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Oh okay, so then Bais Yaakov is also assur because “as frum Yidden we have a Mesorah and we follow the Mesorah and there was never such aconcept [sic] in Judaisim [sic].”
Right?
popa_bar_abba, just want to note that “depends on the product” and “not recommended” do not mean the same thing. Many, perhaps most, KVH products are perfectly acceptable. I also don’t think it’s fair to put KVH in the same category as Triangle K. Triangle K products that are acceptable generally fall under the category of products that would be acceptable without any hashgacha, such as frozen fruit.
I can’t stand my English name. It does match my Hebrew name pretty well, but I don’t like it. Whenever I get around to legally changing my last name (to my husband’s), I’m also going to legally change my first name– although not to my Hebrew name, but to my English middle name, which I actually like.
I love the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Broadway. They make amazing to-go sandwiches. Also My Most Favorite Food on 72nd and Talia’s Steakhouse on Amsterdam.
Sorry, I only do recommendations during my watch.
Nice one.
But there are actually communities in Brookline, Brighton, Malden, and Sharon as well as in Newton.
“Zeh borrer lo echad v’zeh borrer lo echad” (in the first or second perek of Sanhedrin.) It means that each litigant (in this case, the chosson and kallah) selects a rabbi, and the two rabbis together choose a third rabbi. Normally, it’s used to make a Beis Din of three; in this case, the couple would agree to choose a “family rabbi” based on the agreement of each of their personal rabbonim.
How about a zabla, assuming that she has a rav? (my husband’s idea)
A couple needs to make a parnassah somehow. Parnassah can come from many different places. If either the girl or the boy or both of them is working or is planning to work, that’s great. If NEITHER is planning to work long-term and the two sets of parents are unable to come up with a combined level of support that is adequate– well, that’s where money comes into the picture. In other words, there might be practical financial reasons to turn down a shidduch from a less wealthy family, but no reason I can think of to prioritize shidduchim from wealthier families. As far as looks, that’s always important. To what degree it is important depends on the individuals involved.
I’m sorry but this is just creepy. Do you really think you are going to convince anyone to move to your community by repeating ad nauseum “just check out Austin, TX” and refusing to answer serious practical questions about the community? Do you really think that the rabbi’s salary is a major selling point of the community? Do you really think that anyone would want to uproot their family just because of some random stuff online?
Leave it alone. We get the point already.
I notice a lot of short guys marrying short girls because they want to be taller than their wives, and they end up creating a whole family of short people! Not that it’s such an issue per se, but it just seems like a vicious cycle because half of their children are going to be male and will need to find some short girls to marry, while the short girls can marry guys of any height, often taking the tall ones away from the tall girls…
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t really care about any of this. Height was never a consideration for me when I was dating. But for people who do care, the situation really is quite ridiculous.
Actually I heard a story about a girl who understated her height on her resume and a boy who overstated his height on his resume. So on paper it looked like they were the same height. Then they went out and she was 4 inches taller than him…in flats…not sure if the story is true but it made me laugh.
“Singles date so long because they have goyish view of life. If the Mishnah tells us to be married at 18, how can it be that we need to date till we are 30 or more?”
Go ahead and find me a rabbi who actually paskens this way. I’ve never met one.
“I didn’t say that anybody should marry a bad person or a really bad match, just a decent match. That’s all you need in this life as life is a journey and a challenge that is meant to be done in the company of a spouse.”
That’s not what you said originally. All you said one needs is a “half-decent person”– nothing about a “decent match”.
“I’m curious, since you call yourself a feminist, do you pick up your dates or meet them halfway? Do you split the check or even pick up the check? Do you brave rejection and ask out the guy. In other words, are you really a feminist?”
Go look at my profile. I created this account six years ago. If I were creating it today I would choose a different name. Does that mean I no longer call myself a feminist? Actually I do; I just wouldn’t choose to advertise it as much because on this site people get so hung up on the name and use that as a way to attack me rather than responding to the substance of what I post. (That’s less true in recent years since I’ve been posting less frequently to begin with and harping on feminist issues less as well, but then something like this comes up and you see what happens.)
My husband and I recently celebrated our first anniversary. However, to answer your questions based on how I behaved as a single (not that it’s really relevant, but I’ll humor you):
Yes, I asked out several guys rather than waiting for them to ask me. And yes, I was rejected more than once and it did hurt, but I kept doing it because it was important to me.
Yes, I split the check with some guys I dated. Others I let pay for me. The way I see it, if the guy and girl are in similar financial situations, there is no reason why the guy should always have to pay. When I was a student dating other students, I always split the check and I certainly didn’t insist on fancy, expensive dates. When I was a student dating older guys who were working and could afford to pay for me and didn’t mind doing it, I let them.
I did a lot of long-distance dating, and yes, sometimes I was the one to travel.
I don’t understand your last question about a “multi-decade search for a spouse with the men doing all the work”. If you’d like to clarify what you mean by that, I’d be happy to answer it.
Generally that type of communication is not allowed (privacy risks)…If I could make a suggestion, I think a good place for you to start would be to stop identifying yourself as “C.I. Boy”. Your hearing does not define you! You cannot control how other people think and feel about you, but you CAN control how you view yourself, and I think you’ll find that once you start feeling more self-confident and stop dwelling on your hearing, others will pick up on it and treat you differently. It may take time but it’s very worth it.
MyTurnAtBat, your idea sounds like a recipe for disaster. If we each married the first “half-decent person” who came along, most of us would be either divorced or stuck in unhappy marriages blaming ourselves for a shidduch that was doomed from the start.
Why do you think singles date for so long? Is it possible, chas ve’shalom, that every single person they ever went out with was a terrible person with severe character flaws, who no one in their right mind would want to marry? Of course not. Making shidduchim is about finding the right fit– not just a match based on age and hashkafa, but a true personality match. That is exactly what is so hard to find, and exactly what you are suggesting we chuck out the window.
How about this: marry a BT like I did and the mother-in-law won’t even be remotely involved in the shidduch.
I am pretty sure the only information you could possibly be giving away by using WiFi is your IP address (maybe). Besides, why would you automatically assume that it must be a conspiracy? See klein vikayam’s excellent point above.
Between (not among) two candidates, one is nearly always better, even if only in the sense of “less bad”.
Even if you dislike both candidates exactly equally, most people do have a party preference, and when you vote for president, you are voting for a party, not just a candidate.
Randomex, I don’t agree. Obviously a certain level of research is generally appropriate, and one should have a list of qualities that one is looking for in a spouse to filter out potential partners who may not be compatible. On the other hand, sometimes everything can look great “on paper” and then, for whatever reason, after hours of effort has been expended on both sides, it just doesn’t work. Everyone has a story of a couple they know who met by accident, or weren’t interested in that type of person, or whatever– you know, the girl who didn’t want to go out with Persians who married a Persian, or the guy who was not willing to relocate who relocated for a girl. This happens with characteristics that are both superficial (height, weight) and those that inherently matter more (whether he “learns” or “earns”; whether she will stay home or work). Think about it: how on earth did those couples meet? And wouldn’t you like to encourage more of those “shidduchim” to happen, since they seem to be working? I am not suggesting that we throw our system of research down the drain, but perhaps we might experiment with a different system in addition (cautiously, of course).
P.S. My husband and I have one of those such “meeting by accident” stories. We recently celebrated our first anniversary and couldn’t be more thankful that Hashem brought us together, regardless of the way it happened. Ironically, if we had both been working with the same shadchan, we would very likely have been matched, since we do in fact have “on-paper compatibility”.
My husband is looking for video shiurim as opposed to audio…any recommendations?
Anyone but Hillary
What do you mean when you say that “family helps preserve American values”?
Sorry, I misunderstood before. It sounds like (based on your age) you are in yeshiva or college. Can you switch schools? I think a fresh start would be good for you.
A therapist who violates your confidentiality by discussing your case with your parents is not a functional therapist for you.
You need to find a therapist you can trust.
Can you put in (well-wrapped, obviously) in your checked luggage?
It takes two minutes of your time. Probably less than the amount of time it takes you to argue about whether or not it’s productive. Just sign the #$&@ thing. It can’t hurt and may help.
If you feel like you have something to hide from Nefesh b’Nefesh, isn’t that a sign that something’s not right?
OP said “I am in love with the country, but I do not want to stay there forever…this would be, at least as of right now, a temporary thing.”
That is not at all the same thing as making aliyah in good faith, really committing to settling there but understanding that you may have to come back if it doesn’t work out.
I’m sorry but that is just nonsense. Of course you have to intend to stay permanently. That is the definition of aliyah. Aliyah means settling permanently in Israel and an oleh is an immigrant. No conscientious person could in good faith go through the legal process of immigration to Israel, taking advantage of government-funded resources and benefits along the way, just to get a degree and then leave. Just because you would be willing to play that kind of Russian roulette doesn’t mean you can assume that the government is willing. And by the way, even if they don’t have that policy in writing, it’s still wrong.
If you aren’t planning to live there permanently, it would be stealing to make aliyah for the benefits knowing you are going to leave.
There was an excellent Time cover story about this in July 2013. I can’t post the link, but if you want to look it up the title of the article is The Pursuit of Happiness.
Imagine you’re baking a cake. The recipe calls for two eggs. Once you remove the cake from the oven, if someone were to ask you, “What happened to those two eggs?” you could reply that they are in the cake. But unless you’re a particularly terrible baker, you would not be able to distinguish the eggs from the other ingredients in the cake. You could say only that they had assimilated into the entire volume of the cake.
Now imagine the cake is the universe. Once you Vanish the eggs, their matter permeates the universe, but they no longer exist as distinct objects. Therefore they are at once part of “nonbeing” and “everything”.
Usually top corner but it’s not always consistent.
Does anyone here lick your finger before you turn the page? I’ve seen people do that (usually older people) and it grosses me out. I get that it’s supposed to make it easier to turn the page, but come on…
Also, you don’t make a bracha on the food.
Shopping613, schools are responsible for ALL of their students. Sometimes expelling one student is the only way to preserve a proper education for the hundreds of other students they have, who may otherwise pick up bad behavior from that one student. And by the way, students also have a responsibility to the school– what do you think that thick packet of forms is for? Schools have codes of dress and conduct and if a student isn’t willing to respect that, he or she can’t expect to be allowed to stay.
Suitable religious schools do exist. Plenty of them. All over. It’s not the government’s fault that the schools can’t or won’t accept every applicant.
Incidentally, rather than squeezing existing schools beyond their real capacity, why don’t growing communities open new schools?
We recently drove to Monsey for a wedding. I was shocked by the way people drive there (not to mention the way pedestrians just stroll along the side of narrow streets as if they’re asking to get hit!)
Oy. I will admit that I really did not realize quite how radical Open Orthodoxy has become. This is sad.
Fascinating. I’m not offended because this speaks to sociology, not reality.
There are bad choices, good choices, and better choices. That doesn’t mean that the individuals who make those choices are necessarily bad, good, and better respectively.
How did you find out, if you weren’t supposed to know and she didn’t tell you?
Okay, new poll: How many actually read the OP?
It’s 8 days out of the year. Give yourself a break.
I don’t like mayo either! As for ketchup, we like Gold’s “hint of horseradish” ketchup.
I have no idea what the source is but I was taught that one of the reasons that milah is performed on the eighth day is that no matter what day of the week the baby is born, this guarantees that he gets to experience a Shabbos beforehand. From this perspective, the bris really is about all 8 days.