a phone AND Text, make sure to get a plan where you pay per text and make sure your son understands he obligated to pay for any text that is not an emergency. In most situations, this is enough to curb texting when not really necessary.

Youdontknow me:

“I don’t think it helps anyone to keep girls 18-21 from trying to get married”, I personally agree with this statement of yours. However, all indications from the back to back full page ads taken out by Nasi and those who published the declaration of 60+ rosheo Yeshivos about “close in age marriages” is that someone somewhere seems to be saying just that.

Those who have a family business to go into, are lucky and may not need college to earn a parnassah others do not, and need an education to adequately suppport a family. Not all family businesses can support an entire family either. What’s important is that the person has the ability to support a family and more importantly, there is not a negative attitude towards those whose hishtadlus means going to college. Boys and girls. Especially girls who now that “we” don’t want them dating for several years will have to find something to occupy their time.

He may be a nut job, but a number of Richard Simmons’s videos don’t have women in them, and are pretty good excercise videos.

“The boys are getting marrried “despite” whatever outside “help that you don’t approve of.”

I didnt start this thread with the word help in quotation marks. Clearly the person who started this thread feels that outside interference is a big problem.

The bais medrash?

Its on the pesach with r’ alter tape. When we take out the pesach stuff will give a listen and tell you the words 🙂

If you can’t wait till then, I’m sure this tape is available at any seforim store.

I’m also pretty sure most kindergarten morahs will be teaching the song this week, ask one for the words.

Here are some idea:

. Take away the stigma that is placed on those who go to college and more girls might pursue a degree instead of running to get married before they hit 20. Only so many teaching and therapist positions exist. The degree will only help them earn a parnassah so that their husbands can sit and learn even longer.

. Another year of schooling for girls? Yes, it is another year of tuition, but does it cost any more than the monthly support they would fork over to a son in law if their daughter got married at 19?

I can read english. “Primary cause” is written in larger font and in bold. It is clear what the intention of the ad is.

No, I did not misunderstand what my r”y told me. I wrote what he told me and I did not misunderstand what he wrote. Perhaps you won’t acknowledge that I understand as does my R”Y, that what his signature is signed on to is not what he was led to believe he would be signing.

The primary casue is the system currently in place. The system that encourages boys not to think about the rest of their life until they are 23 and encourages girls to get on with the rest of their life before the ink is dried on their high school diploma.

Why bother with the boys at 17 now? Seems its been decided that they should still get married at 22-23 only to girls 21+. The bigger question is, what to do with all the 19-21 year olds we don’t want dating , or will we encourage them all to run after the small minority of 19-21 year old boys who are dating?

The child was in school prior to this interview. If this principle has questions, he SHOULD ask them, however, there are adults he could ask (this kid WAS in school until this point and had teachers and a principle) he should not be asking other kids.

AZ. Since boys ages 19-22, for the most part are not dating and girls 19-22 for the most part, are dating, there is a natural age gap. The full page ads with the signatures of 60 or so Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim urging “close in age shidduchim” is saying 1 of 2 things (it isn’t clear what)

1) Boys should start dating at a younger age or

2) Girls should start dating at an older age

If not, the age gap will continue. the “primary cause” of older singles is not the “age gap” as it is thrown around but the age gap that is a result of the current chinuch system. If it is not changed and all 23 year old boys who start dating will be dating girls 22+, the girls 19-22 will by and large have to find something to do. Will these Rabbonim allow them to go to college, get a job in corporate america? Will the mindset of yeshiva boys towards these girls change? If not, we will have even more single at an even younger age along with many more single boys.

This “marry close in age” is half an answer, at best, and half answers are worse than no answers.

As an aside, my Rosh Yeshiva is a signatory to the full page ad. When I asked him what he signed onto, he replied “the concept that close in age shidduchim is not a bad thing” and that “shadchanim should give priority to older girls, whenever possible”. He trusted, that is what would be “advertised”. He did not expect, and quite frankly does not agree with the premise that the “primary cause” of the “singles crisis” is the dating age. What can he do now? He advises his bachurim when to date and if asked, offers advise on a particular shidduch, he will NOT say, “not for you, your 23 and she is 19”.

YW Moderator 1-10,000 was already taken.