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writersoul, welcome to the club!
And yes, if you don’t like your frames you should replace them. I resisted because I figured hey, I never wear them anyway, so what’s the point? Then eventually I got an eye irritation because I slept in my contacts too much, and I had to wear my glasses for a week straight. That got annoying fast.
I saw a Krav Maga demonstration when I was in middle school. They let us each take turns trying to break a wooden board with our hands. I was sooo jealous of my friends who succeeded.
I don’t think it’s productive to blame the soldiers for being naive. Whoever gave them these orders is an animal and doesn’t belong in the IDF. But come on, to say that the entire army is contaminated because of one idiot who will probably be fired? Any large organization has issues with rogue employees and has had to fire people at one point or another for acting out of line with policy. If we started boycotting every single institution based on the actions of one employee we would not be able to function as a society. If you’re going to criticize the IDF, criticize policy or widespread facts on the ground. Don’t criticize it based on an isolated incident that really doesn’t reflect the army’s ideals as a whole.
One Of Many, I misspoke (mistyped?). There doesn’t have to be a power dynamic at all. My husband and I certainly don’t have one.
I find nothing funny about apikorsus.
What do you mean, the “correct” male/female dynamic? So a couple that does it the other way is wrong?
He crossed out the beach on his maps!!! Lol!!!
Goq, I will be honest. I usually wear contacts even though my husband thinks I look better in glasses. Contacts are more comfortable and they give me better vision. Glasses are more convenient, but let’s be real, if the entire point of glasses and contacts is to correct vision, you should go with whatever does the best job of that, and for me it’s contacts.
My husband is not home, so I googled. I am quoting an article written by Yechezkal Shimon Gutfreund:
Many people approach this issue by focusing on the land and territory of Israel. While it is certainly true that all of the land of Israel is holy, the Rebbe said that the issue of “land for peace” is not so much an issue of land per. se. – but rather an issue of preserving Jewish lives, regardless of location. The Shulchan Oruch (the Code of Jewish Law) states:
Non-Jews that lay siege to Jewish cities: If their intent was financial gain, the Shabbos laws should not be violated because of them. If their intent was against Jewish lives, or if they lay siege without any stated intention, or if there is a sense (chush) that they are coming for Jewish lives, then even before they come – and are only mobilizing themselves, it is a mitzvah to go out and attack them with weapons of war and violate the Shabbos laws. And if it is a city located near a border – even if they are only demanding hay or straw, we attack them and violate the Shabbos, lest they conquer the city, and because of that conquest it becomes easier for them to conquer the rest of the land.
There are those (rabbinic authorities) who say, that at this time, when we dwell among non-Jews who are murderers and slayers, that even if they come only for financial gain, we violate the Shabbos. Because, if the Jews do not allow them to plunder and pillage, they will kill us. And it is a chazakah (a given) that no one stands-by idly, when his money is being stolen. Thus, a thief coming to steal will worry whether his victim will kill him, so the thief comes from the outset with an intention to kill first. So also, in this case [where we are dealing with only financial attacks] we violate the Shabbos [to defend ourselves]. Nevertheless, everything is according to the context. But an individual, that comes to take money, we allow him to take as much as he wants, and we do not violate the Shabbos, for this is a case of financial loss only.
Shulchan Oruch HaRav 329:6,7. And almost the same wording can be found in the Shulchan Oruch of R. Karo, and also in the Mishna Berurah (same siman). See also Eruvin 45a including the Rashi. The Rambam adds:
It is a mitzvah for every member of the Jewish people who can come [to their assistance] to go out and aid their brethren who are under siege and save them from the gentiles [although it is the] Shabbos. It is forbidden to wait until Saturday night.
After they have saved their brethren, they may return home with their weapons on the Shabbos, so that a dangerous situation will not be created in the future.
Rambam, Mishna Torah, Hilchot Shabbos, 2:23.
From this we see a couple of things:
The issue is not land, per. se – it is the saving of Jewish lives.
An issue of saving Jewish lives is not dependent on location, and applies everywhere and for all time.
Relatively minor land or even monetary demands, such as straw or hay, if such a demand occurs under the threat of physical attack, are considered a case of saving Jewish lives.
In issues of saving Jewish lives we do not stop and calculate or estimate what the risk is, we are required to assume the worst scenario and act accordingly.
It should be obvious that since it is a mitzvah to aid our brethren, we should not do actions that the Shulchan Oruch states would endanger our brethren. Sadly, not all Jewish people recognize the authority of the Shulchan Oruch, and to our greater grief, there are those who re-interpret or ignore it (either due to ignorance, or to appear correct in the eyes of non-Jews, or other reasons).
Irrespective of this, we must work with our fellow Jews, and educate them to this important issue of saving Jewish lives, and how it applies to the “land for peace” issue. Most importantly, we must do this in a peaceable manner, for “the ways of the Torah are peaceful.” With a peaceful, patient and understanding approach, certainly HaShem will aid us and help us to accomplish His will. However, we must be clear, certain, and confident; and this can only occur when we act according to the guidance of the Shulchan Oruch, and the teachings of our Rabbis.
Popcorn, anyone?
Some people need to cry because that is their outlet for expressing emotions, and that is healthy for them. Others find crying unnatural, and far from being cathartic, it just leads to feelings of guilt and self-loathing as they wonder “what is wrong with me that I cannot cry”. There is nothing wrong with it. Writing in a journal, using a punching bag, making music, etc. are all valid ways of coping with grief. One doesn’t have to cry, and one shouldn’t get caught up in “why can’t I cry” rather than finding an alternate coping mechanism.
Health, how many times in recent years have we tried to give away our land in exchange for peace, and when has it EVER worked? The Arabs will not be satisfied until they ch”v push us into the sea. The only way to defeat them is through war.
RABBAIM, you are making unfair assumptions. Some people can cry and some can’t. Not everyone who lost a close relative or friend cried about it and it’s NOT because they weren’t close enough.
Oh Shreck, I am sorry but the dead are never “forgotten after twelve months”. Yes, we pick ourselves up and go on with our lives. But that ache will always, always be there no matter what. We think of them often and miss them constantly.
migoo, what is a “cheerleaders’ game”? I assume you mean if a man looked at cheerleaders at a football game?
Anyway, your point makes no sense. Cheerleaders by definition are ervah. Never mind that they are wearing almost no clothing…they dance and jump around to be looked at. THEY are the show. Versus baseball, which is not about the men’s bodies per se but the bases, the runs, the score, the team, etc. Completely different (and they’re covered up– now maybe you could argue that a woman shouldn’t watch a basketball game because the men are dressed in skimpy outfits, but that’s a different story).
We are discussing a halachic issue. When I say I am not arguing with the halacha, what I mean is that I’m not trying to say that the halacha is wrong. I just think people today interpret and apply it too stringently.
Moving stories? Sure, I have one!
My family moved from an apartment to a townhouse the summer before I started high school. We used an Israeli moving company, thinking we’d like to support a Jewish business, but they overcharged us and were unprofessional. They didn’t even finish the job, and my mom had to pay a teenager for the rest! Some of our furniture even got damaged in the process. It was a really horrible experience.
What, what? You asked for a moving story! 😛
I didn’t say a “clinical psychologist”, I said a therapist, which can be a psychologist (clinical or not) or a social worker. You’re putting words in my mouth.
Psychiatrists don’t only do “medication management”. Many also do therapy, and that takes 50 minutes to an hour.
Don’t run around or engage in strenuous activities. Give your body a chance to adjust.
Oh– you disagree with me? I had no idea! What a well-reasoned argument! #sarcasm
Different music inspires different people. And secular music can definitely be inspiring. First of all, some is instrumental, and second of all, they’re not all about love. Many of them touch on the same themes that Jewish music does: hardship and adversity, courage, loss and death, friendship.
Also, love songs can be inspiring too. I would argue that the Rascal Flatts song “Bless the Broken Road” can provide chizuk to older singles. Google for lyrics if you don’t know it.
It doesn’t matter where your cousin went to high school. I don’t know of any yeshiva high school that teaches intensive Gemara to girls at the same level it does to boys. Anyway, boys also typically learn intensively with their fathers, and most frum fathers do not learn this way with their daughters.
Women can’t learn Gemara the way men can because they aren’t brought up to do so. They don’t have the skills or the resources, even if some (the type who become lawyers) do have the natural aptitude.
If you’re going to say that women can’t spend all day on a Maharsha because they need to “beautify themselves and talk about social relationships”, then you should also say that men can’t spend all day on a Maharsha either because they need to research the stock market and talk about last night’s Knicks game. It cuts both ways. There are always going to be distractions. A serious learner will buckle down and dissect a Maharsha regardless of what those distractions are.
The daily schedule of a lawyer is typically very different than the daily schedule of a full-time learner. But the intellectual challenges are very similar.
You’re making assumptions. He never said he was bullied.
Really? Wow…
migoo, it’s not lo sasuru because we are not looking at the men to look at the men. It’s as if you would say that women can’t attend baseball games because of lo sasuru. Shuls would not be set up the way they are if it were really an issur d’oraisa. And by the way, a man singing can be ervah too (think Frank Sinatra, Elvis, and other crooners). I am not arguing with the halacha, just saying that it’s not always so simple and one must be careful. The “spirit of the halacha” is also a consideration.
Toi, that is exactly why I daven at a shul that lets women dance (on our own side, out of sight of the men, thank you very much). I could never stand around watching the men and twiddling my thumbs. Of course it would not happen the other way around, and of course men and women are different and have different attractions. My point is that we are less different than one might think, and furthermore that tznius applies to men as well. I think it is sad that we continue to pile chumra upon chumra on the women with regard to tznius while completely ignoring the men.
He never said that…
The reason why many shuls are set up with one-way glass mechitzas (I assume this is what you are referring to) is that all the action is on the men’s side. In shuls that have a setup where the women are so blocked off that they can barely see or hear anything, I get frustrated. I mean really, if I’m not part of the tzibbur to the extent that I can’t even keep track of what they’re doing over there, what’s the point? Why not just stay home and daven b’yechida? This has nothing whatsoever to do with checking out the men. I bet if the tables were turned and women led everything and men had to sit in the women’s section, they’d also complain that they couldn’t see, and not as a pretext for staring at our bodies.
Whatever they’re playing at Starbucks!
Go swimming at your local JCC during separate hours (yes, they exist outside of New York). Free for members & can be done anywhere.
Read library books. Free anywhere.
If you’re in Chicago, be sure to check out Ned Brown Forest Preserve, and in particular the Busse Forest Elk Pasture. It’s a great place to go biking, running, rollerblading, jogging, or walking. There are lots of elk and deer to observe. Bring a picnic and make a day of it.
There are two free entertainment complexes at Disney World (Orlando)– Downtown Disney and The Boardwalk. You can also ride the monorail for free. There are lots more suggestions in the Instructable “Best FREE Things to Do at Walt Disney World” (google to find it).
“If there is a boy who wouldn’t be able to think a brunets is beautiful then do all brunets a favor and don’t marry one.”
It’s impossible to know that you would NEVER find ANY brunette beautiful. Yes, everyone has their preferences, but sometimes that goes out the door when you meet someone and you realize how beautiful they truly are in your eyes even though it’s something you never thought you would appreciate. I have a “thing” for blue eyes, but I nevertheless had a serious relationship with a Sephardi. And every guy I ever dated until I met my husband was on the heavy side because I liked that look. My husband is average weight (and yes, he does have blue eyes, and incidentally he is also very into health and fitness, which I was missing out on with the others and really admire in him).
There is much to do for free even if you’re not in New York!
My mom has to gradually stop drinking Diet Coke the week before a fast! I now drink coffee more often than I used to, but I am not at the point of physically missing it if I don’t drink it for a few days.
You can send your burnt bread my way! no baal tashchis necessary 🙂 lol
That’s ridiculous. I think the person who made that comment about your necklace has a low IQ (not to mention bad middos).
I understand why ObstacleIllusion wants a shorter girl, and I do respect that he has an actual reason for it while most guys don’t. But I think my point still stands, and I’m sure there are girls out there who are under 5 ft who wouldn’t “look up to him” and girls who are 5’10 who would. If what he wants is a specific relationship dynamic, that doesn’t have to depend on physical attributes.
Let us assume for a moment that you are correct, and that men edge out women in the very top echelons.
To return to the point we were discussing– namely, whether or not a woman can learn on equal footing with a man– your premise only suggests that the very top male scholars have no female equals. It does not prove that the vast majority, say 98%, of men do not have female counterparts who are equally capable of learning at their level.
No.
I am (only slightly) taller than my husband. Before we met, I had only ever dated taller guys and he had only ever dated shorter girls. I don’t think he ever imagined he would marry someone taller than him, and if he had been working with a shadchan she never would have suggested me for that reason. But guess what? The height thing doesn’t bother either one of us.
Open your mind a little. You never know what opportunities you’re missing out on by insisting on a very specific physical profile.
It doesn’t “equal” anything. The 1 is my husband, the 2 is me, and 02 is the (now joint) username.
I think there is another thread on the same topic…can we close one of them?
“You listed it as a perush on Shas, which it isn’t.”
For heaven’s sake. It was an unintentional error and I already corrected myself.
“jewishfeminist2: the issur is on shmiras habris so, in regards to this taava it is irrelevant what thoughts a woman has when she looks at a man.”
I don’t understand you. Sotah is also an issur.
“If you can’t cry about yourself you need to learn a lot more to see and then feel the great gap of what we can be and what we are. We need to put ourselves in a private place with no phone and no distractions and learn the Hakdamah and first perek of Mesilas Yeshorim and see how we measure up.”
“Crying” can be symbolic and metaphorical. It is unfair and unreasonable to say that if you can’t physically cry, you’re doing something wrong. It is possible to feel a world of emotion without shedding a single tear.
Ruin bread? I love the taste of burnt toast!
1 hour 15 minutes left in NV!
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The 2 is me!
I also love broccoli, especially paired with cheddar cheese! Broccoli cheddar soup is AMAZING. And there is a kosher brand of frozen food called Aunt Trudy’s that makes a really yummy broccoli cheddar phyllo pocket.
It’s because my husband sometimes posts under my username!
Depends on my mood. This time around, I’m going to break my fast on eggs, toast, and coffee. (As I said to my husband, it’s a lot cheaper than the previous fast, which we broke on kosher takeout).
My mistake. I should have said that the Mesivta doesn’t have the Tosefta or all of the meforshim in the back.
Believe me, my husband and I both know what the Tosefta is.