jewishfeminist02

I bought a grill pan a few months ago and I absolutely love it! My husband and I aren’t fond of zucchini, but I would imagine you prepare it the same way you prepare most vegetables on a grill pan– oil/butter/margarine, spices, medium-high or high heat, turn often, watch it so it doesn’t burn. If you want, you can salt the zucchini beforehand and let it sit to release moisture.

“No, JF:

‘Living among idol worshippers’ does not mean shmaded by them.”

In that case, please explain what “shmaded by them” means. Preferably without use of the word “shmad” or any of its forms.

1. nitch

2. nay

3. ALL-be-it

4. grand pree

5. zhoee d’vee

6. avinu malkeinu

7. yisgadal v’yiskadash sh’may raba

If your wife is willing to make you food for the week, thank her. And freeze it in single portions. I’m sure she knows what keeps well and what doesn’t.

Cute! We had a “singles table” at our wedding reception, but unfortunately nothing materialized from it. However, I am applying to be a shadchan on SawYouatSinai.

Great role models.

Or you could take the opposite approach and start with the middah that igves you the LEAST trouble. Once you start to really work on it, you will see results very quickly, which will build your confidence and give you chizuk to keep going and progress to other middos which you find more difficult. As opposed to if you start with the hardest one, you may find yourself saying, “I can’t do this, it’s just too hard!”

Halachically speaking, if you are in shul and don’t have tefillin for whatever reason, and no one is available to lend you a pair for whatever reason, it is mutar to use a pair that you find, provided you handle them gently and put them back exactly as you found them. This, for once, does not come from my husband– I just read it in an ArtScroll book about the halachos of traveling.

Regarding a family home, in my house we ask if the person is around and just take if he or she isn’t, unless it is something that we know is precious or irreplaceable, or something not hygienic to share. My brother and my husband wear similar size shirts, so my mother gave two of my brother’s shirts to my husband when he realized he hadn’t packed enough. And when I’m not home, my mother frequently borrows my clothing (we are also similar sizes). Usually she’ll just let me know the next time we speak on the phone (“oh, by the way, I borrowed your denim skirt, I hope that’s okay”) and it’s fine. But I think it really depends on the family dynamic and how comfortable people are. In my opinion, if you don’t know or can’t guess how your family members would feel about you borrowing their things, you probably need to work on your family relationships.

If he really wants to learn on the level that he is mentally capable of, he should try the medicine. He can always stop taking it if it doesn’t work or has nasty side effects. He and his father should be in touch regularly with his psychiatrist to assess the medication’s efficacy and discuss whether or not to tweak the dosage.

No.

There used to be a project called Operation Housewarming in Baltimore that would sell gently used, high quality furniture for amazing prices. I am not sure if it still exists.

You could also try Facebook if you have an account. There is a group called “Buy, Sell, Swap” for people living in Israel (basically self-explanatory). There are some good deals out there. I also know of a Facebook group for people in Baltimore (search balti-mommies). I have seen some posts about furniture in both groups.

Maybe there is a furniture gemach?

Some women find it demeaning, others don’t. A more objective point is that those who sit in the back are by definition the last ones off the bus (assuming a bus that is going to one destination, not one with multiple stops).

If your employer does not have an official, stated policy prohibiting it, and you are literally standing around with nothing to do, go ahead.

When I worked as a cashier at the grocery store, there would be long stretches of time with no customers and we weren’t allowed to eat, drink, use our phones (or even have them in our pockets) or read magazines. I was really going crazy when I worked off-peak shifts.

“RSR Hirsch repeatedly stressed our “light unto the Gentile” mission in exile and did not smile on those who would disavow the mission by jumping the Mashiach’s gun.”

What about light unto the non frum yidden? If E”Y is really such a bastion of secularism, why don’t we all make aliyah and set a good example?

Oh, boo-hoo, the poor boys are getting too many dates. Sorry, no sympathy here. You know what? When you are dating you need to know what your values are and what you are looking for in a spouse. This goes for both boys and girls. So if you have a million shidduchim, start by rejecting the ones that don’t fit the basic profile you want. Then you still have too many to handle at once (understandable; definitely go at your OWN pace, not anyone else’s). There are many ways to narrow it down. You could start with one that jumps out at you for whatever reason, one that was suggested to you earlier than others, or one that comes from someone you really know well and trust. Or pick from a hat if you want. It doesn’t matter. If you are going on dates, you are on your way to your bashert.

“my personal feeling is that children should not be raised by baby sitters. If she is the bread winner, it would be a given.”

Why would that be a given? Men can raise children. Not all men choose to be hands-on fathers, but many do. Typically, girls learn to take care of younger siblings as they are growing up and boys don’t, but it’s never too late to learn. There are also girls who are the youngest child, or only children, or those who don’t seem to be “natural” mothers or “born” mothers, but the baby comes and you figure it out. I have a cousin on my father’s side who is a stay at home dad. His wife has a corporate job and frequently travels the world. She comes home and spends time with them when she can, but he is the primary caregiver and does all the domestic stuff. He jokes that she doesn’t even know how to operate the dishwasher (which is actually true). Once, she tried to put them to sleep and they were bouncing off the walls; she came downstairs exhausted and handed the job to him. He had them all peacefully in bed within half an hour. I know not all men are like this, but many are or can be. I also have a cousin who took care of his daughter while he was in law school and his wife was working. They put her in part time day care and scheduled his classes around it. Also, my dad was between jobs when I was born and stayed home with me for the first year of my life. It can happen. You don’t know what kind of man your daughter will marry. If she is really passionate about her profession, he might agree to stay home with the children and learn while they are napping.

“What has better prospects,

1) Graduating as valedictorian at a not-so-good, local law school

2) Graduating middle-third at a semi-prestigious law school

3) Graduating bottom-bottom at a top tier?”

The question is irrelevant. My husband goes to a top tier law school and is far from “bottom-bottom”. Plus, while top of the class at a not so great law school might get you a job straight out of school, it’s not as good long term as you might think. Law school name recognition follows you around for your entire career. When you are looking to switch firms at the age of fifty they will want to know what law school you attended. It’s actually a big deal.

“Also besides for the competition, are the T-14 really harder material> don’t all law schools basically offer the same classes and exams?”

Same classes, yes. But the style of teaching is different and the faculty are more prestigious. My husband has already been taught by a number of professors who wrote the textbooks he is using, giants in their field. It makes a difference.

What a rasha. He tortured and abused those women for over a decade, then had the chutzpah to walk into that courtroom and say he couldn’t help it, it was an addiction, and besides which everything was consensual and they “lived in harmony”. He said these things with a straight face in front of one of his victims, whom he had impregnated five times. She couldn’t carry a single pregnancy to term and had five miscarriages because he starved and beat her during the pregnancies. She testified that she cried herself to sleep every night of her enslavement.

YWN is not set up for private messages, so I’m not sure how either of you expects me to get in touch. However, my husband goes to a T-14 school, so I am not worried about his prospects. He has a total of 24 interviews scheduled over the next few weeks for OCI.

Public interest jobs are more accessible, and more lucrative, than is popularly believed, ESPECIALLY with geographic flexibility. If you’re stuck in a New York centric mentality, you’re going to have issues. Don’t limit yourself.

How much does a frum family need to survive? rebdoniel’s suggestion of $200K was lambasted on another thread. So if we believe it is less than $200K, the question is how much less. Public interest lawyers start at $50K or $60K, but can get up to $120K or $150K before the ten-year mark. And that’s assuming the wife is not working at all. Sounds like enough to me.

“I can tell you that I know people who were an only child who felt neglected and ignored by their parents. I also know families of two children where one sibling is obviously favored over the other, leading to feelings of neglect.”

Agreed 100%.

I agree that no one should go into law as “a way to become rich”. I also believe the same of medicine. Come to think of it, no one should go into ANYTHING as “a way to become rich”. Do something you enjoy, or else all the money in the world won’t make you happy.

If you go to a halfway decent law school and get halfway decent grades, you may not be guaranteed a spot in BigLaw, but you can easily get a job in public interest. Or start with a local clerkship and go from there. The market is really not as tight as people think it is. There are tons of candidates, but also tons of jobs. You just have to know how to look for them, and be open-minded regarding your criteria. Obviously, the better your grades, the more selective you can afford to be.

I don’t think any couple intentionally adds redundant items to their registry. Most people do not have trouble thinking of more things they want.

Let me clarify a few points:

First of all, when I say 8 years, I am counting residency. I understand that residents get paid, but not much. So when I say that lawyers can make $160K straight out of law school– well, doctors can’t make anything close to that until they finish residency, so that’s why I start the clock there.

Second of all, it is true that many law school graduates do not end up working as lawyers. But that is because they don’t WANT to work as lawyers, not because they CAN’T. A lot of liberal arts college graduates just go to law school for something to do, because they aren’t qualified for any job and don’t really know what they want to do. But they aren’t really passionate about law. Some end up going into policy; others go for an MBA (more loans!) and work in the business world. Yes, the law schools are overcrowded and there aren’t enough jobs. But for someone who truly cares about law and works hard, it is possible to excel. I think the profession as a whole would be better off without the glut of students who are just lost and looking for a direction. But even as is, law is lucrative and responsible, and a good choice from a frum person. There are even law firms with high percentages of frum lawyers, from large firms (Mintz Levin) to small firms (Rothenberg). My husband has an interview with Mintz Levin next week (and others). The first year of law school was incredibly hard to get through, not least because we got married ten days after final exams ended, but now that we are over that hump, I’m very excited for his future success.