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You can use margarine as a glaze.
gefen, he’s obviously going to move to the U.S. when he grows up and become a court-appointed guardian ad litem 😛
um…by definition…doesn’t “middle of the night” have to come AFTER midnight??
“For the record, my neighbor had a nanny that fed the children treif. My sister has a friend that had a nanny that was watching the kids on rosh Hashana while the parents were davening and put on a dvd to keep them occupied. Those 2 stories come to my mind and I am sure there are plenty others.”
Everyone has nanny horror stories. I’m sure there are frum nannies who forget to feed the kids, or leave a huge mess, or snoop, or steal, or put the kids in front of the TV all day while they do their nails, etc etc. There are probably also people who are not Jewish who pretend to be frum, or people from frum families who are secretly off the derech, or whatever.
Bottom line: don’t entrust your children to just anyone. Check references and go through a “trial run” while you or your spouse is at home. There are definitely reasons not to use a non-Jewish nanny, but this is not one of them.
“jewishfeminist02 – a college is not a one-on-one situation; and there we are speaking of adults.
We’re speaking of one non-jew taking care of a child [or children] – that’s not the same as an adult in college.”
I also mentioned non-Jewish teachers in day schools (and actually, Bais Yaakov of Baltimore has their high school girls take courses at community college). But fine. So according to your opinion, one should also not hire a non-Jewish math tutor?
“jewishfeminist02: If they don’t file a joint return, they are required to file as a married couple filing seperately (which is usually expensive). If they file as unmarried (separate returns), they are violating the tax code and could be prosecuted if in doing so they pay lower taxes (as would be likely if they both have substantial incomes).”
As I said, it really depends on your financial situation. Sometimes filing jointly saves money; sometimes filing separately (as a couple, NOT as unmarried as I also already specified) saves money.
MarketWatch has a really thorough article on the subject if you’re interested. I can’t post the link, but you can Google “Your marriage and the IRS”.
What we think of as “white flour” is really just refined flour, as opposed to whole, unrefined flour. In reality, “white flour” is flour that comes from white wheat, as opposed to red wheat. All-purpose flour is made from refined red wheat; whole wheat flour is made from unrefined red wheat; white whole wheat flour is made from unrefined white wheat. Make sense?
White whole wheat flour is great for people who don’t like the taste of whole wheat, because the white wheat has a milder taste than the red wheat, making the use of unrefined flour more palatable.
It’s very simple. You could fall, pitch forward, the weight of the suitcase in front would push you back, then gravity and your weight would cause the suitcase in back of you to topple sideways and you would end up on your back with the front suitcase on top of you.
But this is just quibbling. We don’t know the exact physics of how it happened and we shouldn’t care. The bottom line is that the girl somehow fell and couldn’t get up immediately, and was embarrassed in front of a large group of men who, for whatever reason, chose not to help her. And that was wrong.
Where did I mention “feelings”?
I too live according to halacha. But I don’t understand your source– it would seem to prohibit any sort of education from a non-Jewish teacher, yet many, many frum families send their children to some sort of college or graduate program not run by Jews. Even day schools frequently employ non-Jewish teachers for secular subjects. (Not to mention that I am sure a posek would allow the child care for the sake of parnassah, if a Jewish provider were unavailable or would charge significantly more money).
I will ask my husband about it when he gets home.
“If someone has a kesubah and kiddushing [sic] and huppah (and arguably merely bi’ah, at least in states that allow common law marriage) – they are married meaning they are required to file joint tax returns, are liable for each other’s debts, and the father has no way out of supporting the family, etc. – and they can be prosecuted for bigamy if they have a ‘get’ without a civil divorce, which means a subsequent marriage will be void under state law.”
Married couples are not required to file joint tax returns. They must state on their tax returns that they are married, but they may file separately or jointly. Depending on the couple’s financial situation, that decision may save them hundreds or, occasionally, thousands of dollars.
Is that really true? Hashem help us if it is. I am fortunate that it was not an issue for me.
They are also sold in half dozens. Or you can buy a carton of beaten egg whites, which is certainly volume and not by unit.
There is no reason to discriminate against foreign-born nannies who speak good English.
Furthermore, those who take care of children professionally understand that they are being paid to raise the children according to the rules of the household. The only issue is that you may not want to let them prepare food, because they could treif up the kitchen. Otherwise, I don’t see the problem.
In families that have two full-time breadwinners, some sort of childcare is a necessity, and not everyone is lucky enough to have healthy parents living nearby who can babysit the grandchildren. It’s not a matter of how many children you have, it’s just that a full-time work schedule doesn’t always sync with school schedules (plus, what do you do before they start school?)
I don’t want Weiner in office, not davka because of his misconduct, but because the way he has handled the whole situation just proves that he is too stupid to be trusted to hold public office.
I thought it was funny. That’s why I stopped arguing.
I have definitely been in situations in which I had two heavy, bulky suitcases and it was easier for me to wheel one in front of me (pushing) and one behind me (pulling). Therefore, if I were to trip and fall backwards, I could imagine the front suitcase landing on top of me.
11:20 is the middle of the night?
“And besides: the americans who are protecting gay marriage are generally not the ones who care about our religious rights. It is quite the opposite.”
Generally, you are correct. But there are a few institutions that have libertarian values and therefore care about preserving both religious rights and gay marriage. The ACLU is a prime example (and it’s funny, because most people think of the ACLU as supremely left-wing, but if you look at the cases they take, you’ll see it’s not so).
“Kids who grow up without a mother or father, or whose parents have a miserable marriage generally grow up to model these same dysfunctional behaviors.”
Being a widow is a “dysfunctional behavior”?
It’s not the middle of the night in Vegas!
My husband says:
Charliehall: “Not clear what the problem with the Yerushalmi is, or why we would not follow it, especially when the psak of the Bavli is unclear. But we clearly do not do regularly follow the Yerushalmi.”
In the Megilas Ester (the perush on the Rambam, not the sefer in Tanakh) on the shorashim preceding the Sefer HaMitzvos (shoresh #6), he says that the Rambam will posken like the Yerushalmi or Midrashei Halacha (Sifra and Sifre) when the halacha is not clearly resolvable based on the Bavli.
Here’s an example of poskening like the Sifra. The Sifra interprets the pasuk from which we derive the halachos of ona’ah (“ki tikneh me’amisecha… -Vayikra 25:14) to also mean that we should prefer buying from Jews over goyim, even at a (slight?) financial loss. The Chofetz Chayim brings this down l’halacha with respect to etrog suppliers. Etrog suppliers are supposed to buy from Jewish wholesalers rather than goyishe wholesalers, and that is because of this Sifra. (Sha’arei Tziyun OC 648:76).
My husband would like to add that m’d’oraisa, humans are pareve too (Kesubos 60a).
For the intellectual stimulation.
People go off the derech for all kinds of reasons. Read the threads about OTD with the heartbroken parents’ cries and then try to say it is their fault their child made that decision. I know families that did everything right and they still had a child go OTD. It is so difficult for them already. There is no need to make it more painful by pointing the finger at them.
“and i thought the whole greatness of sem is that girls could rough it and don’t have to worry about looking perfect bec its only friends around them not every outfit needs its own shoe and makeup doesn’t need to be reapplied every seven min.”
You’re exaggerating. But more to the point, girls don’t just dress up for guys. They dress up for themselves and even for other girls. I have never heard of seminary being a place to “rough it”.
I would not talk about my “vision of a future household” on a first date, even with a yeshivish guy. That’s too intense. Get to know each other first! Then bring it up on the third date, by which point you need to decide if the shidduch has serious potential to be going anywhere or not.
Let the conversation flow naturally. If he’s not from your community, ask him about his community. Play some Jewish geography. Ask him if he had any trouble getting to you (it will show thoughtfulness and also open the door to other topics, like traffic, traveling, etc.) If you are in a restaurant, ask him if he’s been there before and what he recommends. If YOU are the one who has been here before, tell him what you recommend.
What does he do? If he’s in school, what does he want to go into? What is his family like? Is he close with them? What are his hobbies?
If the conversation stalls, ask him more questions. You want him to really open up to you. You can tell if he’s thoughtful and considerate based on whether or not he asks you questions (i.e. does he care about you, or is he only interested in talking about himself?)
Hatzlacha! And don’t order falafel 🙂
rebdoniel, I don’t know what was so funny about what I wrote, but I am so sorry to hear about your father! What is his name, so we can daven for him?
gavra_at_work, I don’t like dickeys– I just think they’re weird. They probably would be convenient if I could get over that, though.
“Seriously: She was able to get up, no? It didn’t take her more than 30 seconds to wriggle out from under, did it? There were other females in the area who could have helped if she really needed it, no? And most seminary girls would be much more mortified if the group of guys had come over to help her up, no?”
None of us were there. But based on what the OP wrote, it sounds like it took her a while to get up by herself and there weren’t other females around. Rather than speculating as to what she would or wouldn’t want, they should have just ASKED her if she needed help.
Also, as far as bringing too much stuff, it is very hard to find good quality clothing in Israel for a reasonable price, so you can’t just fall back on that if you don’t bring enough. We’re talking about almost an entire year. Think about what you use in a year. In addition to clothes and shoes, girls also use makeup, jewelry, skin and body and hair care products, etc. And yeshiva guys are fortunate that all their clothing automatically matches, but since girls wear colors, we need to bring a variety of colors of shoes and accessories to match. We also need to bring English books and magazines (that’s where a lot of the weight comes from) since you can’t just rely on libraries the way you can in the States, and that teddy bear we’ve had for years, and our favorite American snack foods that you can’t get in Israel. It adds up pretty fast, even though we try to pare it down and tell ourselves we are going to pack light.
The OP mentioned that this girl is petite. It could be that she brought a normal amount of stuff and it was just hard to manage because of her size. And it certainly isn’t right to refuse to help her because “oh, it’s her own fault that she brought too much”.
Nope.
ah yid, that’s a LOT of pressure for a chasan! How embarrassing for him to have to stand there and basically cry on cue, and hold up the entire chasuna if he can’t!! I personally would have given up the honor of having such a person officiate rather than agree to those terms.
golfer, I believe you mean “dyed-in-the-wool”, from the French “pure laine”. There’s a Wikipedia page on the origin and meaning of the expression if you’re interested.
“It really doesn’t sound like Pikuach Nefesh here. But there are ways to help someone without actually making physical contact. I would think that a bocher’s first thought is that he should avoid associating with a girl in ANY way, and you saying that there were a bunch of boys there, I would think that they felt their friends would make jokes about helping a girl, that should actually be able to get up by herself.”
No, it doesn’t sound like pikuach nefesh, but it does sound like the girl was genuinely in need of help and seriously embarrassed when no one offered to help her. The Gemara says that someone who embarrasses another person is as if he killed him. Public embarrassment is a serious matter. It sounds like you are saying that the boys were embarrassed to help this girl because they feared their friends would make fun of them. I think somebody needed to take a stand and help her. Better they be embarrassed in front of their friends who know them well and really are just kidding around than for her to be embarrassed in front of a bunch of strangers. Plus, who says they would have made fun of him? Her embarrassment is a known quantity; his is hypothetical. I am sure she was physically CAPABLE of getting up by herself and found some way to do it, but she was struggling and helping her would have been the right thing to do. No shomer negiah violation was even necessary.
A good doctor is well aware of what anorexia and other eating disorders can do to a girl and will therefore not say anything to a teen or young adult about her weight, unless the girl is grossly obese. A better tactic, if the doctor is concerned about a girl’s weight, would be to ask the mother privately about what she serves her children and make appropriate suggestions based on that information.
Regardless, it is better for girls to have female doctors wherever possible.
If I lived in New York, I would probably vote for Christine Quinn.
rebdoniel, you’ve clearly never tried shopping for a frum woman! The BIGGEST issue is with necklines. Non-Jewish women wear long sleeved shirts, and shirts with high necklines, but “never the twain shall meet” (well, rarely the twain shall meet). It is so hard to find tznius shirts. The ones that do exist tend to be form-fitting, and if you try the next size up the sleeves and hem will be too long. (The same can be true of skirts). It is so annoying to have to wear a shell underneath everything, especially in the summer (and you can’t find shells outside of the frum world, and have to pay a premium). It is almost easier to wear a high-necked sleeveless shirt with a cardigan sweater, but I try not to do that in the hot season because of the temptation to remove the sweater.
The best places to find tznius clothing outside of the frum world are companies that market to older women, like Christopher & Banks and Newport News. It is hard to wear their clothing without instantly adding 15 years to your appearance.
They should have moved her bags, making space for her to get up on her own.
If she is “fat” (a subjective term) and is motivated to lose weight on her own, great. If she’s not, and decides to lose weight only for the purpose of getting married, she will promptly gain it back after the wedding. And if this guy really doesn’t find larger women attractive, they will have a problem. Better for her to stay as she is and wait for a guy who appreciates her size.
How many male shadchanim do you know? And since when is it a shadchan’s job to comment on women’s bodies? The LAST thing a shadchan should be doing is asking a girl to change in order to meet a guy. If she has to change something fundamental about herself in order for him to want her, then it’s just not shayich.
Who says this didn’t happen at a nice dinner in a restaurant? They have to talk about something, right? I have definitely had halachic and/or intellectual conversations with shidduch dates. Actually, my husband and I discussed kavod hameis on our very first date. (Admittedly, we were not in a restaurant).
Well, don’t leave us hanging! Are you seeing her again? 🙂
If you’re a male and not married to her, you don’t comment on her body. End of story.
If you are married to her and you absolutely must, must comment on her body (inadvisable) don’t tell her she’s fat, for heaven’s sake! Tell her she is “glowing”, or whatever narishkeit people generally say to pregnant women.
It CAN be, meaning it CAN be measured in units if you were to rephrase the sentence . I put that in so you wouldn’t say “well, water IS measured in units, I used 4 cups of water to make soup”.
If you are not using units in the sentence, don’t use the word “amount”.
My husband was so nervous and uncomfortable during most of the wedding because he hates being the center of attention. In some of the pictures of the dancing, he doesn’t look too happy! But he was smiling at the badeken and the chuppah. Our mesader kedushin, who was an old friend and chavrusa, even made him laugh with his speech under the chuppah.
I cried at the mikvah the night before and with my shomeret when I got home. On the day of the wedding itself, I couldn’t stop smiling. I was absolutely glowing with happiness.
What a ridiculous question. Why do people eat meat and fish without being disturbed? It’s exactly the same thing. People just don’t like to think about where their food comes from. But seriously, if the thought of shechita is repulsive to you, why would you eat meat?
Awkward how?
Believe me, she knows.
And if she’s not fat, she thinks she is. She doesn’t need any comments about her weight, even positive ones.
An “amount” is something not measured in units, although it CAN be, and when referring to the units you would use the word “number”. For instance, you would refer to an “amount of water” or a “number of cups of water”.
Therefore, you have an excessive *number of threads bumped today, not an “amount of threads”.
I read a column by a sportswriter who described the moment his “hero worship” of athletes began to crack. He was ten years old and he really looked up to Mickey Mantle. Then his father said to him, “What do you think Mickey Mantle does when he’s not playing baseball?” and the boy said, “Well, he probably spends his time practicing and training.” His father laughed and said, “No, he goes into bars and picks up women.”
It is so sad to see young children obsessing over these men and setting them as role models when, in reality, they are anything but.
You know the moshol about the man who was drowning and davened to Hashem to save him? Then a boat came along, and he said “no thanks, Hashem will save me”, and a man with a life jacket came along, and he said “no thanks, Hashem will save me”, and a helicopter came along, and he said “no thanks, Hashem will save me”. And then he drowned, and he got to shamayim and asked, “Hashem, why didn’t you save me?” And Hashem said, “I tried to save you! I sent you a boat, and a life jacket, and a helicopter, but you wouldn’t take them!”
I think those who oppose Zionism because “oh, we’re not supposed to conquer E”Y on our own, we have to wait for Hashem to send Moshiach, etc etc” should reread this moshol.
Out west, you can go to a kosher Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf– they even have kosher cold sandwiches!
“There are lots of places with an Orthodox shul, an eruv, and maybe a mikvah in our region. There are only a few actual substantial communities with adequate conveniences.”
First of all, any community that has an Orthodox shul, an eruv, and “maybe a mikvah” has its priorities seriously mixed up. Building a mikvah should be top of the list according to the Gemara.
Second of all, I’m curious: what is your idea of “adequate conveniences”?