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camp mah rabu is a great place
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You think English is easy???
Check this out!!!
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present ..
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’ ?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; w e warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred o r more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP…
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so……..it is time to shut UP
A new supermarket opened in New York. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of
distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk shelves hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, ‘Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.’
Mujibar said, ‘I am ready.’
The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Green .’
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, ‘Mister manager, I am ready’
The manager said, ‘Go ahead.’
Mujibar said, ‘The telephone goes green, green , and I pink it up, and say, ‘ Yellow ‘ , this is Mujibar.’
Mujibar now works at a call center.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.
There is nothing like a Jewish mother!
Jewish Brothers
Four Jewish brothers left home for college, and eventually,
they became successful doctors, and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to
give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.
After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes.
same.
**All** **Life Explained**** ***
When God created the dog, He said: “Sit all day by the door of your
house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I
will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That’s a
long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you
back the other ten?” So God agreed.
Next, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks,
and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span”
The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?” And
God agreed.
God then created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the
farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk
to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of
sixty years.” The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me
to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?” And
God agreed again.
Finally, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy
your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years” But man said:
“Only twenty years?
Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the
ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes
eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grand-children. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
Who runs the country…
>
> 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
>
> 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
>
> 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
> country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
>
> 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but
> don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their
> statistics shown in pie charts.
>
> 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the
> country–if they could find the time–and if they didn’t have to leave
> Southern California to do it.
>
> 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
> country
> and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
>
> 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s
> running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat
> on
> the train.
>
> 8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the
> country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
> intoxicated.
>
> 9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but
> need the baseball scores.
>
> 10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is
> a
>
> country … or that anyone is running it; but if so,
> they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if
> the
> leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen
> to
> be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course,
> that
>
> they are not Republicans.
>
> 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery
> store.
>
> 12. The Pensacola News Journal is read by people who have recently caught
> a
> fish and need something in which to wrap it.
>
Top Ten Most Annoying People in Synagogue
10. The OCD gabbi – continuously and condescendingly corrects the baal koreh on words he said incorrectly and correctly
9. The Parent who decides it’s better to not take his hysterical crying kids out of shul lest they miss a word of Torah reading
8. That guy who takes up 7 seats with his tallis bag, kids toys, Chumash, Sefarim, Jewish newspapers, Right Wing Israel newsletters, Shul Announcements and a print out of this email every week
7. The Chazan who is too self absorbed in hearing his own voice to realize he’s been davening for 4 hours
6. The Shusher
5. The Kiddush Setup Nazi…. “No Chulent for You!”
4. The Guy whose seat you are sitting in – who must make a huge public scene to ensure that you and the rest of the shul know it
3. The Baseball Score Guy -The most moving prayer of your life was just interrupted by an update on his fantasy team starting lineup
2. The guy who has to let everyone around him know that he remembered to say Yaale v’Yavo
1. The michlig kiddush sponsor
Jerusalem, is on his way to court for an important trial and sadly,
got a late
start to his morning. By the time he gets to the court house, all the
parking
spots are taken. He drives around five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen
minutes,
After 30
minutes of circling the parking lot and the adjacent neighborhoods in
utter
futility, the time for his court appearance fast approaching, he
turns his
universe. I swear
I will give 10% tzedakah each year, daven three times a day, make my
home a
meeting place for Torah scholars, go to the mikveh before Shabbos
each week,
need a
heart-wrenching plea, a
guy pulls out of a parking spot right there and then, and Shmuel
turns to God
i just called them and they said they have human shrunken heads and a mummified human arm
everyone does it
i myself wear a hat and jacket and enjoy the look
as a yeshiva bochur i can say that wearing a hat and jacket basically just adds to the respectable look yeshiva bochurim are supposed to have thats all it means to me
borsalino makes the best hats but charges unfair prices for them. as a yeshiva bochur i know that not wearing a borsalino puts you in a lower class and 250 dollars for any hat is unreasonable