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“And, sorry to say, sometimes it’s a bit easier enjoying being frum, leider, in chutz la’aretz. (where else do signs on the bus say ‘Warning – on this bus you must sit where you want. Anyone who sits where they don’t want faces criminal charges..’) Nothing chas v’sholom against our holy land, it’s the status of things there currently a secular people have against us…”
My husband and I take buses throughout Israel frequently and have never seen such signs.
“As always, exceptions to rules exist in every context, and my view thankfully would be vehemently disagreed with by modern feminists. That doesn’t prove the truth of what I’m saying, it just adds some points in its favor.”
Why, exactly? Modern feminists also vehemently disagree with Holocaust deniers, for example. Does that (chas v’shalom) “add some points” to the deniers’ argument?
“What the heck” and “freakin” are considered profanity now? Really??
Yes, it is wonderful, and awesome, and I am happier than I ever was before. But it is hard work. If you think it should be easy, then you have no idea what marriage is (and you probably shouldn’t get married unless you’re willing to understand and accept that it is hard work).
Incidentally, my husband and I do not fit either of each others’ “lists”. We never would have imagined that we would end up together. Sometimes you just have to give something improbable a shot and see what happens 🙂
I’ve never heard that, but I’m pretty sure it’s 1/60th, not 1/16th.
I have seen a handful of mezuzah cases that are partially glass, so you can see a bit of the klaf. So far I haven’t found one I like, which is a shame, since I do think the klaf should be displayed if possible.
“If one reviews the practicality of it, it is rather challenging to get up and travel a distance while leaving the kallah at home, presumably alone, for her Shabbos kallah.”
Because she is not with her father she is alone? Boy, if that were true I would have been pretty lonely between the ages of 12 and 23.
Instead of college or career, it would be yeshiva or career, or homemaker or career.
???
My husband likes to tease me that he is sooo much older because he was an 80s baby and I was a 90s baby. (It’s really only about a three year difference)
Try wearing gloves?
My husband and I are a mixed marriage.
I am a righty and he is a lefty.
WIY, why not sell it to a goy and donate the money to tzedakah? No need for bal tashchis in the process of removing the michshol.
mdd: what? do you mean if a wife *doesn’t* cover her hair?
akuperma, conversion is never a piece of cake, no matter what the circumstances.
golfer, I disagree. I’m a big fan of a quick e-mail/text followed by a longer letter/note or phone call, e.g. “I just wanted to say thank you for…” and then call them later to speak more in depth. They will see your message early in the day and it will make them smile; then you can call when you have more time for an involved conversation.
I wish I had a sukkah, period! We will not be zoche to have our own sukkah this year, but being in E”Y, we see them all over the place.
The state of New York doesn’t write kesubos for anybody. And I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get a marriage license for the societal recognition; I did it for legal reasons.
Incidentally, we had our secular marriage in New York and our religious wedding in Maryland. Both states have legalized gay marriage. But if it’s that important to you, you can have the secular marriage in a state that doesn’t recognize gay marriage (kind of like the opposite of what the gays do…)
Once, shortly after a particularly devastating breakup, I went to a Rosh Chodesh women’s kumzitz and started crying in the middle of all the singing. One of the other women took me aside afterward and asked me what was wrong, and I told her all about it. After I had finished my story, she offered some words of advice and encouragement, then looked at me and said (this was on a motzaei shabbos), “Well, should we start our weeks?” It was such a painful, but moving experience for me– the company of other women, the beautiful song, the understanding. I don’t really remember anything this woman said to me except that last line, which made me feel like I was validated in my sadness but that I could be sad, and cry, and still continue with my everyday life. I will never forget her kindness.
In any case, mazal tov! (And by the way, I didn’t realize you were old enough to have a granddaughter getting married!)
“And yes there are a substantial amount of medical students and women who need to access womens health related sites which have things a filter will find objectionable.
Fine, as I said let them have a permissive filter, or no filter, but that’s an extreme case. On that, we can mostly agree. Now, back to 99.9% of the world …”
Hmm, I didn’t realize that women who are interested in their own health comprise less than 0.01% of the world. That’s interesting. #sarcasm
Enough with the birther nonsense. It’s realllly getting old.
Laughter, crying, hugs, song, joy
Why is doing kaparos with chickens considered tza’ar ba’alei chayim since they are kept in cramped spaces with minimal food, but eating chickens shechted from slaughterhouses that also keep chickens in cramped spaces with minimal food is considered totally acceptable?
There is nothing technically wrong with wearing a toupee as a head covering– except that it’s maris ayin.
“The kind of skimpy evidence and minute instances pointed to, even if relavent, do not measure up to the eamples mentioned by either of us. Rendering something like this a danger, when it claims less victims than houshold appliances, is a leap of judgement. It is precisely this next step, the liberty for authorities to utilize a sitution as such against an established religious ritual, that is being fought. The slope is not that slippery until you oil it.”
a) Why don’t you talk to a couple whose child died and talk to them about “minute instances”. If we can save even one Jewish baby, it is worth it.
b) There are many, many times more household appliances than Jewish baby boys in the world, and people are exposed to danger from household appliances constantly, while babies only have a bris once (not counting male converts who were circumcised at birth, but that number is pretty small). The proportions are so off that the comparison is almost laughable.
c) Deaths from household appliances are also preventable (in some cases). Nobody who advocates for consent forms for metzitzah b’peh is opposed to taking preventive measures when it comes to household appliances. You make it sound like it’s one or the other.
I have a cousin (who is in fact in shidduchim) whom I think of as “yeshivish modern”. Her family is modern– politically liberal and Zionist, and she went to a co-ed modern day school– but she has moved more to the right. She went to MMY and now is at Stern, and plans to go to med school after that. She is quiet, tzanua, enjoys learning Nach, and is humble despite being incredibly intelligent.
For those who weren’t in NYC or are too young to remember anything, I highly recommend the book Even in the Darkest Moments by Zeev Breir, which contains personal accounts of 9/11 from brave Hatzolah volunteers who were there on the scene. (Did you know that the first ambulance to arrive was Hatzolah?) All proceeds from the sale of the book are donated to Hatzolah. I read it over Rosh Hashanah and it left a deep impression on me. It is a very fitting read for this time of year, both in the secular calendar and the Judaic calendar. The quality of writing is not superb, but the content of the stories is so powerful that it really didn’t matter to me.
I disagree. I believe that if your children have absorbed the values they learned at Bais Yaakov (or wherever) and at home, their “purity” is not in danger because they should already have the tools to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to the secular world. I have a friend who went to Bais Yaakov and took courses at a community college before she was in shidduchim (and no, she did not have to borrow money in order to do this; she contributed her earnings from a computer repair job and her parents paid for the rest up front). One of the courses was in oceanography. She told me with a smile, “They believe that the world is billions of years old!” Today, she is happily married to a great guy and has a baby (actually, she missed my wedding because the baby was born four days beforehand, but her husband stopped by to wish us well) and because of those courses, she is more than adequately equipped to support her growing family. It’s not like she didn’t already know that the secular world believes such and such. So when she encountered it in college, she was able to just laugh it off, write whatever the professor wanted to hear in the exam book, and get her degree without any damage to her faith or observance. If there are children out there (of any hashkafa) who reach the age of 18 and are unprepared for college because hearing these things from non-Jews will shatter their emunah, I blame not the non-Jews but the parents and teachers, who clearly didn’t do their jobs properly.
Incidentally, I learned Greek mythology in high school English in an Orthodox day school. It’s called mythology for a reason– we read it for its literary value as a work of fiction, not because we chas ve’shalom attach any importance or sanctity to the named “gods”. I went on to graduate from a four-year college with a majority Jewish population and strong Orthodox presence. Yes, I have loans, but I know I will be able to pay them off, and I actually became more religiously observant in college, not less.
Oh, and also, what is this about the husband being responsible for the spiritual atmosphere of the family? I was always taught that that was the wife’s domain.
“The fathers/husbands are responsible for the spiritual atmosphere of the family. They should be very involved. There is also the not so small matter that they, for the most part, fund the purchase of the clothing that is not acceptable, hold them accountable.”
First of all, not all families follow the man-breadwinner woman-homemaker model. It used to be that more yeshivish families were MORE likely to use this model, and now, as more men are being encouraged to learn full-time, even yeshivish women are taking on responsibilities of parnassah. Therefore, the clothing may in many situations be funded by the woman’s work, not the man’s.
Second of all, and more importantly: I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’ll gladly tell you what my family’s response to this situation would be. If someone in shul (it really doesn’t matter who) approached my husband (it really doesn’t matter how) to tell him that I was dressed inappropriately (it really doesn’t matter if I was or wasn’t) it would lead to feelings of anger and resentment from both of us, possibly a fight between us, and we would almost certainly switch shuls. So if your objective is to get these people to leave the shul at all costs (because after all it’s “not a nightclub”, and there is nothing in between dressing appropriately for a night club and dressing inappropriately for shul), even if it means causing some damage to shalom bayis along the way, then by all means speak to the husband/s.
Now, if the rebbetzin were to speak to me privately and gently, in a way that made me feel humbled and welcomed and wanted, I would be very embarrassed and very grateful to her. I would immediately change my mode of dress. I would continue to attend the shul and hold my head up proudly in front of the rebbetzin, feeling like I belonged. And I would NEVER tell my husband what had happened, knowing that it would offend him more than it had offended me.
If you don’t mind my asking this, what does your teen object to being forced to do/not do? Is it something fundamental like basic safety (e.g. substance abuse), or is it more subjective like which books/music is appropriate? I’m asking because I would recommend different responses based on the source of the conflict.
Forty.
“I remember reading a flyer that said (in the name of some random ‘gedolim’) that if someone owns a computer, even if it has no Internet access and even if they only use it to type Chiddushei Torah, the Torah they type is not Toras Emes and they get no s’char.
Wondering if the same applies to any sefer typeset and printed in the last seventy or so years.”
Really? I didn’t know they had computers back in the 1940s…
“In order to prove something wrong you must have definite “proof” against it.
There has been much effort put into finding archeological proof against the Torah, however none has been found.
What does exist is a “gap’ in area which has been used as “proof”.
Meaning the proof is a lack of proof which in Talmudical terms is never considered proof at all.”
So basically, you are telling people who don’t believe in the validity of the Torah that their proofs do not hold up to Talmudic standards of proof– disregarding the fact that the Talmud has no meaning to them whatsoever.
There’s a BIG difference between “working out is assur” and “lifting weights is assur”. Even if you can’t lift weights (for whatever reason the rabbi provided) there are many, many other ways to exercise.
Pray to Hashem for the clarity and wisdom to get through this difficult time in your life. You stated that you’re not an atheist, but that you’re not sure you believe in Torah miSinai and therefore have trouble doing teshuvah for aveiros that “may not exist”. So focus on teshuvah for bein adam l’chaveiro, as WolfishMusings suggested, and as for bein adam l’makom, focus on building or rebuilding your relationship with Hashem. Ask him to send you the guidance and support you truly need. He is your Father. Just be honest with him and daven to Him in your own words if you can’t connect with the nusach.
Much hatzlacha. I will be thinking of you and hope you emerge from this trial stronger than before. Don’t let the haters get you down.
“You also said you were intelligent. Yeah, no.”
See http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/rules-of-the-ywn-coffee-room-please-read#post-32914, specifically the following:
“The purpose of the Coffee Room is to be a place where people can come and talk about all different topics and express their opinion in a polite, respectable manner.”
notasheep, I’m not sure I understand what you are saying. Can you clarify?
Troll?
From my husband:
hello99, thank you for properly quoting the Beis Yosef not only b’sheim amro, but also from its proper location. It has bothered me that many people mistakenly attribute these statements to the hakdama of the Shulchan Aruch. Rabbanim have pointed out to me that the Mechaber follows the “big 3” rishonim significantly less consistently in the Shulchan Aruch than in the Beis Yosef. I would love to someday see a kuntres that goes through the Shulchan Aruch methodically to check its consistency with the “big 3”.
notasheep, so what do you think about single girls, or older women, or childless women, who are not busy with child-rearing, learning Gemara?
Some do Tashlich during aseres y’mei teshuvah.
Portion control is key. If you limit your intake, this will help you even if you don’t know the nutritional value of the foods you are eating.
R’ Yitzchak Blau, the son of R’ Yosef Blau (mashgiach ruchani of Yeshiva University).
My husband wants to add that his rebbeim specifically told him not to say Machnisei Rachamim.
Actually, if you go back and read the first post, you will see that she didn’t start this topic because she “wants help” (although plenty of people offered plenty of unsolicited advice). She started this topic to share her thoughts with those who may not independently understand the motivation for women to learn Gemara.
She “thinks she knows it all”?? Are you joking?? She sounds like she is one of the most educated women to ever come out of the Bais Yaakov system and she cannot stop talking about how she knows NOTHING!! How the reason she wants to learn Gemara is that nothing she ever learned truly taught her anything!!
WIY:
Okay, fine, so where did bais yaakov maidel say anything whatsoever to indicate that she did not intend to learn Gemara in the way you describe?